Just Simply Jen

When do we get to say enough is enough. I'm not going to miss you anymore because it hurts too bad. This is where I am. I just want to say "I quit" and that be the end of it. No more crying myself to sleep because I am sick and wish he was here to just hold me. No more being disappointed because the internet is constantly cutting out on his end so we don't get to enjoy each other's company as much anymore or because he has a last minute something that he has to do because it's his job and after alll that's why he is so far away in the first place. I understand why all of these are going on and it may seem petty but I'm just tired. I am tired of hurting. I am tired of missing you so damn much that I can't breathe and I wish I could take a break. I wish that seeing you on that screen still made me happy instead of making me want to cry because I can't reach out and touch you. I hate knowing I have forgotten what you feel like, what you smell like. I've forgotten so much.
I know I can't stop missing you. That would mean I would have to not love you anymore and even if I wanted that, I couldn't. It's just too deep. I dont' want to though. I really just want this to be over so we don't have to hurt anymore. I say we because I know how much it hurts you too...even if you don't tell me..I know.
Oh well Tomorrow is another day with new issues. HOpefully it will bring some peace too. We're in teh double digits now so we're getting closer to the end. The only problem with seeing the light at the end of the tunnel is not being able to get to it fast enough. Like a suffocating man who knows air is where that light is...he just can't seem to get there fast enough. That's me right now.