Just Simply Jen

When my husband was in AIT I had a friend, who's husband was in Iraq, tell me with attitude "well at least your husband is in the same state." My reply? "He might as well be in the same state as you are for all I see him or talk to him." I couldn't really compare it to her husband being in Iraq because at least I knew my husband was safe. Here is the way I feel about it now that my husband is actually in a more dangerous area. Distance has to have something to do with our state of mind because he felt farther away those days he was in school than he does now. There are days like today where it felt like it did when he had just gone to work for the day. Like he never left the island. Don't worry. I'm not about to go into denial. I KNOW where he is, I just don't feel like he's that far away from me. I don't know how to explain it. I really don't. I just feel like something in the way we think about things has to have something to do with our perception of how really far thousands of miles is going to feel.
It's the same for time. Today he and I were talking about how many days were left until he is supposed to have R&R. When I told him the number he said "wow, it's not that long is it." I mean it's a big number, but it certainly doesn't feel like it's all that long. Two months ago that number would have made me burst into tears and hundreds of miles would have felt far too many. Now I'm sitting here thinking he feels almost close enough to touch, but still elusive. Maybe I'm just dreaming, but this is the way I want it to be until he is home again. We've been married almost seven years and there were times when he felt farther away when he was sitting beside me.
I guess love and communication are really the answer to making the distance seem so much less. Maybe I'm just talking the talk of a woman wanting to do anything to make time go by faster and the days seem a little less lonely. If that's the case, don't disillusion me. I'm the one that has to deal, so just let me.