I guess I should take a few minutes and write about last weekend. It definitely wasn't the weekend of relaxation I was thinking I would have. Honestly, I was exhausted by Sunday afternoon. It was a good kind of exhausted though. I felt accomplished and I had a lot of fun. Exhaustion probably wouldn't have been a problem, but I didn't sleep well during the weekend.
When we left our house on Friday morning, there was a little snow on the ground but it wasn't much and it wasn't snowing any longer. By the time we got 2/3 of the way to where we were going, it was snowing lightly and the roads had snow on them. The interstate was clear but the side roads were very snowy. We made it to the hotel and got inside only to realize we had parked in a driveway area. It was hard to tell because the parking lot wasn't cleared and snow was covering everything. My husband went out and moved the car. When he was getting out, his keys fell out of his pocket and landed on the seat without him noticing. You can guess what happened next. Thankfully we were able to get a locksmith to come out and get them out but it was one of those things we could have done without.
I had originally volunteered to help with sign in and then I was going to take the day and relax. I brought a book with me to read but never got around to it. I ended up making sure that everyone had a room and by the end of the day I had been the go to person for answering questions on several different ends. That is normally what my husband would do for the weekend but he was busy making sure other things were taken care of and I was more than happy to help. I really had a good time even though it could be perceived as work. My husband is fond of saying "Do something you love and you'll never work a day in your life." I get that now.
That evening we relaxed. The hubby took the kid to the pool for an hour while I watched some tv. My only complaint about our hotel room for the weekend was that the room was too hot. They checked it out the second day but didn't really fix anything.
The second day was less crazy. I ended up spending most of the day in the classes. I really recommend this program to anyone who has the opportunity to go. It is put on by the Strong Bonds people but your unit's chaplain is the one who executes the material and decides what to teach out of it. It is not a preachy thing. If you go to one and it is, that is on your chaplain and not the program. I've seen several different chaplains do this material and have yet to see it as preachy. I will say that our current chaplain is hilarious and a little less censored than the other ones I have seen. That evening was more of the same relaxing.
Sunday morning was just us having a devotional time and then going over things that we thought could have gone better before checking out.
The hotel offered a very much decreased rate if people wanted to stay another night so we decided to do it. My son hadn't gotten as much pool time as he thought he would so this would give us a chance to focus on him. We spent some time in the pool and my husband took him to play pool and some video games at the arcade they had. I finally was able to relax. They had switched us to a different room because I was tired of dealing with the heat problem and the new room was much better. Later Sunday night we went to a restaurant we hadn't been to since leaving Hawaii and enjoyed our dinner.
Overall everything was great and the best part was it was free. We didn't pay for any of the meals. Sure, I could ask for a few better things but we didn't have to pay for it so I'm not complaining. I do think the hotel should have changed our room that first night and I think if we had complained they would have. I was just too tired to deal with it at that point and had spent so much time bugging them for everyone else that I just wanted to do what was easiest. We learned a lot on how to make it all better next time and I'm looking forward to it. We go again at the beginning of March. I'm excited to get to work again.
One good thing that came out of it all was that I figured out that I really think I would enjoy a job as an event planner. I'm going to look into the possibility of doing some school for it while my husband is deployed next time.
This week just seems to be flying by. We chose to spend an extra day at the hotel after the retreat so that our son could have some fun time. He had spent the days prior in a small room with about 20 other kids so he was ready for some one on one time. Yesterday he had a nasty cough so we canceled our plans we had made with a friend and her son and, after a quick stop at the PX, came home.
Today has gone equally as fast, if not faster. I had an ophthalmology appointment this morning and that seemed to just make it all fly. It was the first one I had in about 11 years and I had forgotten about all of the drops they put in your eyes and how it would mess me up after. Thankfully I have almost full vision again but I am left with a lingering headache and my eyes feel tired. Only a little blurriness so homework with my son won't be as crazy. The verdict was that, aside from what I already knew was wrong, my eyes are very healthy. I don't have to go for another year! YAY!
The only downside to the day was that I missed most of the inauguration festivities becasue I was in the doctor's office when the good stuff was all happening. I am sure I'll be able to youtube it later.
I wonder if the rest of this week is going to go by this fast.
Today has gone equally as fast, if not faster. I had an ophthalmology appointment this morning and that seemed to just make it all fly. It was the first one I had in about 11 years and I had forgotten about all of the drops they put in your eyes and how it would mess me up after. Thankfully I have almost full vision again but I am left with a lingering headache and my eyes feel tired. Only a little blurriness so homework with my son won't be as crazy. The verdict was that, aside from what I already knew was wrong, my eyes are very healthy. I don't have to go for another year! YAY!
The only downside to the day was that I missed most of the inauguration festivities becasue I was in the doctor's office when the good stuff was all happening. I am sure I'll be able to youtube it later.
I wonder if the rest of this week is going to go by this fast.
Yesterday, on the way home from the marriage retreat, we stopped by the PX with the intent to pick up another body pillow. The PX is where my son bought the first one so I was hoping they would have the same exact kind. Not only did they have the exact one, they had the same kind of pillow cases for it and all of it was on sale!
I will admit that I was doubting for a moment that it might not be the pillow that was making sleeping so hard. After a night, well actually after about 2o minutes, I can tell you that it definitely was pillow related. I slept so well last night that I didn't want to get out of bed and I woke up with so much less pain and stiffness. I seriously was in heaven in my bed with my pillow.
All is well now in the sleep world.
I will admit that I was doubting for a moment that it might not be the pillow that was making sleeping so hard. After a night, well actually after about 2o minutes, I can tell you that it definitely was pillow related. I slept so well last night that I didn't want to get out of bed and I woke up with so much less pain and stiffness. I seriously was in heaven in my bed with my pillow.
All is well now in the sleep world.
I am so happy. For two days this week I have gotten the most wonderful reports from my son's teacher. I'm going to preface all of this to say that I am not being a bragging mom. I am a relieved mom. What follows is very little of my doing. It just is what it is.
I'm not sure I have mentioned it much on here but last September my son was diagnosed with Autistic Disorder. He is extremely high functioning but is still on the spectrum. He also was diagnosed in May or June with ADHD. Not the biggest surprise but then again none of this was to me. I say all of this only to express the struggles he has had in school. He went into school knowing very little and having a horrible speech issue that made it hard for anyone other than me to understand the few words he did say. At 6 years old he still babbled mostly like a toddler. He struggled but with therapy has made great strides. It is really impressive but he is still behind. Imagine trying to learn the one thing you learn usually in Kindergarten, reading, when you can't even say half of the words you are supposed to read. It's not a big wonder that, at 8 years, he is still struggling to learn to read.
His big thing with reading is to tell me that he can't do it, but I'm stubborn and don't like the word can't because I know just how smart he is. I push him. Maybe a little harder than I should but I do it anyway. At home he reads little clips for us when we make him but not much otherwise. He will read random things that shock us but then swears that he didn't read it, just heard it or saw it before.
Imagine my total shock, and joy, when his teacher walks out to meet me after school and tells me that he read a book to her that day. A book! Now it's a kindergarten level book but I don't care because for the first time ever he took a book and read it to her all on his own! I'm sure she thinks I was less than impressed because my face was pretty blank but I was just in shock. My son didn't make a big deal of it but I made sure he knew I was impressed. I won't lie, there was a part of me that worried he had just memorized the book. I was thinking it was maybe 10 pages long with three or four words a page so it wouldn't be too out there for him. He has excellent rote memory which isn't that unheard of in children with Autistic Disorder. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt.
Well yesterday my husband picked him up and when he came in the door he prompted my son to tell me what he did that day and more good news came. The school has a thing where the principal will pick a student to read a story to her. That person gets their picture taken with the principal and it is put on the bulletin board in the hall. They also get a bookmark and really just to feel good about themselves. Yesterday, she chose my son! He read the same book to her that he had read to the teacher. That made me feel like maybe it wasn't all memorized because she is a nice person and encouraging but will definitely push them to do their best.
All of my concerns about it just being memorized were pushed aside because they sent him home with the book to read to us. Now it was maybe 15 pages but instead of just a few words, each page had a sentence or two and not a two word sentence. It was actually a good bit for him. He read it to us happily and as he read you could tell a few things were memorized but he had to stop and take the time to sound out/remember a few words. I seriously was in tears by the end of it. This was a goal I had set for him but expected it to be the end of 2009 before it was accomplished. I am so happy!
This school has been such a boost for him. He went from self contained to fully mainstreamed. He has exceptions like taking his tests outside of class to give him more time and to minimize distractions and he goes to speech and resource outside of the class as well but he has the same curriculum, with the exception of spelling, as the rest of the children. This school is very advanced in the math department and definitely years ahead of Hawaii so he was at a distinct disadvantage coming in. I was so doubtful when they told me they were sure he would catch up, in Math especially. He has proven me wrong every step of the way. He has gone from basic adding and subtracting to learning some algebra concepts and has succeeded. I feel so blessed to have this school because they have given him what I couldn't. The pulled out their bag of tricks and found the tools to teach him how he needs to be taught. I don't think there is enough gratitude in this world to express how I feel.
Progress, in a child where regression is not uncommon, is a wonderful thing!
I'm not sure I have mentioned it much on here but last September my son was diagnosed with Autistic Disorder. He is extremely high functioning but is still on the spectrum. He also was diagnosed in May or June with ADHD. Not the biggest surprise but then again none of this was to me. I say all of this only to express the struggles he has had in school. He went into school knowing very little and having a horrible speech issue that made it hard for anyone other than me to understand the few words he did say. At 6 years old he still babbled mostly like a toddler. He struggled but with therapy has made great strides. It is really impressive but he is still behind. Imagine trying to learn the one thing you learn usually in Kindergarten, reading, when you can't even say half of the words you are supposed to read. It's not a big wonder that, at 8 years, he is still struggling to learn to read.
His big thing with reading is to tell me that he can't do it, but I'm stubborn and don't like the word can't because I know just how smart he is. I push him. Maybe a little harder than I should but I do it anyway. At home he reads little clips for us when we make him but not much otherwise. He will read random things that shock us but then swears that he didn't read it, just heard it or saw it before.
Imagine my total shock, and joy, when his teacher walks out to meet me after school and tells me that he read a book to her that day. A book! Now it's a kindergarten level book but I don't care because for the first time ever he took a book and read it to her all on his own! I'm sure she thinks I was less than impressed because my face was pretty blank but I was just in shock. My son didn't make a big deal of it but I made sure he knew I was impressed. I won't lie, there was a part of me that worried he had just memorized the book. I was thinking it was maybe 10 pages long with three or four words a page so it wouldn't be too out there for him. He has excellent rote memory which isn't that unheard of in children with Autistic Disorder. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt.
Well yesterday my husband picked him up and when he came in the door he prompted my son to tell me what he did that day and more good news came. The school has a thing where the principal will pick a student to read a story to her. That person gets their picture taken with the principal and it is put on the bulletin board in the hall. They also get a bookmark and really just to feel good about themselves. Yesterday, she chose my son! He read the same book to her that he had read to the teacher. That made me feel like maybe it wasn't all memorized because she is a nice person and encouraging but will definitely push them to do their best.
All of my concerns about it just being memorized were pushed aside because they sent him home with the book to read to us. Now it was maybe 15 pages but instead of just a few words, each page had a sentence or two and not a two word sentence. It was actually a good bit for him. He read it to us happily and as he read you could tell a few things were memorized but he had to stop and take the time to sound out/remember a few words. I seriously was in tears by the end of it. This was a goal I had set for him but expected it to be the end of 2009 before it was accomplished. I am so happy!
This school has been such a boost for him. He went from self contained to fully mainstreamed. He has exceptions like taking his tests outside of class to give him more time and to minimize distractions and he goes to speech and resource outside of the class as well but he has the same curriculum, with the exception of spelling, as the rest of the children. This school is very advanced in the math department and definitely years ahead of Hawaii so he was at a distinct disadvantage coming in. I was so doubtful when they told me they were sure he would catch up, in Math especially. He has proven me wrong every step of the way. He has gone from basic adding and subtracting to learning some algebra concepts and has succeeded. I feel so blessed to have this school because they have given him what I couldn't. The pulled out their bag of tricks and found the tools to teach him how he needs to be taught. I don't think there is enough gratitude in this world to express how I feel.
Progress, in a child where regression is not uncommon, is a wonderful thing!
I have been doing a little self reflection this morning and it's been interesting. I have a tendency to see more of the flaws in myself than anything good or to take what is a perfectly fine quality and making it into a weakness. Everyone has a tendency to do that I believe. Some just more than others.
So what got me started on this train of thought this morning? Music. Someone I know posted a song on their Facebook account and I watched a video of the song. That led me to other videos and they seemed to get progressively sadder or at least caused more tears. This is not unusual for me though. Music has always been one of those things that touched me deeper than anything else. Put the sappiness in video form and I'm a goner. Unfortunately, it's not just music that can choke me up. Even something that seems little and insignificant to most can touch me. I've always had what my mom called a "big heart." She and friends down the line have called it a gift but I've always viewed it as a curse because not only do I get the happier choked up a lot, but I hurt a lot. I have this ability to deeply feel the pain of others and my heart hurts for them.
The words that I seem to say the most is "I'm sorry." Sometimes I am apologizing for what I feel are personal screw ups but I also say it a lot when someone is telling me things that they are dealing with that are less than pleasant. The usual response is either "it's not your fault" or "why? Did you do it/make it happen?" I wish I could make everyone understand up front that what I mean is "I'm sorry you are having to deal with that." I also wish that people could know that I really mean it. I'm not a placater. I don't say things just because I think it is what people want to hear. I say it because I truly mean it. It's the same thing with any compliments I give. If I say it, then I mean it. I'm not being kind or just boosting ego. It is how I feel.
For the first time in my life, I can see the gift in being me. I love how I feel when someone truly cares about me and takes the time to tell me. I love that, maybe for just a minute, I can make someone else feel that someone out there cares. Definitely not saying this in an egotistical way because I can't control this part of me any more than I can control my heartbeat. It is just part of me. Sometimes it is horrible and painful but other times it is just wonderful. I have met wonderful people and made a few wonderful friends who I don't think I would have taken the time to get to know otherwise. That far out weighs the ones that have taken advantage of who I am and hurt me.
So next time you find me crying over something totally ridiculous, laugh away. I laugh at myself enough for it. It's just who I am and it's something I don't think I'm ready to get rid of any time soon. For once, I like this part of me.
So what got me started on this train of thought this morning? Music. Someone I know posted a song on their Facebook account and I watched a video of the song. That led me to other videos and they seemed to get progressively sadder or at least caused more tears. This is not unusual for me though. Music has always been one of those things that touched me deeper than anything else. Put the sappiness in video form and I'm a goner. Unfortunately, it's not just music that can choke me up. Even something that seems little and insignificant to most can touch me. I've always had what my mom called a "big heart." She and friends down the line have called it a gift but I've always viewed it as a curse because not only do I get the happier choked up a lot, but I hurt a lot. I have this ability to deeply feel the pain of others and my heart hurts for them.
The words that I seem to say the most is "I'm sorry." Sometimes I am apologizing for what I feel are personal screw ups but I also say it a lot when someone is telling me things that they are dealing with that are less than pleasant. The usual response is either "it's not your fault" or "why? Did you do it/make it happen?" I wish I could make everyone understand up front that what I mean is "I'm sorry you are having to deal with that." I also wish that people could know that I really mean it. I'm not a placater. I don't say things just because I think it is what people want to hear. I say it because I truly mean it. It's the same thing with any compliments I give. If I say it, then I mean it. I'm not being kind or just boosting ego. It is how I feel.
For the first time in my life, I can see the gift in being me. I love how I feel when someone truly cares about me and takes the time to tell me. I love that, maybe for just a minute, I can make someone else feel that someone out there cares. Definitely not saying this in an egotistical way because I can't control this part of me any more than I can control my heartbeat. It is just part of me. Sometimes it is horrible and painful but other times it is just wonderful. I have met wonderful people and made a few wonderful friends who I don't think I would have taken the time to get to know otherwise. That far out weighs the ones that have taken advantage of who I am and hurt me.
So next time you find me crying over something totally ridiculous, laugh away. I laugh at myself enough for it. It's just who I am and it's something I don't think I'm ready to get rid of any time soon. For once, I like this part of me.
I remember a few years ago when my son was home all the time and how he would absolutely drive me insane during the day. I would wish for the time he started school and I could have some quiet during the day. If you had told me that in a few years I would be begging for that time again, I would have told you that you had lost your mind.
Okay, so maybe I'm not wanting that time back again. I like having time to myself during the day. What I don't like is the absolute quiet all day. Seriously. Now I'm very familiar with it because for the first part of my son's life he was non-verbal. There were honestly days where I felt like he didn't know I existed outside of feeding him and changing his diapers. He didn't want me to play with him and was content to live in his own world. The difference is that it killed me back then. I didn't know why and I was in that stage of motherhood where I wanted to enjoy the cute little kid stage. We know why but that's neither here nor there. This time I'm not used to the quiet. By the time 3pm hits, I'm going stir crazy. I can't wait to get my son from school and spend the next few hours focused on him.
I know I need to find a hobby or something. I would love to find a job I could do from home, but those are few and far between. I would love to get a job outside of the home but the limited amount of transportation would be a big issues as well as the fact that I couldn't go in until 9 in the morning and would have to leave by 2:30 or 3 so I could get home for my son. I don't have marketable skills and there is a very real chance that I would have to miss a few weeks worth of work and have many days I would need days off for doctor's appointments in the coming months. Not exactly an employer's dream employee.
All of this is just to say, I'm going crazy! I miss the sound of voices and having friends I could spend time with during the day. I need to get out there so I can meet new people but I don't even know where to start. What does a person do when they have nothing to do?
I'm sure I'll figure it out sooner or later.
Okay, so maybe I'm not wanting that time back again. I like having time to myself during the day. What I don't like is the absolute quiet all day. Seriously. Now I'm very familiar with it because for the first part of my son's life he was non-verbal. There were honestly days where I felt like he didn't know I existed outside of feeding him and changing his diapers. He didn't want me to play with him and was content to live in his own world. The difference is that it killed me back then. I didn't know why and I was in that stage of motherhood where I wanted to enjoy the cute little kid stage. We know why but that's neither here nor there. This time I'm not used to the quiet. By the time 3pm hits, I'm going stir crazy. I can't wait to get my son from school and spend the next few hours focused on him.
I know I need to find a hobby or something. I would love to find a job I could do from home, but those are few and far between. I would love to get a job outside of the home but the limited amount of transportation would be a big issues as well as the fact that I couldn't go in until 9 in the morning and would have to leave by 2:30 or 3 so I could get home for my son. I don't have marketable skills and there is a very real chance that I would have to miss a few weeks worth of work and have many days I would need days off for doctor's appointments in the coming months. Not exactly an employer's dream employee.
All of this is just to say, I'm going crazy! I miss the sound of voices and having friends I could spend time with during the day. I need to get out there so I can meet new people but I don't even know where to start. What does a person do when they have nothing to do?
I'm sure I'll figure it out sooner or later.
So, thankfully, the child care for the retreat is not being provided by CYSS so we don't have to worry about that. I don't have to come up with creative ways to make my child feel ok about being excluded from the fun or to keep him entertained. I had already told my husband that our son was bored after the first day I would keep him with me the second day. That is still going to hold but at least he will get to try. I have a feeling that he will have fun with the other kids. He loves having people to play with.
I still think the thing with CYSS is stupid and we still have to waste our time with the meeting because eventually our son is going to want to do some kind of extracurricular activity through them.
I am not starting the relaxation countdown because I refuse to get all excited again. See, I learned my lesson.
I also want to apologize for the emotional outburst roller coaster. Just be glad you aren't married to me. Good thing my husband loves me and was just as annoyed as I was.
I still think the thing with CYSS is stupid and we still have to waste our time with the meeting because eventually our son is going to want to do some kind of extracurricular activity through them.
I am not starting the relaxation countdown because I refuse to get all excited again. See, I learned my lesson.
I also want to apologize for the emotional outburst roller coaster. Just be glad you aren't married to me. Good thing my husband loves me and was just as annoyed as I was.
I knew it was too good to be true. Maybe I'm getting too upset too soon but I'm annoyed.
The retreat childcare is being provided by Child and Youth School Services on post as STACC care. It stands for something like Short Term Additional child care or something like that. Anyway. Usually your child has to be enrolled in CYSS to be able to take advantage of this care. I have been telling my husband for weeks that he needs to enroll my son but he has been too busy to do so or always forgot. Before I get blasted for not doing it myself, I do not live on post and have no transportation to post. Even if I did drive, my husband has to have his car for work and there is no way around that one. There is no way I could have done it myself short of him bringing me up there and dropping me off. That falls into the "he's too busy" department.
So anyway, he goes today, finally, to sign up our son and is told that it won't be finalized until we have a sit down meeting with CYS, a doctor, and someone from the Exceptional Family Members Program so that they, not us, can tell them how to care for our child. That is what they told my husband today. WTH?!?! Then my husband, who never asks questions and just goes along with everything which makes him a good soldier I guess, tries to convince me that they do this with everyone. Um no sweetheart. There is no way that EFMP is involved in every single child that is registered with them. They don't get involved unless there is something "different" about your child. That isn't even what gets me the most. It's the whole thing that they have to be the ones to tell them how to take care of MY child so that they can be able to meet his needs. Like they know better than I do! Come on people. This is ridiculous. Especially since the only reason they need to do this is because my son has peach allergies listed on his medical record as well as the one time he had a cold and was prescribed an inhaler. My husband just called and told me that part. So here's how deal with it people. Don't give the kid peaches. If you are stupid and do, get him to the bathroom when he says he has to go or his stomach hurts. Seriously. that's about the extent of it. It makes him puke, have the runs and be in pain but it's not going to kill him. Oh and the inhaler, if he is sick enough that he's using that, he's so not going to be with y ou. He's going to be at home so he doesn't give his snots to everyone else. But of course they need a doctor to tell them this so they can give him the care he needs in case any of this unlikeliness happens.
I can step back and see where this might be necessary in some situations but for our situation it's ridiculous. He doesn't use an inhaler daily. He doesn't use one unless he is very sick and that is a very rare thing. He isn't going to die from his peach allergy, it's not even a really dangerous one. It usually takes a little while for it to even take effect in him. That's the problem though. The military very rarely knows how to deal with things on a situational basis. They just see what they want to see and waste everyones time and money doing unecessary things like this meeting. Normally I would let my husband go and not deal with it but you can bet your ass I will be there telling them how stupid and just how much of a waste of everyones time it is.
My husband is calling to see if CYSS registration is needed because when we go to Chapel all we have to have is our son's shot records for him to participate in the childcare and it is the same type of thing they are using for the retreat. I really hope so because, if not, I am not sure if I will be able to go this weekend. I'm not sure I can figure out how to entertain a kid for four hours when he is going to be wanting to play with the other kids, but can't. When he is going to want to play on the mini golf course or swim, but can't because we haven't officially been allowed to check into the hotel yet (things start at 9am but check in isn't until 3pm and early usually isn't until 1pm.) The ones in Hawaii didn't have child care but we had a beach to play at and that was just fine with him. Selfishly I also want the childcare so I can actually relax, not that I even really know how.
Crazy thing is I blame myself. I knew better than to get excited about something. Especially something the military might be involved in. Stupid me!
The retreat childcare is being provided by Child and Youth School Services on post as STACC care. It stands for something like Short Term Additional child care or something like that. Anyway. Usually your child has to be enrolled in CYSS to be able to take advantage of this care. I have been telling my husband for weeks that he needs to enroll my son but he has been too busy to do so or always forgot. Before I get blasted for not doing it myself, I do not live on post and have no transportation to post. Even if I did drive, my husband has to have his car for work and there is no way around that one. There is no way I could have done it myself short of him bringing me up there and dropping me off. That falls into the "he's too busy" department.
So anyway, he goes today, finally, to sign up our son and is told that it won't be finalized until we have a sit down meeting with CYS, a doctor, and someone from the Exceptional Family Members Program so that they, not us, can tell them how to care for our child. That is what they told my husband today. WTH?!?! Then my husband, who never asks questions and just goes along with everything which makes him a good soldier I guess, tries to convince me that they do this with everyone. Um no sweetheart. There is no way that EFMP is involved in every single child that is registered with them. They don't get involved unless there is something "different" about your child. That isn't even what gets me the most. It's the whole thing that they have to be the ones to tell them how to take care of MY child so that they can be able to meet his needs. Like they know better than I do! Come on people. This is ridiculous. Especially since the only reason they need to do this is because my son has peach allergies listed on his medical record as well as the one time he had a cold and was prescribed an inhaler. My husband just called and told me that part. So here's how deal with it people. Don't give the kid peaches. If you are stupid and do, get him to the bathroom when he says he has to go or his stomach hurts. Seriously. that's about the extent of it. It makes him puke, have the runs and be in pain but it's not going to kill him. Oh and the inhaler, if he is sick enough that he's using that, he's so not going to be with y ou. He's going to be at home so he doesn't give his snots to everyone else. But of course they need a doctor to tell them this so they can give him the care he needs in case any of this unlikeliness happens.
I can step back and see where this might be necessary in some situations but for our situation it's ridiculous. He doesn't use an inhaler daily. He doesn't use one unless he is very sick and that is a very rare thing. He isn't going to die from his peach allergy, it's not even a really dangerous one. It usually takes a little while for it to even take effect in him. That's the problem though. The military very rarely knows how to deal with things on a situational basis. They just see what they want to see and waste everyones time and money doing unecessary things like this meeting. Normally I would let my husband go and not deal with it but you can bet your ass I will be there telling them how stupid and just how much of a waste of everyones time it is.
My husband is calling to see if CYSS registration is needed because when we go to Chapel all we have to have is our son's shot records for him to participate in the childcare and it is the same type of thing they are using for the retreat. I really hope so because, if not, I am not sure if I will be able to go this weekend. I'm not sure I can figure out how to entertain a kid for four hours when he is going to be wanting to play with the other kids, but can't. When he is going to want to play on the mini golf course or swim, but can't because we haven't officially been allowed to check into the hotel yet (things start at 9am but check in isn't until 3pm and early usually isn't until 1pm.) The ones in Hawaii didn't have child care but we had a beach to play at and that was just fine with him. Selfishly I also want the childcare so I can actually relax, not that I even really know how.
Crazy thing is I blame myself. I knew better than to get excited about something. Especially something the military might be involved in. Stupid me!
One of the perks to my husband's job is that, occasionally, he has to work a weekend at a marriage retreat. Since they already have to get a hotel room for him, he usually gets to bring us along with him. In Hawaii we had the pleasure of doing this at a wonderful resort.
It's that time again. His unit is hosting a marriage retreat in Topeka and we get to go along for the ride. This one won't be as spectacular in scenery as the ones in Hawaii, but it will give my son a chance to swim in the middle of winter again. He has been missing Hawaii a lot because he wants to go to the beach. This will hopefully help some. The highlight for me is the fact that for two and a half days I really have no responsibility and there is childcare for a good bit of the day. Add to that catered meals for two and a half days as well and I'm all for it. Here's to hoping that nothing happens between now and Friday morning to screw this up and that it is as much fun as I am thinking it will be.
4 days until total relaxation and counting!
It's that time again. His unit is hosting a marriage retreat in Topeka and we get to go along for the ride. This one won't be as spectacular in scenery as the ones in Hawaii, but it will give my son a chance to swim in the middle of winter again. He has been missing Hawaii a lot because he wants to go to the beach. This will hopefully help some. The highlight for me is the fact that for two and a half days I really have no responsibility and there is childcare for a good bit of the day. Add to that catered meals for two and a half days as well and I'm all for it. Here's to hoping that nothing happens between now and Friday morning to screw this up and that it is as much fun as I am thinking it will be.
4 days until total relaxation and counting!
Pillows are crazy things. Unless you are mad about having a zillion of them on your bed and they have to look just so, you probably don't think much about them. You find the one that fits you think will be comfortable and that is the end of it. I have always been that way about pillows. Now I often have needed two to sleep right but that was about as far as the thought process went. The past two weeks have shown me how dependent I have become on one silly pillow.
What is so special about this pillow? Nothing really. It has some great sentimental value because it was a Christmas present from my son in 2007. The story behind it is basically that he was having bad dreams so I gave him my body pillow and called it a "no bad dream pillow." I told him that the plaid in the pillow trapped the dreams so they couldn't get into his head. It worked but he felt he needed to replace it and that is how I ended up with this certain pillow. It's a body pillow that is striped and has the ugliest yellow pillow case that goes over it. I love that thing. This isn't what is so important about the pillow though. When I placed my head on that pillow for the first time that Christmas night, I had a great nights sleep. It was the first time in a long time that I could lay my face on a pillow and feel no pain. My neck didn't hurt. My jaw wasn't pushed out of whack. The tenderness in my cheek was, for once, was not an issue. It was a miracle covered in ugly yellow and I was so grateful.
I'm not going to say I never had a restless night, but it was very rarely pain related when I did. The month that I didn't have the pillow during the move were hell but I related it more to the different, extremely uncomfortable, beds that I was sleeping on. Why is any of this relevant? My wonderful pillow is in Louisiana still at my dad's house. Yup. I had let my son sleep with it so he would be propped up and hopefully not cough so much the last two nights we were there and we left it on the bed. We were about 4 hours away when we realized it and there was no way we were going back for it. We haven't had the money to just go buy a new one so far and I didn't think it was a problem but boy was I wrong. I have only had one good nights sleep since we got back from the trip and that was because I had taken two muscle relaxers. I have taken more muscle relaxers in the past two weeks than I normally do in 6 months. I have not had a pain free day since we got home but I am just learning to muddle through.
I am not saying all of this to whine. More because I am totally shocked that one pillow can change things that much. All I have to say is that my husband better show up at the door Thursday afternoon with the replacement in hand.
Stupid pillows!
What is so special about this pillow? Nothing really. It has some great sentimental value because it was a Christmas present from my son in 2007. The story behind it is basically that he was having bad dreams so I gave him my body pillow and called it a "no bad dream pillow." I told him that the plaid in the pillow trapped the dreams so they couldn't get into his head. It worked but he felt he needed to replace it and that is how I ended up with this certain pillow. It's a body pillow that is striped and has the ugliest yellow pillow case that goes over it. I love that thing. This isn't what is so important about the pillow though. When I placed my head on that pillow for the first time that Christmas night, I had a great nights sleep. It was the first time in a long time that I could lay my face on a pillow and feel no pain. My neck didn't hurt. My jaw wasn't pushed out of whack. The tenderness in my cheek was, for once, was not an issue. It was a miracle covered in ugly yellow and I was so grateful.
I'm not going to say I never had a restless night, but it was very rarely pain related when I did. The month that I didn't have the pillow during the move were hell but I related it more to the different, extremely uncomfortable, beds that I was sleeping on. Why is any of this relevant? My wonderful pillow is in Louisiana still at my dad's house. Yup. I had let my son sleep with it so he would be propped up and hopefully not cough so much the last two nights we were there and we left it on the bed. We were about 4 hours away when we realized it and there was no way we were going back for it. We haven't had the money to just go buy a new one so far and I didn't think it was a problem but boy was I wrong. I have only had one good nights sleep since we got back from the trip and that was because I had taken two muscle relaxers. I have taken more muscle relaxers in the past two weeks than I normally do in 6 months. I have not had a pain free day since we got home but I am just learning to muddle through.
I am not saying all of this to whine. More because I am totally shocked that one pillow can change things that much. All I have to say is that my husband better show up at the door Thursday afternoon with the replacement in hand.
Stupid pillows!
I have been a very cranky duck today. I hate that. I try really hard not to be and then start biting peoples heads off over nothing. I wish I could blame it on PMS and that be all that it is but really it's more than that. Today is always a hard day for me.
It was this day 9 years ago that I gave birth to my first son at 14 weeks. I could probably just say I had a miscarriage but it was much more than that. If it wasn't, maybe it wouldn't haunt me like it does at times.The rest of this might be really hard to read so I will understand if you don't want to. I just need to get it out of my head and maybe it won't be so hard for a little while.
I remember being really uncomfortable the night before but it was my first pregnancy so I didn't have anything to gauge it against. A little after 4 in the morning I woke up to cramps. I went to the bathroom and that's when I saw I was bleeding and it wasn't just a little bit. I freaked out, as one would expect, and called the doctor. He told me to get to the hospital. The emergency room was hell. It was so dead but at the same time I had to wait in the waiting room for almost an hour. There was another girl in the waiting area who had already had a miscarriage at home and was just sort of in shock. I kept having what I thought were really bad cramps and couldn't breathe but they didn't seem in a hurry to take me in. I know now I was having contractions. When I finally was taken back and seen by the doctor, she wasn't very sympathetic. She told the nurse, not me, that I was fully dilated. She didn't see any tissue and got really rude with me when I told her I didn't remember seeing any at home. I hate when people talk down to you when you are already freaked out. She ended up not telling me much of anything and walked out. The nurse told me that there was nothing they could do and they would probably do a D&C later that morning. She came back a few minutes later to check on me and tell me that the doctor wanted to wait for someone from my OB's office to check me out. Unfortunately for me my he didn't show up until well after 7 that morning. During all of this I was still having pretty bad contractions but no one seemed particularly concerned except for my husband. What happened next made it all ok though, at least at that time.
My doctor comes in and does an exam himself. He asks me about tissue and a few other questions but he is really nice about it all. He tells me that I am fully dilated and bleeding but that there is no evidence that I have lost the baby so he wants to do an ultrasound to make sure before deciding about the surgery. My husband is out of the room so he has no idea that this is happening and they whisk me off to ultrasound before he gets back. I will never forget the ultrasound. The tech is doing it and trying to be as nice and gentle as she can. I am so confused at this point and kind of in shock. She all of the sudden says "I need to get the doctor to come look at this. I want to be sure." She runs out and comes back a few minutes later, doctor in tow. He looks at the screen for maybe 30 seconds and then turns to me with a reserved smile. You could tell he is relieved but not trying to get me too excited. He tells me then "Your baby is viable." I was confused and asked what that meant and he tells me that the baby is still there and still has a steady heartbeat. He tells me that they are taking me back to the ER until they get a room ready for me and I will have to have procedure done to close my cervix. I remember him telling me vaguely that this means I'll be on bed rest the remainder of my pregnancy but I didn't care. He had just told me that my baby was alive. I was so happy and relieved. I didn't care about anything else. My husband was just as relieved when he found out but I think he was a little less ready to accept it. I wish now i had been as well.
They took us upstairs and we were met by this wonderful nurse. She and I had a lot in common despite her being a good 30 years older than me and she really was a wonderful woman. She explained the procedure they were going to do later and was making me comfortable when I had another contraction and felt this weird pop and gush between my legs. I freaked out a little and she checked it out and told me I was ok. To this day I don't know why she didn't tell me my water had broken. I knew something wasn't right but I was going with it anyway. The contractions got a little more frequent but everyone was acting like everything was fine so I tried my best not to worry. I asked if I could go to the restroom and she seemed to hesitate for a second but ended up letting me go. If I could take that back, I would. The next hour is one I will remember as the worst hour of my life. I went to the restroom and as I stood up after finishing my business I felt something falling. I started screaming and remember feeling the baby's head in my hand. They came and got me back in bed. There was nothing they could do for the baby as it was so soon and the hospital rules kept them from doing anything more than that until they talked to the doctor and for some reason he was unreachable so I laid there for about 30 minutes with my baby's between my legs until they finally were told they could do what they had to do. I don't remember much after that for the next hour or so. they took the baby, told me it was a boy.They offered to let me hold him but I passed. I wanted to remember him the way he was in my head. I wasn't passing the placenta so they started pitocin and scheduled a d&c. One of the other OB's from my clinic showed up to tell me about the surgery and offer his condolences. I will never forget the tears in his eyes and how heartbroken he was, everyone was. I had the surgery, woke up hysterical then went into a shock where I just felt nothing. We filled out the death certificate where we gave him a name and talked to the bereavement nurse then they sent us home.
I wish I could forget all of that. I wish I could just remember that there was a baby and then there wasn't. I wish that I could miss him a little and move on like I can most days. There are just days like today where I can't forget and where it hurts a little more than it should.
Happy Birthday sweet angel baby. We love you and miss you.
It was this day 9 years ago that I gave birth to my first son at 14 weeks. I could probably just say I had a miscarriage but it was much more than that. If it wasn't, maybe it wouldn't haunt me like it does at times.The rest of this might be really hard to read so I will understand if you don't want to. I just need to get it out of my head and maybe it won't be so hard for a little while.
I remember being really uncomfortable the night before but it was my first pregnancy so I didn't have anything to gauge it against. A little after 4 in the morning I woke up to cramps. I went to the bathroom and that's when I saw I was bleeding and it wasn't just a little bit. I freaked out, as one would expect, and called the doctor. He told me to get to the hospital. The emergency room was hell. It was so dead but at the same time I had to wait in the waiting room for almost an hour. There was another girl in the waiting area who had already had a miscarriage at home and was just sort of in shock. I kept having what I thought were really bad cramps and couldn't breathe but they didn't seem in a hurry to take me in. I know now I was having contractions. When I finally was taken back and seen by the doctor, she wasn't very sympathetic. She told the nurse, not me, that I was fully dilated. She didn't see any tissue and got really rude with me when I told her I didn't remember seeing any at home. I hate when people talk down to you when you are already freaked out. She ended up not telling me much of anything and walked out. The nurse told me that there was nothing they could do and they would probably do a D&C later that morning. She came back a few minutes later to check on me and tell me that the doctor wanted to wait for someone from my OB's office to check me out. Unfortunately for me my he didn't show up until well after 7 that morning. During all of this I was still having pretty bad contractions but no one seemed particularly concerned except for my husband. What happened next made it all ok though, at least at that time.
My doctor comes in and does an exam himself. He asks me about tissue and a few other questions but he is really nice about it all. He tells me that I am fully dilated and bleeding but that there is no evidence that I have lost the baby so he wants to do an ultrasound to make sure before deciding about the surgery. My husband is out of the room so he has no idea that this is happening and they whisk me off to ultrasound before he gets back. I will never forget the ultrasound. The tech is doing it and trying to be as nice and gentle as she can. I am so confused at this point and kind of in shock. She all of the sudden says "I need to get the doctor to come look at this. I want to be sure." She runs out and comes back a few minutes later, doctor in tow. He looks at the screen for maybe 30 seconds and then turns to me with a reserved smile. You could tell he is relieved but not trying to get me too excited. He tells me then "Your baby is viable." I was confused and asked what that meant and he tells me that the baby is still there and still has a steady heartbeat. He tells me that they are taking me back to the ER until they get a room ready for me and I will have to have procedure done to close my cervix. I remember him telling me vaguely that this means I'll be on bed rest the remainder of my pregnancy but I didn't care. He had just told me that my baby was alive. I was so happy and relieved. I didn't care about anything else. My husband was just as relieved when he found out but I think he was a little less ready to accept it. I wish now i had been as well.
They took us upstairs and we were met by this wonderful nurse. She and I had a lot in common despite her being a good 30 years older than me and she really was a wonderful woman. She explained the procedure they were going to do later and was making me comfortable when I had another contraction and felt this weird pop and gush between my legs. I freaked out a little and she checked it out and told me I was ok. To this day I don't know why she didn't tell me my water had broken. I knew something wasn't right but I was going with it anyway. The contractions got a little more frequent but everyone was acting like everything was fine so I tried my best not to worry. I asked if I could go to the restroom and she seemed to hesitate for a second but ended up letting me go. If I could take that back, I would. The next hour is one I will remember as the worst hour of my life. I went to the restroom and as I stood up after finishing my business I felt something falling. I started screaming and remember feeling the baby's head in my hand. They came and got me back in bed. There was nothing they could do for the baby as it was so soon and the hospital rules kept them from doing anything more than that until they talked to the doctor and for some reason he was unreachable so I laid there for about 30 minutes with my baby's between my legs until they finally were told they could do what they had to do. I don't remember much after that for the next hour or so. they took the baby, told me it was a boy.They offered to let me hold him but I passed. I wanted to remember him the way he was in my head. I wasn't passing the placenta so they started pitocin and scheduled a d&c. One of the other OB's from my clinic showed up to tell me about the surgery and offer his condolences. I will never forget the tears in his eyes and how heartbroken he was, everyone was. I had the surgery, woke up hysterical then went into a shock where I just felt nothing. We filled out the death certificate where we gave him a name and talked to the bereavement nurse then they sent us home.
I wish I could forget all of that. I wish I could just remember that there was a baby and then there wasn't. I wish that I could miss him a little and move on like I can most days. There are just days like today where I can't forget and where it hurts a little more than it should.
Happy Birthday sweet angel baby. We love you and miss you.
Just after midnight this morning I jumped in the shower. I was going to before the countdown but I didn't have enough time and my son was really excited about it. While I was in the shower, it occurred to me that I was washing off the last dirt of 2008 and I was so glad to be rid of the year all together. It was not the worst year I've ever had, but the last part of it was like this never ending period of struggling. I'm so glad to call it a new year.
Fresh starts. That's what I'm clinging to. I am determined to make a better year and some great improvements for myself. Heck, I want to try and find myself this year. I'm always going to be the wife and the mom but I know there is some other personality down in there and it's about time I start figuring out who she is. It is going to be a challenge. This whole year is going to be a challenge. We are looking at training and deployment for my husband, new therapies and school challenges for my son, and weight loss surgery and being geographically single for me. I know I should be terrified but I have reached the point and state of mind where I'm saying "bring it on." It's about damn time something changes. The therapies and school things will make my son stronger and more independent. I've watched him growing already and he's so excited. The deployments will be the hardest on us all but it will be ok. We survived the first time so we just have to do the same this time. It's going to be totally different but I know we can do it. The surgery is something I want so bad. I'm ready to be healthy and be able to be the mom my son deserves. I'm just ready for the change.
I don't make resolutions but this year I am setting some goals. When I figure them all out, I might share them. All I do know is that I am not going to miss 2008 and am ready to take on the possibilities and challenges of this new year. Hopefully I'll come out of it stronger and healthier.
Fresh starts. That's what I'm clinging to. I am determined to make a better year and some great improvements for myself. Heck, I want to try and find myself this year. I'm always going to be the wife and the mom but I know there is some other personality down in there and it's about time I start figuring out who she is. It is going to be a challenge. This whole year is going to be a challenge. We are looking at training and deployment for my husband, new therapies and school challenges for my son, and weight loss surgery and being geographically single for me. I know I should be terrified but I have reached the point and state of mind where I'm saying "bring it on." It's about damn time something changes. The therapies and school things will make my son stronger and more independent. I've watched him growing already and he's so excited. The deployments will be the hardest on us all but it will be ok. We survived the first time so we just have to do the same this time. It's going to be totally different but I know we can do it. The surgery is something I want so bad. I'm ready to be healthy and be able to be the mom my son deserves. I'm just ready for the change.
I don't make resolutions but this year I am setting some goals. When I figure them all out, I might share them. All I do know is that I am not going to miss 2008 and am ready to take on the possibilities and challenges of this new year. Hopefully I'll come out of it stronger and healthier.