Just Simply Jen

I get to go grocery shopping in the morning. Not a big deal to most people, but I have only left the military reservation I live on twice in over a month and that means in that same amount of time I have not set foot inside a store. I've left to go to church and to an FRG meeting. I'm totally excited about grocery shopping. The thing is, the person giving me the ride prefers morning shopping and since today was payday and tomorrow is the weekend..that's probably a really smart idea. My house looks so awful right now. SO awful. I should stay up tonight and clean so that I can be prepared if she wants to use my bathroom or something, but I'm so tired. I've been weepy all day (I hate hormones) and between that and the non stop rain, I'm tired. I have no caffeine in the house so that's out of the question. I'm actually considering a nap. Lately I've been waking up about 3 am and feeling refreshed after only sleeping a few hours. You know..that doesn't sound like a bad idea. Go to bed now, sleep until maybe three or four and then get up and clean...I'm not going to get it done but well some would be done and maybe I would feel better in the process. Who knows.
I miss my husband. It's getting better but I've been wishing all day that I could be numb. It would be so much easier if I could just not ache all the time. I'm not sure that will ever happen. I've always been accused of being too tenderhearted, but I think it will get more bearable. It has to.
I've not heard from my husband in four days. Not exactly unheard of but for some reason I have had the most irrational fears run through my head tonight. I'm talking they range from him getting hurt to him having an affair. Sure the first could happen. He's in a dangerous country, but the second is not likely to happen. I'm not stupid enough to say it never could, but I do trust that it won't. So while these things are going through my head I know they are not the truth, I just can't seem to shake it tonight. I've just been doing a lot of praying tonight and it seems to be helping.
Ok I'm off to pass out for a few hours so I can get up really early and get something done. God I hope I have something clean to wear.