Do you really think you know me? I know that you come here and read about me, but how well do you really know me? Now you get to find out and maybe learn a little about me. If you do a quiz of your own, let me know and I'll check it out. I hope you have fun with it!
I took a picture tonight so you could see the changes in my face since April. It was April 4th that I was officially diagnosed with Bell's Palsy and it has taken a lot of waiting for me to get to where I am now. I had finally accepted that I might never get my smile back and maybe that is what it took.
It may not look like it, but I'm actually smiling in the first picture.
It may not look like it, but I'm actually smiling in the first picture.
My husband has the soul of a poet and I am so blessed to reap the benefits of it. I received this email yesterday...
Needless to say, I balled like a baby. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful husband and to know that I feel exactly the same way he does. For someone who had no words, he sure did a wonderful job of finding some.
I do have to admit something though. I'm scared. The closer we get to reuniting, the more I have this since of panic. What if I'm not what he remembers? What if we don't click as well as we did before or while he was home on R&R? It's been almost two years since we've had any semblance of a normal life together and I'm really scared I won't know how to do it anymore. The last thing I want in this world is to lose this man who means the world to me. How ironic that I'm more scared of losing him after he comes home than I have been of losing him to the war.
I just wanted to tell you how much I love you, but I can't exactly find the words to express something that deep. I know you understand, because I can feel that same love coming from you to me. That overwhelming sense of belonging, joy, peace, and completeness that you feel with me is the same that I feel for you. We truely do love each other the same. It is a love that goes beyond human understanding because it comes from God Himself. We truely are a rare thing.. we are soul mates. As if one soul in two bodies.. but even our flesh has become one. You and I are no longer individuals but one. Like two rivers, once they join, you can not seperate their waters. After they have joined you can not say that this water belongs to the Euphrates or that water belongs to the Tigris. They are as inseperable as you and I. And although we have been seperated by the miles.. our hearts and souls are still as one heart and one soul.
So, I love you not only with all of my heart and soul... I love you with all of our heart and soul.
Needless to say, I balled like a baby. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful husband and to know that I feel exactly the same way he does. For someone who had no words, he sure did a wonderful job of finding some.
I do have to admit something though. I'm scared. The closer we get to reuniting, the more I have this since of panic. What if I'm not what he remembers? What if we don't click as well as we did before or while he was home on R&R? It's been almost two years since we've had any semblance of a normal life together and I'm really scared I won't know how to do it anymore. The last thing I want in this world is to lose this man who means the world to me. How ironic that I'm more scared of losing him after he comes home than I have been of losing him to the war.
I smiled today. A real smile. Not quite one like I had before April, but still it was more of a smile than I hoped I ever would get back. It was almost complete. I sat and stared at it in awe for a while. Now I can't wait for my husband to see it.
What is with the wierd dreams? I have been having some doozies lately, but last night had to be the strangest one ever. Lately it seems like if I'm not dreaming something incredibly odd, I'm dreaming about babies. What I wouldn't give for a night where I dreamt something sane or even nothing at all. I'd share the dreams here, but I don't want you to think I'm any more insane that you already do.
I've been meaning to post, but everytime I get the chance, all of the neat things I thought to say totally leave me. I hate that.
Not a lot going on. Things are a little quieter on the neighbor front. I have had to go over a total of three times. The last time I went I heard someone in the background say "uhoh. It's the white folks" and that totally pissed me off. I mean I hardly ever complain and they have had their music like that for MONTHS! Does my house really need to shake for you to enjoy your music? I swear it's so loud I rang the doorbell then knocked loudly for five minutes only to have to stand there until someone saw me.It gets old people.
My son starts school in a week and I am terrified. I haven't been away from him very much since he's been born so this is going to be interesting for both of us. My husband is convinced I'll love the time to myself. I'm convinced I'll do a lot of worrying about him. At least at first. He is very excited. Almost every day he says something about school. I am really glad he's so excited. It makes it a little easier on me.
My sister is here and honestly starting to work my nerves. She is a know it all and lately one with a bad attitude. It really annoys me how if I say or do something she perceives as an attitude she gets really pissed at me but if she does the same thing then it's ok. She has been even more moody since her boyfriend went away to school for a few months. She doesn't help around the house but complains when something isn't done. She doesn't have to pay for anything and trust me, I've spent a lot of money having her here, but she doesn't seem to appreciate any of it. It's like I can never do anything right. She acts like she is better than me at everything and it's totally wrecking the shred of self confidence I had built up before she came. Don't get me wrong. I love her to death, but having her here this long has proven to begin to be not so great. She is going home for a month or so then coming back. Thankfully not long after she comes back she will be moving in with her boyfriend and we will be getting very close to my husband coming home.
We are getting closer and I so can't wait. Is it Christmas yet?
Not a lot going on. Things are a little quieter on the neighbor front. I have had to go over a total of three times. The last time I went I heard someone in the background say "uhoh. It's the white folks" and that totally pissed me off. I mean I hardly ever complain and they have had their music like that for MONTHS! Does my house really need to shake for you to enjoy your music? I swear it's so loud I rang the doorbell then knocked loudly for five minutes only to have to stand there until someone saw me.It gets old people.
My son starts school in a week and I am terrified. I haven't been away from him very much since he's been born so this is going to be interesting for both of us. My husband is convinced I'll love the time to myself. I'm convinced I'll do a lot of worrying about him. At least at first. He is very excited. Almost every day he says something about school. I am really glad he's so excited. It makes it a little easier on me.
My sister is here and honestly starting to work my nerves. She is a know it all and lately one with a bad attitude. It really annoys me how if I say or do something she perceives as an attitude she gets really pissed at me but if she does the same thing then it's ok. She has been even more moody since her boyfriend went away to school for a few months. She doesn't help around the house but complains when something isn't done. She doesn't have to pay for anything and trust me, I've spent a lot of money having her here, but she doesn't seem to appreciate any of it. It's like I can never do anything right. She acts like she is better than me at everything and it's totally wrecking the shred of self confidence I had built up before she came. Don't get me wrong. I love her to death, but having her here this long has proven to begin to be not so great. She is going home for a month or so then coming back. Thankfully not long after she comes back she will be moving in with her boyfriend and we will be getting very close to my husband coming home.
We are getting closer and I so can't wait. Is it Christmas yet?
Back online and boy does it feel good. My adapter for my computer got wet and it took an act of congress to get a new one. It came today and I almost kissed the FedEx guy when he brought it. Now if my husband could just find his way online to talk.
I'll write more later. I just wanted to let everyone know I was back.
I'll write more later. I just wanted to let everyone know I was back.
Am I wrong or is it a little rude to have your radio so loud at midnight that your neighbor's couch is vibrating? I've already been to my neighbor's house once today to ask them to turn down the radio. That was this afternoon and they have been blaring their radio for the past three hours. You have no idea how hard it was for me to go over there the first time. I generally avoid confrontation. Especially with neighbors. I don't want to be that neighbor that complains all the time, but this is just rude. You've already been asked nicely to turn it down once in a day. What is it going to take to get it through to you that there is such a thing as too loud? When they turned it down this afternoon, I could still hear it, but it was bearable. I mean in such close quarters I expect a little noise.
Ok so they turned it down to a bearable, but still annoying level. Either someone got smart or another person complained. I really am getting to the point where I'm considering filing a complaint with the housing office. This is not just a weekend thing. You never know when it's going to happen, but it does and often. It could be 7 am and you wake up to loud booming or you're eating lunch and you can't hear the TV for the boom boom going off behind you. I'm sorry, but when you have neighbors you need to exercise some respect. Am I wrong? Am I expecting too damn much?
Ok so they turned it down to a bearable, but still annoying level. Either someone got smart or another person complained. I really am getting to the point where I'm considering filing a complaint with the housing office. This is not just a weekend thing. You never know when it's going to happen, but it does and often. It could be 7 am and you wake up to loud booming or you're eating lunch and you can't hear the TV for the boom boom going off behind you. I'm sorry, but when you have neighbors you need to exercise some respect. Am I wrong? Am I expecting too damn much?
Today I found something out that really just irritated me. Earlier this year my cousin, who is a Marine, came back from being overseas for a year. He wasn't in a war zone but still wasn't exactly in a fun place. A few weeks after he got home I was told by someone in my family that he and his wife were separating and he was trying to work it out. Sometime in the past two months they divorced and that was it. I never knew what happened and I was ok with that because, honestly, they had everything against them from the beginning. They dated for a long time but it was always long distance as they met when he was in basic and then he did a year overseas. They married a week before he was sent to the sand box for a year. Six months after he was back from there he was sent on this last overseas stint. Not exactly the ideal situation to nurture a new marriage. I was sad about the divorce because I knew how much he loved her, but he seemed ok so I was ok.
Today my cousin called here and talked to my sister for a while. During the conversation she found out that she actually left him when he was still overseas. She didn't find out the reason or anything, because he's not the type to go around telling unnecessary details and I totally respect that. One thing was very clear though. It was in no way what he wanted.
To me I equal this with me leaving my husband while he's overseas. I mean we've had a lot longer to build the foundation of our marriage, but he loves me as much as my cousin loved his wife. I could never imagine hurting him that much. How often is it that you find someone who will love you so completely and what makes us as people so willing to just throw that away. I was watching a movie last night and a little girl in it says that her mom told her she was always waiting for something better to come along.
Sure something better might come along, but how in the hell are you going to know that when it took years to get to where you were. How can you equate new relationship with a love that has had years to blossom? Is it worth losing a love that is great just because there might be something better out there? I don't think so. I mean maybe I was wrong to think that she loved him as much as he loved her, but I just don't get it. Maybe she just couldn't deal with the lifestyle of the military she married into. Funny thing is he would have given it up if she'd only waited another year. I just hope it was worth it because someone else is going to get what she had.
Now I know there are those of you out there reading this thinking I'm just incredibly biased because he's my cousin, but I'm not. He's not the first one in my family to have their marriage end and, trust me, I call it like I see it. He never would have married her if he didn't completely love and adore her. He's seen too many marriages fail for it to be worth it otherwise. Our family doesn't exactly have a great track record for marriage.
I just hope that one day he finds the happiness he deserves and that, if there is someone else out there reading this who has been wondering if they should move on because they might find something better, that they will make sure it's worth possibly losing the best thing and never finding that something better.
Today my cousin called here and talked to my sister for a while. During the conversation she found out that she actually left him when he was still overseas. She didn't find out the reason or anything, because he's not the type to go around telling unnecessary details and I totally respect that. One thing was very clear though. It was in no way what he wanted.
To me I equal this with me leaving my husband while he's overseas. I mean we've had a lot longer to build the foundation of our marriage, but he loves me as much as my cousin loved his wife. I could never imagine hurting him that much. How often is it that you find someone who will love you so completely and what makes us as people so willing to just throw that away. I was watching a movie last night and a little girl in it says that her mom told her she was always waiting for something better to come along.
Sure something better might come along, but how in the hell are you going to know that when it took years to get to where you were. How can you equate new relationship with a love that has had years to blossom? Is it worth losing a love that is great just because there might be something better out there? I don't think so. I mean maybe I was wrong to think that she loved him as much as he loved her, but I just don't get it. Maybe she just couldn't deal with the lifestyle of the military she married into. Funny thing is he would have given it up if she'd only waited another year. I just hope it was worth it because someone else is going to get what she had.
Now I know there are those of you out there reading this thinking I'm just incredibly biased because he's my cousin, but I'm not. He's not the first one in my family to have their marriage end and, trust me, I call it like I see it. He never would have married her if he didn't completely love and adore her. He's seen too many marriages fail for it to be worth it otherwise. Our family doesn't exactly have a great track record for marriage.
I just hope that one day he finds the happiness he deserves and that, if there is someone else out there reading this who has been wondering if they should move on because they might find something better, that they will make sure it's worth possibly losing the best thing and never finding that something better.
A friend told me that I haven't been blogging enough lately so I thought I'd give it a chance. I don't really have too much exciting to tell. We've been being lazy and pretty much being bums. Today is the first truly sunny day and we are totally going to take advantage of it. I think we're gonna clean out the kiddie pool and get our splash on. Tonight we are going to hang out on the beach and set off the fireworks we didn't get to for the 4th.
My husband has been really sweet lately. It's so weird, but sometimes it's like falling in love all over again. We're super sappy with each other and I'm loving it. It makes it all just a little easier.
Last night I had a wonderful night. I ate dinner with my sister, her boyfriend, and my son and then I did something I haven't done ever. I went to a movie alone. It was heaven. We've been going to the movies lately, but I've always had to keep my son calm or keep an eye on him. Last night my sister and her boyfriend took him to see Superman and I went and saw The Lake House. After the movie I walked down to Starbucks and had me a latte and read a book for the hour or so until the other movie let out. It was so amazing. I felt so relaxed and so free and not one ounce of guilt about it. That was the big part for me. The lack of guilt. Everytime I've done things for myself, I've been so guilt ridden that I couldn't enjoy it. I so enjoyed last night. Hopefully I'll get to do something like that again sometime.
I can't think of anything else to say. Hope this satisfied those of you who were missing my rambles...though I really don't know why.
My husband has been really sweet lately. It's so weird, but sometimes it's like falling in love all over again. We're super sappy with each other and I'm loving it. It makes it all just a little easier.
Last night I had a wonderful night. I ate dinner with my sister, her boyfriend, and my son and then I did something I haven't done ever. I went to a movie alone. It was heaven. We've been going to the movies lately, but I've always had to keep my son calm or keep an eye on him. Last night my sister and her boyfriend took him to see Superman and I went and saw The Lake House. After the movie I walked down to Starbucks and had me a latte and read a book for the hour or so until the other movie let out. It was so amazing. I felt so relaxed and so free and not one ounce of guilt about it. That was the big part for me. The lack of guilt. Everytime I've done things for myself, I've been so guilt ridden that I couldn't enjoy it. I so enjoyed last night. Hopefully I'll get to do something like that again sometime.
I can't think of anything else to say. Hope this satisfied those of you who were missing my rambles...though I really don't know why.