Oh how I really wish I could just scream. If I did, I'd either scare the crap out of my son or upset the neighbors so I'll just wait. I'm so frustrated. So very frustrated. The past few days I have been so bleh feeling and this evening I was just not having a great evening. My wonderful husband, whom I wish I could talk to more, calls me and tells me that he needed me to take an item to rear detatchment that he was supposed to take care of before he left. Ok no big deal, right? WRONG! I don't have my liscence. I have been trying to find the chance to get it since July but between our car not working, the move, not having a car, the car not passing inspection, and his predeployment work schedule, I still have no liscence. So now I sit in a strange place, near nothing, with no way of going anywhere and he wants me to take something to rear detatchment. We live about 10-15 min from post depending on traffic and this is driving. I only know one person beyond the normal hello in the driveway and he is asknig me how the progress is on my liscense. I sort of started crying, which made him feel bad, but I don't care because he was making it sound like it was all my fault. I can't make friends appear out of thin air. I don't usually make friends really easy and it's not like i'm not trying. The one person I would consider a friend has offered to take care of my son when I do go to get my liscence..now I just have to find someone to take me and to remind me how to parallel park. I hate asking people for help, especially people I hardly know. I'm so frustrated. I wish I could pack it all up and go back to SC until he comes home. I need my friends and family. I don't know what i was thinking by staying here. I can't do this!! I just don't think I can do this..
A lot of people on a forum I'm on have tickers. These little things that count down until a certain occasion. Well I decided to go make one for when my husband was coming home and well it downright depressed me. I guess I'll use it when I get closer to the date, but for now it just makes me sad. I have a countdown on my browser and it counts down in days. I know it's not any less time, but at least I see progress on it. Oh well.
Ok so it's not the first time he called, but it was one of the best times. He didn't call because someone made him or because he knew I would worry if he didn't. He called because he missed me and wanted to tell me he loves me. That is the bestest reason in the world!
They had a commercial on tv today for one of those love song collection cd's and it had the song "Right Here Waiting" by Richard Marx on it. I think the song came out sometime in the early 90's. I don't really remember exactly when but I remember liking it because it was popular at the time. I did that a lot. I would like songs but not listen to the lyrics really well. I'm really good at memorizing lyrics though so after I saw the commercial, I started singing the song. I couldn't remember all of the lyrics, but as I started singing them I realized how much the song was how I feel right now. So now I'm loving the song even more.
Gotta love thos sappy romance songs. I've been thinking a lot of how much I've taken for granted. I want to say that I won't do it again, but I thought a lot of these same thoughts when he was at basic/AIT. Is it just in our nature to take everything for granted? Definitely something I'm wanting to work on.
I'm making a calendar spread for my son to get the idea of what a "really long time" is when I talk to him about how long his daddy will be gone. I ordered a poster sized print of his Daddy to go with it. It came yesterday and we put it up today. It really is a hilarious picture. I think it shows so very much of my husbands personality. He is such a goofball and is always trying to make everyone laugh. Now he can be serious when he needs to be, like at work, but usually he is just a lot of fun.
Richard Marx
Right Here Waiting
Oceans apart day after day and I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line but it doesn't stop the pain
If I see you next to never how can we say forever
* Wherever you go whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I took for granted, all the times that I though would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears but I can't get near you now
Oh, can't you see it baby you've got me goin' crazy
[Repeat *]
I wonder how we can survive this romance
But in the end if I'm with you I'll take the chance
Oh, can't you see it baby you've got me goin' crazy
[Repeat *]
Gotta love thos sappy romance songs. I've been thinking a lot of how much I've taken for granted. I want to say that I won't do it again, but I thought a lot of these same thoughts when he was at basic/AIT. Is it just in our nature to take everything for granted? Definitely something I'm wanting to work on.
I'm making a calendar spread for my son to get the idea of what a "really long time" is when I talk to him about how long his daddy will be gone. I ordered a poster sized print of his Daddy to go with it. It came yesterday and we put it up today. It really is a hilarious picture. I think it shows so very much of my husbands personality. He is such a goofball and is always trying to make everyone laugh. Now he can be serious when he needs to be, like at work, but usually he is just a lot of fun.
Today I feel so out of it. Like I'm a walking zombie. I'm so glad christmas is over. New years won't be a big deal because we usually are in bed before midnight anyway. It was so good to sleep last night. I actually managed to sleep through a text message. Thank God it wasn't my husband. I feel like I could still use a lot more sleep. I guess all of this emotional crap is getting to me. I am so wanting to cry right now but there isn't anything left. Maybe this is a good thing. Now I get to fill back up with better feelings and better thoughts.
I found out yesterday when my husband is supposed to be home on R&R and I'm liking the dates. Of course, now that I have admited that to the world, they will totally change. Anyway, it gives me a point to look forward to and a much closer date to count down to. The odd thing is that my ticker says that there are 348 days until he comes home. A lot of you are going to look at that and say that seems like forever, but to me it doesn't seem as long as it might once have.
Onward ho!
I found out yesterday when my husband is supposed to be home on R&R and I'm liking the dates. Of course, now that I have admited that to the world, they will totally change. Anyway, it gives me a point to look forward to and a much closer date to count down to. The odd thing is that my ticker says that there are 348 days until he comes home. A lot of you are going to look at that and say that seems like forever, but to me it doesn't seem as long as it might once have.
Onward ho!
Today was a much better day. I didn't get much sleep last night but waking up early was worth it because I was able to speak to my husband both online and on the phone. I like talking to him online, but it was so awesome to hear his voice. It meant the world to me. Church was wonderful and I loved being with my friend and her precious daughters. My son was a bit rambuncious during church but they said it didn't bother them.
It was so beautiful today. Nothing like the Christmas days I'm used to. It was so bright and sunny and a comfortable temperature. It was just amazing.
I hope that everyone had a wonderful day with their friends and families. Merry Christmas!
That used to be one of my favorite Christmas songs and I think that is somewhat true. Christmas hasn't started for me this year and it definitely isn't in my heart. I'm barely walking through the motions. My son had fun opening his presents tonight though. We still have the "Santa" gifts waiting for morning. I usually absolutely love watching him open gifts, but that wasn't even fun for me this year. I never realized how much better family...even just the three of us..makes a difference at Christmas. This has been the worst Christmas I've had since the one where my parents officially divorced.
One bright spot in my day was a package I recieved. At our church in SC I helped with a missions class called Girls in Actioin, or GA's for short. Well they got together and made cards for all of us and collected gifts for my son and myself. These girls meant so much to me and I have missed them all so dearly. This touched me in a way I could never explain.
Well I need to bathe my son and get him to bed so we can be up in time for Church. Mele Kalikimaka to you and your families.
One bright spot in my day was a package I recieved. At our church in SC I helped with a missions class called Girls in Actioin, or GA's for short. Well they got together and made cards for all of us and collected gifts for my son and myself. These girls meant so much to me and I have missed them all so dearly. This touched me in a way I could never explain.
Well I need to bathe my son and get him to bed so we can be up in time for Church. Mele Kalikimaka to you and your families.
It is cold! Ok so for most of you this weather would be heavenly, but having aclimated already, it's downright cold. It's 67 degrees F here. Today was one of those sticky humid days, not really hot just icky feeling. It rained and after the rain it was like someone turned on the air conditioning.
Every night my husband would lie down with my son for a little while before my son would fall asleep. It was like their way of spending time together snuggling. Well since he's gone I've been the one doing the snuggling and I've really enjoyed it. My son looks so much like his daddy when he's asleep. That got to me tonight. He held my hand as he fell asleep and he had this adorable grin on his face. This grin has been appearing a lot more lately. It's so cute..so cute. I will have to try and get a picture of it some day.
I was invited to go to church with a friend on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I tried to get out of it, but she somehow made it where she was pretty much telling me I was going and I couldn't work up the nerve to say no. If you get to know me, you will learn that I apologize all the time for the oddest things (it's one of my family's pet peeves about me) and I am always afraid of saying something that will hurt someones feelings or make them think badly about me. I've gotten somewhat better about the last part but with some people I just have no nerve whatsoever. So now I'm going and I'm actually looking forward to it. I think it will be good for both Gabe and myself.
Every night my husband would lie down with my son for a little while before my son would fall asleep. It was like their way of spending time together snuggling. Well since he's gone I've been the one doing the snuggling and I've really enjoyed it. My son looks so much like his daddy when he's asleep. That got to me tonight. He held my hand as he fell asleep and he had this adorable grin on his face. This grin has been appearing a lot more lately. It's so cute..so cute. I will have to try and get a picture of it some day.
I was invited to go to church with a friend on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I tried to get out of it, but she somehow made it where she was pretty much telling me I was going and I couldn't work up the nerve to say no. If you get to know me, you will learn that I apologize all the time for the oddest things (it's one of my family's pet peeves about me) and I am always afraid of saying something that will hurt someones feelings or make them think badly about me. I've gotten somewhat better about the last part but with some people I just have no nerve whatsoever. So now I'm going and I'm actually looking forward to it. I think it will be good for both Gabe and myself.
Today has a been a very lazy day. The most I have done today was shower. My son had his first shower today and I think I've created a monster. He usually takes a bath, but he seemed to like the way the shower was a lot like playing in the waterhose. Whatever gets him clean, works for me.
I have to say that I am super excited for a friend of mine. Her husband came home today after being on a deployment for almost a year. Merry Christmas friend! I hope you all have a great time being together again. I'm sure this Christmas is going to be extra special.
I have to say that I am super excited for a friend of mine. Her husband came home today after being on a deployment for almost a year. Merry Christmas friend! I hope you all have a great time being together again. I'm sure this Christmas is going to be extra special.
I don't know if it was the holiday spirit or the fact that military families just naturally tend to look out for eachother, but today I was shown some of that holiday spirit and it touched me. I don't know the neighbors that are still here very well. Before today I had met the wife a few times and their son had come over to play one day but that was about it. The husband had spoken to my husband several times and they all seemed nice enough. Today the husband was out cleaning his patio after having cut his grass and my son went out to give him the third degree and make sure he was doing it right. I went out to apologize for the bother and for the fact that my backyard looks like a jungle. He laughed and said that neither were a bother and that if he were not on leave, his wouldn't have gotten done. Well I told him that my husband was gone and I would get to mine as soon as I learned how to use the weedeater (our yards aren't really big enough for a lawnmower to be worth it ...or so my husband said) and he offered to come and do it himself. He refused to let me pay him and was really done in about 10 minutes tops. When he left he told me to let him know when I needed it done again and he would be glad to do it.
Now I have to admit that I was so shocked that someone would offer just like that. Sure he said it took no time at all, but that was 10 minutes that he could have spent with his family. It meant a lot to me that he did that. I will have to figure out some way to let him and his family know that I appreciated it. I did offer to babysit some time.
Now I have to admit that I was so shocked that someone would offer just like that. Sure he said it took no time at all, but that was 10 minutes that he could have spent with his family. It meant a lot to me that he did that. I will have to figure out some way to let him and his family know that I appreciated it. I did offer to babysit some time.
After threatening to rain all day today, it finally let loose and poured. I think it might be lightly raining right now, but i can't really tell without going outside and it really doesn't matter. I love the way it smells after it rains..especially here. Everything gets this crisp clear fresh smell that makes me feel good. Not to mention it cooled off a good bit. Today was a windy day and it felt decent all day but now it is really nice out. I love it when it rains here. Part of me wishes I had gone and stood out in the downpour. Crazy maybe, but I just think it would have felt to let the stress run into the ground with the rainwater.
Today was ok. I was up a good bit last night, worrying about my son. He had a cough and although it didn't keep him awake..it certainly kept me awake. This left me tired and not feeling all that great today and of course that meant he was extremely hyper and didn't want to listen. Oh well. After all, Tomorrow is another day.
Today was ok. I was up a good bit last night, worrying about my son. He had a cough and although it didn't keep him awake..it certainly kept me awake. This left me tired and not feeling all that great today and of course that meant he was extremely hyper and didn't want to listen. Oh well. After all, Tomorrow is another day.
Yes...for the first time in many years I am Mrs. Scrooge. The last time I was a scrooge, I had pnuemonia and couldn't do anything. This year I just am not feeling the holiday season. It has been more about fighting my son to keep ornaments in one piece and presents wrapped than anything. Someone told me to think about his joy on Christmas day as he open gifts. All I think of is trying to keep the wrapping paper from enveloping my house, getting the right batteries in teh right gift and trying to get freaking pictures for his daddy! I get more excitement at the thought of putting away all of the decorations and tearing down the tree. This is so not the normal me. I'm never a grinch.
My dad called today and it was good to talk to him. I think he's really worried about me. He's a dad so he's entitled. I try to convince him I'm fine but I'm not sure how much he believed me. I really am fine. I had a few semi rough days but I'm fine. I told him what my husband said and he laughed. I think the general consensus is that he didn't mean it the way it sounded. I have to agree with it and I really can't wait until I can talk to him.
Ok I guess I'm gonna go be bah humbugish a little more. One week to find some sort of holiday spirit. Wish me luck!
My dad called today and it was good to talk to him. I think he's really worried about me. He's a dad so he's entitled. I try to convince him I'm fine but I'm not sure how much he believed me. I really am fine. I had a few semi rough days but I'm fine. I told him what my husband said and he laughed. I think the general consensus is that he didn't mean it the way it sounded. I have to agree with it and I really can't wait until I can talk to him.
Ok I guess I'm gonna go be bah humbugish a little more. One week to find some sort of holiday spirit. Wish me luck!
Don't get me wrong. I love the man and I'm sure he didn't mean to be a jerk but he was. I have carried the stupid cell phone around with me everywhere hoping he would call. I did this even though I knew it would be unlikely he did so and when he did that the connection would suck, but I wanted to talk to him. Well tonight he finally called me and it was so good to hear his voice. He sounds like he is doing really well...yes still slightly jealous as I spent my day dealing with my son writing on walls with marker and not listening to a word I said, but I digress. Back to why I feel he is a jerk... In the course of our conversation I said that I missed him to which he replied "I miss you too, but not overly so. It's really not too bad." WTF??? I miss you too would have sufficed thank you very much. It's nice to know that I miss him so bad at moments that I can't breathe but I rank a not that much on his scale. Like I said..I love the man but he was a bit of a jerk. I know he meant it as a "don't worry I'm ok" sort of thing, but come on...couldn't he have said something different. He said the same thing while he was in basic and knows how bad it bothered me then. It took me weeks to convince myself that the man still cared about me. Not wasting my time this time as I know it is just his incredible way with words, but for the moment I'm a little miffed.
My son wouldn't talk to his Dad. After days of begging me to call his daddy and wanting his daddy, he would have nothing to do with the phone. As soon as I hung up he came over to me and hugged me with a smirk on his face. I asked him if he was mad at his Daddy and he said "yes" and when I tried to talk more he just walked away. He did the same thing while hubby was gone earlier this year, but this is going to be a lot longer than four months so I hope he gets over it. I can understand. His best friend left him with the mean old mommy.
Oh well. At least one good thing came out of this. I feel a lot less guilty for accidentally breaking a tiger statue thing he's had for many years. Yes it really was an accident and I was feeling really bad about it. Now I'm thinking he'll get over it.
My son wouldn't talk to his Dad. After days of begging me to call his daddy and wanting his daddy, he would have nothing to do with the phone. As soon as I hung up he came over to me and hugged me with a smirk on his face. I asked him if he was mad at his Daddy and he said "yes" and when I tried to talk more he just walked away. He did the same thing while hubby was gone earlier this year, but this is going to be a lot longer than four months so I hope he gets over it. I can understand. His best friend left him with the mean old mommy.
Oh well. At least one good thing came out of this. I feel a lot less guilty for accidentally breaking a tiger statue thing he's had for many years. Yes it really was an accident and I was feeling really bad about it. Now I'm thinking he'll get over it.
One week down, at least 51 to go if we go by his orders. I know they are subject to change as is everything in the military. Hopefully if they change, it will be to have him coming home sooner rather than later, but I'm not holding my breath on that one.
All in all we made it through the week alright. Had a few really rough moments, but the good ones far outweighed the bad ones. I think the hardest thing for me so far is that my son is really starting to miss his friend. That is what he calls his daddy now. "My Friend" I wish I could take this time and make it go so fast he didn't realize it was happening. I wish I could just make it all better for him, but I can't and that bothers me. I can't wait until we will be able to have more regular communication because it will do us both some good to at least be able to talk to him. I'm hoping he will be able to get regular internet access so he can use the webcam I bought him for Christmas and we will be able to see him too.
I had a really good day, but tonight my heart is aching to hear his voice. I'm sort of doubting it will happen, but it would be nice. We got an update through the FRG saying all is well and they are anxious to move on. It included a reminder that lines were very long for everything and time was very short so we shouldn't expect to hear much. I'm glad for those reminders. It helps me keep my expectations low. That is something I have found very useful in this past year.
My neighbors left tonight for the mainland. They were wonderful neighbors and I'm going to miss them. My son is going to miss their son and dogs. I am hoping to make many new friends here, but that is something that will take a little time. I need to work on forming friendships faster. Time is not always a luxury we have. There is another neighbor in our set of houses that I really liked. She is very nice and seems like she would be a lot of fun to be with. She, the neighbor that moved, and myself all gave out candy together on Halloween night and we had a lot of fun. It was really nice to be with a group of women. I will try to get to know her better. She has a son two years older than mine but they get along alright. Both love star wars so it is not like they will have a hard time finding something to do.
I am almost finally completely healed from the whole biopsy incident. I can't wait because I want to go swimming. We have a pool right around the corner here and we are dying to go there. My son is getting impatient and admittedly so am I. It is so odd to be thinking of swimming a week before Christmas. I would love to go to the beach but we would have to go to one on the other side of the island as the ones here are too rough this time of year and I'm not driving yet so that's out of the question. I live very near Oahu's famous North Shore. I can actually see it from the intersection to the main highway from our housing areas. Most of the beaches up here this time of year are very dangerous with the high surf which makes them popular with surfers. The Banzai Pipeline, Sunset Beach, Haleiwa, and Waimea Bay are all really close to here. We haven't had time to go since the "winter" season waves have started. I will definitely try to sometime before it's over though.The picture below is from Haleiwa at Sunset in October. I think that is where we were. We were somewhere in that area though so if it isn't Haleiwa then it is somewhere close to there and still on the North Shore.
Ok so it was another long ramble, but I honestly feel a lot better. I guess sometimes I just need to get it out. I guess I will try and sleep for a while. I feel so weird going to bed when almost everyone I know is either well into their day or about to start it. Gotta love being in the middle of an ocean. Makes life a little more interesting.
All in all we made it through the week alright. Had a few really rough moments, but the good ones far outweighed the bad ones. I think the hardest thing for me so far is that my son is really starting to miss his friend. That is what he calls his daddy now. "My Friend" I wish I could take this time and make it go so fast he didn't realize it was happening. I wish I could just make it all better for him, but I can't and that bothers me. I can't wait until we will be able to have more regular communication because it will do us both some good to at least be able to talk to him. I'm hoping he will be able to get regular internet access so he can use the webcam I bought him for Christmas and we will be able to see him too.
I had a really good day, but tonight my heart is aching to hear his voice. I'm sort of doubting it will happen, but it would be nice. We got an update through the FRG saying all is well and they are anxious to move on. It included a reminder that lines were very long for everything and time was very short so we shouldn't expect to hear much. I'm glad for those reminders. It helps me keep my expectations low. That is something I have found very useful in this past year.
My neighbors left tonight for the mainland. They were wonderful neighbors and I'm going to miss them. My son is going to miss their son and dogs. I am hoping to make many new friends here, but that is something that will take a little time. I need to work on forming friendships faster. Time is not always a luxury we have. There is another neighbor in our set of houses that I really liked. She is very nice and seems like she would be a lot of fun to be with. She, the neighbor that moved, and myself all gave out candy together on Halloween night and we had a lot of fun. It was really nice to be with a group of women. I will try to get to know her better. She has a son two years older than mine but they get along alright. Both love star wars so it is not like they will have a hard time finding something to do.
I am almost finally completely healed from the whole biopsy incident. I can't wait because I want to go swimming. We have a pool right around the corner here and we are dying to go there. My son is getting impatient and admittedly so am I. It is so odd to be thinking of swimming a week before Christmas. I would love to go to the beach but we would have to go to one on the other side of the island as the ones here are too rough this time of year and I'm not driving yet so that's out of the question. I live very near Oahu's famous North Shore. I can actually see it from the intersection to the main highway from our housing areas. Most of the beaches up here this time of year are very dangerous with the high surf which makes them popular with surfers. The Banzai Pipeline, Sunset Beach, Haleiwa, and Waimea Bay are all really close to here. We haven't had time to go since the "winter" season waves have started. I will definitely try to sometime before it's over though.The picture below is from Haleiwa at Sunset in October. I think that is where we were. We were somewhere in that area though so if it isn't Haleiwa then it is somewhere close to there and still on the North Shore.
Ok so it was another long ramble, but I honestly feel a lot better. I guess sometimes I just need to get it out. I guess I will try and sleep for a while. I feel so weird going to bed when almost everyone I know is either well into their day or about to start it. Gotta love being in the middle of an ocean. Makes life a little more interesting.
Today was a good day and I managed to keep busy enough that I actually didn't feel so lonely. I have a lot to do in my house so hopefully I will be busy for a while.
My son is trying to get sick. I just know it. He has had a cough at night for the past two nights and this evening he's been lying around more than usual. he's either sick or just really missing his daddy. He has been asking for him more and wanting to look at pictures of him more. Tonight we were looking through them and he smiled and said "It's my friend" and when I asked him who his friend was he said "daddy's my friend" He's never called him that before but it was so sweet. He really still wants to believe he is coming home soon and I hate having to tell him otherwise. It makes me feel mean. I don't like feeling mean.
I need to buy a Christmas present and I have no idea what to buy. I guess I don't really "need" to buy it, but we gave one of the things we bought to someone as a birthday present. My son saw it before I could wrap it and I needed a birthday present so I just used it. Of course, now that i want one for my son, they're sold out. I will figure something out.
My neighbors are moving Thursday and this makes me a little sad, but they are moving to a good place and are happy to just be moving together. She is expecting their second and I am so excited for them. I will be buying their window units from them. They are selling me three of them for $50. I almost feel like I am stealing them for that price. They said one of them is really old but works really well and one is only like a year old. I will probably only use two of them. One upstairs and one downstairs. I'm not sure yet. I won't put them in until next summer. Hopefully I will know someone by then who can help. It's so nice now that I can't see putting them in right now. They told me that later in the winter it gets a little cooler as well. Rains a lot more, but it is still fairly nice. I like the rain here it is so soothing.
It is so odd how your perception of hot and cold can change so easily. I grew up with fairly mild winters. Every once in a while we would get in the 30's but that didn't happen too often. I moved to Georgia and experience my first real winter and I loved it. It took a good bit for me to be really cold. We moved to SC and my father in law was always fussing at me in the winter for not wearing my jacket but I just wasn't cold. Now I move to Hawaii and it's fairly warm. It's December and our lows may get to be in the high 60's if we are luck and we are all freezing! It's so strange! It was probably in the high 70's the other day and we were standing outside in long sleeves talking about how cool it was. I think part of it is the breeze that seems to come out of nowhere. It can be quite chilly sometimes. I usually sleep with my ceiling fan and an oscillating fan, but this morning i had to turn one of them off. I don't know what I'd do with a SC winter now. Probably freeze.
Only a week and half until Christmas and I'm ready for it to be over. I have little bursts of holiday spirit, but nothing like I usually do. I'm usually the annoyingly excited one. This year I'm bordering on bah humbugish. The only thing keeping me from taking my tree down is my son. I'm not willing to ruin it for him. I'll just keep faking it. I'm not sure how much Christmas spirit he has right now. He took our stockings down and replaced them with some Halloween door hangers that he made this year. Of course he still likes to wear his santa hat and watch all of the Christmas specials that come on. I'm all for whatever is working for him that day.
Ok so this a lot longer than I thought it would be. I guess this is the type of rambling my husband got to hear on a regular basis...now I feel bad for him. Oh well. I guess he will get used to wordy. I know the letters I wrote him in basic were so long and always about nothing. He didn't seem to mind.
I just realized that I haven't written him a letter yet. We can't mail anything until next week anyway, but I so need to write him something.. I've emailed him several times. I'm all about instant gratification. It's so much easier to hit the send button then to hang onto a piece of paper for a week and then remember to mail it. I'm awful about putting things in the mail box. I guess I will have to get better at that.
I guess I will make myself shut up now. If you made it through all of this...then you are either a good friend or just really really bored... or maybe both. At any rate..thanks for sticking with me.
My son is trying to get sick. I just know it. He has had a cough at night for the past two nights and this evening he's been lying around more than usual. he's either sick or just really missing his daddy. He has been asking for him more and wanting to look at pictures of him more. Tonight we were looking through them and he smiled and said "It's my friend" and when I asked him who his friend was he said "daddy's my friend" He's never called him that before but it was so sweet. He really still wants to believe he is coming home soon and I hate having to tell him otherwise. It makes me feel mean. I don't like feeling mean.
I need to buy a Christmas present and I have no idea what to buy. I guess I don't really "need" to buy it, but we gave one of the things we bought to someone as a birthday present. My son saw it before I could wrap it and I needed a birthday present so I just used it. Of course, now that i want one for my son, they're sold out. I will figure something out.
My neighbors are moving Thursday and this makes me a little sad, but they are moving to a good place and are happy to just be moving together. She is expecting their second and I am so excited for them. I will be buying their window units from them. They are selling me three of them for $50. I almost feel like I am stealing them for that price. They said one of them is really old but works really well and one is only like a year old. I will probably only use two of them. One upstairs and one downstairs. I'm not sure yet. I won't put them in until next summer. Hopefully I will know someone by then who can help. It's so nice now that I can't see putting them in right now. They told me that later in the winter it gets a little cooler as well. Rains a lot more, but it is still fairly nice. I like the rain here it is so soothing.
It is so odd how your perception of hot and cold can change so easily. I grew up with fairly mild winters. Every once in a while we would get in the 30's but that didn't happen too often. I moved to Georgia and experience my first real winter and I loved it. It took a good bit for me to be really cold. We moved to SC and my father in law was always fussing at me in the winter for not wearing my jacket but I just wasn't cold. Now I move to Hawaii and it's fairly warm. It's December and our lows may get to be in the high 60's if we are luck and we are all freezing! It's so strange! It was probably in the high 70's the other day and we were standing outside in long sleeves talking about how cool it was. I think part of it is the breeze that seems to come out of nowhere. It can be quite chilly sometimes. I usually sleep with my ceiling fan and an oscillating fan, but this morning i had to turn one of them off. I don't know what I'd do with a SC winter now. Probably freeze.
Only a week and half until Christmas and I'm ready for it to be over. I have little bursts of holiday spirit, but nothing like I usually do. I'm usually the annoyingly excited one. This year I'm bordering on bah humbugish. The only thing keeping me from taking my tree down is my son. I'm not willing to ruin it for him. I'll just keep faking it. I'm not sure how much Christmas spirit he has right now. He took our stockings down and replaced them with some Halloween door hangers that he made this year. Of course he still likes to wear his santa hat and watch all of the Christmas specials that come on. I'm all for whatever is working for him that day.
Ok so this a lot longer than I thought it would be. I guess this is the type of rambling my husband got to hear on a regular basis...now I feel bad for him. Oh well. I guess he will get used to wordy. I know the letters I wrote him in basic were so long and always about nothing. He didn't seem to mind.
I just realized that I haven't written him a letter yet. We can't mail anything until next week anyway, but I so need to write him something.. I've emailed him several times. I'm all about instant gratification. It's so much easier to hit the send button then to hang onto a piece of paper for a week and then remember to mail it. I'm awful about putting things in the mail box. I guess I will have to get better at that.
I guess I will make myself shut up now. If you made it through all of this...then you are either a good friend or just really really bored... or maybe both. At any rate..thanks for sticking with me.
Ok so for a few moments last night, I completely lost it. Looking back now I'm like "ok ..that was weird." I went to bed last night at 11 which is a little early for me, but I was tired. Well at midnight my cell phone rang and woke me up. As hard as I tried, I couldn't wake up enough to answer the darn thing. I mean it's not that hard..you just flip it open right? My brain was having trouble with that little task. Of course the phone call had to be the one I've been waiting for since Friday...that's right it was my husband. As soon as I heard the voice mail message, I lost it. I'm talking super hard ugly crying. I had no control over it at all. I tried to stop but it was like some volcano of tears erupted. It lasted about 15 minutes until the phone rang again and it was my husband calling me back. He could tell I had been crying and was all worried. I assured him I was ok, just having an odd moment. I hope he believed me.
All in all yesterday was a good day and hearing his voice last night was awesome! It's so weird that we didn't even really talk that much, but all I needed was to hear him say "I love you" and I was ok. He is doing really great...that is what he said and by the sound of his voice I believe him. I will admit that for a moment the fact that he was "really great" made me jealous. This is how it was when he went through basic. He was off having a lot of fun and being "really great" and I was stuck at home alone with a kid who was mad his daddy left and having to be a single mom. Don't get me wrong..I'm really glad he's doing so well. Just for a moment it irked me. I hope there is someone out there who understands this and won't think I'm a horrible wife.
My friend finally told me this morning that she won't be coming. I knew that was what she was going to say although I'm not going to say it doesn't hurt a little. I would do absolutely anything for her, but I guess she couldn't get past the fear enough to be here. She told me that she's "here for me 24/7" and I am so tired of hearing that. I know my family and her all mean well, but honestly you aren't really here for me 24/7...it's more like whenever my phone call won't inconvenience them. I told her "I know you are there for me" and left out the bitter "I just needed you to be HERE for me" Yeah I'm a bit cranky. I know. I'm working on it.
Despite the headache from the crying jag and the disappointment, today is looking like it might be a good day. I hope so. Would be nice to be able to string a few together.
All in all yesterday was a good day and hearing his voice last night was awesome! It's so weird that we didn't even really talk that much, but all I needed was to hear him say "I love you" and I was ok. He is doing really great...that is what he said and by the sound of his voice I believe him. I will admit that for a moment the fact that he was "really great" made me jealous. This is how it was when he went through basic. He was off having a lot of fun and being "really great" and I was stuck at home alone with a kid who was mad his daddy left and having to be a single mom. Don't get me wrong..I'm really glad he's doing so well. Just for a moment it irked me. I hope there is someone out there who understands this and won't think I'm a horrible wife.
My friend finally told me this morning that she won't be coming. I knew that was what she was going to say although I'm not going to say it doesn't hurt a little. I would do absolutely anything for her, but I guess she couldn't get past the fear enough to be here. She told me that she's "here for me 24/7" and I am so tired of hearing that. I know my family and her all mean well, but honestly you aren't really here for me 24/7...it's more like whenever my phone call won't inconvenience them. I told her "I know you are there for me" and left out the bitter "I just needed you to be HERE for me" Yeah I'm a bit cranky. I know. I'm working on it.
Despite the headache from the crying jag and the disappointment, today is looking like it might be a good day. I hope so. Would be nice to be able to string a few together.
Ok so maybe I'm easily amused but I was reading an article on Blowfish being served as a delicacy in Japan and something they said had me laughing really hard.
Like i said. Probably easily amused but that had me cracking up. I'll take any laughter even if it was caused by something silly.
This evening is going better. My dad called and talking to him helped. After my son's bath, he was sort of down so I decided to give him the surprise my husband had left for him. It is a teddy bear that changes into a foot ball, like the old popples did sort of, and it has the US Army black and gold logo on it. Well of course it was stuck in the very back of these really deep cabinets we have over our closets here. I couldn't reach it(for those of you that have never met me, I'm very very short,) so I lifted my son up and like a brave man, and three attempts later, he climbed into the cabinet and pulled it out. He was so excited. Every time we have gone to the PX since we arrived here, he has wanted that bear. He spent about 5 minutes hugging and kissing the bear and then he turned it into a football and we played football for a few. He had me change it back into a bear and then realized he could store his lightsaber in the back of it. Well that just made it all the more better. He called it his R2 bear in reference to the part of Return of the Jedi where R2 has the lightsaber stored in him and shoots it out to help Luke out. It was cute. Definitely a nice ending to a not so nice day.
So why risk it? And why pay the $100-$200 a fugu dinner will generally cost you? Some say they simply like the flavor, and others may be drawn by claims that fugu works as an aphrodisiac (because nothing says sexy like the risk of slow, painful death with symptoms like nausea, diarrhea, sweating and convulsions leading to respiratory failure.)
Like i said. Probably easily amused but that had me cracking up. I'll take any laughter even if it was caused by something silly.
This evening is going better. My dad called and talking to him helped. After my son's bath, he was sort of down so I decided to give him the surprise my husband had left for him. It is a teddy bear that changes into a foot ball, like the old popples did sort of, and it has the US Army black and gold logo on it. Well of course it was stuck in the very back of these really deep cabinets we have over our closets here. I couldn't reach it(for those of you that have never met me, I'm very very short,) so I lifted my son up and like a brave man, and three attempts later, he climbed into the cabinet and pulled it out. He was so excited. Every time we have gone to the PX since we arrived here, he has wanted that bear. He spent about 5 minutes hugging and kissing the bear and then he turned it into a football and we played football for a few. He had me change it back into a bear and then realized he could store his lightsaber in the back of it. Well that just made it all the more better. He called it his R2 bear in reference to the part of Return of the Jedi where R2 has the lightsaber stored in him and shoots it out to help Luke out. It was cute. Definitely a nice ending to a not so nice day.
Boy they weren't lying when they said I would have to take it one day at a time. My husbandhas been gone a few days and they've yet to be the same. Today is awful. I'll be find one minute and crying the next. I'm trying to control the crying because I don't want my son worried, but I can't help it sometimes. He is ignoring me mostly anyway. I think he's missing his daddy a little more today. I think today is harder because he's always home on the weekends. Hopefully this will get better.
I'm also very frustrated with a friend of mine. We offered to pay for her to come stay with me while my husband is gone and she was so excited. But as is typical of her, the very next day she started looking for a million reasons not to do it. She is always so scared of anything new. I swear you would think we were asking her to move across the country and an ocean with no one around her she knew and leaving her alone there for a year...oh wait..that's what happend to me.. She has no steady job, no home of her own and nothing tying her down. I think it would be so good for her to explore something new, but she won't. It makes me very sad for her. She has let her fear rule most of her life and because of it she has missed so much. I am still hoping she changes her mind and comes. It would be fun.
I just recieved word that my husband made it to his destination safe and sound. It will probably still be a while before I hear from him which makes me sad, but it also gives me something to look forward to. He was able to call for a breif moment last night and just hearing his voice was enough to make it through the night with a smile. I had sweet dreams, not that I remember any of them.
Well I'm off to try and drag my son out the door. Maybe some sun will do us both some good.
I'm also very frustrated with a friend of mine. We offered to pay for her to come stay with me while my husband is gone and she was so excited. But as is typical of her, the very next day she started looking for a million reasons not to do it. She is always so scared of anything new. I swear you would think we were asking her to move across the country and an ocean with no one around her she knew and leaving her alone there for a year...oh wait..that's what happend to me.. She has no steady job, no home of her own and nothing tying her down. I think it would be so good for her to explore something new, but she won't. It makes me very sad for her. She has let her fear rule most of her life and because of it she has missed so much. I am still hoping she changes her mind and comes. It would be fun.
I just recieved word that my husband made it to his destination safe and sound. It will probably still be a while before I hear from him which makes me sad, but it also gives me something to look forward to. He was able to call for a breif moment last night and just hearing his voice was enough to make it through the night with a smile. I had sweet dreams, not that I remember any of them.
Well I'm off to try and drag my son out the door. Maybe some sun will do us both some good.
I was given a really neat trinket today that will help me think of my husband daily and remember that God is with him and has a reson for whatever happens while he away. The chaplain ordered these for the soldiers, but gave one for my husband to give both myself and my son. It is a sheild (decorative dog tag) with the unit name and crest on it and on the other side it has an american flag and the verse Joshua 1:9. I will be strong and corageous. I will not be afraid, or discouraged; for the Lord my God is with me wherever I go."
I really like that vers and hope having it on me will help me to remember to be strong and corageous over the next while.
Today was a better day. I had a few very cranky moments, but most of all it was good. We went to dinner and had a really nice time. I'm hoping tomorrow will be the same. All in all, we are going tobe fine. Evenings like this remind me of that.
I really like that vers and hope having it on me will help me to remember to be strong and corageous over the next while.
Today was a better day. I had a few very cranky moments, but most of all it was good. We went to dinner and had a really nice time. I'm hoping tomorrow will be the same. All in all, we are going tobe fine. Evenings like this remind me of that.
Sometimes good things do happen when you can use them most. Today we got a check that we have been waiting for from our old insurance company. It was about $900 more than what I thought it should be so I did the right thing and called them. I was totally expecting them to say that it was a mistake and they would send the much smaller check to me or something like that. Instead I was told somehow that it was correct and that because Icalled, if it did end up being a mistake later on, I could not be held accountable for the overpayment. YAY for suprises that are good!
I feel like someone hit me with a very large very heavy truck. Most of this is emotionally although I am starting to feel the physical strain. I knew that my husband leaving for a year was going to be hard, but I had myself convinced that I was going to be strong and not fall apart. For the past few days I have felt like the seams are coming apart and I'm waiting for all that is in me to pour out on the floor. A friend has been telling me that I will feel some relief when he finally leaves and I can start counting down to when he comes home and I really beleive her. I'm ready for him to be gone already. It's like the song on "Clifford's Really Big Movie" says. You can't come back 'til your gone...or something to that effect. Hopefully this year will go by really fast.
There is a sweet boy in SC in my thoughts tonight as well. He has lukemia and is doing really well with his treatment so far, but there is such a long road ahead of him. Please keep him and his wonderful family in your prayers. You can read his storry at www.caringbridge.org Click on visit and type jamesgoff in the blank. It is so amazing to see how well this family is holding up with all of this.
We had our gift exchange last night. I loved the gifts I got. Keith gave me the movie "The Story of Us", a blue topaz ring, a silver heart shaped trinket box with my initials on it, the Harry Potter box set, a snowman ornament with all of our names on it, a hooah coffee mug, a wallet that hangs around your neck with the army logo on it, a tshirt that has the name of our post on it, two cd's I have been drooling over for a while now, and a US army hat. My son gave me some apple bath things and Mary Poppins. I absolutely love that movie! I know this sounds really extravagant, but since we have been married we have never been able to afford much. For many years we didn't buy gifts or gave things we had made. Those things are very dear to me, but it was nice to be able to spoil and be spoiled.
I gave him a mp3 player already loaded with his favorite cd's, a webcam with mic, a smores maker with all he needs to make smores (he absolutely loves smores), two books on origami andsome paper, a book on figure drawing, a men's manicure set, and a game for his computer that turned out to only be the expansion pack...not feeling so smart on that one. From both my son and I he recieved a calendar that I made on kodak gallery that had pictures of us and our family for him to use while he was gone. my son gave him a small sketch notebook and a four piece mind teaser set. my mom sent him a calling card.
I'm not even going to begin to list all of the things that my son has recieved over the past few weeks. He has so much between his birthday and this christmas celebration. My favorite thing that he has recieved so far is the puppy toy he got for his birthday. It is called "Scamp myplayful pup" but we named him oreo. He responds to commands and is fun to play with. I feel like it was a bit of an expensive gift but it was so worth it. besides, it was a gift from Grandma.
All in all I'm not looking forward to the rest of the holiday season. I would love to just ignore it, but I can't do that. I will do what I can to make it a wonderful one.
There is a sweet boy in SC in my thoughts tonight as well. He has lukemia and is doing really well with his treatment so far, but there is such a long road ahead of him. Please keep him and his wonderful family in your prayers. You can read his storry at www.caringbridge.org Click on visit and type jamesgoff in the blank. It is so amazing to see how well this family is holding up with all of this.
We had our gift exchange last night. I loved the gifts I got. Keith gave me the movie "The Story of Us", a blue topaz ring, a silver heart shaped trinket box with my initials on it, the Harry Potter box set, a snowman ornament with all of our names on it, a hooah coffee mug, a wallet that hangs around your neck with the army logo on it, a tshirt that has the name of our post on it, two cd's I have been drooling over for a while now, and a US army hat. My son gave me some apple bath things and Mary Poppins. I absolutely love that movie! I know this sounds really extravagant, but since we have been married we have never been able to afford much. For many years we didn't buy gifts or gave things we had made. Those things are very dear to me, but it was nice to be able to spoil and be spoiled.
I gave him a mp3 player already loaded with his favorite cd's, a webcam with mic, a smores maker with all he needs to make smores (he absolutely loves smores), two books on origami andsome paper, a book on figure drawing, a men's manicure set, and a game for his computer that turned out to only be the expansion pack...not feeling so smart on that one. From both my son and I he recieved a calendar that I made on kodak gallery that had pictures of us and our family for him to use while he was gone. my son gave him a small sketch notebook and a four piece mind teaser set. my mom sent him a calling card.
I'm not even going to begin to list all of the things that my son has recieved over the past few weeks. He has so much between his birthday and this christmas celebration. My favorite thing that he has recieved so far is the puppy toy he got for his birthday. It is called "Scamp myplayful pup" but we named him oreo. He responds to commands and is fun to play with. I feel like it was a bit of an expensive gift but it was so worth it. besides, it was a gift from Grandma.
All in all I'm not looking forward to the rest of the holiday season. I would love to just ignore it, but I can't do that. I will do what I can to make it a wonderful one.
