The view is certainly so much better when you are looking from the top of the world than when you are being crushed underneath it's weight. I am in the best mood. Hopefully it will last all day.
it's still raining and that is not something i'm thrilled about but it seems like so much less of a big deal. I even am faced with two days of heavy duty cleaning and still I'm thrilled. I so love it when this happens.
Yes, there is a reason for my mood. No, I can't go into it. I will very soon. For the few of you that do know, please don't spill. Just everyone be happy.
I know I haven't been posting as much but there has been so much in my head that I was having trouble seperating it all. For a few days, all I could think of was sex. Gotta love it when that happens. Ok, so it's not all it's cracked up to be. Especially when you ain't gettin' any. My mind has calmed down a good bit, but today was replaced by something even worse. Fear. Pure fear.
I've never made it a secret how much I love my husband. Not in the past almost 7 years. I just don't think I realized exactly how much until this deployment. I can't imagine what life would be like without him so I don't even try. I'm not sitting here scared every moment that someone is going to knock on my door to give me the bad news. I'm not obsessed with the bombings or whatever is going on over there on a day to day basis. If I hear of something happening, I don't automatically become worried that it was my husband that was the one injured. I have a peace about that sort of thing. It doesn't hurt that my husband has a relatively safe MOS...well about as safe as you can get in a war zone. This morning that peace was totally shattered, even if it was just for the day.
I dreamt I was at my cousin's house and I don't remember what we were doing but someone knocked on the door. We both got to it at the same time and there was standing a woman wearing an MWR(Morale, Welfare, and Recreation for those of you outside of the military lingo loop) shirt with her official nametag and all of that stuff. Now that part is funny because it is just so wrong. If what happend next were really happening, they wouldn't be the one telling you. To top it off she was incredibly short. Well since logic hardly ever prevails in dreams, mine at least, the moment I saw her I knew what was wrong. My cousin is an ex military spouse and so she knew it too. I started with the whole "no, this isn't happening" crying spill. She informs me that my husband was badly injured. I started with the "but he's going to be alright?" lines and she just shook her head. I broke down. Somehow it ends up changing to me, my son, and my husband in that same living room and we are playing. I am asking my husband to do something and he goes to do it but something just isn't right. It's this wonderfully loving family moment but I can't get the nagging feeling to go away. I reach out to take his hand and I can't reach him. It doesn't matter that I'm right there or that I can see him plain as day. I can't reach him. The he walks over and picks up my son and gives me this sad look. The only way I can explain it is him saying goodbye. Thankfully this is where my husband woke me up for real. He sent me a text message through Yahoo and that woke me up. Even after I was awake and new that he obviously was just fine, I couldn't shake that fear. It literally made me sick to my stomach.
Now, some of you might be sitting there saying "it was just a dream, what's the big deal" but it really wasn't. It was like taking a walk through my worst fear and for those moments living the hell that no one deserves to have to go through. Within an hour I lost my husband twice and my son. I could feel all of that disbelief and pain, just on a smaller scale. Before you think I don't know what it could possibly feel like, keep in mind that I've already burried one son. I know.
I tried to shake it off and after a long talk with my husband, I was in a fairly better mood. My son was so sweet when he wasn't getting into things he shouldn't.He was full of hugs and kisses for me today. That really helped. Later in the day I got an email from a friend that someone they were close to had died. He had been battling cancer and Saturday was given only 48 hours to live. He passed away on Monday morning. He was a year older than my husband and had two little children with another due any day. My heart broke for that family. I can't imagine what she is going through right now and yet so many families do have to go through it. Not cancer, but there are so many things out there. She is living through the fears that so many of us have.
I am feeling better now. Writing it all out is purging it. I just hope I don't have to go through it anytime soon. It's now 4 am and I haven't slept. Mainly becasue I actually had caffiene today but partly because I'm scared to sleep. I'm going to say a few prayers and hope that I can sleep well. Thankfully, my nightmare can be ended. I'm one of the lucky ones.
several people have told me that their comments weren't making it on my posts and i couldn't figure it out. i've tried several things but couldn't get it to work so i think it was something in the template. I am going to get a new one but for now i'm back to basic black. i'll tweak a little tomorrow or not..who knows. I'm sorry if you were one of the ones commenting and it not making it on. I had no idea.
I have been struggling with posting for days. I just didn't want to keep complaining and have everyone thinking that's all I do. It's really not. Most of the time I'm just fine. It's like my friend reminded me, that's what my blog is for. It makes me feel better to get it out so here goes.
We love people in our lives and it really comes out how much when they ask us for what we least want to do. That's when you find out what you are really made of. It's in that moment of "are my needs more important than theirs?" where we find out what we are really made of.
What did it for me was being asked to rip the bandages off my still aching heart. I'm confusing right now I know, but I'll try to make some sense. A lot of people have hurt me recently. Some intentionally and some unintentionally. The thing that has hurt me most is my husband being gone and the overwhelming need that came with it. I've always been emotionally self sufficient for the most part. I mean I really dined have a choice. Something happened when I married him and I didn't realize it until recently. He became such a part of me that I didn't know where I ended and he began. So what do you think happened when he had to leave? I ended up with pieces of me missing. I began to need him in ways that I never imagined possible. I was doing alright dealing with that need. I honestly have, but life has been a little crazy the past few weeks and the one person that I always confided in, was not around. When I did talk to him, I would feel so guilty about bothering him and it became really hard. I also started to find that saying goodbye to him was very hard. More often than not, when he would have to get offline I would break down in tears. I couldn't handle this. It was like all of the emotion everyone was sending my way was breaking me and so I sort of unconsciously made a decision to stop. I turned off the switch. Well maybe dimmed it a good bit. I cut off my contact with toxic friends. I stopped answering my phone more than once a day from dramatic people who were stressing me out. I started focusing on emotions that were a lot easier to deal with. It was easy enough. At least it was until today.
My husband was dealing with emotions that I had been dealing with for months. The loneliness and raw need that could only be fixed by actually being together. He tried talking to me today and I didn't know what to say. I was scared. I didn't want to have to feel all of that again when I was becoming numb enough to make it through the day without tears. I wanted to help him feel better, but I didn't want to have to feel in the process. I asked how to help him and he told me he needed to know how I felt. I couldn't. I was so convinced I couldn't. Then he asked me what I dreaded most. "Not even for me?"
This man that I need like I need breath was asking me to do the hardest thing ever. I would die for him. I've had children for him. I've given up a lot to help make his dreams come true and I have never regretted that, but could I do this? Could I open up and invite all of those feelings back in. "Not even for me" became the hardest thing I ever had to answer. I honestly wanted to say no, but then I did it. I said yes and I spilled. I told him everything I had felt. I learned something at that point. Sometimes all you need to heal is to stop thinking about what you need and give into what they need.
He felt better. I didn't hurt as bad as I thought I would. I was able to make the man I love feel better and in the process some of those feelings worked there way out and are more bearable. Maybe now my heart can heal in a healthy manner. Maybe now instead of being numb I will be able to deal with my feelings. Hopefully the goodbyes will get a little easier. I'm really not sure how much longer I can keep saying goodbye and not feel like it might be my last.
I don't know if I made any more sense at the end than I did at the beginning, but I do feel better.
I started to post this deep heartfelt post, but I don't want to. I will instead post a song because I like it. I love the video and Rob Thomas is so not hard to look at. I bought this CD after I heard the song Lonely No More but this ended up being my favorite on the CD. Now if only I could figure out where my CD went to.
This Is How a Heart Breaks
Rob Thomas
Don't you wanna go for a ride
Just keep your hands inside
And make the most out of life
Now don't you take it for granted
Life is like a mean machine
It made a mess outta me
It left me caught between
Like an angry dream I was stranded
And I'm steady but I'm starting to shake
And I don't know how much more I can take
This is it now
Everybody get down
This is all I can take
This is how a heart breaks
You take a hit now you feel it break down
Make you stay wide awake
This is how a heart breaks
Don't you wanna go for a ride
Down to the other side
Feels so good you could cry
Now won't you do what I told you
I remember when you used to be shy
Yeah, once we were so fine
You and I why you gotta make it so hard on me
And I'm sorry but it's not a mistake
And I'm running but you're getting away
You're not the best thing that I knew
Never was never cared too much
For all this hanging around
It's just the same thing all the time
Never get what I want
Never get too close to the end of the line
You're just the same thing that I knew back before the time
When I was only for you
Chorus
I can't take it. I can't take it. I can't take it no more.
I don't know why I don't make plans anymore. I had planned to take my son on a picnic and to the playground, but I wake up to rain. It had rained all night. I decided to just dress him in something old and take him to the playground anyway.
I started my morning the same way I have every morning pretty much for the last week. I talked to my husband online and then came down to fix something to eat. By the time we ate and were ready to get dressed to go, it was looking like it might rain again. A few months ago it wouldn't have deterred me. It used to look like it would rain and then not rain. Well lately it's been raining so much and even when it's sunny. I decided to wait and see if it was going to pass. I threw some clothes in the was and sat down to look up something online. I hadn't been sitting there more than ten minutes when I started having trouble breathing. I figured I was having a panic attack because they sneak up on me, but I didn't have any of the other symptoms that I usually do. I started doing all the things I do to get myself to calm down but my breathing was getting shallower and harder to come by. It finally dawned on me what was going on. For the first time in almost five years I was having an asthma attack. Since it's been so long, I have no inhaler. I was even having trouble remembering if my asthma attacks even felt like this..that's how long it's been. Well my mom called about that time so I asked her some questions and she told me to go stick my head in some steam for a while. I did that and was able to calm myself down enough to breathe again. After about an hour I was breathing normally. I still feel a little bit of the pressure that comes with it and I have what I can only describe as the asthma attack hangover. I hope that goes away soon. I really do. Now I have to make an appointment to go see a doctor so I can get a rescue inhaler in case this happens again.
Bleh, thanks for letting me whine. It's good to get it out of my system.
I was talking to Rebecca about a song I had put on my new blog and she told me about this song. She was telling me it made her cry everytime and like an idiot I had to watch it. You'd think I learned. I am making this one a not autostarting one because there are some ladies out there that might not want to hear it right now. I respect that, but I'm going to put it up because it touched me and I'm hoping my husband will get a chance to hear it too. Grab a hanky if you decide to listen.
Come Home Soon
SheDaisy
I put away the groceries
And I take my daily bread
I dream of your arms around me
As I tuck the kids in bed
I don't know what you're doin'
And I don't know where you are
But I look up at that great big sky
And I hope you're wishin' on that same
bright star
I wonder, I pray
[Chorus:]
And I sleep alone
I cry alone
And it's so hard livin' here on my own
So please, come home soon
(Come home soon)
I know that we're together
Even though we're far apart
And I'll wear our lucky penny 'round my neck
Pressed to my heart
I wonder, I pray
[Repeat Chorus]
[Bridge:]
I still imagine your touch
It's beautiful missing something that much
But sometimes love needs a fighting chance
So I'll wait my turn until it's our turn to dance
I wonder, I pray
[Second Chorus:]
I sleep alone
I cry alone
Without you this house is not a home
So please, come home soon
[Third Chorus:]
I walk alone
I try alone
I'll wait for you, don't want to die alone
So please, come home soon
Come home soon
Come home soon
A week or so ago I ordered some new clothes. I was all excited about what I bought but honestly really concerned about how some of it would fit. I usually have the problem of getting someting in my size and it ends up being too small. Well most of my things came in and I found myself with very different problems. Men, you probably really don't have any interest in the rest of this post so proceed at your own risk. If you do read it and are embarassed or bored, don't say I didn't warn you.
Ok I'll start with the most expensive items. I bought three very expensive, well at least for me, shirts from alight.com. Two of them ended up looking very different in the picture. One of them fits me enitrely different than what the display one looks like. i'm going to chalk it up to different body types. It's also much uglier than the one in the picture. If I can't send it back and get a refund, I'll probably ebay it or something. The second one fits alright. I just have to find a bra i can wear with it. Most people would wear it without a bra, but I don't have the ablity to get away with that. It is an empire waist and I know better than to buy something like that. I just can't wear it without a good bra. Oh well..The only complaint I have about it that has to do with the company is the fact that the fabric looks much different on the pictures and it is very very sheer. I love the way it fit when I tried it on with a bra. I'll definitely find a way to wear it. The third shirt was great. It was actually a little big which surprised me greatly.
I bought a pair of slacks and a skirt from avenue.com. I had bought some jeans from them when we first moved here and absolutely love them. The skirt I bought is a jean skirt and I bought it in the same size as the last skirt and my jeans. I pulled it on without unbuttoning it!!!! Now this is where the bragging comes in. I've been watching what I eat up until about three weeks ago. When my grandfather came and I actually went out, that went to hell and i've been slowly recovering the good habits. I knew I had lost weight, but this was amazing. The pants I bought were a size smaller and it will not be long before they are too big! That made my night. Usually I can find any shirt I want in a size that fits well but pants I can never get to fit. I'm so thrilled!
The other package was some bras I bought from Penney's. I have never bought bras from there but they had a strapless bra in my size. I'm very well endowed and this was the first time I had ever seen one in my size. I had to try it at least. I put it on tonight and was very surprised at the support it offered. The only problem? It was a cup size to big! Now I can stand to loose a cup or two and still have way too much...no matter what my husband says. The other two bras fit in the cup size but were a little big around. They supported really well and will last a while I'm sure so I'm keeping them.
I have never tried on so many clothes and had the problem be they were too big. Never in my life have I had that problem. This makes eating the bowl of not so great tasting weight control oatmeal instead of ordering a pizza for dinner worth it. This makes drinking water and sugar free drinks instead of soda worth it. This makes me want to work a little harder and start exercising. I'm not saying I will ever be a small woman and honestly that's not my goal. My goal is to be healthier. I will never be what all the charts say is my ideal weight. Honestly my goal is about 50lbs over it. Even if I never reach my goal, I will be happy just losing half of it. Especially since they say even 10 pounds makes a difference. It is a really big goal so I am taking it bits at a time. Right now I want to lose 50lbs. I'm almost halfway there. It will be interesting to see where all of this leads. I can't believe I'm even putting this out there. I will be really impressed if I indeed press enter.
I went out and started a new blog dedicated completely to music. I called it Just Simply Jen: The Musical. I will be putting videos, lyrics, and sometimes just links to music up on there. I hope you will check it out and find something you like while you're there.
I'll probably do a longer post later, but for right now I just wanted to post something for my husband who got his HMMWV license yesterday. Congrats, baby. I found this comic on that site you showed me and couldn't resist. I love you!
You can check out more of these comics at Operation Elusive Concept. She has some funny stuff there.
You can check out more of these comics at Operation Elusive Concept. She has some funny stuff there.
Not much to say about this song. The song says enough. Most of their songs seem to do that really well. Hope you enjoy.
Artist : P.O.D.
Title : Change The World
Album : Payable On Death
Imagine a place only your soul can vision
The heart of a child who looks, sees and listens
She paints a picture using every color
And what she sees, she sees is like no other
[Chorus:]
One word, a voice unheard
You can change the world
With everything I know you're made of
One word, a voice unheard
You can change the world
If everyone would stop and listen
The art of innocence make so much sense
But placed inthe wrong hands, well then it's wasted
Filtered throught he eyes of a pure mind
A one-of-a-kind paradise for you and I
[Chorus]
Break the cycle, find your rhythm
Share the gift that you've been given
You can
You can change the world
You can change the world
[Chorus (repeat)]
Artist : P.O.D.
Title : Change The World
Album : Payable On Death
Imagine a place only your soul can vision
The heart of a child who looks, sees and listens
She paints a picture using every color
And what she sees, she sees is like no other
[Chorus:]
One word, a voice unheard
You can change the world
With everything I know you're made of
One word, a voice unheard
You can change the world
If everyone would stop and listen
The art of innocence make so much sense
But placed inthe wrong hands, well then it's wasted
Filtered throught he eyes of a pure mind
A one-of-a-kind paradise for you and I
[Chorus]
Break the cycle, find your rhythm
Share the gift that you've been given
You can
You can change the world
You can change the world
[Chorus (repeat)]
Your couch breaks and you aren't really surprised. In fact you were already wondering what else could go horribly wrong and your reaction to the couch breaking is "ok...what's next." Thank god I'm short because sitting so close to the floor for the next little while would be awful otherwise. I've learned my lesson. Don't buy cheap furniture.
We paid $400 dollars for a love seat and couch and have had nothing but trouble. The first thing we noticed was that on the love seat the left side of the seat sank in. We had a warranty and could never get in touch of the people we bought it from. Never a good sign. Not too long after that the same thing that happened today happened on the love seat. The wood in the bottom frame that holds the legs in split. So badly in fact that it can't be simply fixed. Not long before we moved the cushion in the couch did the same thing. The couch was already getting really uncomfortable. You could feel a piece of wood or something poking in the middle when you laid down on it. Today the wood around one of the legs cracked. I took the legs off and now it's sitting far too close to the floor. We will be buying a nice new couch. Nothing crappy. I'm tired of being cheap and the furniture breaking. Other times we couldn't afford to do any better, but now we can. Now I just have to tell my husband. That should be fun.
Someone very close to me is having a really hard time lately. She has been questioning her marriage and a lot of things connected to it and has had to make some really hard decisions. Today she left. I've been the person she asks for advice. I've been the person she cries to and as much as I love her and am glad she can rely on me, I'm so tired. I can do no more to help her, but I will listen. She needs someone and I will be there. I just wish I had more answers. I guess you can only answer the same question so many times. I do have to say that her situation has helped me to totally appreciate my husband and our commitment. We've had some struggles. Some really big ones that really should have ended our marriage, but we weren't willing to let go. We didn't give up and I'm so glad. We have to work at things still, and we always will. It's worth the work though. On days like today, I really wish I could either have him with me or at least pick up the phone and call him. Even just hear his voice for a second. Oh well. Such is life.
I just found out that my grandfather is still on the island. He left my house a week and half ago. I feel like the worlds worst granddaughter now. He's flying space available and I just assumed he'd have gotten a flight out by now. Now I'm sitting here wondering "do I have him come for the weekend or not?" I don't know. I could do a marathon cleaning session and have it mostly taken care of by the time he got here so that's not the issue. The issue is do I want all of that noise in my house for the weekend. Ok so he made that decision for me. He's going to fly out tomorrow and if he can't get on the space a flight then he is just going to go commercial. He just hates the idea of paying for a flight when he can get one for next to nothing. Think 5 dollars vs 2000 dollars. Yeah...I'd be not wanting to pay for it either.
My son is being so cute and expressing his thoughts so much more now. That is a big step for him. We have always had to pry things out of him. Now he is telling me what he thinks. We had a popsicle earlier and he kept saying "I like this. It taste delicious." We just had a helicopter pass by flying low as they do a lot of times and he said "Look, it's a helicopter. It's noisy." He is five and this may sound like a lot of nothing to others, but to me it is a great breakthrough. This is what I have been working for and waiting for. We still have such a long way to go, but now I have hope where I was losing it.
I guess I should go cook dinner. I have no idea what to cook but I have some ground turkey out that needs to be cooked so I will make something of it. I'm leaning towards spaghetti. It's always a pleaser. I've only met one person in my entire life, that I know of, who didn't like spaghetti. Watch me get a ton of messages from people saying they hate the stuff. Oh well. I'm trying to decide between that and ravioli with a meat sauce. Both sound really good right now..Cooking them doesn't seem like fun, but they do both sound good. I love to cook, I'm just tired.
That brings me to the rain. Ok, before you ask, no I do not live on the island where the dam broke. Different island. We are still getting a lot of rain. No flooding on the part of the island where I live. Just a lot of rain. All of this rain is making an already sleepy me even sleepier. We haven't had as much today, but it's starting to look gloomy out again so it's probably only a matter of time. I'm really glad we don't' live on the windward side of the island. There they have had even more rain than we have and have had to deal with flooding and mudslides. It's also already getting pretty warm during the days. I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to be able to hold out on the no air conditioning thing. I have a feeling they will be put up long before May. It has been muggy. My sheets in my bed were that damp that you get when the weather is humid and you leave your windows open. I ended up having to change them before I could go to bed. I'm sure I'll be begging for some of this rain come July so I'll try and enjoy it while I can.
Well I think I've rambled enough for the day. I may try and find another song later today. Something a little less mushy this time so I don't run off the mush haters. If anyone has any music to recommend, I'm always open to suggestions. Please, no rap. I'm just not a big fan of rap. The only rap I've been able to tolerate and somewhat like is the stuff my husband listens to and I think that is more out of love for him than the music itself.
Someone very close to me is having a really hard time lately. She has been questioning her marriage and a lot of things connected to it and has had to make some really hard decisions. Today she left. I've been the person she asks for advice. I've been the person she cries to and as much as I love her and am glad she can rely on me, I'm so tired. I can do no more to help her, but I will listen. She needs someone and I will be there. I just wish I had more answers. I guess you can only answer the same question so many times. I do have to say that her situation has helped me to totally appreciate my husband and our commitment. We've had some struggles. Some really big ones that really should have ended our marriage, but we weren't willing to let go. We didn't give up and I'm so glad. We have to work at things still, and we always will. It's worth the work though. On days like today, I really wish I could either have him with me or at least pick up the phone and call him. Even just hear his voice for a second. Oh well. Such is life.
I just found out that my grandfather is still on the island. He left my house a week and half ago. I feel like the worlds worst granddaughter now. He's flying space available and I just assumed he'd have gotten a flight out by now. Now I'm sitting here wondering "do I have him come for the weekend or not?" I don't know. I could do a marathon cleaning session and have it mostly taken care of by the time he got here so that's not the issue. The issue is do I want all of that noise in my house for the weekend. Ok so he made that decision for me. He's going to fly out tomorrow and if he can't get on the space a flight then he is just going to go commercial. He just hates the idea of paying for a flight when he can get one for next to nothing. Think 5 dollars vs 2000 dollars. Yeah...I'd be not wanting to pay for it either.
My son is being so cute and expressing his thoughts so much more now. That is a big step for him. We have always had to pry things out of him. Now he is telling me what he thinks. We had a popsicle earlier and he kept saying "I like this. It taste delicious." We just had a helicopter pass by flying low as they do a lot of times and he said "Look, it's a helicopter. It's noisy." He is five and this may sound like a lot of nothing to others, but to me it is a great breakthrough. This is what I have been working for and waiting for. We still have such a long way to go, but now I have hope where I was losing it.
I guess I should go cook dinner. I have no idea what to cook but I have some ground turkey out that needs to be cooked so I will make something of it. I'm leaning towards spaghetti. It's always a pleaser. I've only met one person in my entire life, that I know of, who didn't like spaghetti. Watch me get a ton of messages from people saying they hate the stuff. Oh well. I'm trying to decide between that and ravioli with a meat sauce. Both sound really good right now..Cooking them doesn't seem like fun, but they do both sound good. I love to cook, I'm just tired.
That brings me to the rain. Ok, before you ask, no I do not live on the island where the dam broke. Different island. We are still getting a lot of rain. No flooding on the part of the island where I live. Just a lot of rain. All of this rain is making an already sleepy me even sleepier. We haven't had as much today, but it's starting to look gloomy out again so it's probably only a matter of time. I'm really glad we don't' live on the windward side of the island. There they have had even more rain than we have and have had to deal with flooding and mudslides. It's also already getting pretty warm during the days. I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to be able to hold out on the no air conditioning thing. I have a feeling they will be put up long before May. It has been muggy. My sheets in my bed were that damp that you get when the weather is humid and you leave your windows open. I ended up having to change them before I could go to bed. I'm sure I'll be begging for some of this rain come July so I'll try and enjoy it while I can.
Well I think I've rambled enough for the day. I may try and find another song later today. Something a little less mushy this time so I don't run off the mush haters. If anyone has any music to recommend, I'm always open to suggestions. Please, no rap. I'm just not a big fan of rap. The only rap I've been able to tolerate and somewhat like is the stuff my husband listens to and I think that is more out of love for him than the music itself.
This song has been on my mind for the past few days. This is not my favorite song by Aerosmith, but I do love it. It also has a very special place in my heart and always will. It's so odd how much music is linked to our lives. I didn't realize it then, but this was the song that was playing the second I fell in love with my husband.
It was October of 1998 and we were at the Waffle House. It was probably really late, after midnight I'm guessing because it was totally dead. I was working and my husband and two of his friends had come by to visit me. I loved it when someone was there when we were dead because with only two people working, it could get very boring. Anyway, the friends that came were Glen and Sonia. Both of them knew that my husband and I liked each other and we had gone out on one date by this point, but we were dragging our feet on the whole dating thing. Glen got it in his head to give us a little push, which really doesn't surprise me at all. He's just like that.
If you've ever been to a waffle house, then you know that they all have jukeboxes. Well he went and put some money in and asked me to dance. We were dead and I was bored so I said why not. The song by Aerosmith started playing and he and I started dancing. Sonia asked my husband to dance as well. Now that I think about it, I'm not so sure she wasn't in on it as well. After only a few seconds of dancing, Glen grinned at me and somehow passed me off to my husband. My husband was grinning like a fool and I was stunned. He pulled me close and we danced to the song. All I could think was "he's too close. I can't believe I'm dancing with him. Oh God, I can't breathe." and other neurotic thoughts like that. Then it hit me that something was different and I knew nothing would ever be the same. At the time I didn't equate the thoughts or feelings with love. I had never been in love like this before. It honestly was only a few months ago that I could look back and say "that was it, that's the moment." The song ended and honestly I couldn't get away from him fast enough. I was shell shocked. I ran away with the excuse of having dishes to do. Glen and Sonia laughed at me, I honestly couldn't tell you what my husband did. I don't remember.
It was only a week or two later that we had a party at my house and he told me he cared about me deeply and it scared him. A few days later we shared our first kiss, not only our first together, but the first ever for either of us. Lame maybe, but I could not imagine a more wonderful experience for my first. No it wasn't a romantic setting. No there was nothing overly special about the timing. We had been talking and had stopped for some reason. We were just looking at each other and it just happened. It was soft and sweet and absolutely perfect. A month later we were engaged. Six months later we were married. I'm proud to say that seven years later I still am very much in love with him. It has been something we had to work at and we had our very rough moments, but we are here and stronger than ever.
This song is posted here to pay homage to that moment that will live on in my heart forever. I hope you enjoy it. I know I have been extremely sentimental lately but, with my husband gone, my memories are what comfort me in the loneliness of the night. I love sharing them with my friends and hope that they enjoy reading them as much as I do. I've been wondering if all of my mushiness has run everyone off as they hardly ever comment anymore but, even if no one reads this, I will still keep posting my thoughts as I find peace in writing them.
I miss you baby. I can't wait until we are in each other's arms again. I'm counting the days. Until then, know you are in my heart and in my dreams. When I sit here reading these lyrics after all these years, I realize how truly perfect they were for that very moment when I fell.
Don't Want to Miss a Thing
Aerosmith
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
And I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time
Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
Cause I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah
I don't wanna miss a thing
If you've ever been to a waffle house, then you know that they all have jukeboxes. Well he went and put some money in and asked me to dance. We were dead and I was bored so I said why not. The song by Aerosmith started playing and he and I started dancing. Sonia asked my husband to dance as well. Now that I think about it, I'm not so sure she wasn't in on it as well. After only a few seconds of dancing, Glen grinned at me and somehow passed me off to my husband. My husband was grinning like a fool and I was stunned. He pulled me close and we danced to the song. All I could think was "he's too close. I can't believe I'm dancing with him. Oh God, I can't breathe." and other neurotic thoughts like that. Then it hit me that something was different and I knew nothing would ever be the same. At the time I didn't equate the thoughts or feelings with love. I had never been in love like this before. It honestly was only a few months ago that I could look back and say "that was it, that's the moment." The song ended and honestly I couldn't get away from him fast enough. I was shell shocked. I ran away with the excuse of having dishes to do. Glen and Sonia laughed at me, I honestly couldn't tell you what my husband did. I don't remember.
It was only a week or two later that we had a party at my house and he told me he cared about me deeply and it scared him. A few days later we shared our first kiss, not only our first together, but the first ever for either of us. Lame maybe, but I could not imagine a more wonderful experience for my first. No it wasn't a romantic setting. No there was nothing overly special about the timing. We had been talking and had stopped for some reason. We were just looking at each other and it just happened. It was soft and sweet and absolutely perfect. A month later we were engaged. Six months later we were married. I'm proud to say that seven years later I still am very much in love with him. It has been something we had to work at and we had our very rough moments, but we are here and stronger than ever.
This song is posted here to pay homage to that moment that will live on in my heart forever. I hope you enjoy it. I know I have been extremely sentimental lately but, with my husband gone, my memories are what comfort me in the loneliness of the night. I love sharing them with my friends and hope that they enjoy reading them as much as I do. I've been wondering if all of my mushiness has run everyone off as they hardly ever comment anymore but, even if no one reads this, I will still keep posting my thoughts as I find peace in writing them.
I miss you baby. I can't wait until we are in each other's arms again. I'm counting the days. Until then, know you are in my heart and in my dreams. When I sit here reading these lyrics after all these years, I realize how truly perfect they were for that very moment when I fell.
Don't Want to Miss a Thing
Aerosmith
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
And I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time
Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
Cause I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah
I don't wanna miss a thing
It seems like in life we always have certain words we have to struggle with squeezing out. Some people have trouble saying they are sorry, some people have trouble asking for help. A big one I had for a really long time was saying no. Who am I kidding, I still have trouble with that one. Sure I can say it more easily now, but it's usually followed by long bouts of extreme guilt. Lately though, I've had an extreme amount of trouble with one word and really only when talking to one person.
The person is my husband and the word is goodbye. In December you could never have convinced me that the goodbye I said to my husband that day was not going to be the second hardest one I have to face this year. I say second because I've always anticipated the one following R&R is going to be even harder. Now I'm really not so sure that the one I said a few months ago was any harder than the ones I have to say on almost a daily basis lately. I don't know why but lately, when I talk to him on the computer or phone, I have had such a hard time saying goodbye. I talked to him on the phone today for the first time in about two weeks and when it was time to say goodbye, I found myself in tears. I don't understand. When did I go from being ok to a mess that wants to cling to him as long as I can???? It's not every time I talk to him. It's really not but, for the past week, it's been about every other time at the very least.
Saying goodbye to him was easier in December because we were starting things finally. Finally I could get out of the 'he's leaving soon' mind set and actually work on moving through this year apart. Now I feel stuck. I could look forward to R&R but I'm really trying not to. I don't want to let myself get excited about something because it usually just ends up blowing up in my face. I do know how really fortunate I am to get as much communication as I do with my husband and I appreciate that fact. It just doesn't make the saying goodbye part any easier just because I'm getting something someone else might not be getting. I hate that I feel that way. I want to be totally unselfish about it, but I'm only human. I just hope my friends can forgive me for that.
I'm really hoping this is just a result of my elevated emotional state. A lot of things are going on right now and I feel like one big ball of messy emotions just waiting to explode. In some ways, I honestly feel like I'm on the brink of insanity but, to stand on the outside looking in, I look perfectly calm. Isn't it weird how we are able to do that? I know a few people who are a lot better at it than I am. I come here and spill when they don't even allow themselves a place to do that. I like to think of my blog as my therapy. Makes me feel a lot less guilty about pouring my heart out to the world. Doesn't hurt that only a few people who come here actually know who I am. To everyone else I'm just some crazy chic who really needs to get a life. Ok so maybe I'm that to the ones who know me too. All I do know is I'm finished with this ramble and, yes, I do feel better. This was a much better alternative to curling up in a ball on my bed and crying until my nose turned into a river and my head hurt really bad. Now we can all resume our regularly scheduled programming.
Saying goodbye to him was easier in December because we were starting things finally. Finally I could get out of the 'he's leaving soon' mind set and actually work on moving through this year apart. Now I feel stuck. I could look forward to R&R but I'm really trying not to. I don't want to let myself get excited about something because it usually just ends up blowing up in my face. I do know how really fortunate I am to get as much communication as I do with my husband and I appreciate that fact. It just doesn't make the saying goodbye part any easier just because I'm getting something someone else might not be getting. I hate that I feel that way. I want to be totally unselfish about it, but I'm only human. I just hope my friends can forgive me for that.
I'm really hoping this is just a result of my elevated emotional state. A lot of things are going on right now and I feel like one big ball of messy emotions just waiting to explode. In some ways, I honestly feel like I'm on the brink of insanity but, to stand on the outside looking in, I look perfectly calm. Isn't it weird how we are able to do that? I know a few people who are a lot better at it than I am. I come here and spill when they don't even allow themselves a place to do that. I like to think of my blog as my therapy. Makes me feel a lot less guilty about pouring my heart out to the world. Doesn't hurt that only a few people who come here actually know who I am. To everyone else I'm just some crazy chic who really needs to get a life. Ok so maybe I'm that to the ones who know me too. All I do know is I'm finished with this ramble and, yes, I do feel better. This was a much better alternative to curling up in a ball on my bed and crying until my nose turned into a river and my head hurt really bad. Now we can all resume our regularly scheduled programming.
When you love someone, when is the right time to go from "do whatever is best for you" to telling them we think they are making a big mistake? Is there a time that it is ok to do that and them not end up hating you? I don't know. Sometimes I just have no idea what to do. It's really hard being able to see so many sides of things. It really is.
I just am watching people around me make some mistakes that they may end up seriously regreting later. Now not all of them want my opinion so I'm doing my best to just keep my mouth shut. I learned that the hard way. What gets hard is when you are asked for help and are having trouble deciding how to handle it. Especially when it concerns someone's marriage, as most of the issues around me do these days it seems.
When did it become so common to consider disolving our marriages without even trying to work things out? Have we become really such selfish people that we only see what will benefit us most and not the fact that we might be ripping out someone elses heart before they even realized there was a problem? I'm not saying this is the case in all divorces. I know a lot of people that have fought tooth and nail for their marriages and they still ended and I have much respect for that. I'm talking about those that say "I want this and I'm not getting it so I'm thinking maybe I should leave" when if they went through the counselling or maybe even just took the freakin' time to talk to their spouse, they would find this person willing to do just about anything to keep them happy. When do we decide we can't hurt this person we've only known a short amount of time but it's ok to devestate the person we stood in front of a group of people and God and promised forever to?
Love is the easy part people. It's the staying in love part that takes some work. If you don't realize, then you are going to end up right where you are now over and over again. Do you just keep leaving then? Wake up people. Marriage is work. Now get off your ass and really work for it. Otherwise stop bitching that you are unhappy. For those of you that have tried and it still didn't work out, thank you for at least trying. Sometimes that's all you can do.
Yesterday was uneventful, but in a good way. My son and I played around and I even managed to get all of my really important papers into a folder. It's so nice knowing I won't have to dig through an unorganized mess to find something when I really need it. Now if only I could get the rest of my life that organized.
Ok now that I've gotten that out of the way, I'm going to get a little mushy on you today. I'm giving you warning because if you have a great aversion to mushiness, you shouldn't read the rest of this post. You should probably turn off the song that is playing now too.
Today you might notices the music, but no video. As much as I would love to find a video for this song, I'm fairly sure they never made one. Even if they did, I wouldn't be able to find a video code for it. Music codes are very rare for this group, much less video codes.
This song is extremely special to me as it is what my husband and I consider officially "our song." It was playing when he asked me to marry him and later it played as people were waiting for our wedding to start. Actually it was the song that played just before we were ready for the wedding procession to begin. Every time I hear it, I remember how blessed I feel to have my husband and how very much I love him.
This one's for you, baby. I love you with all that I am!
Godsend
DC Talk
Hoping, praying, I've been waiting
Everybody needs somebody to love
There's no question, straight from heaven
You're my angel, I'm so crazy for you
(chorus)
You're a Godsend
A blessing from above
You've been God-sent to me (You're such a blessing, baby)
You're the Godsend
I've been dreaming of
You're a Godsend
Holding your hand, touching your face
I will love you now and always I swear
I will never forget that first moment we met
When two worlds collided and I found my best friend
(repeat chorus)
(whisper)
I saw you there
I was overtaken
You're an angel
You're a Godsend
(bridge)
I was made for you, you were made for me
In this lonely world, we were meant to be in love
I will never forget that first moment we met
When two worlds, they crashed in
And I found my best friend
(repeat chorus)
God sent an angel
Oh you know it's true
God sent an angel, God sent an angel to me.
Oh yes He did, yes He did.
God sent and angel to me.
You're a Godsend
Yes you are.
That's what you are.
My codes got wiped during the transfer today so I went ahead and found another video to play. I had no idea what I wanted to put on here so I just started going through the artist lists. I found this one and it really got to me.
A few days ago I was so upset over being hurt yet again,and when I'm feeling like that I fail to look at all that I have gained in life by being a loving person. If I really think about it, all of those wonderful things far outweigh the bad ones. I'm not saying knowing this makes it hurt any less, but at least it gives me a reason to keep going. Enjoy the song.
Lee Ann Womack - Something Worth Leaving Behind
Hey Mona Lisa, who was Leonardo?
Was he Andy Warhol?
You were Marilyn Monroe
Hey Mozart, what kind of name is Amadeus
It's kinda like Elvis
You gotta die to be famous
I may not go down in history
I just want someone to remember me
I'll probably never hold a brush
that paints a masterpiece
Probably never find a pen
that writes a symphony
But if I will love then I will find
That I have touched another life
And that's something
Something worth leaving behind
Hey Midas you say you have the magic touch
That even all that shiny stuff
Someday is gonna turn to dust
Hey Jesus it must have been some Sunday morning
In a blaze of glory
We're still tellin' your story
I may not go down in history
I just want someone to remember me
I'll probably never dream a dream
and watch it turn to gold
No, I'll never lose my life
to save another soul
If I will love then I will find
That I have touched another life
And that's something
Something worth leaving behind
Hey baby see the future that we�re building
Our love lives on in the lives of our children
And that�s something
Something worth leaving behind
Lee Ann Womack - Something Worth Leaving Behind
Hey Mona Lisa, who was Leonardo?
Was he Andy Warhol?
You were Marilyn Monroe
Hey Mozart, what kind of name is Amadeus
It's kinda like Elvis
You gotta die to be famous
I may not go down in history
I just want someone to remember me
I'll probably never hold a brush
that paints a masterpiece
Probably never find a pen
that writes a symphony
But if I will love then I will find
That I have touched another life
And that's something
Something worth leaving behind
Hey Midas you say you have the magic touch
That even all that shiny stuff
Someday is gonna turn to dust
Hey Jesus it must have been some Sunday morning
In a blaze of glory
We're still tellin' your story
I may not go down in history
I just want someone to remember me
I'll probably never dream a dream
and watch it turn to gold
No, I'll never lose my life
to save another soul
If I will love then I will find
That I have touched another life
And that's something
Something worth leaving behind
Hey baby see the future that we�re building
Our love lives on in the lives of our children
And that�s something
Something worth leaving behind
Well this is officially my 100th post. Wouldn't you know that I have absolutely nothing of interest to talk about. I take that back. I do want to say thank you to my friend, Mr. Mike Dellheim, for helping me with my new template. It took him a few minutes to do what i couldn't do in over an hour of trying. He didn't design it, but put it on my page for me. I'm sure if he had designed it, it would have looked much better. You can see more of his work by clicking on his name here. I will have a link up as soon as I can get that done. He's got some nice work and I really appreciated his help. Thanks Mike!!!!
This is going to be just a little vent.
I have spent the past two hours trying to figure out how to change what you see as the title of my page. I thought I could make one I liked on another page and somehow transfer it over, but I can't. Or at least I can't figure it out. Now I'm taking a break before I go insane.
I have spent the past two hours trying to figure out how to change what you see as the title of my page. I thought I could make one I liked on another page and somehow transfer it over, but I can't. Or at least I can't figure it out. Now I'm taking a break before I go insane.
Today was one of those days that drains you and leaves you feeling like you have nothing left to give. Emotionally at least. I have to say physically I was feeling much better than yesterday, although I still felt like someone zapped all of my energy. Hopefully all will be better in a day or two.
Emotionally it was one heck of a day. Last night I got a phone call from the girlfriend of my friend. She was crying and told me to call her back. Well I tried calling her back once last night and several times today, but never heard anything from her. I wouldn't have thought much about her calling, but I was worried that something might have happened to my friend. I couldn't think of any other reason why she would have called me. I honestly still don't know why she called me, but he is fine.
Emotionally it was one heck of a day. Last night I got a phone call from the girlfriend of my friend. She was crying and told me to call her back. Well I tried calling her back once last night and several times today, but never heard anything from her. I wouldn't have thought much about her calling, but I was worried that something might have happened to my friend. I couldn't think of any other reason why she would have called me. I honestly still don't know why she called me, but he is fine.
This evening brought me back to a question that I have asked myself many times throughout my life. Am I ever going to become friends with someone who somewhere down the road isn't going to totally disappointment. I can't go into detail, but I feel like I have had my heart ripped out by someone I cared a lot about. It happens far too often and now I'm trying to figure out what I do that attracts these types of friendships. My mother and husband have both commented more than once on what a tender and giving heart God gave me and they make it sound like this wonderful thing, but honestly, it sucks. I'm tired of being hurt just because I am stupid enough to care. I so don't want this right now. I just want to turn off my feelings and make it through the next year.
My son is asking more and more for his dad. I think it has to do with my grandfather leaving. It probably triggered a few memories for him there. I am very proud of the way he is dealing with it though. He is very precious to me and seeing him sad is really hard for me.
The highlight of my day was hearing from someone we went to church with in Georgia where I met my husband. I hadn't spoken to her since we moved about 4 1/2 years ago. It was great to hear how her family is doing. Her sons were really good friends of my husband's for a good amount of time before I met him. I hope that they will all be able to get in touch with him sometime soon. I know he will like that.
And I will leave you with a laugh today. It's the least I could do since I you were so kind and listened to me whine so much. A few hours ago I went out to check the mail, bringing the trash can back up the driveway as I came back in. That was hard considering it was slick from rain and filled with a lot of rainwater. I'm not exaggerating when I say it had to have at least a couple of gallons of water in it. Anyway...I get back in the house and I can't find my cell phone. I was sure I had put it in my pocket and it had fallen out of my pocket. I was dreading going out in the rain and looking for it. To be sure I hadn't just put it down somewhere in the house, I called it using the main phone. After a few seconds I hear it ringing very close to where I am. I'm talking right in front of my face close. Well I wasn't wrong about the right in front of my face part. Apparently, while sitting talking on my computer, I tucked it in the front of my bra, in my cleavage. It fit so well that I forgot it was even there. At least that didn't happen while I was out in public. Could you imagine the reaction if someone was talking to me and my boobs starting ringing. I know that would definitely get my attention. And that my friends, is my embarrassing moment for the day.
If any of you watched Rockstar:INXS, then you probably are familiar with this song. JD Fortune won the chance to be the lead singer of INXS. There was one time in the show where they had to write an original song and Pretty Vegas was his contribution. It honestly was the only song written that would fit INXS. I liked a few of the other songs, but this was probably one of my absolute favorites. I am glad that INXS went ahead and recorded a video for it. Enjoy!
My son lovingly created a robot out of legos then informs me that "it's daddy." Imagine my surprise to find that I am now married to a robot with four arms. I'm sure four hands would be a lot of fun, but I'll keep what I have now. I love the imagination of a child.
He also made me sad for him. He told me "Daddy's gone. I'm sorry." I so hope he doesn't think it's his fault his daddy is gone. This was the first time he ever said anything like this and it made me really sad for him. I so love that kid.
He also made me sad for him. He told me "Daddy's gone. I'm sorry." I so hope he doesn't think it's his fault his daddy is gone. This was the first time he ever said anything like this and it made me really sad for him. I so love that kid.
So I'm sitting downstairs watching television and I hear "help, help" coming from upstairs. I just assumed it was my son playing with his toys so I didn't think anything of it. This went on for about ten minutes and then he started adding "Help mommy. Help me." Well I decided to go see what he was doing, still thinking he was playing. It was so hard not to fall on the floor laughing when I realized what was going on.
I'm still not sure how he did this, but he was solidly wedged between his headboard and the wall, his face planted against the wall. I so wished I had my camera, but I wasn't mean enough to go back downstairs and get it. I had to move the bed to get him out of there and that wasn't really easy for me today, but I managed and he got out of there.
The highlight of my day was really something quite unfascinating. I spent my day feeling like total cap and the highlight of my day was taking a shower and wrapping myself in the bath sheets I bought when we first moved here. I was never so glad that I had allowed myself to do that as I was today. Before my shower I was extremely hot and disgusting feeling as you can get when you have a cold. Well the hot part was from he muggy hot weather we had today. Nothing like a cool shower and a really soft towel to make you feel better for at least a little while. I wish I could live in the shower until I was all better. My son is feeling a lot better today so maybe this will be a quick one for us.
My grandfather went home today. My son is missing him, but it was honestly nice to not have another person to entertain today. I was able to take a quick nap and just enjoy some peace. I have a lot of cleaning to do, but it will probably have to wait another day or two.
The highlight of my day was really something quite unfascinating. I spent my day feeling like total cap and the highlight of my day was taking a shower and wrapping myself in the bath sheets I bought when we first moved here. I was never so glad that I had allowed myself to do that as I was today. Before my shower I was extremely hot and disgusting feeling as you can get when you have a cold. Well the hot part was from he muggy hot weather we had today. Nothing like a cool shower and a really soft towel to make you feel better for at least a little while. I wish I could live in the shower until I was all better. My son is feeling a lot better today so maybe this will be a quick one for us.
My grandfather went home today. My son is missing him, but it was honestly nice to not have another person to entertain today. I was able to take a quick nap and just enjoy some peace. I have a lot of cleaning to do, but it will probably have to wait another day or two.
I was looking for my husband's unit's website earlier today and came across the blog of a mother who's son is in my husband's unit. Being naturally nosy, I decided to read it. Well it was really obvious that she was really close to her son, which is great, but she said something that really aggravated me.
I was reading a post from a few days after the units left and she was talking about how she had talked to her daughter in law and her daughter in law was mad because when her husband was able to call home in route to Kuwait he called only his mother. The mom felt like the daughter in law should get over it. This kind of attitude always irks me. I have no problem with my husband calling his mother, and in fact she was the first one that talked to him when he was in route, but only after he had called me and I didn't answer. He called me back immediately after talking to her. Now if he had called only his mother and not called me at all, he would have been in MAJOR trouble. Now as a mother, I understand the love for your son, but when is it too much. When do we think too highly of ourselves as mother that we become cold to the needs of the ones that should mean the most to them right now. I know for a fact that my mother in law would never treat me that way. I hope I will never be like that and I certainly hope that this man realizes really quickly that his wife needs to be on the top of his call list or he is going to find himself in deep trouble.
All of this mother in law talk reminds me that I need to call mine.
All of this mother in law talk reminds me that I need to call mine.
This isn't the best performance of the song I've ever heard, but I was being indecisive so this is what you get.
This song takes me back to the county fair, riding the gravitron with my best friend and being young and innocent. Some things you can never get back, but at least we have the memories. I can't help but wonder if they will even have the fair this fall. There was so much damage from Hurricane Rita and life hasn't found a new normal there. So many people haven't come back and probably never will. Like I said, some things you never get back.
This song takes me back to the county fair, riding the gravitron with my best friend and being young and innocent. Some things you can never get back, but at least we have the memories. I can't help but wonder if they will even have the fair this fall. There was so much damage from Hurricane Rita and life hasn't found a new normal there. So many people haven't come back and probably never will. Like I said, some things you never get back.
My grandfather keeps saying something to the effect of "Company is like fish. After three days, they start to stink." Well we are on our ninth day and I'm really ready for him to leave.
He was going to stay until Thursday night to make sure I got my license done and was able to go to my FRG meeting without having to worry, but my son has a cold that is pretty bad and I have the beginnings of one myself so I won't be taking road tests or carting my son off to a meeting where he can get everyone else sick. My grandfather has the beginnings of a cold too so it's a cranky house today. I want to crawl in my sons bed and us watch tv and sleep, but I have to entertain and be polite. Yep...It's starting to stink.
We went for a drive yesterday and it was really nice. He says we got lost, but I knew where we were. I had no idea where the road would take us but I knew how to get back home from there. Of course I'm just a woman so I know nothing. This man seriously has issues with women. It is no big surprise that he is twice divorced. He has some warped ideas about pretty much everything, knows all, and is not afraid to tell everyone everything he knows...even if it is a load of crap.
Don't get me wrong. I love the man, I'm just glad I live as far away from him as I do. He and my son have been getting along really well, but some of the things he says to my son bothers me. He keeps asking my son if he wants a punch in the nose. Now that isn't really all that bad except that my son tends to repeat what he hears and takes a lot of things seriously. I have also been struggling with his tendency to play fight so I'm just not sure it is the best thing. I warned my grandfather early on that if my son punched him in the nose, it was his own fault. I secretly wish my son would so I wouldn't have to hear it anymore. Aren't I awful?
I have to figure out what to fix for dinner. I'm so tempted to order pizza because I feel like crap and I don't even know if my son will eat anything anyway. I feel bad for not cooking more, but it has been a treat to eat out. I won't do it as much after he leaves. In fact I'll hardly ever eat out. It' been fun eating out after not going anywhere for three months, but I'm so ready for normal everyday life to set in.
Ok I just did something that would have totally humiliated me had I not been in my house. I stepped on a toy or piece of paper or something on my floor and did a split, which is nearly impossible for someone my size, and landed on my girl bits somehow very hard..OUCH!!!!At least if it had been my ass, I'd have had some padding. Geesh. I hope that doesn't happen again anytime soon.
I'll post a few pictures and change the song later. I'm gonna go see if I can't figure out what to feed these people.
We went for a drive yesterday and it was really nice. He says we got lost, but I knew where we were. I had no idea where the road would take us but I knew how to get back home from there. Of course I'm just a woman so I know nothing. This man seriously has issues with women. It is no big surprise that he is twice divorced. He has some warped ideas about pretty much everything, knows all, and is not afraid to tell everyone everything he knows...even if it is a load of crap.
Don't get me wrong. I love the man, I'm just glad I live as far away from him as I do. He and my son have been getting along really well, but some of the things he says to my son bothers me. He keeps asking my son if he wants a punch in the nose. Now that isn't really all that bad except that my son tends to repeat what he hears and takes a lot of things seriously. I have also been struggling with his tendency to play fight so I'm just not sure it is the best thing. I warned my grandfather early on that if my son punched him in the nose, it was his own fault. I secretly wish my son would so I wouldn't have to hear it anymore. Aren't I awful?
I have to figure out what to fix for dinner. I'm so tempted to order pizza because I feel like crap and I don't even know if my son will eat anything anyway. I feel bad for not cooking more, but it has been a treat to eat out. I won't do it as much after he leaves. In fact I'll hardly ever eat out. It' been fun eating out after not going anywhere for three months, but I'm so ready for normal everyday life to set in.
Ok I just did something that would have totally humiliated me had I not been in my house. I stepped on a toy or piece of paper or something on my floor and did a split, which is nearly impossible for someone my size, and landed on my girl bits somehow very hard..OUCH!!!!At least if it had been my ass, I'd have had some padding. Geesh. I hope that doesn't happen again anytime soon.
I'll post a few pictures and change the song later. I'm gonna go see if I can't figure out what to feed these people.
I thought I'd go ahead and post the lyrics to the other song by 3 Doors Down that I originally wanted to put the video up for. It's called Here By Me.
HERE BY ME
3 DOORS DOWN
I hope you’re doing fine out there without me
'Cause I'm not doing so good without you
The things I thought you'd never know about me
Were the things I guess you always understood
So how could I have been so blind for all these years
I guess I only see the truth through all this fear of living without you
And everything I have in this world
And all that I'll ever be
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me
I can’t take another day without you
'Cause, baby, I could never make it on my own
I've been waiting so long just to hold you
And to be back in your arms where I belong
I'm sorry I can't always find the words to say
But everything I've ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love
And everything I have in this world
All that I'll ever be
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me
As the days roll on I see
Time is standing still for me
When you’re not here
I’m sorry I can’t always find the words to say
Everything I’ve ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love
x2
And everything I have in this world
And all that i'll ever be
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me
Ok so I heard another song by this group on Launchcast and went to watch that video. The song was beautiful, but the video was too depressing. It was a video that had clips from Hurricane Katrina footage. Still not able to handle that sort of thing. So I saw this song by them as well and I really love this song anyway. It really captures how I'm feeling right now. I guess I should mention the group is 3 Doors Down.
I miss you baby. I love you so much and can't wait until we are together again.
Artist: 3 Doors Down
Song: Here Without You
A hundred days had made me older since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lights had made me colder and I don’t think I can look at this the same
But all the miles had separate
They disappeared now when I’m dreaming of your face
I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight it’s only you and me
The miles just keep rolling as the people either way to say hello
I hear this life is overrated but I hope it gets better as we go
I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it’s only you and me
Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won’t take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it’s all said and done
It get hard but it won’t take away my love
I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it’s only you and me
I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
But tonight girl it’s only you and me
I've made a decisive step in weeding out the extra drama in my life. Between being a military spouse and having a small child, I have enough drama without adding all of the extra drama around me to it. I cut ties last night with someone who was constantly adding drama to my life and I have to say, I feel great.
So much relief. I'm not saying that I don't like my friends to have drama. Everyone has drama and I'm always glad to listen to my friends when they need to talk, but there are those people out there that live on drama. If drama's not happening, then they make some because it's their drug of choice. These are the type of people I will never understand. I'm related to several people like this so I've had a lot of experience with them.
My grandfather is still visiting with me. He seems to be developing a few more annoying traits, but overall we are getting along well enough. I honestly will be glad to have my house back. The one thing I miss is some quiet. You think it's loud with a 5 year old, just add a 75 year old, half deaf man who doesn't know how to stop talking and has to have the tv on loud around for a while and you will learn the true meaning of loud. Sometimes I think a rock concert would be quieter. His driving is scary too. He spends so much time talking that he doesn't pay attention to his driving and all the while he's trying to give me driving tips. Sorry bud, not listening. He is one of the last people in this crazy world I want telling me how to drive.
Tomorrow I'm going to take the written portion of my Hawaii driving test. Here you have to have an appointment for the road test but not the written test so most of the time it's a two day thing. They do quite a few things here that I don't really understand. Oh well. That's life. Wish me luck.
My grandfather is still visiting with me. He seems to be developing a few more annoying traits, but overall we are getting along well enough. I honestly will be glad to have my house back. The one thing I miss is some quiet. You think it's loud with a 5 year old, just add a 75 year old, half deaf man who doesn't know how to stop talking and has to have the tv on loud around for a while and you will learn the true meaning of loud. Sometimes I think a rock concert would be quieter. His driving is scary too. He spends so much time talking that he doesn't pay attention to his driving and all the while he's trying to give me driving tips. Sorry bud, not listening. He is one of the last people in this crazy world I want telling me how to drive.
Tomorrow I'm going to take the written portion of my Hawaii driving test. Here you have to have an appointment for the road test but not the written test so most of the time it's a two day thing. They do quite a few things here that I don't really understand. Oh well. That's life. Wish me luck.
Ok so I finally changed the song again. This is not usually the type of song I like, but for some reason I love this song. My husband said he saw it and was telling me about it. I watched the video and really liked it. I actually have it as my ringtone. I got me a few looks today. I don't really look like someone who would have their ringtone saying "don't cha wish our girlfriend was a freak like me." I love being something people never expect. It's so much fun.
Well the weather here has been wet and very warm. Not my favorite combination. The constant rain has kept us from doing the sightseeing I wanted to drag my grandfather along for. I'm hoping for some sun before he leaves.
We have been doing some shopping. I went to Walmart the other night to get a printer cartridge and came out with four pairs of shoes. I got great deals on them and really needed all but one of them. Our income tax was deposited in our account today and I went to the PX to see what computers they have. I ended up not seeing what I wanted for a good price until the lady that worked there told me they were on sale today only. I now have a laptop of my very own. I will be spending the evening setting it up. I'm thrilled. My desktop has maybe 28 G's in hard drive. The new one has 100. It's going to be so awesome! I bought a router for my internet and a new webcam because my other will not work with my laptop. I can't wait to play! I'm sure I'll spend hours doing that tonight.
I'm just enjoying spending time with my grandfather. He does talk a lot and has gotten on my nerves so bad. He's loud and has annoying gross habits, but I'll live. I made one of my favorite cajun dishes last night and was so thrilled. I never make it because my husband doesn't really like it. It was Shrimp Creole and OMG it was delicious! I had forgotten how long it took to cook it, but it was so worth it.
I was finally able to talk to my husband online this morning. we talked for about two and a half hours before he had to pry himself away to work some more. It was so good to talk to him. I've been missing him a little more this week. The only downside to talking to him was that he woke me up at 3:30 in the morning and i had only gone to bed a little after 1 am. I did finally go back to sleep and slept for about 4 hours, but I still feel like I'm dragging. Oh well. I'll go to bed soon enough.
One of my friends from Milspouse had her baby girl today. Congrats Echo! I'm so glad little miss J is finally here!.
Well that is all I have to say for today. Maybe I'll be more interesting later.
This has been the most insane four days since my husband left. I'm talking insanity! I checked my email Thursday night to find out that my grandfather was leaving Saturday to come visit me. He travels Space Available so I had no idea exactly how long it would take him to get here. Just my luck he ended up getting here Sunday morning.
Don't get me wrong, I'm really glad he came. I just would have liked a little more notice. I didn't realize until I had to start insanely cleaning the house just how much I had let things go. I had a friend tell me that is how it usually goes with deployments. People either get anal or let things go. Well put me in that last category, but I am going to do everything in my power to keep it from happening again. I just can't do that again.
I am really enjoying my visit with my grandfather. I will admit, I was incredibly nervous. The last time I had spent more than a day with him was almost 12 years ago and it ended very badly. He has admitted since then that he was a cranky old man and shouldn't have treated me the way he did. I saw him for my middle sister's wedding and then again for my younger sister's graduation, but that was only for a few hours at a time over a few days. He talks a lot and is going deaf so talks loudly. I don't mind the loud, but he is always joking loudly with people and comes off sounding too serious. He does make friends easily though.
He spent Sunday night at the Hickam AFB and then came to where I live on Monday. We visited a bit and then he took us to the commissary. Considering I hadn't been to the grocery store in a month, it was a treat. My son was having a blast. I was so excited because I saw they had Peeps out for Easter. Well when I went to the other side of the store I found some left over from Valentine's Day. Those are my husband's favorite so I bought about 8 packs to mail to him. We put all of the groceries up on the belt and it was time to pay. Well I was doing something with my son or getting my card out to pay or something and he slipped the checker his credit card. She said debit or credit and I'm holding out my card saying debit...well we argued for a few seconds but he one. He paid for all of my groceries. We had to restock so it was not a cheap bill. I was so guilty feeling and I still don't' understand why he did it. Then we went to get gas in the car and he paid for that. I was able to pay for dinner but it was so cheap it didn't even compare.
Today we drove down to the Mall at Pearl Harbor. It's the Naval Exchange and is one of the largest there is, if not the largest. It's HUGE! I had been here before with my husband and was totally overwhelmed. Today we just took our time and enjoyed ourselves. We ate in the food court and then shopped. When we walked in, the first things we saw were books. I ended up with three books. He insisted on paying for one because he recommended it. He said that way I wouldn't feel like I wasted my money if I hated it. It's called Flyboys. I spent too much money on my son, but it's ok. I don't do it very often at all. I bought him some Mega Blocks that are a Spiderman scene. It is like the scene in the second movie where Doc Oc throws the car through the window of the cafe. It is neat. I bought my husband a few things that I'll post about after he gets them. He does occasionally read this and I would hate for him to find out what they are before they get to him.
After we left there, we headed out to Pear Harbor Naval Station. My grandfather showed me around some. My grandfather is retired Navy so he knows some of what he is talking about so it was interesting. I love seeing the big ships there and sometimes looking at them, it's not hard to imagine the chaos that was probably all around that day. It just floors me. Pearl and Hickam are right by each other so we went to Hickam and he showed me the passenger terminal for flying Space A and the USO there and things like that. It really made me miss my husband because he flew out of there when he left.
We left there and headed home. My grandfather was talking so much that I was sure he was going to miss all of the exits. Traffic in Honolulu is awful in the afternoons so we took forever to get home. During the drive, my grandfather gave me a really big compliment. He said that I was the first grandchild that he spent time with that he was truly completely comfortable with. It was so sweet! I'm really enjoying his visit. Tomorrow we are probably going to go sightseeing some. He has never done any real sightseeing though he's been on the island a ton of times. I'm looking forward to it. It's really nice to have something to look forward to again.
I am really enjoying my visit with my grandfather. I will admit, I was incredibly nervous. The last time I had spent more than a day with him was almost 12 years ago and it ended very badly. He has admitted since then that he was a cranky old man and shouldn't have treated me the way he did. I saw him for my middle sister's wedding and then again for my younger sister's graduation, but that was only for a few hours at a time over a few days. He talks a lot and is going deaf so talks loudly. I don't mind the loud, but he is always joking loudly with people and comes off sounding too serious. He does make friends easily though.
He spent Sunday night at the Hickam AFB and then came to where I live on Monday. We visited a bit and then he took us to the commissary. Considering I hadn't been to the grocery store in a month, it was a treat. My son was having a blast. I was so excited because I saw they had Peeps out for Easter. Well when I went to the other side of the store I found some left over from Valentine's Day. Those are my husband's favorite so I bought about 8 packs to mail to him. We put all of the groceries up on the belt and it was time to pay. Well I was doing something with my son or getting my card out to pay or something and he slipped the checker his credit card. She said debit or credit and I'm holding out my card saying debit...well we argued for a few seconds but he one. He paid for all of my groceries. We had to restock so it was not a cheap bill. I was so guilty feeling and I still don't' understand why he did it. Then we went to get gas in the car and he paid for that. I was able to pay for dinner but it was so cheap it didn't even compare.
Today we drove down to the Mall at Pearl Harbor. It's the Naval Exchange and is one of the largest there is, if not the largest. It's HUGE! I had been here before with my husband and was totally overwhelmed. Today we just took our time and enjoyed ourselves. We ate in the food court and then shopped. When we walked in, the first things we saw were books. I ended up with three books. He insisted on paying for one because he recommended it. He said that way I wouldn't feel like I wasted my money if I hated it. It's called Flyboys. I spent too much money on my son, but it's ok. I don't do it very often at all. I bought him some Mega Blocks that are a Spiderman scene. It is like the scene in the second movie where Doc Oc throws the car through the window of the cafe. It is neat. I bought my husband a few things that I'll post about after he gets them. He does occasionally read this and I would hate for him to find out what they are before they get to him.
After we left there, we headed out to Pear Harbor Naval Station. My grandfather showed me around some. My grandfather is retired Navy so he knows some of what he is talking about so it was interesting. I love seeing the big ships there and sometimes looking at them, it's not hard to imagine the chaos that was probably all around that day. It just floors me. Pearl and Hickam are right by each other so we went to Hickam and he showed me the passenger terminal for flying Space A and the USO there and things like that. It really made me miss my husband because he flew out of there when he left.
We left there and headed home. My grandfather was talking so much that I was sure he was going to miss all of the exits. Traffic in Honolulu is awful in the afternoons so we took forever to get home. During the drive, my grandfather gave me a really big compliment. He said that I was the first grandchild that he spent time with that he was truly completely comfortable with. It was so sweet! I'm really enjoying his visit. Tomorrow we are probably going to go sightseeing some. He has never done any real sightseeing though he's been on the island a ton of times. I'm looking forward to it. It's really nice to have something to look forward to again.