Just Simply Jen

I am not in a good mood so, if you are looking for a cheery blog to read, go elsewhere. I need to vent and this seems like the safest place for me to do so.
I'm tired, in pain, and pmsing. My husband can be such an idiot some times. I love him but sometimes I swear he doesn't know a damn thing about people.
So I didn't sleep last night because I was having weird dreams where I was awake but not awake. It was as confusing as it sounds. Not a big deal though. Son spent the night with my sis so I could sleep this morning. Yeah right. That requires those stupid dreams to end and people to not be loudly running lawn equipment right outside my fence.
The pain..annoying face pain. right now I'd take all of that nerve pain back because at least they had a medicine for it. I'm used to it though so I'll suck it up and deal with it. Like I have a choice?
Hubby has appointment with eye doctors and calls me to give me the news. He can't have the surgery he really badly wanted, but it's no big deal. Yeah, like 'Im not hearing the total disappointment in his voice. I know he's disappointed, so of course I'm disappointed. This also means that he will be going in the field soon. It's only a week so in itself it's not a big deal. Don't send me messages bitching about how it's only a week. I know. I did my longer deployment and know the difference. It's not the week that I'm upset about. I'm upset because for the first time in YEARS I signed up to do something for myself. Totally selfishly for myself. I think I earned a night of grown up conversation over a book I've been wanting to read for several years now. Of course the simple fact that I want it means it's not going to happen. With DH now being in the field I've lost my babysitter and my transportation. I could probably get one but I'm not going to find both and I'm not one to ask people, other than family, to do something for me so I can do something for myself that is totally frivolous.
So all of this disappointment and pain and sleep deprivation is just piling on along with the hormone imbalance. Not a good combination. Did I mention my tylenol is in the car that my husband has with him? Yeah.
So he calls me to let me know he's going to be late. Woohoo! I can't figure out dinner because the thought of chewing makes me want to scream and I'm not going to have time to bake brownies and make cool ghosts with my son because my husband is going to be getting him late. Oh well. I mean what else can go wrong at this point. You'd think I'd know better than to think that way.
Hubby walks in the door and casually mentions that a neighbor he didn't know was telling him the cat we have taken in (it was abandoned by a prick who knew we liked the cat and was too lazy to walk across the fucking street to see if we wanted him)is sleeping on her car. Hubby says she was really nice about it which he translates as it not being a big deal. Um people don't say anything if it's not something they want fixed. Normally it wouldn't be a big deal. We have another cat that is really good and spends most of her time in the house. On the occasion she gets out, she avoids people like the plague. The one we took in is hard to keep in. He can open the screen door in my kitchen and gets out. Close it you're surely thinking...well I like not being so hot I'm sweating profusely and nearly passing out. So basically this cat is being a nuisance and I can't control it so I have to get rid of it. no big deal...or at least it shouldn't be but I'm totally in love with this cat. He is so cuddly and my son adores him. My husband is telling me it's not a big deal, we'll figure something out but we can't. We have two choices, be hot and hope the cat doesn't sneak out the front door or get rid of the cat that we have trouble controlling but adore. Hell of a choice.
That was the straw. I couldn't take it and started crying to which my husband tells me to go to bed. Yeah...that's going to make it all better. I can't sleep or it would have been done already and you've just told me I'm losing a piece of my family. Telling me to go to bed is not making me any happier. We had to make my son understand why we had to get rid of his favorite pet (he overheard us) and he took it better than I did. He is so great. We'll see how that goes after we get rid of him. Don't worry. We'll do it the right way. I don't just abandon pets on the side of the road.
I'm so hoping I can sleep tonight. I'm stuck eating some beans with tiny turkey dog pieces in it because I am not in the mood for soup and this was the closest I could get to soft. Not thrilled but I'll live. I'm just so ready for this day to be over. When are the good things going to start happening because I'm getting really tired of the shitty ones. This may all sound really petty to some of you, but there are other things going on. Things I can't even get sorted out in my head so I can't really vent them here. I just need a vacation or something. Right now I'd take a stiff drink but I couldn't afford it so I'm just screwed. Someone else have one for me?

I so can't get moving today. I'm so sleepy. UGH! I want to get something done before my son gets home. Send some energy my way!

I don't know what my deal is lately with not writing. Sure my life is totally boring, but I ususally have something going on in my head I wouldn't mind putting down here. Does anyone even read anymore?
It's 4 am and I'm tired, but not a bit sleepy. Not sure how much sense that makes. I don't know what my deal is. It's gotten to the point that I get maybe one good night sleep where I'm asleep six hours. Last night I was exhausted from a week of very little sleep and went to bed early. I slept almost 12 hours only waking once to use the restroom. That is unusual for me. I guess my body feels it met it's quota for the next week. It's seriously getting old.
I was supposed to start working out at the gym this past week but it never worked out with my friend and other things came up for me so we didn't go. I'm starting this week doing something with or without her. I even got new shoes that are now suitable for working out. I had a pair that was about 2, almost three years old and were starting to talk to me (the sole is coming apart.) I love the new ones, but they are killing my feet. Everyone knows that breaking in new shoes can be painful, but for me it's additionally so. I have always walked on the sides of my feet (thanks docs for catching that one as a kid!) and most of my shoes get used to it after a while. The new sneakers are unforgiving and making my feet stay straight. I know it's a good thing for my ankles but for the next few days it's going to be hell on them. It's worth it though, I think.
I picked up an mp3 player for 20 dollars today. We drove about 30 minutes with the sole purpose of picking it up and my husband decided he would get him one as well. He didn't care a whole lot about it but I sort of talked him into it since I know he will love it. He's always wishing he had music with him at work. Anyway, we get home with them and start putting them together. Mine is broken! AHHHHHHHH! It figures he doesn't even want it and his works great but I've been wanting one for MONTHS and mine is broken. He said he'd take it back for me tomorrow. We'll see if that happens. They might not even be open since it's Labor day. We might just go to the beach instead. We haven't done that in a while.
This past Thursday was my husband's birthday and Saturday afternoon we went bowling to celebrate. He made a cake all by himself and did a great job on it. I was going to do it but he got all excited. It was a soldier cake. I'll post pictures when I get the camera from my sister. Bowling was fun. My sister, her boyfriend, my son, his friend, and my husband and I went. I haven't been in about 8 years and my son had never been. He had so much fun! He didn't care what he knocked down at first. He just wanted to throw the ball. I totally suck at bowling, but at least I have fun sucking. I don't know what it is, but I have a tendency to go too much to the left with my ball. I do it with baseball and horseshoes as well. My son was entertaining. They started playing some music over the loudspeaker and he decided to perform for us. He would lip sing to the song and dance. It was cute. He's a ham. His little friend was fun, but he was driving me crazy. He was so impatient and every time a ball was thrown he would ask if it was his turn, even if he knew it wasn't. By the fourth game I was ready to blow. He also got a runny nose and I caught him wiping it with his hands then wiping them all over the ball he and my son were sharing. ICK! His sister has been sick so the last thing I need is him sharing his germs. We cleaned him and the ball off before moving on and he kept a tissue handy after that. I also kept him away from my nephew who was feeling a little icky himself. All in all, we had fun.
Well I guess I should go lie down. I could get away with sleeping all day tomorrow if my grandfather wasn't planning on coming soon. I need to clean. That and it gets too hot upstairs to sleep by mid morning. Wish me luck!

My son is clearly growing up on me and there's nothing I can do to freeze the days and make them last longer. As with every growth, there are some growing pains. He's pulling more stunts and trying to push bigger boundaries. Tonight he tried giving me a really big guilt trip because he was punished and I wasn't giving in. He gave me big crocodile tears and told me I was breaking his heart. It was truly cute. I had a really hard time not laughing at first. After a while it got old and he was threatened with an even longer punishment if he didn't stop. I'm turning into a regular meanie.
The thing that is getting me most is that he is coming into his own as far as things he enjoys and expanding his creativity. He's always had a really creative mind as far as building things and acting things out. Now, thanks to High School Musical and Disney Channel, he's found a creativity for singing and dancing. Today he was writing his own songs. He would tell his dad the words and make him write them down then he would go to whatever instrument(made out of legos or a bucket) he was playing and make my husband sing the song back exactly the way he taught it to him. It was so cute and the songs were really not bad. They always had a really weird line thrown in the middle of it that would just make you laugh.
Not much else going on in my world. Hubby is busy with work world. I'm spending time with my sister, friend, or hanging out at home. My friend and I are supposed to start going to the gym tomorrow morning but I have somehow hurt my knee and I don't know how. It doesn't seem too bad, just hurts when I try to stand up. Once I'm up it's ok. Achy but ok. I'm thinking of taking tomorrow off, but I don't know. It totally sucks. I really really wanted to work out. I'm happy that I have someone to work out with.
Well I'm going to do one more thing then hopefully get some sleep.

Here are the pictures from Sunday. Let me know what you think.

TURTLES



KOLEKOLE PASS







KAENA STATE PARK

This weekend was a wonderful weekend. It started Friday with my husband getting off around noon and us getting to spend Friday night and Saturday morning in a hotel in Waikiki. The chapel that my husband works at some Sundays invited us to a family retreat they were doing. We had a room for the night and they served us dinner on Friday, continental breakfast, and lunch on Saturday. We're not talking little meals for lunch or dinner.

Friday
Dinner
Garden salad with grilled chicken in a light italian type dressing
Dinner rolls
Prime Rib served with herb crusted red potatoes and steamed vegetables(for adults)
Steak covered with a mushroom gravy served with mashed potatoes and steamed veggies(for kids)
Chocolate Cake

Saturday Lunch
Garden salad with a creamy sweet dressing
Dinner Rolls
Teriyaki Chicken with rice and steamed vegetables
Yellow cake with a butter cream type icing and almonds

They also had these wonderful cookies and brownies set out for our bible study time on Saturday. It was just so wonderful to have the time to relax in a hotel (with air conditioning!) and get to know these wonderful people. They are changing out a lot of their Chaplains that are more like what I'm used to so I think I'm going to enjoy it and we are planning on attending there for a while to get a feel for what it's going to be like. It was really great to walk in on Sunday morning and actually know people.

Sunday afternoon my parents came and picked us up and we headed out to do some sightseeing. I had heard about a place where you could go to see Sea turtles coming up on the beach so we went off in search for it. The beach is Laniakea Beach but is refered to as Turtle Beach. We were able to see a few turtles on land and some just off shore. There were so many people there. I hope to go during the week when there aren't as many people so we can enjoy it more. It was really crowded. After that we drove through Haleiwa so my stepmom could see it. I love that little town. After that we made to the base so we could drive through Kolekole Pass. It's a nice drive that gives you some awesome views and leads to the leeward side of the island. Once on the Leeward side we drove down to the Kaena State Park. It is so beautiful down there. We spent a little time there taking pictures (I'll post some later) and had a good time. From there we went back to Mililani for dinner and then went to walmart so my parents could pick up some things. My stepmom was telling my dad about her and my sister trying malasadas earlier that day so we went down and found Leonard's Bakery so we could get some. Leonard's is famous for their malasadas. We get the filled ones. My husband, son, and myself all had the ones filled with chocolate. My stepmom had the custard filling and my dad had the haupia filling. They were so so yummy. I only ate a third of mine because they are really sweet and I just am not used to that anymore.
My parents are leaving the island today and I'm super sad to see them going but it was so good to see them again. This visit went somewhat like I expected with us not getting to see them much but it was still really nice. We had great times together and hopefully we will see them more if we make it back to the mainland for our next duty station. Who knows where Uncle Sam will decide to send us next. I have almost a year before I even have to think about that.

Today I had something I don't think I've had since I moved away from my family 9 years ago. Today my father and I spent several hours together, just the two of us, no distractions at all. It was so nice. Don't get me wrong, I've enjoyed visiting with my stepmom and sister too, but this was something I have craved for years. It was nice. We drove around a little and then we went and sat at starbucks for at least an hour. After that I had to hit a bathroom so we went to Ross because they have the closest one and while there he bought my son some new shorts, which he needed thanks to a nice growth spurt. They love buying stuff for my son. I had never been in a Ross before and was asking about prices for boys clothing and that led to him buying the shorts. That place has some amazing prices. We found nike brand shorts for 4 dollars. That was something else! I will totally be shopping there for myself and my house in the future.
Anyway. My son is cracking me up today because for the first time in a long time my house is really clean. I'm not the neatest person. I've inherited that from my mom and am seriously trying to break it but it wasn't happening. We cleaned and cleaned and it looks nice and my son is in heaven. We're learning he functions more clearly in an organized environment. Guess what I will be doing over the next few weeks! I'm liking it for myself as well. I think I might be able to do some maintaining much easier than before. One thing we found out when we were getting organized is that we have a TON of books. I never knew we had so many. Most of them are mine but my husband has a lot from his college days. Religious studies sure brought out a bunch of books.

So I'm without my son for yet another night. This is the third night that he has stayed with my dad. He is really having a lot of fun and that makes me really happy, but I have to admit that I totally miss my baby. I got to talk to him today and I could really tell he was having fun. I'm so pathetic. There are so many times I wish I could have a break and now that I do all I want is my baby back. OH well. I'll see him when we go to the beach tomorrow and I know I'll get to take him home tomorrow. My dad and stepmom have reserved a room in Waikiki for Sunday and Monday night and since school starts on Tuesday, I'm letting him have his time with my parents. They don't get to see him a lot anyway.
This visit is going a heck of a lot better than I thought it would. I didn't realize how much I missed my dad. We're having a lot of fun and I can't wait until the beach tomorrow. I don't really care for the beach we are going to but it will be fun with family. We get to go to the beach again Sunday for church. I've never been to a service on the beach. Hubby has to work it so we are going with him. I think it will be a neat experience though. They are supposed to do lunch afterwards. That sounds fun too. I'm definitely going to have to get some batteries for my camera before then.
Yesterday we had to go to a get together for my husband's work. It was held on Hickam AFB at this point that had some of the most beautiful views. From there you could see the city in the distance as well as Diamond head. The water was so beautiful. It was a little noisy because we were right near the runway that both the AFB and airport share, but it wasn't really as bad as you would expect. I was kicking myself for forgetting my camera. I know my husband got really tired of hearing me say that I wished I had it. We had a lot of fun and they had some decent food there. Most of the people there were officers and their spouses so I felt a little out of place, but we still managed to have fun. One of these days I will get over my being shy around new people but I'm finding there is always at least one person who is not shy about saying hello. That person tends to be rather interesting and loud as well as very opinionated. Makes for some interesting conversation.
Well my husband is giving me the "hurry up and get done blogging already" look so I'm going to stop typing. I'm sure you're ready to stop reading the rambling anyway. Have some fun this weekend.

Ok, there is a reason I put this on here. It's all because of one quote.

"You're messing with the order! You don't go messing with the order!

My husband and I have a system. When I'm really tired, I talk a lot. Constant rambling about nothing in particular. So when we are laying in bed and I'm rambling, he will mhmmm some until he falls asleep. When it's out of my system, I fall asleep. It's been a highly effective system for the past 8 years.
Tonight I was on my rambling spree and my husband interupts me and says "Goodnight, baby. I love you." I said "I love you too. Is that your way of saying shut up baby?" His reply was "Well I was trying to say it nicer than that." He went on to say he didn't want to be rude and just ignore me. As soon as he said that, the quote from that cartoon popped in my head. I laughed and told him that and he laughed as well, but there is a point. It has worked for 8 years and I was really thrown by the change. Not upset, just thrown. Just thought I'd share.

We were making tacos tonight and I wanted some taco sauce for them and I didn't want to have to buy some so I decided to look online for a recipe. I found one that was supposedly for a taco bell taco sauce, but I didn't have a few of the spices so I changed it some and it was so awesome! I'm talking, eat it all by itself like a soup, awesome. It will definitely become a regular for us.

Taco Sauce

1 (8 ounce) can tomato sauce
1/3 cup water
1 3/4 teaspoon chili powder
1 1/2 teaspoons instant minced onion
1 tablespoon white vinegar
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/4 teaspoon sugar
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 pinch salt

Mix in saucepan. Cover and simmer on low for 15 minutes. Remove from heat and let cool. Can be kept in the refrigerator for a few days. Delicious!

I mentioned several weeks ago that I was in an online portfolio contest. Well they set the deadline for August 1 and I am happy to say that I completed my portfolio. I had so much fun doing it and definitely pushed myself do do different things than I normally would. You can see the finished product HERE.

I said I'd post some pictures from this weekend, so here I go.









I took a good bit more, but I thought I'd just put these few out there. All of the ones I posted, with the exception of the one of my son, were taken in a small town called Haleiwa. I seem to really get some great pictures there. They are having an Arts festival this weekend and I am so looking forward to it.

So visiting paradise is wonderful but after a while living here has it's toll on someone used to the mainland. Don't get me wrong, I love it here. It's just on days like today I want to run screaming back to South Carolina.
So I mentioned before we were supposed to get our brake pads changed today and the rear brakes were locking. Well turns out not one of the auto parts places had them in stock and when they order them they are going to cost double what they normally would because they all only carry the more expensive brands. Now if we had known this before, we could have planned for it, but leave it to my husband and his friend to not even bother checking to see if they were in stock anywhere here and how much they were going to cost. Nope, they waited until almost 6 pm today (which is what time every one of the auto parts store closes) to drive around and see if they could find them. I so married a genius. (Yes, that was serious sarcasm. I'm irritated, what can I say?)If it hadn't been for me telling them to park somewhere and give me a little time to call around, they would probably still be driving around. What made it worse was that it seems every parts store where I lived before we moved here has the parts we need in stock and the cheaper ones to boot. What is it about this place that they feel the need to make us pay SOOOO much more.
Best scenario is going to be getting one of our parents to pick up the parts and mail them to us or ordering them online. Looks like ordering them online is going to be the most feasible option,(overnight shipping here is outrageous when you can find someone who even does it,) which means it will be sometime next week before we have them. Hubby's friend is fixing the car so the brakes will work without ruining the rotors in the back as they are the ones that are really shot. Hopefully this will work. I'm just glad his friend is better at working on cars than he is planning ahead.
Is today over yet?

I don't consider myself a superstitious person but today is making me question that. My husband called me to tell me that our car is not letting him back up so he's stuck on post until after work. hopefully then a friend of ours, who was going to change the brake pads anyway, will be able to fix it.. I so hope it doesn't cost more than it already was. ICK!

Today was definitely an interesting one. My sister called me this afternoon and asked if we wanted to go out to dinner with them. Of course I wanted to. Any chance I get to see my new nephew I'm gonna jump on. So we are getting ready when my husband informs me that he can't find his wallet. I freaked out. His wallet had both of our military ids in it as well as other important stuff and when my husband loses something he really loses it. Examples. He lost our car key while on a 4 mile run for pt on post. Did I mention that he had no idea where on that stretch of 4 miles he lost it? He lost my cell phone, no idea where and we have yet to find it. That was in February. mhmm...now you see why I was freaking out?
The only place he can think it might be is in his office. His locked office and can you guess where the key to the office is? Yup, in his wallet. He called the other person that shares the office with him and they are in Downtown Honolulu visiting with friends. He can't get in touch with whoever it is that is supposed to be on staff duty and would have the master key so they can go check for him. All this time he's saying he'll drive down there, explain to them why he doesn't have his ID and they'll let him on base. The flaw in this thinking is that his liscense is in his wallet he doesn't have..yeah. The police are just going to say "go ahead and drive on post without a liscense or id." Wake up dear. I think you are in la la land. He wouldn't listen until I yelled at him telling him there was no way in hell he was getting in my car and driving ANYWHERE without a liscense. That shut him up. I don't usually yell at him, but I have serious issues with the idea of him driving without a liscense. I'll post about that later. My sister and her boyfriend (and my adorable little nephew) came and picked my husband up and drove him to his office. After having to track down the person on duty, waiting for the other person to finish eating, and then getting them to go unlock his office, he called me to say it was on his desk and that he remembered why he left it there. Finally I could breathe and calm down.
So he comes home and we head out to have dinner with my sis and her crew. I couldn't stop staring at my nephew. He is so gorgeous. I just want to kiss him all over and hold him forever. I was thinking I wouldn't get to hold him, but I did and it got to me. I haven't held a little one like that in forever. I didn't get to hold him long because my sister is still in that new mom doesn't want to let go phase. I don't blame her. I'd be the same way. I got to hold him and kiss him so I was happy. Dinner was good and our waitress was really sweet and considerate. She made sure my sister was well taken care of which is good because she was having to alternate between taking care of the baby and trying to eat as well as visit. Another thing I loved is that she made my son feel special. She told him how well behaved he was and, when she found out he loved all of the sports memorabilia on the walls, she took him to see this huge tennis ball they have in another part of the restaurant. He loved it! It made me happy because, when a baby is around, people have the tendency to pay attention to only the baby. My son has been the only kid around for a while and is used to my sister and her boyfriend spoiling him with attention so I'm sure having everyone gush all over the baby is a lot for him. He's doing really well though.

Oh, funny story. On the 4th we went to the fireworks on post and bumped into a friend of my husband's and his wife. They've only been married since December, but the guy was my husband's roommate when they were deployed. My son walked up to his wife and patted her stomach saying "you have a baby in there." We all laughed it off and I assured her he didn't mean she looked like it that it was probably just him being used to my sister being pregnant. She really didn't look pregnant at all. She laughed and said that she wished she was pregnant and that they were trying but told my son "no, not yet." Well tonight her husband called mine because he is going to fix our brakes and he told hubby that they just found out she was pregnant. He commented on how weird it was that my son said she was when no one thought she was and it turned out she really is. He then joked because my son had asked him "what about you?" right after saying that to his wife. I just think it's cool that he somehow knew.

Ok, I just need to blow off some frustration so I won't blame you for skipping this post.

I am so tired of the pain. I'm referring to the nerve pain in my face that I think now has also added muscle pain as well. I feel muscles pulling in weird places. All I know is that, on days like today, it doesn't feel like the medicine is helping and I'm so frustrated. I've been hurting since yesterday evening and instead of getting better, it's getting worse. I'm back to the needing to lay down and close my eyes type of pain and have ton of things I really need to be doing instead. Thank God I have an understanding husband and son. It's getting really hard on my son though. He is sweet about it, but it's hard to hear him say "You have a headache every time." That's my son's way of saying I always have a headache and he's not too far off. I know it's supposed to be a good thing, but why do I always fall into the small percentage of people that the bad medical side effects happen to? Most people recovering don't have the severe pain with the nerve regeneration. Figures. I guess I'm going to lay on the couch and try not to cry. Maybe if I close my eyes I won't see all the stuff I need to be doing and maybe I'll think of something to help me not feel like so much of a horrible mom because my son is laying on the couch watching cartoons instead of playing outside or doing something better for him to be doing.

It's almost 3 am and I am unbelievably wide awake. I don't know what it is, but I so can't sleep. I have spent the past hour and half on myspace surfing through the music. I don't know what I would have done without it. It gave me something to do. I'm finding the good thing about this is some of my friends are awake because they are in a much later time zone. Yay for friends to talk to.

OOOOH I so love this song. The Beatles are just so awesome! I'm listening to Help btw. (Goes off dancing)

Ok so it turned out to be a misunderstanding. She called to talk to me today and could tell I was a little upset. She finally dragged out of me that I had been wanting to be there the day before and she said "Well I thought you would be here. I was surprised you weren't!" I told her that I had been told by her guy not to come up more than once. She had no idea he had told me that so the whole time she was thinking I just didn't want to come up. She wanted me there and seemed a little disappointed that I hadn't been. That made me feel so much better. I'm not mad at her guy. It's not his fault that he was stressed because she was in pain and tried to be overprotective. It's not his fault he's a guy and doesn't get that a woman wants her family around. He'll learn. If not, I'll have to strangle him. That's my baby sister and I'm going to be there for the big things in her life whether he wants me there or not!
All is well now. The baby is on an iv because his gluclose levels are a little low and they want to get them up. My sister is being a mom and worried about him a little. I know how that is. They will both be fine though. She has done really well. I'm really proud of her.
Well I need to pass some pictures along to family and cook some dinner. My men are camping out in the backyard so I need to get them set up for that.

I'm an aunt to what I am only going to assume is a gorgeous little boy. My sister had her son a little over an hour ago. Since this is my blog and she doesn't know much about it, I'll be brutally honest. I thought I would be overwhelmed with joy. Lord knows I was so excited when she called this morning to tell me that she was headed to the hospital to be checked. For the past month or so we have been waiting for this day. She always talked about this day with the conversation saying that they would need to call this person or that person but I would be at the hospital. That said, imagine my disappointment when I got a two minute phone call an hour after she has the baby and all I can get out of them is that he is "5lbs 11oz or so" and she "Guesses" I can come by tomorrow. I have been waiting all day for them to call me. I am the only family she has here and I feel like somehow it went from her wanting me to be part of it to not even being wanted to go see my nephew. I can't put it into words really but I'm hurt. Very hurt. I so could understand her not wanting me in the room, but she didn't even want me at the hospital! She had no problem calling me all the times she needed something or was bored and wanted me to go over there to keep her company, and I was always there for her. Even when I would have liked to have just had a day with my husband and son, I gave her all of my attention and consideration. I just don't rank sharing the special moments with I guess.
Maybe I am being selfish. I'm feeling a lot of that today. I'm glad she is healthy and well and the baby is here. I just feel really hurt and left out. I'll get over it. When I called my other sister to let her know the baby was here, she didn't mind rubbing it in that I wasn't there. I know that was just her being jealous because she didn't even get a phone call. She told me that she would have gone up there anyway. I didn't do that because what is the point of being there when she didn't want me there. It's not like she didn't have enough to think about without having someone there she'd rather wasn't. It was her day after all.
Ok, I'll get over myself. I promise. I should be used to this type of thing from my family. She's moving this time next year and I won't see her for a while I'm sure. Why does family have to be so stressful?

Funny Quote of the Day - Dustin Hoffman - "The two basic items necessary to sustain life are sunshine and coconut milk."

I saw this on my google and had to post it because it made me laugh. He obviously wasn't talking about the type you get from chilling a coconut, drilling a hole in it, and sticking a straw in it. All I have to say about that is NASTY! Maybe some people like it. In fact, I'm sure some do or they wouldn't sell them like that, but it was so bitter. Give me some fresh chilled pineapple any day. Now that is heaven!

Here are the pictures. The ones that look like I was shaking or something because they are squiggly lines are really how the fireworks looked. Those did squiggles and curly q's. it was so neat!

I hope everyone had a fun filled fourth. I know that we did. We went to the "spectacular" they had on post. As I mentioned in my last post, hubby had flag duty, so we decided to go up there about 1:00 since he had to be there for 3:15. It was so hot out there. The actual temperature wasn't that bad, but the sun was killer. Even my son, who will let himself get sick before saying he's hot, was asking for an umbrella. We played some games and had a picture taken. He got his face painted with fireworks, but wanted it taken off not long after that. When we started getting hot and wanted a break, we grabbed some food and headed to the car to enjoy the air conditioning in it. My son had cheese pizza. That was no surprise. My husband and I wanted to try some of the different stuff so we did a lot of sharing and had some to bring home too. We were going to try thai food, but there wasn't anything there that looked appetizing at the moment. The only thing they had really was yellow curry hamburger or something like that. We did grab some spring rolls from them. They were yummy. We also tried some vegetable and pork lumpia which I think is a Filipino version of a spring roll. We tried the banana lumpia and I have to say YUMMY. It was all delicious. I had some Hawaiian steak and hubby had some garlic shrimp which is also pretty popular on the island. It was all so yummy.
By the time hubby had to go to formation, we were cooled off enough to walk around and play a few more games. It ended up taking a lot longer for hubby so my son and I spent the last half hour in the car. It started getting more crowded and even hotter. We had fun. My son and I played with this snake and guitar he got. As soon as the flag was done, we came home and relaxed for a few hours.
About an hour before it was time to start, we headed back to post to go to the fireworks show. There were so many people there. After finding my sister, we went and found a place for all of us to sit for the show and staked our claim. We just stayed there until it started. I decided to take a few pictures and will post a few of them at this. All in all not too bad for my first time. The show was nice. My son loved it. I was disappointed because they hyped it up so much that I just expected more. It was still fun though. Not sure if we will go there next year or what. All in all it was a great day and I am glad we were all together.
I changed my mind. I'll add fireworks photos in a new post later today.

I've become the person that constantly regrets leaving their house without their camera. It never fails that I find something I wish I had my camera for. I swear I need to have it permanently attached to my hand or something. Last night we went to a little town not far from here to grab something to eat at this place we'd heard about. Before we even made it out of the housing are, I told my husband I was going to regret not having my camera. He offered to go back and get it but the batteries are dead so it didn't really matter. Sure enough there were about a million things that I wanted to take a picture of. That doesn't surprise me considering we were heading towards a place that has gorgeous sunsets and the most amazing beach view. For those of you familiar with the area, we were headed down Kam Hwy towards Haleiwa.
I'm really looking forward to tomorrow. They are having a big carnival thing on post and we are going. I don't know if I mentioned this already. Hubby has flag duty and apparently they bring out the really nice flag for the 4th so it's a bigger to do. I can't wait. Another thing I can't wait for is to try the different foods there. They advertised Thai, Korean, and all sorts of other foods. I have been wanting to try a lot of them so maybe this is my chance. I think my son will love the rides. I'm not sure if we will stay there for the fireworks. It's supposed to have one of the biggest displays on the island but I know it will be so crowded. I guess we will have to see. I'm thinking that we won't head over until just before hubby has flag duty that way we aren't there all day and we can spend time enjoying all the fun stuff afterwards. Either way it will be fun.
This will be the first year in a long time that we are really celebrating. Last year he was in Iraq and I didn't really get to do anything. The year before that he was in AIT so we didn't get to celebrate either. I'm really looking forward to this. It's going to be fun. I'm finding I'm much more patriotic since he joined the military. I guess I just get it more now. The coolest thing about tomorrow is that the concerts and fireworks are being broadcast live to the soldiers in Iraq. One of the big divisions here is deployed so they are trying to do something special for it. Family members of the deployed soldiers are really getting a lot of benefits tomorrow as well. I'm glad they will be. It really seems to make a difference when the bigger units are deployed. They did very little when my husband's unit was deployed. Oh well. Progress is a good thing.
Ok so I must have a rambling problem today. I'm going to go find something better to do with my time.

It's been a nice weekend. Friday was my birthday but the celebrating started the night before. Thursday night my sister took me to see Nancy drew. I absolutely loved the movie. It was so cute and funny. I really hope they do another one.
Friday I spent the day running errands with my sister. I'm not going to say this was my ideal way to spend my day, but she was having contractions and didn't really need to be out alone. We went to Dave and Busters for dinner then to Fun Factory for a little while. I ate a lot of things my body isn't used to anymore so by the time we were finishing up at fun factory I was feeling pretty rough. I had a horrible time sleeping that night.
Saturday I spent the day sleeping and hanging out with my men. It was nice. I have a lot to do today. I need to get some cleaning around the house done but I told my sister I would come help her out a little. Her boyfriend is coming home today or tomorrow and she really can't clean much. I hate to say this but I really don't want to go help her. I mean I want to help but I just feel like lately I am always with her trying to keep her entertained or whatever. I'm ready for some me time.
I'm also ready for my son to go back to school. I've loved having him home but he just needs to go back to school. I know he is missing it. He and I are going to start working on school stuff this week. He has had enough free time that a little work isn't going to hurt him.
I'm not as horrible as I'm seeming. I'm just cranky or something. I don't know. Hopefully the day will be better. It is just getting started after all.

Today is a good day. Interesting, but good. I haven't really done much, but that will change I'm sure. I plan on making some time to sit down and catch up on a study that I'm doing with some of the ladies on Milspouse. They are way ahead of me, but catching up will really be no problem. It's really a great study. I'm having to do a lot of reflecting.
I just spent a few minutes looking through a link I had totally forgotten about. It is for a site called "Remembering Our Babies" and I really hadn't thought about it in a long time. I didn't expect it to effect me at all but I just had to click on THIS.
The baby I lost was only two weeks older and for some reason it just really got to me today. I guess that's life. I'm fine now.
Well I guess I should go do something productive.

Today was a really nice day. One of those days you know you better enjoy because they don't come around often enough.
My wonderful husband came in this morning to ask me what time we had to be anywhere and when I told him it wasn't until this evening, he decided to let me sleep. I slept until about 11:30! It felt so nice! We ate a little something after I finally woke up and then we went to walmart. Now let me explain something about myself. One of my most favorite things in the world is buying gifts for people. It's made much better if that person happens to be a child. Today was the birthday of my friend's son and we were invited to the party. My son was thrilled because it is his best friend and we were going to be buying spiderman gifts for him. We had so much fun picking out the gifts and for about 25 dollars we ended up getting him a shirt, two toys, and a book as well as a very cool spiderman bag to put it all in. Talk about fun! Also, while we were there I got to try out something that I'm assuming falls into the category of Hawaiian food. It is called poi mochi. I have to say I didn't care for it much, but not because of the taste. It had a good taste, but the texture was a bit too odd for me. It was sort of gummy or something. I don't know. The flavor was actually quite nice. For those of you who have no idea what poi is or what mochi is, here are some definitions followed by a recipe for Poi Mochi.

poi (poi)
A Hawaiian food made from the tuber of the taro that is cooked, pounded to a paste, and fermented.

Mochi (Japanese: 餅; Chinese: (麻糬)) is a Japanese rice cake made of glutinous rice pounded into paste and molded into shape. In Japan it is traditionally made in a ceremony called mochitsuki. While eaten year-round, mochi is a traditional food for the Japanese New Year and commonly sold and eaten at that time.




Poi mochi
Courtesy Uncle Lani's Hawaiian Poi Mochi

Vegetable oil
10-ounce package mochiko (Asian sweet-rice flour)
3 cups sugar or to taste
12-ounce bag poi
Enough water to achieve consistency of thick pancake batter

Heat 1-inch of cooking oil in a skillet at 300 degrees. In a large bowl, mix mochiko, sugar, poi and water; blend well.

Drop batter by teaspoonfuls in hot oil. Fry until golden brown. Drain on paper towels. Makes 3 to 4 dozen.

My son spent the rest of the day excited and impatient to get to the party. Finally it was time and we headed over there. It was so much fun and we also got to spend time with two other couples who have children which is always a treat for us. I got to take some pictures at the party and had so much fun visiting and being around the kids. We stayed until it became apparant the kids were getting cranky and really tired. All in all we were there about 4 hours.
Another bonus of my day was that I got to take pictures for a portfolio contest I'm in. I needed about four pictures to catch up and I was able to do them all today. The contest is so awesome for me. You have ten weeks, ten categories, and two of your own pictures where you chose the topic. We start week 10 Monday and I'll be sad when it's over. You don't really win anything, but it's been a great experience for me. I'm usually more of a landscape person and this has made me think outside of my little box and I've found I'm pretty good at other things too. At least I think I am. You can see what you think about it if you want. My portfolio can be found HERE. If you do check it out, let me know what you think. I always like hearing peoples opinions.
One of the highlights of the day was the beautiful sunset we had. I was able to take a few pictures and the best part was these few clouds we had that looked like they were on fire. It was so awesome. I don't know why I would even consider leaving this place. I'm so in love with it and on a daily basis I can find something to really blow me away or really touch me. I truly believe I am in one of the most beautiful and special places on earth.

My brain is so on overload and I have no one to blame but myself. I am getting a little obsessed with thinking about the future and all because my son asked if we would paint his room. My thing is trying to figure out if we are going to put in for an extension here in Hawaii or try for somewhere else when our time here is up next year. If we are going to extend then I have no problem with us painting.
My head is so full of trying to weigh the pros and cons of both choices that it's going to drive me nuts. The hardest thing for me is that I am totally in love with it here.
I hope my brain turns off soon. I'm going to need some sleep.

It is so good to be back online. The first week, I didn't miss it that bad. I missed my friends and milspouse. I missed being able to do my FRG thing easily but, overall, I didn't miss it all that much. It's a big surprise. I considered myself totally addicted.
Hubby is home, things have gotten back to some sense of normal and life is good. I thought I had a lot to say here, but I honestly find myself lacking words. Maybe I'll think of something later.

Today was not the best day ever. It definitely wasn't the best anniversary ever. It could have been worse though. At least this year he's coming home tomorrow and he's not that far away. He was really sweet though. Last night when he called he told me that he had tried to get flowers delivered but couldn't get to a hold of any of the places that deliver where I live. This was definitely one of the times that the thought counted.
I learned last night that sudafed and children's cough syrup do not mix. Talk about hyper kid. He was awake from 1:30 this morning until 6 when he passed out. This meant he didn't go to school because he would have been so cranky and cried a lot so I wasn't doing that to his teachers. Then I had to go and be stupid.. Last night before I went to bed I realized I had forgotten my medicine for the day. I took my allergy medicine and blood pressure medicine. Stupid me wakes up this morning and takes all of my medicine including the ones I had already taken the night before, both of which are 24 hour medicines. Can we say overdose?? I spent the day sleepy, nauseous, and shaking like a leaf. It wasn't until after 5 this evening that I figured out the problem with the medicine. Happy Anniversary to me.
I do have to say that no matter what, tomorrow WILL be a better day. My husband will be in my arms again. I so missed him this past month. He gets several days off now so we will be having lots of family time. I'm super excited about that. Tomorrow definitely is another day.

Tomorrow is my 8th wedding anniversary and as has become normal, my husband is away on Army business. It's not bothering me too much this year. Maybe I'm just growing accustomed to it. I have been doing a lot of thinking today and I have to say, it's been interesting. Most of it has been me looking back over how much my life has changed in the past 8 1/2 years. I'm definitely sure it's for the better.
When I met my husband, I was living in Georgia with a friend. I use the term loosely because he turned out to be not very much of a friend despite the fact that we had been close for six years. Anyway, I was living with this friend and working at Waffle house. My relationship with this friend was awful. He had changed so much and put me through a lot. I was in love with him so I put up with it. It ended up costing me a lot. Anyway, I met my husband through work because he was a regular customer of mine. I noticed his friend before I did him, but that is because he was quiet and his friend wasn't. His friends had the oddest conversations and I was always walking up at the wrong time. One day they were apparently talking about him not being able to get a date or something like that and one of his friend's said "Jennifer will go out with you, won't she?" I said no and walked away as quickly as possible. For all I knew he was one of the freaks that are always in there. I couldn't have been more wrong.
He wasn't dettered and kept asking me out. During this time my relationship with my "friend" was getting much worse and everyone told me I deserved better and to be happy so I decided to go out with this guy who kept asking me out. We had a great first date and had a lot of fun. We spent a lot of time after that just talking and hanging out. He started bringing me to church with him, which was something I had been missing greatly. I was still in a relationship with this "friend" but one night that changed drastically.
I have asthma but had not had any problems for years. Working at WH apparently aggravated the asthma due to the cigarette smoke. It got so bad that one night I had to be brought to the emergency room. They treated me for the asthma and I didn't think much of anything until the doctor came in the room and asked me if there was any chance I could be pregnant. I was scared to death and looked at my "friend." The look I recieved was not helping the being scared so I did the first thing that came to mind. I lied. As soon as the doctor left, I looked at him again and said "What if I am pregnant? What are we going to do?" His response is what killed any feelings I had for him. "I don't know what you're going to do. It's not my problem. I'm going to Nashville in January." I was crushed, terrified and felt worse that I ever thought possible. I was mad at myself for loving someone so selfish. There was no way that I would be in that situation if he hadn't pressured me into sleeping with him in the first place. If he hadn't continually done so for a long time, using fear and other tactics. I knew I couldn't go home if I was pregnant. I had nothing. I hit a low I didn't know existed.
After church one night a few weeks later I spilled everything to K (I'm going to use that to refer to my husband for now and F for the other guy.) He was shocked but never judged me. He never spoke down to me. All he did was hug me and tell me that I knew what I had to do. I was so sure that I would never see him again, but he was back the next day. I ended my so called relationship with F but I couldn't move out. I had nowhere to go and since I was paying most of the bills anyway, I didn't feel I should have to. I gained new friends through my friendship with K. These were wonderful people that I love dearly. K and I became closer and closer and eventually we officially considered ourselves a couple. I remeber when I fell in love with him. I remember the moment I knew i would marry him. I knew with all of my heart that God sent him to me.
Things got really bad with F after this point. He became verbally abusive and at one point I feared he would physically hurt me. He had a horrible temper that I had seen in action many many times. Having it directed at me scared me to death. K's mother was worried too and helped me find my own apartment. She barely knew me but she knew her son loved me and that was enough for her to put herself on the line to help me. She is one of the most amazing and accepting people I have ever met. Life got better for me after I moved out except I was constantly sick. The question of whether or not I was pregnant loomed over us, but he stayed beside me. It wasn't too long before we had our answer. I had a miscarriage. At the time I didn't realize that is what was happening, but a little over a year later I had a second one with my then husband and it was then I realized that is what had happened. I never told anyone. I didn't even tell my husband until a few years ago. All he knew is that I wasn't pregnant and we were engaged by then so I didn't want to ruin the happiness. I was relieved.
We were married six months after we became engaged. At this point we were inseparable. We had agreed to wait until marriage to have sex and it was so nice to be in a pressure less relationship. I was so happy and loved being his wife. We found out that November I was expecting and we were over the moon. Jan 10, 2000 we lost our baby boy. We named him after K and I have to say saying goodbye was the hardest thing ever. I sank into a very dangerous depression. It tested our marriage greatly.May of that year we found out once again that I was pregnant. My husband was thrilled and scared at the same time. I was beyond angry and far beyond terrified. At this point I was suicidal with the depression. I say to this day that finding out I was pregnant saved my life. I would never intentionally hurt an innocent life and that made me decide to live. I eventually became happy once I made it past the point I had lost my other two babies. We were beyond poor but I don't remember ever being happier. When my son was born, we were back to being the couple we were when we married. 7 months later we decided to move to be closer to K's family and he was able to transfer to another store that offered better benefits. We were so happy and loved being a family. A few years of that and my husband became unhappy with his work which had him pulling away from us. I won't go into details, but at one point I was really scared he was going to leave us. We went to visit a friend that fall. This friend was in the Army and while there he talked to my husband. When we got home, my husband decided to look into the military. I was unhappy with the idea. There was a war going on and i didn't want to deal with the possibility of losing a husband in it. I didn't want to have to be a geographically single parent. I grew up in a divorced home and i wanted my son's father there and active in his life. I had so many reasons I didn't want it, but he joined anyway. I admit my reasons were selfish and I ended up submitting to what we felt was God's will for our lives. We made it through basic and the separation alright. I missed him like crazy but with letters as our only communication we became closer. AIT was nice because we had a little more contact. When he called to tell me we were moving to Hawaii I was so excited. We made it here and I loved it. I loved it up until I found out that in three months I was losing my husband for a year. I was so angry. If we had known before we moved, I would have stayed in SC. Instead I was going to be alone in a new state in the middle of an ocean thousands of miles away from my family for an entire year! You had to be kidding me! It wasn't two weeks after that when I found a lump in my breast and was sent through a battery of tests and none of them had good results. IN the end a biopsy cleared me of any thoughts of cancer but I spent the month it took to get there in fear. I ended up with an infection from the biopsy and that stole the last few weeks I had with my husband.
My heart broke the day he left. I spent my first Christmas ever alone. I had my son, but it as hard to be cheerful for him when I was so broken. It got better. I got stronger and my husband and I grew closer. I never thought it was possible but we fell even farther in love with each other. He came home for R&R and I was so glad to be in his arms again. A few days after that i was hit with yet another crazy illness and that sort of put a damper on our time together. After he left I fell into a bad depression thanks to the illness but was blessed with wonderful doctor and amazing friends to help me through it. I am proud to say that I survived the 8 months left of his deployment and became so much stronger because of it. We have had a few issues since he's been home, but nothing major. I can say that we are still very much in love with each other and have made it through another month of separation. He is my world. I can't wait to see him again. It's so amazing to think about the fact that we've been apart for 16 months out of the past two years but we are closer than ever. I am so glad that he didn't go away that night I poured my heart out to him and never return. I can't imagine I'd be this happy without him.
Thanks for letting me rant. It's good to get these thoughts out of my head. I'm not going to get anything accomplished if I keep them in there.

I went to the park today and I met a woman who was there with her twin boys. They are 3 years old and bundles of energy. I made a comment that I didn't know how she did it and she said to me "I don't know what it is like to raise just one so I can't really compare." This reminded me of one of the comments that I got a lot when my husband was gone for both his initial training and then his deployment. "I don't know how you do it by yourself for so long." This is a statement that just about every military spouse has probably heard at least once in their married life as well as most single parents. The first person to ever say it to me was my husband's aunt when he was in basic training. I remember looking at her with a look of confusion and saying "What other choice do I have?" To me there was no other choice. Believe it or not, the world doesn't just completely come to a halt when your spouse leaves for any amount of time. Some days you may feel like it is going to but sure enough, when you wake up the next morning, it's still turning.
I know that five years ago I would have never thought I could make it as a military spouse, but here I am two years in the military world and somehow I'm still standing. It all goes back to that one truth. What choice do I have? My son still needs someone to care for him. The cat and fish still need to be fed. Bills still have to be paid and the trash has to go out. Life is still there and you are the one responsible for it. This is true no matter who you are or what your spouse does, so why should it be any different for me just because my husband is gone for longer periods of time. What makes you think that life is just going to put itself on hold for me just so I can throw a pity party. Sorry, it doesn't work that way.
Another thing I've noticed is that a lot of people I know, including military spouses, underestimate their strength. I know I am guilty of this at times. It is so hard to face something as big as being left alone for a year in a new place and not feel a little overwhelmed, but if you just remember that you just need to put one foot in front of the other and do what you have to do, then you will be ok. It's not going to be easy. Some days it will seem nearly impossible, but you can get through it. It's just at some point we had to make a decision that our marriage and our family was the most important thing and this was the situation we were dealt so we just put on our own pair of combat boots and did what we had to do.
Life is what you make of it no matter who you are or what your spouse does. Some people just choose to make more out of it than others. I like to think that most people are handed lemons and make lemonade, but military wives are handed lemons and find a way to turn them into a four course meal.
I just hope someone will remind me that I said all of this next time I'm freaking out saying I can't do it.

Today was a good day. Despite the cold I have, I managed to have a really good day. My husband was home on a day pass and it was great. We just spent the day enjoying each other's company. I expected to be completely depressed when he left to go back, but I didn't. I feel like I got my hubby booster shot today and I'll be good for a little while. I hope this feeling lasts a few days. I also really hope my cold gets gone fast.
For now I'm going to try and get some sleep.

If I could, I'd so be handing in my resignation papers right now. This mothering thing is not going well this week. Someone came in the middle of the night and switched my son for some clone whose soul mission is to drive me completely and utterly insane.
I could give a long list of examples just from yesterday but I will stick to the latest and worst. This evening my son was playing in the backyard. He asked if he could go and play with some other kids that were playing just outside our fence. I said no because he has a nasty cough and doesn't need to be running much less spreading all those germs. He came in a few minutes later and asked if he could go to the park. I said no for the same reason. Not 5 minutes later I realize he is entirely too quiet and call for him like I had been doing since he went outside. No answer. I go to the back door and look out and see the back gate open. He had gone out of the yard. My first instinct was anger. He knows he is not supposed to leave the yard without us. We have had this discussion many times. Anger turned to complete panic when I couldn't find him at the nearest playgrounds. I thought I saw him at one but he disappeared so I assumed i was seeing things. I went to my neighbor whose kids he was wanting to play with to ask what park they play at because he had wanted to go with them. My sister said she saw him at one of the distant parks and took off in the car to go get him. I relaxed slightly until she came home and said she couldn't find him. I freaked. My neighbor grabs her sons and they start looking for him. I walk by my backyard again and yell for him. I hear a running sound in my house so I go in and my son is coming out of it. We had searched the entire house so I know he wasn't in there before. I had to spend 15 minutes after that trying to find my 6 months along pregnant panicking sister who had taken off in the car minus a cell phone. i was trying not to worry about her too much because stress like that is never good for someone that far along.
I tried to calmly talk to him and find out what had happened. It took us 10 minutes to get through the him making up stories for him to tell us he had gone to the park but came home while we were looking for him. We tried to explain to him the danger of going off alone but he refuses to believe that there are bad people that would hurt him. I knew his grasp on reality was lacking that of a normal six year old but the degree of which it does wasn't realized until tonight. It terrifies me.
I took away his legos, cartoons, playing at friends house for two days and sent him to his room to wait for me until it was bath time. My sister tells me I let him off easily because I didn't yell or tear his butt up. She said we would have gotten our butt torn up as kids and she would do the same. You know, we did and it didn't hurt us, but I really don't see where it would have helped. He realized he messed up but not how bad. that will come in to play over the next few days when he realizes all of his favorite things were taken away. I can tell she thinks I was too lenient but without my husband here to help me, I made the best decision I could at the moment. Spanking him is not something I like to do very often because it just isn't all that effective.
When I came up to get him ready for his bath, he was very somber and waiting for me. I hope I did the right thing. His behavior is so out of control right now and I know it's because of him testing boundaries but at this point I'm totally lost. He's being worse because his daddy is gone. I'm going to talk to the school counselor to see if she has any advise.
Here's to yet another day that will never win me mother of the year. I so hope my kid doesn't end up totally screwed up because of me.

I'm going to start this by saying this. Yes I know it's only a month and yes I know it could be worse, so you don't need to say it for me. I just really need to get this off my chest.
My son is not doing well with his daddy being gone. It's throwing me off because he's always been so strong and done so well. It took about 8 months for him to hit meltdown. It didn't even take two days this time. Every little thing has him in tears and he is a lot more tired than usual. He's gone back to being clingy, but that part I can handle. Hopefully he will get better. I don't know why this time is so different for him. I guess it doesn't matter though. It just is. I will do what I can to make him feel better and hopefully won't lose my mind in the meantime. It boils down to the fact that I love my little man with all my heart and seeing him hurting is killing me.

Sometimes being a mom is really interesting. Today it had a heartbreaking moment and a totally uncomfortable yet amusing moment.
Heartbreaking
My husband was running to the shopette to pick up something and my son didn't realize he had already left. When he realized that he was gone, he took off out the door screaming "Daddy wait for me!" My husband was already well down the road and didn't see him. My son took off down the road screaming and crying for him to stop. I was behind him yelling for him to stop. He ran all the way into the main street then finally turned around and came towards me, sobbing hysterically. My neighbors came out of their house and some poor woman who was walking her dog just stood there in shock. I don't care what my neighbors thought, but I know my heart was totally breaking.
Let me explain. My husband leaves in the morning for a month and my son thought he was leaving for that this afternoon when he went to the store. That is why he was so hysterical. He didn't think he was coming back. I so don't know how he is going to take it when my husband is really good. Thankfully he is normally gone when my son wakes up in the morning so I'm just going to act like he is just at work then I'll tell him when he gets home from school. There is a chance that my husband will be postponed for another month and I'm sort of hoping that happens because I'm not sure my son is not really ready for this separation. I don't know how to make him ready. He did so well with the other long separations but right now he can't handle a day or two. I guess kids can only take so much. He was so strong while hubby was gone last year that I just assumed it would be the same. Everyone has their breaking point though.

Amusing
My son was going to bed and went to give me a kiss goodnight. He puckered up weird but he likes to give silly kisses so I didn't think anything of it until he didn't want to kiss me on the cheek like normal. He said "no I want one like this" and proceeded to act out a long kiss like his dad would give me. I almost died! We had a conversation about that is how mommies and daddies kiss. I think he got it because he ended up giving me a kiss that "blew up" which was a big smacker on the cheek. It was funny. Having a kid can be so interesting.

I found myself a little depressed today. I know he's only leaving for a month and won't be shot at this time but I don't like the thought of sleeping alone again. It could be worse though. I'll be fine. just one of those days.
Things will be better. After all, tomorrow is another day!

Murphy's Law. Every time your husband is about to leave or has just left, someone will get sick or something will break down. Guess who's feeling like they are coming down with something? Yep. That would be me. UGH!!!

Sorry I haven't been blogging much, not that I think anyone notices. I have started another blog to deal with the weight loss stuff and have put a few in there, but I just haven't had so much to say.
I love lazy Sundays. We all slept until almost 10 this morning. My son went to bed very late last night so we were all glad for the sleep in. Yesterday was wonderful as well. My sister and her guy came over and we watched a movie and played games. It was a lot of fun.
Today is really our last family day for a while. Hubby leaves this week for a month. I'm ok with it. I wish he didn't have to go just now but at least he will be getting it over and done with. He told me yesterday that there is a chance he might not have to go. A unit just returned from Iraq and wanted their people to go. They put him on a waiting list that is done by rank and time in rank. Let's just say he's on the bottom of that list. I wish he hadn't told me, but I am telling myself he's going. It's just easier that way.
Ok I'm off to find something fun to do. Hope everyone is having a great weekend.

I finally got up the nerve and opened a shop on cafepress.com. I am nervous but excited. I really want it to do well. Right now I don't have a lot of images, but that will change over time. I really hope this doesn't totally tank!
Palekaiko

I feel so sick right now. I don't understand some things. I just really don't understand. Why does God let horrible things happen to kids. Someone I know through another website has found out that her daughter has a tumor that has a very low rate of survival no matter what she choses. I couldn't imagine being in her shoes. I panic when I try to do so. This is every mother's worst nightmare. I know I should be able to say that God has a reason for this, but I can't fathom what it could be. I just don't know what to think. I'm gonna go cry now.

It's good to be home, though I think I could have handled another day or two at the resort. Hubby had duty today, so we had to come home.
My son and I spent several hours in the pool yesterday afternoon and I have the sunburn to show for it. I never used to burn, but this Hawaii sun can be brutal. I don't know how I forget that. The pools at the resort were so awesome! They had three. One was your standard huge pool that goes from 3.5 feet to 8 or whatever. Nothing special there except for the ocean view. It was the other two that I absolutely loved. You can see them here. What you can't see in the picture is the fact that the top pool has a huge waterfall or that some of the sides of the pool have seating. The top pool is only about 4 and a half feet deep and the water was the perfect temperature. At the far end is a small rocky waterfall that falls down to the kiddie pool. My son absolutely had a blast playing in there. He didn't have to have water wings so he could jump around. It also has seating inside the pool on one side. It wasn't unusual to see parents in the pool with heir kids sitting beneath the fall and relaxing. It was the perfect size for the water to feel like a massage.
It's a little rainy outside today so I guess we will be relaxing in the house. We really need to hit the commissary later. I honestly feel incredibly lazy today. I guess it's time to shake off the sleepiness.

Gee, I'm blogging a lot today. We came back from dinner to find our room had been cleaned and our beds turned down. I found this paper on it that had different Hawaiian words and a few suggestions for tomorrow. At the bottom of the page it says

E wahi ka makaha l pi'l ka l'a
Break the pond gate so the fish can get in.
(Break away from bad habits, then good can enter your life.)

This is a saying that I need to live by right now. I'm taking this paper home and hanging it up on my fridge. I might even go as far as framing the quote. I have a lot of changes headed my way, but if any of it is going to be successful,I have to get rid of the bad habits.
Gotta love that Hawaiian wisdom.

There was no lie to the statement "The bigger they are, the harder they fall." My husband is about the most gentle person I know, but he has a way of accidentally injuring me. The latest of these injuries will be smarting for days to come.
He was laying on his stomach on one of the beds and I jumped on his back and started tickling him. He decided his only choice was to turn sideways and forcefully throw me off his back. I'm not small so, when he did it, I fell hard. At the moment the only pain was the shoe logged up my butt and I twisted my back a little. An hour later almost everything on my left side hurts. My arm is the worst. Hopefully it will just be one of those overnight aches. This poor arm has seen so many accidental injuries, it's a wonder I still have one.
Little man and the hubby are at the pool. I was out there for a bit but it's just too cool for me. I will wait patiently for them to head back up. Hope everyone is having a good night!

And I'd like to think I'm sitting in it right now. We are at the Turtle Bay Resort again. This time it's for a marriage retreat that my husband has to work at. Definitely some perks to being a Chaplain's Assistant's wife. We brought our son this time and it has been an interesting experience for him. I have to admit that his morning was pretty boring, but he managed to keep himself entertained with legos and my computer. I was busy helping my hubby sign people in while he was making last minute arrangments. I really had a lot of fun.
After the meeting started, my son and I went and checked in and headed up to the room. Last time we had a great view, but this time it's AMAZING!!! I didn't bring my camera, but I will try to get a picture with my phone. We at a little something and were about to go to the pool when it started pouring rain. My son settled into the bed and watched cartoons while waiting for it to stop. About the time I noticed it had stopped raining, he was asleep. I figure a nap won't hurt him and we can take him to the pool when he wakes up. It honestly is a little cool to be in the water. We have the window open and the breeze is fierce. It's great though. The ocean is so relaxing. This is definitely my idea of paradise.

It is so Monday. I wake up at 5:49 and realize my husband is still in bed and if he doesn't get up he's going to be late for PT. He leaves and I rest a little longer then get up to get my son ready. I had set out everything but his shoes last night so he gets dressed and has some breakfast. I put some clothes on and then start looking for his shoes. Now I was sure I knew where they were, but I was sadly mistaken. I looked everywhere! I moved furniture and tore up rooms and ended up only finding one. Of course the only other pair that are closed toe and fit him are in the trunk of the car that my husband has. UGH!
On an interesting note, hubby comes home and tells me that the CPT asked if I wanted to be a FRG (family readiness group) leader. I was really flattered but I have only been a military wife for two years and, although I have done deployment, it was with very little time spent with the FRG. I would have no idea about how to lead and I think that someone else would be much better suited. I did tell him to let the CPT know I would be happy to help out in any way I could. At least it made me smile. Hopefully this means the day is getting better.

Yesterday we went outside to eat dinner because the oven had made the house entirely too hot. Sitting out there we noticed the sky looked very interesting. It looked like it was on fire. One of the most amazing skies I've seen since Turtle Bay. There is one issue that hubby and I can't agree on. I had taken two pictures that are almost identical except that one is much darker than the other. I didn't have the settings right at first. He likes the darker one, but I like the one that is like it really was. I think it would be interesting to see which one you guys like better. Feel free to let me know.

We are watching a movie and I am just so over it. It's very old and annoying. Ok so maybe I'm just easily annoyed right now. I just have to say I am so glad that movies are better made now.
Today was mostly a good day. It didn't go the way we planned, but it still was nice. We had planned to get up in the morning and go to this family fun fest they were having. We had to go by my husband's office first because he had something to take care of that required his computer. Well the network was down so he couldn't do it, but we got his office straightened up. He felt bad but I know he really never has time to do it and we had time so I didn't mind helping. We left there and headed to the fun thing and I was so disgusted when we got there. The flyer made it look like it was going to be this free event that was fun for everyone. I assumed you would have to pay for food because that is usually fund raising or something, but this was ridiculous. You had to buy tickets to do anything. The tickets were 50 cents a piece. Ok so no big deal if the games and such only cost one ticket or something like that. Oh no! They had a moon bounce type thing. The ones that you climb up then slide down. The line for it was forever long so you know they weren't getting much time on it per kid. We asked how much it was and found out it was 3 dollars to have a turn on it. 3 FREAKING DOLLARS!!!!!!!
Now if I had known it was going to be like that, we never would have set foot there. I mean normally it would have been a fun thing we do once in a while, but we so didn't have the money to waste. Instead we went and picked him up a snack that was cheaper and he loved it as much. We promised him a trip to the playground and I think he had way more fun there. He wasn't even upset that he didn't get to do what he originally wanted, but I was. At least I know for next year.
Ok movie is over and it was extremely anticlimactic. I won't even go into the cheesy musical score. The Easter bunny has come and put my son's basket out for him. I think maybe I'll try to get some sleep now.

It so feels like Saturday today. Hubby is off today and let me sleep way too late. I won't lie, it was nice to not get up so early. We are just having a fun day relaxing and goofing off. I need to get my butt in gear and get ready. We really need to hit the commissary. I also really need to get some things done but I'm just loving this.