Just Simply Jen

It's just after midnight and I can't sleep. I'm tired but I can't get my mind to stop turning. I wish it would just stop. Memories. They haunt me when I would rather forget them all together. I wish I could erase them as if they never happened, but then so much good would have to be forgotten with them. They chase me in my dreams and when I am awake. What I would love to do is to spill them all once and for all, but I am afraid to look at them in the light of day. I have been able to numb the pain. When I look back it is usually with a cold heart but sometimes the littlest bit of feeling seeps in and I grow afraid. That is why I keep them hidden. Most of the ones that are the deepest hurts are the ones that very few know about. I'm not sure how some would react to them. I'm not sure how I would. All I know is I want to be left alone. Left to my future where they don't exist anymore. I want my happiness without the past sneaking in and stealing moments from it. It's over with. I can't change it. I wouldn't even know where to start. Why can't you just leave me alone? Stop haunting me. Especially since I know that to you I don't exist anymore. I wish I could say the same. Just go away please. I need sleep.

I'm sorry if I've just made everyone think I'm insane. Maybe I am. All I know is I can't sleep and I feel so trapped. Hopefully I'll look less crazy in the light of day.