blah blah blah blah
4/30/2006 03:21:00 AM | Author: Simply Jen
I can't believe that I haven't blogged in four days. What's worse is I haven't really wanted to. Several times I opened the window and sat here staring at it like I expected the words to just appear. I will think of something to talk about only to have it totally disappear from my mind a few moments later. it's just been a really weird week for me. Just a lot going on that I can't control and it's starting to get to me. Hopefully it will all be over soon or I will have a better understanding. I know it's confusing, but welcome to my life.
My son is so cute. We are watching The Pink Panther and when they play the laugh track he starts fake laughing. It's just cute.
I hope I will be back to my usual witty self..ok so maybe I was never witty, but at least I had something to say. hopefully I will again soon.
Gotta Get Through This pt. 2
4/24/2006 08:47:00 PM | Author: Simply Jen
Ok so I decided since it was driving me crazy, maybe I could pass it along to someone else. Aren't I nice?

Gotta Get Through This
Daniel Bedingfield


When your love is pouring like the rain
I close my eyes and it's gone again
When will I get the chance to say I love you
I pretend that you're already mine
Then my heart ain't breakin' every time
I look into your eyes

If only I could get through this
I just gotta get through this
I just gotta get through this
If only I could get through this
I just gotta get through this
I just gotta get through this

I gotta get through this
I gotta get through this
I gotta make, gotta make it, gotta make it through
said, I'm gunna get through this
I'm gunna get through this
I gotta take, gotta take my mind off of you

Give me just a second and I'll be alright
Surely one more moment couldn't break my heart
Give me 'til tomorrow then I'll be okay
Just another day and then I'll hold you tight

When your love is pouring like the rain
I close my eyes and it's gone again
When will I get the chance to say I love you
I pretend that you're already mine
Then my heart ain't breakin' every time
I look into your eyes

If only I could get through this
If only I could get through this
If only I could get through this
God, gotta help me get through this

I gotta get through this
I gotta get through this
I gotta make, gotta make it, gotta make it through
said, I'm gunna get through this
I'm gunna get through this
I gotta take, gotta take my mind off of you

Give me just a second and I'll be alright
Surely one more moment couldn't break my heart
Give me 'til tomorrow then I'll be okay
Just another day and then I'll hold you tight

When your love is pouring like the rain
I close my eyes and it's gone again
When will I get the chance to say I love you
I pretend that you're already mine
Then my heart ain't breakin' every time
I look into your eyes

If only I could get through this
If only I could get through this
If only I could get through this
I just gotta get through this
God, gotta help me get through this
I just gotta het through this

If only I could get through this
If only I could get through this
If only I could get through this
I just gotta get through this
God, gotta help me get through this
I just gotta get through this

I gotta get through this
I gotta get through this
I gotta make, gotta make it, gotta make it through
said, I'm gunna get through this
I gotta get through this
I gotta take, gotta take my mind off of you

I gotta get through this
I gotta get through this
I gotta make, gotta make it, gotta make it through
said, I'm gunna get through this
I'm gunna get through this
I gotta take, gotta take my mind off of you
Gotta Get Through This
4/24/2006 08:07:00 PM | Author: Simply Jen
Ok ...I knew what I was going to post about, but now I can't remember. Don't you love that? I'm sure I'll remember eventually.
The past few days have been pretty good. I haven't gotten much done, but my back is getting so much better that soon I'll be able to get it all done. I'm excited about that. Looking forward to a day without pain.
Oh! I remembered what I was going to blog about! Yay me!
Have you ever had a song stuck in your head so much that you wake up singing it? Well I've had a song stuck in my head since I blogged about it and as much as I like it, It's driving me nuts. The song is Gotta Get Through This by Daniel Bedingfield. It'll go away eventually i'm sure. *dances off singing the song*
If you're not the one
4/23/2006 04:48:00 AM | Author: Simply Jen
Ok, so this is what I originally intended to post about. Now that I think about it, the other one might be more interesting, but oh well.
There is a song that I heard a few days ago that had me in love with it. I even showed the lyrics to my husband and all he could say was "Wow!" It's just that good. Even if you hate that type of music..the lyrics work.
Well today, when I was having my meltdown over something I can't really talk about but would probably come off as totally stupid anyway, the lines from the bridge of that song just popped in my head. I never could have put my feelings into words that well and I'm so glad someone else did it for me.
'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can'’t be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side"

You can click on the quote and go hear the song. It's beautiful. I literally miss him so bad at moments I can't breathe. I showed him these lines this morning and he said he knew my heart was with him. This may sound like I was being mean, but it wasn't said in meanness at all. Just honesty and pain, my response was "I know it's not here with me because I feel so empty" Before you go all "I can't beleive you said that" on me, he said he feels the exact same way then asked me how something so good could hurt so bad. I honestly think loving so completely is one of the hardest, most painful things I've ever done in my life, but at the same time the most rewarding.
I guess now we start to heal.
Rambling again
4/23/2006 04:25:00 AM | Author: Simply Jen
If I had to pick two words to describe my feelings for the past year it would be emotional rollercoaster. I can't believe we've officially been a military family for a year and actually survived. I know some of you are out there wondering why we wouldn't have survived but it has been one heck of a year. I didn't honestly realize that it wasn't the norm for the first year in the military until a friend told me she was telling her husband what a "crazy life" we had led. I asked her what she meant because I was clueless and she said she was referring to our first year in. Ok so maybe it wasn't so normal. I'll agree, it's been nuts. I don't think I would rather it hadn't been. At least now when something shocking comes down I'm like "ok...It's the Army, what'd ya expect?" Much better than having a great year only to get knocked on my ass. When my husband came home, ok not even home because we were still in a hotel then, and told me he was leaving for the sandbox in a few months I wasn't shocked. Sad, upset, annoyed, sure. Shocked, nope. I was prepared. Yay for that.
This week alone has been a roller coaster of emotions. I swear I feel like I have multiple personalities some days. One minute I feel like I could float and then the next I'm on the floor sobbing. Ok so that's an exaggeration. I've only sobbed once and of course it had to be while I was on the computer talking to my husband. That's what he gets for giving me sort of not so good news when it's 7 am and I've yet to sleep. I give him credit for not running. He calmed me down and even made me feel better.
But anyway, I started this post to talk about a song and how it's been stuck in my head for two days (thanks Katie) and it really has nothing to do with the above so I'll make a different post for it. Gotta love that total randomness...
oh and just in case you haven't had enough randomness, a friend and I were talking the other day about ice cream and I said "I love me some strawberry ice cream" to which she exclaimed that was so southern. Now of course I was confused as I didn't see how strawberry ice cream was a southern thing, but it was of course my wording she was referring to. "I love me some" That has me wondering how many other things I say are typically southern and I just don't realize it. I didn't realize until I met my husband that I had some phrases that were totally cajun. Not in language maybe but in culture. I think it would be interesting to be on the outside and just listen to myself for a while. I already was wondering if I come off as crazy as I think I do. Things that I think make perfect since in my head, get me some odd looks when I say them. Anyway, that was just another random thought. I have plenty if you ever find yourself needing some.
More Than Words
4/22/2006 08:32:00 AM | Author: Simply Jen
I saw this on Katie's blog earlier today, well technically yesteday. It was a different artist but still good. I just have a thing for the original. Enjoy.

More Than Words
Extreme


Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than words

Now I've tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than words
For him
4/22/2006 07:50:00 AM | Author: Simply Jen
"I'd miss you even if I'd never met you."
That line is so amazing and I so honestly feel that way. Do you ever just wonder what it would be like if you hadn't met them? I can't even begin to imagine what my life would be like right now, but it wouldn't be as full as it is now. No matter how many days I get on here and complain about how awful it is without him, the truth is that every tear, ever ache, every crappy day is totally worth it. It is worth it to never again have to wonder if I could ever love completely or if I would ever be loved for all that I am. Even if tomorrow everything came crashing down on me, I could look back and say it was worth it to just have had that at least for a little while. I know that my life would be missing something if we had never met. Sure it wouldn't be something I would obsess about, but it would be there. That nagging feeling something's missing. Thank you for saving me from the wondering. Thank you for loving me so completely. Thank you for not taking no for an answer! Because of you, I will never have to wonder. With all that is in me, I love you.
broken
4/20/2006 05:09:00 AM | Author: Simply Jen
As good of a day as I had, my night is that bad. I guess I don't really have anything to complain about. I mean I've had a few tough muscle spasms, but that is something i'm getting used to. It's just that as the darkness came, so did the lonliness. I sit here now unable to sleep and aching for him. Ache probably isn't strong enough. I hurt. I feel broken and lost without him. I promised myself a long time ago that I would never feel this way about a man. I had no idea then that I would love someone so much that I couldn't help but feel this way without him. Call me pathetic if you will, but it's how I feel. It doesn't help that the night before he left he told me that he was leaving half of his heart here. I know he took mine with him.
Now I'll just stay curled up in the corner of our couch and pray that sleep comes before I give into the desire to gorge on junk food.
starting over
4/19/2006 08:03:00 PM | Author: Simply Jen
Here we are again. He's gone. Just as I had gotten used to him being around, to depending on him, he's gone. It was really hard for all of us to say goodbye. A million times harder on all of us. Surprisingly though, I'm fine today. I feel guilty honestly because I feel like I should be sad and missing him so completely. Don't get me wrong, I miss him. I just don't feel overwhelmed by it. I feel fine. My friend told me to enjoy it. There will be plenty of days wehre I feel bad. I'm trying to do what she said.
I don't have much to say right now. Hopefully I'll find my way back into the blogging swing.
Two weeks too much to ask?
4/12/2006 05:18:00 AM | Author: Simply Jen
Is it entirely too much to ask that for two weeks I would have peace and nothing would go wrong? Apparently so. Especially since it would be the two weeks that are supposed to be the best ones I'll experience for the next 8 months or so.
My darling husband came home a little over a week ago for his R&R and it has not been what we expected, both in good ways and bad. There has really been none of the awkwardness I expected. It was honestly like he had never left. We just fit again. My son has been happier than I've seen him in months and it really has been nice being all together again. It's been like a vacation for the most part. With all of that, I shouldn't have anything to complain about, but I do. Since this is my place to vent, and I've had one of those days, I'm going to just vent and get it over with.
Not 24 hours into my wonderful two weeks I started noticing my face was swelling. That's what I thought was going on anyway. I woke up from a nap and felt a little off on one side of my face. Figured I had laid on it wrong. It didn't go away and I had bad stabbing pains behind my ear and my eye and thought I probably had a sinus infection. Still not such a big deal. I've dealt with those many times before. I did notice that night that it looked like I wasn't able to move part of my face, but figured it had something to do with the swelling on the other side and I was just imagining things. It would be all better in the morning. It had to be. Well, it wasn't. I woke up with more of the same pain and just that totally swollen feeling in the left side of my face. I told my husband I wanted to go to the doctor. Now those close to me know that when I say I WANT to go to the doctor, I'm worried. I still thought it was a sinus infection but I felt I needed to go for some reason. We made the appointment and got one for two hours later with my primary care doctor. I had yet to meet him so I thought it would be nice.
I was right. He turned out to be just the kind of doctor I like. He was friendly but not in the sugar sweet, make you feel like a little kid way. That was the good part of the doctors visit. The rest left me shaken and just sort of wondering "why now". My mom used to joke that I never went to the doctor and had something small like a cold. It always ended up being some severe thing that required a lot of medication or something totally unexplainable. I guess some things never change. My sinus infection turned out to be Bell's Palsy and the swelling I felt was just my normal face. The other side of my face was paralyzed and making my left side feel swollen. You'd think I'd have noticed but it really was hard to tell at first. Yay for doctors. So they started me on meds with him extremely hopeful that it would clear up in a few days, but cautioning it could take weeks to months. Ok so there's day two of R&R. It had some highlights that I can't post on here, so that was good. It honestly has been a very annoying condition that is really painful, but it is one I can ignore somewhat. At least until yesterday. Yesterday I woke up with it really tender and by the end of the day you could see bruising just under the skin all along my cheek. Not the end of the world I guess.I just keep waiting for someone to ask me if he hit me or something.
Saturday we had a wonderful day. We bought a new couch that will be delivered tomorrow and drove around getting lost for hours. We found a walmart we actually liked shopping at and decided to have dinner at the Denny's by it. It was awesome! I had been craving country fried steak and they had it. I can't taste fully, but what I could taste was delicious. I paid and waited outside while the menfolk used the restroom. I'm standing here when all of the sudden out of nowhere the muscles in my back started spasming. OMG I had forgotten how bad that could hurt. I have had them off and on for about a year and half but it had been a while. Since Saturday I have had more than I can count. Today when I wasn't asleep from the muscle relaxers, I was trying not to puke because they hurt so bad. I took a two hour nap and finally felt somewhat better. I made it through another trip to walmart and dinner before I had another one, which felt like some sort of record for the day.
Between the muscle spasms, my son demanding attention, and my husband falling asleep extremely early we haven't had much time together alone the past few nights. At least not where we were conscious at the same time. My son fell asleep on the way home from eating so we were all excited at the thought of getting time alone. Of course you know our son woke up and has been a pain about going back to sleep. My husband finally gave up and went to lie down with him. I expect they are probably both asleep. One of these days it will work out where we get to be alone. Hopefully before he has to leave again.
I will say that despite the annoying pain in my head and the screaming pain in my back, I'm so thrilled to be all together again. I'm trying to just enjoy it as much as I can and think as little as possible about him leaving again.
I think I'm going to go to bed now. Hopefully next time I post I will have something more positive to post. Like I said before, it was just one of those days.
What's 20 years?
4/06/2006 03:11:00 AM | Author: Simply Jen
What's 20 years to true love? Ok so about as true as love gets to a five year old who's just discovered the whole girlfriend concept. Today as we came through the gate, we were actually asked for our identification. The guard was a young woman MP and was nice enough. She waved us on and just as we began to pull off we hear a young voice proudly proclaim "she's my girlfriend." We laughed so hard. I know she could hear him. It really was very cute.
What's Simple Is True
4/02/2006 12:10:00 AM | Author: Simply Jen
It's been a while since I posted a song. This is an appropriate and lovely one. I hope you like it.

What's Simple Is True
Jewel

Turn to me with frozen lips
Your hands are so icy cold
Your eyes burn bright against the frost-bit sky
You never seemed more lovely than you do tonight
Pale on the horizon
Like leaves frozen in the snow
Our two shadows merge inserparably
Will time stand still if it's pierced with cold?
The more I live
The more I know
What's simple is true
I love you
There's a warmth in my heart
It haunts me when you're gone
Mend me to your side and never let go
Say "Time knows nothing, we'll never grow cold"
The more I live
The more I know
What's simple is true
I love you
Twilight descends on our silhouette
How soon spring comes
How soon spring forgets
I wanna hold time, say it'll never begin
Old man winter be our friend
Old man winter be our friend
'Cause the more I live
The more I know
What's simple is true
What's simple is true
I love,
I love you

Need more music in your diet? Get it HERE.
It's a wonderful day!
4/01/2006 04:47:00 PM | Author: Simply Jen
It's such a beautiful day outside. I have energy for maybe the second time this month. I never realized until today just how much the rain gave me the blahs. God, it's beautiful outside. It is so nice to just feel good.

Which Superhero are you?
4/01/2006 04:38:00 PM | Author: Simply Jen
“Faster than a speeding bullet, stronger than a locomotive, jumps tall buildings in a single bound.”

I wish!

Your results:You are Superman
























Superman
85%
Spider-Man
80%
Hulk
75%
Supergirl
65%
Wonder Woman
55%
Batman
55%
Robin
50%
The Flash
50%
Green Lantern
45%
Catwoman
30%
Iron Man
20%
You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test