Just Simply Jen

Ok so for a few moments last night, I completely lost it. Looking back now I'm like "ok ..that was weird." I went to bed last night at 11 which is a little early for me, but I was tired. Well at midnight my cell phone rang and woke me up. As hard as I tried, I couldn't wake up enough to answer the darn thing. I mean it's not that hard..you just flip it open right? My brain was having trouble with that little task. Of course the phone call had to be the one I've been waiting for since Friday...that's right it was my husband. As soon as I heard the voice mail message, I lost it. I'm talking super hard ugly crying. I had no control over it at all. I tried to stop but it was like some volcano of tears erupted. It lasted about 15 minutes until the phone rang again and it was my husband calling me back. He could tell I had been crying and was all worried. I assured him I was ok, just having an odd moment. I hope he believed me.
All in all yesterday was a good day and hearing his voice last night was awesome! It's so weird that we didn't even really talk that much, but all I needed was to hear him say "I love you" and I was ok. He is doing really great...that is what he said and by the sound of his voice I believe him. I will admit that for a moment the fact that he was "really great" made me jealous. This is how it was when he went through basic. He was off having a lot of fun and being "really great" and I was stuck at home alone with a kid who was mad his daddy left and having to be a single mom. Don't get me wrong..I'm really glad he's doing so well. Just for a moment it irked me. I hope there is someone out there who understands this and won't think I'm a horrible wife.
My friend finally told me this morning that she won't be coming. I knew that was what she was going to say although I'm not going to say it doesn't hurt a little. I would do absolutely anything for her, but I guess she couldn't get past the fear enough to be here. She told me that she's "here for me 24/7" and I am so tired of hearing that. I know my family and her all mean well, but honestly you aren't really here for me 24/7...it's more like whenever my phone call won't inconvenience them. I told her "I know you are there for me" and left out the bitter "I just needed you to be HERE for me" Yeah I'm a bit cranky. I know. I'm working on it.
Despite the headache from the crying jag and the disappointment, today is looking like it might be a good day. I hope so. Would be nice to be able to string a few together.