I feel like the most horrible person the world right now. My husband and I were just talking online for the past two hours which is great even though I was obviously not in the best of conversation moods. I don't know what my deal is...I mean how often am I going to get to talk to him for that long although he was talking to others more than me it seemed. I had so much to say, but felt like the minute I started getting it all out there, he would have to go and I would be frustrated. So I didn't. It is so hard I can't talk to the one person in my life that so completely gets me. I mean it's not really important stuff, but stuff that matters to me so it would matter to him. Does that make sense.
Anyway that's not why I'm a horrible person.
I'm horrible because hew as telling me he got to go out and saw some Iraqi children. He was going on about how great it was and how cute it was and I couldn't figure out why I wasn't happy for him. Then it hit me. I was jealous. I was jealous for my son. When I told him, he thought I was upset because I wanted to see him and reprimanded me with "you will get to see plenty of me" I told him I was ok with that...well as ok as I can be, but my jealousy was that he should be with my son not someone else's children. My son is only going to be this age once and he's going to miss all of it. I mean I will send pictures and letters and videos, but come on...who am I kidding. That's not the same. With us being military there is no guarantee that we will see plenty of him for the next however many years he is in the Army. I have barely seen him for the past ten months! For almost two years my son will have gone without a regular every day daddy. Even the whole three months we were under the same roof after basic and ait..he was hardly ever home. When we woke up he was at work. He came home later and later and would usually be so tired he'd fall asleep not long after he was home. Most weekends something would happen and he'd have to go in to work. So I got a little mad when he said that. To his defense, I'm very hormonal today and he did agree that it was different for my son than it was for me. He totally understood and respected my feelings. Before you think I'm totally horrible, I did apologize and tell him I truly am glad that he enjoyed himself. I didn't mean for this to turn into such a long rant.
1 comments:
You can't feel bad about your conversation. There were many times Mandy and I argued or said the wrong things while I was over there.
He understands better then you think. Usually we're more understanding when we're over there and expect ya'll to be "hormonal" and moody sometimes. :)
No worries.
Mike