Today someone posted this link on a forum today and while it was a good article, I'm having some issues with it. For those of you who are not going to actually read it, it was about the need for military spouses to have their own identity.
"If you don't now who you are, you can't be a military wife," Graham said. "Not a happy one anyway."
Ok...this is one thing I have a problem with. For six years the military had no bearing on my marriage or who I was. I was a stay at home mom and happy wife. I worked really hard volunteering in my church and I was happy. I have been a military spouse less than a year and honestly until September my life hadn't changed all that much. My husband was gone for four months to his initial training and while I missed him, I was happy still. I did the same things I did before he joined, just without him. Now my life is completely different and I'm realizing I need to find something to keep me occupied, but that doesn't mean I can't be happy while I'm trying to figure it out. Does it? If not, then I'm in a lot of trouble. I can't expect to take 6 years of who I was, toss it in the trash and overnight find a new me. I've spent six years being my husbands wife, 5 being a mommy, and many more than that being the church volunteer. My husband is gone and while I am still and always going to be mommy, his needs have drastically changed. I have yet to join a church here and I'm not joining one until my husband gets back. Sure I'll attend but I don't want to fall in love with a church and he end up hating it. I am pretty sure I don't want to go back to doing all of the things i"ve been doing forever in church anyway. I need a break. So can I still be happy while trying to figure out what's next?
The woman in this article has a degree and is working on writing a novel and seems to be saying it's not ok for us to just be wives and mothers, we need to do more. I have no degree and honestly, at this point I have no desire to run out and get one. If I did, I have no idea what I would want it to be in. I don't have marketable talents and even though I have thought of volunteering, it's most likely going to involve me answering a phone somewhere. I'm very happy being a wife and a mother. I've fine with myself in that role. I have worked hard fighting my family over the fact that I had to be something more or I wasn't good enough. My life may have been centered mostly around my husband and son, but why is that such a bad thing?
I do not plan to spend the next year sitting around waiting for the end to get here. I plan to do most of the same things I would do when he was here. I'm not going to say I'm going to run out and make a ton of friends, that's just not who I am. My life isn't over because my husband isn't here, just changed. Sure I have had a hard time adjusting, but I don't think I would have dealt with it any better no matter what else I was doing. I am in a new world and I'm adjusting and it's been a bumpy adjustment but hey, at least I'm adjusting.
"If you don't know who you are when your husband's there, what are you going to do when he's gone?"
I knew who I was when he was home and that has only changed a little now that he is gone. I am still his devoted wife and mother of his son. That is enough for him, and for now that is enough for me. When I figure out what else I want then I will go for it. I'm not going to apologize for who I am. I am not a stereotypical military wife, honestly I have yet to meet one.
She also wishes that others knew who she and other military wives are. People often believe that when a woman marries into the military, she's the "little wife" and will never be anything else, Graham said.
"It bothers me, the negative connotation (that) follows all of it: You can't be your own person," she said. "There's no reason why anybody has to let that happen." She suggested spouses seek help from service family assistance centers to further their education or find a fulfilling job.
I am my own person. I have a fulfilling job. I think that there is a hell of a lot to being the "little wife" and dare anyone who thinks differently to try it out for a while. If I am never anything else, I have done what was true to my heart. How many people can say that, military or not.
"The spouses everybody sees are the housewives dragging four kids to the commissary screaming at them,"
I saw this a lot in the civilian realm too. Where are people getting this stuff anyway? I honestly had never heard any of these stereotypes before.
These frustrations, along with the good times, are all part of military life, Graham said. And with the knowledge that she is more than what her husband does for a living, she is enjoying that life.
I am, always have been, and will continue to be more than what my husband does for a living. Sure the military part is more a lifestyle than just a job, but it's not all there is. Sometimes it is frustrating and I feel like I can't blow my nose without someone saying so and making sure i get permission in writing, but it still doesn't define me. I am who I always was and as annoying as that can be for some people...I like me damn it!
thank you for bearing with the ramble. I know I was all over the place. I've just been thinking about it a lot today.
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