Little things can make so much difference in our lives. This morning my son was walking to his classroom and he kept looking at me with this huge grin as he walked. Suddenly he stopped, grinned even bigger and gave me a thumbs up. I have no idea what that was about, but it was so cute.
Yesterday I was feeling awful and my sister, who I usually don't ask to help out because it's a struggle, mothered me and took care of my son who was being a pain. It was so nice to be sick and just be. Not have to worry about anything.
Today I was talking to my husband online and he found a website that lets us watch streaming music videos together. It was so great knowing we were seeing the same thing at the same time. Something so small made him seem not so far away.
It's the little things..
Ok so I found something I absolutely hate about this gorgeous state. Where I live it stinks. We went out to go get something to put in Gabe's lunch for tomorrow. We made it out the gate and it hit us like a ton of brinks. Nothing like a cool breeze and the smell of rotten pineapple to make you feel like you're in paradise. It seriously reeks.
I guess it's what we get since we get to enjoy the smell of jasmine most of the time.
I haven't had much to say the past few days because I've been sick. It started Thursday and I have been fighting a slight fever off and on. I tried to get an appointment friday but I couldn't. Hopefully I'll be all better in the next few days.
There are other things going on in my head and heart that I don't feel like putting here yet. Just please send some good vibes or prayers my way. I could really use them right now.
I guess it's what we get since we get to enjoy the smell of jasmine most of the time.
I haven't had much to say the past few days because I've been sick. It started Thursday and I have been fighting a slight fever off and on. I tried to get an appointment friday but I couldn't. Hopefully I'll be all better in the next few days.
There are other things going on in my head and heart that I don't feel like putting here yet. Just please send some good vibes or prayers my way. I could really use them right now.
When do we get to say enough is enough. I'm not going to miss you anymore because it hurts too bad. This is where I am. I just want to say "I quit" and that be the end of it. No more crying myself to sleep because I am sick and wish he was here to just hold me. No more being disappointed because the internet is constantly cutting out on his end so we don't get to enjoy each other's company as much anymore or because he has a last minute something that he has to do because it's his job and after alll that's why he is so far away in the first place. I understand why all of these are going on and it may seem petty but I'm just tired. I am tired of hurting. I am tired of missing you so damn much that I can't breathe and I wish I could take a break. I wish that seeing you on that screen still made me happy instead of making me want to cry because I can't reach out and touch you. I hate knowing I have forgotten what you feel like, what you smell like. I've forgotten so much.
I know I can't stop missing you. That would mean I would have to not love you anymore and even if I wanted that, I couldn't. It's just too deep. I dont' want to though. I really just want this to be over so we don't have to hurt anymore. I say we because I know how much it hurts you too...even if you don't tell me..I know.
Oh well Tomorrow is another day with new issues. HOpefully it will bring some peace too. We're in teh double digits now so we're getting closer to the end. The only problem with seeing the light at the end of the tunnel is not being able to get to it fast enough. Like a suffocating man who knows air is where that light is...he just can't seem to get there fast enough. That's me right now.
I know I can't stop missing you. That would mean I would have to not love you anymore and even if I wanted that, I couldn't. It's just too deep. I dont' want to though. I really just want this to be over so we don't have to hurt anymore. I say we because I know how much it hurts you too...even if you don't tell me..I know.
Oh well Tomorrow is another day with new issues. HOpefully it will bring some peace too. We're in teh double digits now so we're getting closer to the end. The only problem with seeing the light at the end of the tunnel is not being able to get to it fast enough. Like a suffocating man who knows air is where that light is...he just can't seem to get there fast enough. That's me right now.
Ok so I was a little bored so I copied Rebecca here.
I'm not sure how much I have people fooled though.
Nope..sorry. I'm the oldest of three.
This one was scary true. I can't tell you how true.
Ok last one for the night.
| Your Personality Is |
You are a passionate, caring, and unique person. You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily. Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend. Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours. |
| Your Quirk Factor: 52% |
 You're a pretty quirky person, but you're just normal enough to hide it. Congratulations - you've fooled other people into thinking you're just like them! |
I'm not sure how much I have people fooled though.
| You Are Likely an Only Child |
 At your darkest moments, you feel frustrated. At work and school, you do best when you're organizing. When you love someone, you tend to worry about them. In friendship, you are emotional and sympathetic. Your ideal careers are: radio announcer, finance, teaching, ministry, and management. You will leave your mark on the world with organizational leadership, maybe as the author of self-help books. |
Nope..sorry. I'm the oldest of three.
| You Are a Centaur |
 In general, you are a very cautious and reserved person. However, you are also warm hearted, and you enjoy helping others in practical ways. You are a great teacher, and you are really good at helping people get their lives in order. You are very intuitive, and you go with your gut. You make good decisions easily. |
| You Are The Chariot |
 You represent a difficult battle, and a well-deserved victory. You tend to struggle to get what you want, both internally and externally. You excel at controlling opposing forces, getting down the same path. In the end, you bring glory and success - using pure will to move forward. Your fortune: There is great conflict in your life right now, either with yourself or others. You must find a solution to this conflict, which is likely to be a "middle road" between the two forces. You posses the skills to triumph over these struggles, as long as your will is strong. You are transforming your inner self, building a better foundation for future successes. |
This one was scary true. I can't tell you how true.
Ok last one for the night.
| Your Candy Heart Says "Hug Me" |
 A total sweetheart, you always have a lot of love to give out. Your heart is open to where ever love takes you! Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a surprise romantic evening that you've planned out Your flirting style: lots of listening and talking What turns you off: fighting and conflict Why you're hot: you're fearless about falling in love |
I feel like I'm going crazy. That's the only way to explain my feelings today. It's like someone is inside my head screaming at me and I'm emotionally all over the place. It got so bad that I ended up taking an extra half dose of my "happy pills" as my sister calls them. I feel a little calmer but I still am emotionally unstable. I just have to keep tellig myself that It's going to be ok and I will be better soon. I hope it's just because I didn't sleep enough. I can't go crazy again. I really can't.
I've had so much to say the past few days but never had the time to blog it. This is probably going to all come out very random, so please be patient.
I don't know how much you remember me saying about the noisy neighbors. I honestly though that with as much as we complained, none of them would want to have anything to do with us, but I was wrong. See it's two sets of neighbors that hang out together and the other night while my sister and I were outside the husband of one came outside and introduced himself to us. He started asking us why we were never outside and just talking to us about us. It was nice. He is a little...out there..but is a really nice guy. His wife came out while we were out there and she came over. She was talking to us and in the conversation it came out that all of that group thought we didn't like them because we never said hi or anything. We said we didn't think they'd want us to talk to them because we complained about the noise. She said it was normal neighbor stuff and not to worry about it. We ended up hitting it off really great. She is a very sweet person. When she found out my husband was gone, she handed me a stack of greeting cards that were really sweet and romantic. She just gave them to me! I think they were leftover from when she had been deployed. So it all worked out...now I'm not going to feel bad when I have to ask them to turn it down.
My son has been proving a challenge the past few days. First it was me getting fussed at by the bus driver because apparently he won't sit down on the bus. I have done everything I could to get him to understand the need to sit down, but without being physically there, he's not getting it. He has a tendency to need to be physically shown things before he gets it. I think what is happening is that when they stop he thinks its time to get off so he stands up. I don't know, but she said she was going to start writing him up. I'm seriously considering talking to the student services coordinator to see if there is something that we can do. I need him to be able to ride the bus. The next issue is his current obsession with "boobies." Now I know it's an innocent obsession because he thinks Superman has boobies. We've tried to get him to call it a chest instead of boobies, but it's not sticking. It was getting better until last night when he brought me a picture he had drawn. I asked him what it was before I looked at it and he said "It's boobies" and sure enough, it was. The person he had drawn had breasts. Now I know a lot of you are laughing, my husband did. I'm not though. Sure it's cute, but it also is stressful. I can't figure out what the deal is or how to talk to him about it. I am terrified he's going to start drawing them at school and the teachers are going to be mad. He has gone up to someone before and said "You have boobies? I have boobies like Superman" thankfully they just laughed, but that's not always going to be the case. With kids getting suspended for sexual harassment in kindergarten, I'm scared to death.
Have I mentioned how much I hate car shopping? Seriously, I hate it. I have no idea what I'm doing and I feel so scattered about it all. Of course I'm practically alone doing it because my sister has lots of opinions but they are all about what she likes. I would like to say I'm shopping for what I like, but I have no freaking clue what I like. Last time we car shopped, our options were extremely limited and I didn't have to figure it all out myself. Why couldn't my car have waited a few more months to die on me?
Basically this has been the insanity that has been my past few days. I have dealt with my emotional breakdowns, my sister being extremely moody even though she totally denies it., my son's obsessions and clinginess, and quite frankly I'm tired. I have been going to bed early and getting a lot of sleep, but I still feel worn. I really wish I could have a few days where I don't have to worry about anything but eating, sleeping, and maybe watching a little tv or reading a book. Yeah...like that will ever happen.
I know there were other things I was going to write about, but I have no idea what they were. Maybe I'll remember later, but I think I've bored you enough.
I don't know how much you remember me saying about the noisy neighbors. I honestly though that with as much as we complained, none of them would want to have anything to do with us, but I was wrong. See it's two sets of neighbors that hang out together and the other night while my sister and I were outside the husband of one came outside and introduced himself to us. He started asking us why we were never outside and just talking to us about us. It was nice. He is a little...out there..but is a really nice guy. His wife came out while we were out there and she came over. She was talking to us and in the conversation it came out that all of that group thought we didn't like them because we never said hi or anything. We said we didn't think they'd want us to talk to them because we complained about the noise. She said it was normal neighbor stuff and not to worry about it. We ended up hitting it off really great. She is a very sweet person. When she found out my husband was gone, she handed me a stack of greeting cards that were really sweet and romantic. She just gave them to me! I think they were leftover from when she had been deployed. So it all worked out...now I'm not going to feel bad when I have to ask them to turn it down.
My son has been proving a challenge the past few days. First it was me getting fussed at by the bus driver because apparently he won't sit down on the bus. I have done everything I could to get him to understand the need to sit down, but without being physically there, he's not getting it. He has a tendency to need to be physically shown things before he gets it. I think what is happening is that when they stop he thinks its time to get off so he stands up. I don't know, but she said she was going to start writing him up. I'm seriously considering talking to the student services coordinator to see if there is something that we can do. I need him to be able to ride the bus. The next issue is his current obsession with "boobies." Now I know it's an innocent obsession because he thinks Superman has boobies. We've tried to get him to call it a chest instead of boobies, but it's not sticking. It was getting better until last night when he brought me a picture he had drawn. I asked him what it was before I looked at it and he said "It's boobies" and sure enough, it was. The person he had drawn had breasts. Now I know a lot of you are laughing, my husband did. I'm not though. Sure it's cute, but it also is stressful. I can't figure out what the deal is or how to talk to him about it. I am terrified he's going to start drawing them at school and the teachers are going to be mad. He has gone up to someone before and said "You have boobies? I have boobies like Superman" thankfully they just laughed, but that's not always going to be the case. With kids getting suspended for sexual harassment in kindergarten, I'm scared to death.
Have I mentioned how much I hate car shopping? Seriously, I hate it. I have no idea what I'm doing and I feel so scattered about it all. Of course I'm practically alone doing it because my sister has lots of opinions but they are all about what she likes. I would like to say I'm shopping for what I like, but I have no freaking clue what I like. Last time we car shopped, our options were extremely limited and I didn't have to figure it all out myself. Why couldn't my car have waited a few more months to die on me?
Basically this has been the insanity that has been my past few days. I have dealt with my emotional breakdowns, my sister being extremely moody even though she totally denies it., my son's obsessions and clinginess, and quite frankly I'm tired. I have been going to bed early and getting a lot of sleep, but I still feel worn. I really wish I could have a few days where I don't have to worry about anything but eating, sleeping, and maybe watching a little tv or reading a book. Yeah...like that will ever happen.
I know there were other things I was going to write about, but I have no idea what they were. Maybe I'll remember later, but I think I've bored you enough.
Today it was really hot. Or at least to me. To most of the people on the mainland it was cool. It was around 85F I guess. I have no air conditioning so it felt like I was going to melt in my house. Then the power went out and that meant our ceiling fans didn't work either. We went outside to escape the stuffy heat. It was probably around 80F at this point and I just felt so hot. Sweating so badly that my clothes were sticking to me.
The power is back on and I'm laying in my bed. My fan is blowing on me and I've had a shower so I'm feeling nice and cool. I was reflecting on how hot I was today and looked down at my status bar. I have something on it that tells me the temperature here and where my husband is. It's 78F here and feels nice. Then it switched to my husband's temperature. Where he is it is currently 111F. Talk about made me feel petty. I think I'll stop complaining about the heat and start praying it cools off for him some soon.
More than ever, I admire these men and women over there spending their days out in that horrible heat in full gear all so I can have the freedoms I do. Thank you doesn't even come close to saying enough of how grateful I am, but for now it will have to suffice. From the bottom of my heart, thank you!
The power is back on and I'm laying in my bed. My fan is blowing on me and I've had a shower so I'm feeling nice and cool. I was reflecting on how hot I was today and looked down at my status bar. I have something on it that tells me the temperature here and where my husband is. It's 78F here and feels nice. Then it switched to my husband's temperature. Where he is it is currently 111F. Talk about made me feel petty. I think I'll stop complaining about the heat and start praying it cools off for him some soon.
More than ever, I admire these men and women over there spending their days out in that horrible heat in full gear all so I can have the freedoms I do. Thank you doesn't even come close to saying enough of how grateful I am, but for now it will have to suffice. From the bottom of my heart, thank you!
This came in an email from the chaplain that is stationed with my husband's unit. I just thought I'd share it with you. I know some of you have already seen it, but I still felt led to share.
Some people question why American forces are in Iraq. They watch the news and are disturbed by what is happening in Baghdad and have given up. The only viable solution is to leave because nothing will change. True, the current state in Baghdad is bad and it’s easy to agree with these folks. This morning though I was given a very clear reminder why we are here: hope. My assistant and I had been out last night visiting Soldiers working the night shift. We came back to the office about sunrise and what you see in these pictures hit us in the face.
Beauty. Even in Iraq. No matter what happened yesterday the sun still came up today. And it will do so tomorrow. And the day after that. I am reminded of this truth: “In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.” (Psalm 5:3). If not but for the grace of God every one of us would be in much worse conditions than we are now. Every day we awaken we have the opportunity to turn and hear God and what He has for us. That is hope. That is purpose. That is a reason for living.
We are here because these people need that opportunity as well.
This morning I witnessed something that made me smile and feel so proud of the school my son is going to. We once again arrived just before the tardy bell and I am so glad we did because if we hadn't I wouldn't have seen it. My son's school plays Reveille every morning as they raise the flag and then they say the pledge. The teachers teach the kids to stand with their hands over thier heart and be respectful as they place the flag. No this is not a DoD school. This is a Hawaii state public school. They just have THAT much respect for the military.
So back to the story. I was walking back to the car when they started Reveille and out of habit I stopped and faced the flag with my hand over my heart until they were done. I almost cried at the pride I felt at what I saw. The kids that do the crossing guard duty stand by the flag until it is raised and I saw three boys saluting the flag. Now I know that's not protocol, but it says a lot about the values instilled in these kids. I had no problem saying the pledge as a child, but didn't feel the pride that these kids were displaying. I am so glad that my son is going to a school that is teaching him this pride. I'll be honest. It wasn't until my husband was in the military that I developed a strong sense of pride. I am so glad my son will get this so early on.
So back to the story. I was walking back to the car when they started Reveille and out of habit I stopped and faced the flag with my hand over my heart until they were done. I almost cried at the pride I felt at what I saw. The kids that do the crossing guard duty stand by the flag until it is raised and I saw three boys saluting the flag. Now I know that's not protocol, but it says a lot about the values instilled in these kids. I had no problem saying the pledge as a child, but didn't feel the pride that these kids were displaying. I am so glad that my son is going to a school that is teaching him this pride. I'll be honest. It wasn't until my husband was in the military that I developed a strong sense of pride. I am so glad my son will get this so early on.
This post is really for my husband and for me to express my relief. I know my husband will read this and I'm likely to forget to tell him next time we talk, so here goes..
I'm already seeing a good deal of improvement in my son wanting to learn things and do more educational things. He is even improving speech wise. Tonight he was talking about what he wants to do at school tomorrow and said he wanted to use wizzers and cut cut cut. I asked him if he meant scissors and he said 'yeah! Scissors!" he actually said scissors and said it correctly. That is a big deal because I've been working on that one for a very long time. Tonight he also sat still and let me read him an entire book. On about every other page he wanted to count the turtles on it. He enthusiastically answered questions I asked him and though he still needs work on things, the fact he wanted me to read to him for so long was absolutely wonderful. I love that his teacher is helping him so much. She seems to know his learning style very well.
This afternoon his behavior was a lot better when we were out. We were shopping for a water bottle for him to bring to school every day and couldn't seem to find one anywhere. He behaved his way through three different stores. I never got frustrated with him and it was so nice. Later we discussed classroom behavior and he was telling me what he had to do without prompting. I am so thrilled he is so excited. I am actually looking forward to him going to school tomorrow.
I'm already seeing a good deal of improvement in my son wanting to learn things and do more educational things. He is even improving speech wise. Tonight he was talking about what he wants to do at school tomorrow and said he wanted to use wizzers and cut cut cut. I asked him if he meant scissors and he said 'yeah! Scissors!" he actually said scissors and said it correctly. That is a big deal because I've been working on that one for a very long time. Tonight he also sat still and let me read him an entire book. On about every other page he wanted to count the turtles on it. He enthusiastically answered questions I asked him and though he still needs work on things, the fact he wanted me to read to him for so long was absolutely wonderful. I love that his teacher is helping him so much. She seems to know his learning style very well.
This afternoon his behavior was a lot better when we were out. We were shopping for a water bottle for him to bring to school every day and couldn't seem to find one anywhere. He behaved his way through three different stores. I never got frustrated with him and it was so nice. Later we discussed classroom behavior and he was telling me what he had to do without prompting. I am so thrilled he is so excited. I am actually looking forward to him going to school tomorrow.
Ok so I decided to change the video finally. I love this song and it's so stuck in my head. For those of you sitting there wondering who this group is, let me introduce you to Danity Kane. They are the women that are featured on the show Making The Band on MTV. They were put togehther by Puffy Combs and I just stumbled on the show this past season. I have fallen in love with their sound and style. Their album comes out on the 22nd and I so can't wait. I will definintely be buying it. Hope you like it.
Show Stopper
Danity Kane
We in the car, we ride slow
We doin' things that the girls don't do
The boys stare, we smile back
All my girls in the rainbow Cadillacs, yeah
[Aubrey]
Show stoppin' at the latest bar
The ride shinin' with the open top
Hydraulics make our heads go nod
Hair blowin' in the breeze
Yo, we superstars
[D. Woods]
Put in the keys, make that engine purr
3 in the back, one in the passenger
Slow creepin', 'cause we look that fly
All the boys tryin' taste our candy ride
[Group - Shannon lead vocal]
We in the car, we ride slow
We doin' things that the girls don't do
The boys stare, we smile back
All my girls in the rainbow Cadillacs, yeah
[Chorus - Group]
Bet you ain't never seen
Chicks ridin' this clean
Louis Vuitton seats
We do it deadly
That's how we keep it poppin'
Make sure that bass knockin'
So when you see us ridin'
We call it show stoppin'
We show stoppin'
We show, show stoppin'
We show stoppin'
We show, show stoppin'
That's how we keep it poppin'
Make sure that bass knockin'
So when you see us ridin'
We call it show stoppin'
[Aundrea]
We sittin' on 22s plus 2
Mink bucket seats, neon blue
Color coordinate with them shoes
Yeah, we divas
But we ride like big boys do
[D. Woods]
Black tinted with a white stripe interstate
Lookin' in the mirror at my Bad Boy fitted ,yup
Show stoppin' 'til they lose their breath
Turn the wheel to the right
Turn the wheel to the left
[Hook- Group- Shannon lead vocals]
[Chorus- Dawn ad-libs]
[Dawn]
This is for my ladies in the 280s Mercedes
In the H3, Baby Ranges, Bentley Coupes, my Escalades
Say oh, oh
Break 'em off somethin' proper
Like a real show stopper
[Group- Dawn lead vocal]
This is for my chicas with the Beamers A6s
'67 Chevys, Maserati, or a Lexus
Say oh, oh
Break 'em off somethin' proper
Like a real show stopper
[Instrumental Break]
[Chorus]
[Dawn]
Tonight we goin' swervin'
Bustin' slides, hittin' curbs
And ghost ridin' on the whips
Hit tonight
That's what it's gonna be about
Watch my trunk go bouncy bounce
Girls gon' ridin'
[Group - Shannon & Aubrey lead vocal- 2x]
I know you see a wifey
But peep my ride go hyphy
Show Stopper
Danity Kane
We in the car, we ride slow
We doin' things that the girls don't do
The boys stare, we smile back
All my girls in the rainbow Cadillacs, yeah
[Aubrey]
Show stoppin' at the latest bar
The ride shinin' with the open top
Hydraulics make our heads go nod
Hair blowin' in the breeze
Yo, we superstars
[D. Woods]
Put in the keys, make that engine purr
3 in the back, one in the passenger
Slow creepin', 'cause we look that fly
All the boys tryin' taste our candy ride
[Group - Shannon lead vocal]
We in the car, we ride slow
We doin' things that the girls don't do
The boys stare, we smile back
All my girls in the rainbow Cadillacs, yeah
[Chorus - Group]
Bet you ain't never seen
Chicks ridin' this clean
Louis Vuitton seats
We do it deadly
That's how we keep it poppin'
Make sure that bass knockin'
So when you see us ridin'
We call it show stoppin'
We show stoppin'
We show, show stoppin'
We show stoppin'
We show, show stoppin'
That's how we keep it poppin'
Make sure that bass knockin'
So when you see us ridin'
We call it show stoppin'
[Aundrea]
We sittin' on 22s plus 2
Mink bucket seats, neon blue
Color coordinate with them shoes
Yeah, we divas
But we ride like big boys do
[D. Woods]
Black tinted with a white stripe interstate
Lookin' in the mirror at my Bad Boy fitted ,yup
Show stoppin' 'til they lose their breath
Turn the wheel to the right
Turn the wheel to the left
[Hook- Group- Shannon lead vocals]
[Chorus- Dawn ad-libs]
[Dawn]
This is for my ladies in the 280s Mercedes
In the H3, Baby Ranges, Bentley Coupes, my Escalades
Say oh, oh
Break 'em off somethin' proper
Like a real show stopper
[Group- Dawn lead vocal]
This is for my chicas with the Beamers A6s
'67 Chevys, Maserati, or a Lexus
Say oh, oh
Break 'em off somethin' proper
Like a real show stopper
[Instrumental Break]
[Chorus]
[Dawn]
Tonight we goin' swervin'
Bustin' slides, hittin' curbs
And ghost ridin' on the whips
Hit tonight
That's what it's gonna be about
Watch my trunk go bouncy bounce
Girls gon' ridin'
[Group - Shannon & Aubrey lead vocal- 2x]
I know you see a wifey
But peep my ride go hyphy
Ok I know I spend a lot of time venting, but that is really what I started this blog for. It's my therapy. My way of getting things out before I explode and right now I feel like I'm about to become a big mess on the wall.
I am so freaking tired of the fact that the only conversation I get to have with my husband are the ones that require me to try and figure out the tone of what he means or wonder if he is saying something just to make me happy or really means it. I want a face to face conversation that isn't delayed. I want to see him smile when I say something sweet or funny. Phone conversations help a little because I can tell by the tone of his voice if he's ok, but those are few and sometimes far between.
I'm so glad that we are on the downward slope of this deployment. I'm beyond ready for it to be over. I miss my husbnad. He just needs to come home already.
I am so freaking tired of the fact that the only conversation I get to have with my husband are the ones that require me to try and figure out the tone of what he means or wonder if he is saying something just to make me happy or really means it. I want a face to face conversation that isn't delayed. I want to see him smile when I say something sweet or funny. Phone conversations help a little because I can tell by the tone of his voice if he's ok, but those are few and sometimes far between.
I'm so glad that we are on the downward slope of this deployment. I'm beyond ready for it to be over. I miss my husbnad. He just needs to come home already.
My son is now in kindergarten.(Insert pathetic sniffles here) He loves school. He has a wonderful teacher and just really loves the whole experience. He even gets excited about wearing the t-shirt they wear Monday through Thursday. Today was his first full day and he seemed happy enough but exhausted by the end of it. Tomorrow he gets to ride the bus home. Can we say nervous Mommy here.
Wednesday afternoon we met with the Speech Therapist,Student Services Coordinator, Kindergarten Special Education teacher, and his current teacher. It was basically a discussion to figure out if my son's behaviorism and speech warranted farther evaluation. It was unanimously agreed that it did so for the next month he will have three evaluations as well as his teacher's daily observations. After that we will be sitting down again together to discuss their findings and recommendations. The big concern right now is both his speech and his constant need for one on one, hands on attention to get his work done. His teacher is wonderful about that, but she has a big class and can't spend all of her time with him.
Today was a very big realization of that for me. I went to pick him up and as I was walking towards his class, I saw him wondering around the grassy area near his class. I honestly believe he would have headed into the parking lot had he not seen me when he did. This scared me. His teacher had no clue he was out of the classroom until I told her. Not the most comforting feeling. He apparently went out the other open door she wasn't standing at. She promised she would keep it closed to keep it from happening again. My sister said that I had no reason to blame the teacher at all, but I feel differently. It is her job to know where my son is until I pick him up or he is on his bus. I trust her wit that. Should my son have wandered off when he did, no and he was punished for it. To me that doesn't totally exclude her from blame. She has told me for the past three days that she had him about his tendency to wander off on his own when left unattended. Knowing this, I feel she should have taken the precautions to keep it from happening or at least checked once in a while to make sure he was still in the room. I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong, but it bothered me all the same. I need to know that he's safe there. I have enough of a hard time with him being there to have to add worrying about if he is going to wander out of the cafeteria and into the street while no one is looking. They leave those doors open all day.
On top of agreeing to the evaluations, they strongly suggested that I push for a referral from his doctor to a behavioral psychologist to pursue the matter more than they can. We have had several people mention over the past year that he seems to have characteristics of children with a certain disorder and I honestly would like to just have everything ruled out. I don't want my son to be labeled, but I do want to be able to help him. I want to be able to teach him and talk to him without feeling frustrated. I want to one day be able to have a conversation with him where I'm not piecing in the words and trying to figure out what really happened or if he's off in his own world again. I just want to learn how to be better with him and maybe not feel like I'm failing him so much.
Ok so apparently I've been tagged by Amy. Here goes nothing.
Five items in my freezer
- Superhero and crayon shaped popsicles
- meat..lots of meat
- A good bit of frozen apple and orange juice
- Ice cream that really should be thrown away.
- frozen veggies
Five items in the closet (Using the closet in my bedroom)
- My husband's assorted uniforms
- vacuum cleaner
- a ton of Army stuff that I don't even know why he has it, but it doesn't really matter
- Some shelves with assorted useless crap on it.
- boxes...empty boxes that have no purpose really.
Five items in the car
- My son's booster chair
- A pillow
- trash...we really need to clean the car out.
- beach necessities...I do live in Hawaii after all
- board games....don't ask
Five items in my purse
- wallet
- gum
- pen
- lip gloss
- Altoids
Five people Ishove mercilessly and force into being ‘it’ tag (Amy stole like three of mine):
Rebecca
Heidi
Katie
Charles
Keith
Guys..I know you don't carry a purse...do wallet instead...
Five items in my freezer
- Superhero and crayon shaped popsicles
- meat..lots of meat
- A good bit of frozen apple and orange juice
- Ice cream that really should be thrown away.
- frozen veggies
Five items in the closet (Using the closet in my bedroom)
- My husband's assorted uniforms
- vacuum cleaner
- a ton of Army stuff that I don't even know why he has it, but it doesn't really matter
- Some shelves with assorted useless crap on it.
- boxes...empty boxes that have no purpose really.
Five items in the car
- My son's booster chair
- A pillow
- trash...we really need to clean the car out.
- beach necessities...I do live in Hawaii after all
- board games....don't ask
Five items in my purse
- wallet
- gum
- pen
- lip gloss
- Altoids
Five people I
Rebecca
Heidi
Katie
Charles
Keith
Guys..I know you don't carry a purse...do wallet instead...
I so wish I could say that. I wish I could wake up tomorrow and say "I'm not going to cry anymore over this." Unfortunately, as emotional as I've been lately, that's not likely to happen. First it was the deployment convoy, then the soldier walking through walmart in uniform, and today it was a commercial of couples talking about their first kiss and a few sappy country songs. Little things have my eyes welling up and me wishing for him to be home already. What is going on with all the crying? It's driving me nuts. Between this and my son starting school, I feel like the world's biggest baby. I want to yell at myself "Get over it already!!!!" Hopefully it's just a phase. Hopefully I'll be back to whatever form of normal I was at or at least not so likely to burst into tears without notice.
I stole this from someone else's blog. Seemed like fun to me. Sorry, don't have the more tag right now.
*Pick your birth month.
* Strike out anything that doesn’t apply to you.
* Bold the five-ten that best apply to you.
* Copy to your own journal, with all twelve months under a More… tag.
JUNE
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.
JANUARY
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.
FEBRUARY
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
MARCH
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.
APRIL
Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.
MAY
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.
JUNE
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.
JULY
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.
AUGUST:
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.
SEPTEMBER
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.
OCTOBER
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.
NOVEMBER
Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.
DECEMBER
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.
*Pick your birth month.
* Strike out anything that doesn’t apply to you.
* Bold the five-ten that best apply to you.
* Copy to your own journal, with all twelve months under a More… tag.
JUNE
JANUARY
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.
FEBRUARY
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
MARCH
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.
APRIL
Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.
MAY
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.
JUNE
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.
JULY
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.
AUGUST:
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.
SEPTEMBER
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.
OCTOBER
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.
NOVEMBER
Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.
DECEMBER
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.
For the past seven months I've wondered if I made the right decision in saying goodbye to my husband from home instead of going to the base to put him on the bus. Tonight I found out that I absolutely did the right thing. I never would have been able to handle putting him on that bus. How do I know this? A very large unit from the base is deploying and tonight was the night a rather large number of them left. We were on our way to the base to pick up some food and passed the convoy that was headed out to go to the airport. My sister asked what all of the buses were for and I told her. After that I burst into tears. Sobbing my way through the gate I realized that if having to see strangers do that made me sob, I would have never made it through putting my husband on the bus.
I miss him so much.
I miss him so much.
Today was an interesting day for me. My darling son had orientation for kindergarten. Whe had to be there at 7:55 and spent the first half hour with him in his class. Now my son has never been in any kind of daycare or preschool. He also has a speech delay that we haven't been able to get anyone to help with until reccently. I was so scared that he would have a teacher who would be easily frustrated with his inability to speak clearly. I prayed and prayed that God would give us a good teacher or get his evaluation before his class started so he would have some help. Imagine my joy when his teacher told us she was a speech therapist before becoming a teacher! We had to go to the cafeteria and meet with the vice principal and that finished early so my sister and I left the school. It was so hard. I don't know why, but it was. He had so much fun and was begging me all afternoon to go back. Friday he has a half day so we will see how we both do. I'm sure i'll cry like a baby.