Just Simply Jen

Not too long after my parents split up my sisters and I were enrolled in the Big Brothers, Big Sisters program. It was definitely an interesting experience. I really don't know much about the matching process or how they chose my big sister but it wasn't what I would consider an ideal match. Don't get me wrong. She was a nice lady and had good intentions but I was 11 or 12 years old or so and already having to be way more grown up than anyone that age should have to be. My big was an older woman, I'm guessing late 50's early 60's, and really treated me like an adult. She spoke to me like I was an adult and the activities we did together were very much adult oriented. While I enjoyed her company, I found myself jealous of my sisters and all of the fun things they got to do with their sisters.
That is all beside the point. The program is really great in what it was trying to do. It paired children in less than ideal situations with someone who could be their friend and listen to them and give them the chance to just be kids. It occurred to me today that it would be a wonderful thing if there was a similar program out there that was geared specifically to military families. Especially those dealing with deployment. It would have to be engineered a little differently because of the fact that it is harder to maintain those close relationships with the constant moving and constantly changing status of the parent who is in the military. Even if it was just something where the kids were allowed to get together with a mentor once a month while the parent was home and once a week when they were gone or more of a group mentoring type thing, it would still be a good thing. Children benefit from mentors, from knowing there is someone out there who is willing to listen to them without having to worry about them being mad at them or upset by what they say. Face it, your child is less likely to tell you how much they are missing their daddy when they know it makes you sad to hear.
I really don't know a solution on how to make something like this work but it is something I will be giving a lot of thought to.

I am going to take a moment to talk about something that most people avoid. Gas. The kind that everyone gets at some point, even babies, but no one wants to talk about. It effects everyone differently. Some people are incredibly stinky. Some people are just really noisy. Others suffer in silence with gas that moves nowhere and causes pain, much like what babies deal with. I, unfortunately, fall into that last category. Even more so since having my son. I have been able to sympathize with why babies scream endlessly when dealing with gas. You'd scream too if you felt like your insides were going to explode.
The normal response to gas is to either suffer and stink or take something like simethicone to help relieve some of the pressure. That was the first thing I used to grab but, over time, it has become less effective. A few months ago I stumbled upon a remedy that I am more than happy to share.
A few months ago I had some steamed broccoli that was heavenly but led to 3 days of the most uncomfortable gas I had ever had in my life. I was seriously in pain at times and had taken more than I should have of the gas relief medicine. On the afternoon that third day I decided to have a snack that I often love. Carrots with Italian dressing on it. I love Italian dressing and actually crave it at times. I was craving it this time so I had it. Within minutes I was making magical noises that had my son laughing hysterically and my husband holding his nose. Normally I would be embarrassed but I was so relieved that I didn't care. Not very ladylike but very much more comfortable.
It turns out that vinegar is a natural way to get rid of gas. The vinegar in my dressing is what did the trick. It never occurred to me that something in my refrigerator could cure my stomach woes. I am sure you could take a tablespoon of vinegar and that would do the trick. Not as tasty though. I have heard apple cider vinegar is good for all sorts of things and doesn't taste as bad. I will let you know when I find out. Why am I sharing this embarrassing subject? Simply because there might be someone else out there trying to get some relief and why not share what I learned by accident? Maybe I can save someone else from a few minutes of suffering needlessly.

So in my last ramble I said I was exhausted and sure it was the fact that I hadn't been taking the Wellbutrin. This, my friends, is why I am no doctor. I know nothing.
Friday night brought a night of no sleep, even with the addition of the Wellbutrin. About 1:30 am I had a total meltdown. Hysterical sobbing like you would not believe. Before you go thinking I'm a total wuss, this is not normal for me. I am no stranger to sleep deprivation but this was a whole new level for me. I broke down and called the nurse help line because I just felt so horrible and was hoping they would give me some tip so I could get some sleep or something. They ended up telling me that I needed to go see a doctor within 24 hours, even if that meant visiting the ER. We have no urgent care or saturday clinic so I ended up having to spend the afternoon at the ER. My husband was able to come in from the field to take me which is sort of a miracle in itself. This unit tries really hard when they can.
I went to the local ER instead of the one on post and they are really nice there. I had to wait a very long time but that was to be expected. They were extremely thorough. I had labs drawn, blood tests, and even chest xrays to make sure my lungs were cleared after last weeks issues. It turns out that I was having a really bad reaction to Prednisone. That was the reason I was not sleeping and having super bad chills and so jittery. On top of that I am slightly anemic, was dehydrated and have the stomach flu. They pumped me full of fluids and gave me some anti-nausea medicine in the IV and it really did help. I was still exhausted when I left but no longer felt nuts. They told me that I should be able to sleep when the prednisone wore off and that it would only take about 24 hours which would be about 9 last night as I hadn't taken ay medicine that day. I ended up sleeping really well last night and feel somewhat better today. I am definitely feeling more like it's something I can handle without feeling like I'm losing it.

I am exhausted. Actually, it seems like a lot of people are exhausted today and all for different reasons. Maybe it was "National Sleep Deprivation Week" and I just missed the memo. Hopefully I have figured mine out and I will be able to sleep tonight.
This has taught me something about myself. When I'm sick, I don't pay attention. Last Friday they told me that to clear up the asthma issue I would need to take the steroid. I take Wellbutrin and the pharmacist was about to not give me the steroids I needed. Something about them lowering the seizure threshold too much. I didn't argue, just told her that I would not take the Wellbutrin. Now I know better than this. I've done the cold turkey thing before and it never ever ends well. All I could think is "I can't breathe and I want my bed" so of course I was going to say anything. Since I know I missed at least last Friday's dose and probably the day before that, it had been a week yesterday that I hadn't taken the Wellbutrin. I haven't had a restful nights sleep since Saturday night. Insane dreams that leave me totally disoriented. Not being able to sleep at all. It's been insane! When you already have a chronic pain issue, not sleeping doesn't help so I'm losing it. Last night I could barely move and hadn't figured out that it was probably withdrawal symptoms keeping me awake so I was miserable. I figured it out this morning and gave myself the medicine. Screw the seizure threshold. I am praying really hard that, since I am to the lower dosage of steroids, I will be fine. I'm so tired, I really don't care. I'm also realizing this post is not making much sense. This is why I shouldn't blog when I'm tired.
Did I mention the husband is gone? Isn't that how it always goes.

Steroids are wonderful things, I think. Ok so they are wonderful in the fact that they make my lungs work again but the side effects suck. I have the increased appetite, which my fat butt seriously did not need, I break out in these spells of wanting to cry for no reason, and they make me retain fluid even more than I usually do. I had forgotten all of this fun stuff. The not being able to breathe well has led to a lot of not being able to sleep well. Last night was the first time I had a good nights sleep since probably Tuesday.
Another thing that steroids do is they give you these bursts of "I feel great" and then you go out and do a bunch of stuff and wake up the next morning feeling like you need to be scraped up off the road after being hit by a truck.
Yup, this is exactly how I wanted to spend my weekend. I want to go to sleep now.

Now when I said I wasn't really feeling Valentine's day and didn't much care about making a big deal about it, I really didn't mean that I wanted to be unable to do anything for my guys that day.
A few days ago I started feeling crummy, like I was coming down with a cold. The night before last, while taking my shower, I started feeling like I was suffocating when the water would hit my chest. Yesterday I had a lot of trouble breathing as well but didn't think too much of it. My nose was super stuffy so why wouldn't I have trouble with breathing, right? I decided to make an appointment anyway but was told I would have to wait and call first thing this morning.
When it was time to call this morning, I seriously considered not going. My husband told me to make it anyway and it turns out it was a good thing.
Instead of just having a cold, I am having a cold/upper respiratory infection with a kick butt asthma attack attached to it. This was a very common thing for me growing up. It would happen at least once a school year. I haven't had this kind of asthma problem since probably 1996. All I can figure is the insane weather we are having triggered something nasty. The doctor is putting me back on allergy medicine so I'm kicking myself because I was the one that decided to just stop them even though she wanted me to keep them on hand "just in case."
The fix is steroids for 12 days, slowly tapering down, and some new (well new since my last attacks) asthma pill I take at night. I also got a new inhaler out of it. Hopefully this will do the trick and my entire weekend wont be gone. The funny part is my husband is actually home and making me rest. Half a day in and I was already feeling a little stir crazy. I did manage to get out to quickly pick up some valentine gifts for the guys.
Tomorrow we might brave the furniture store. My couch is dying.

When I was preparing for the move to Kansas, I was told over and over that I wasn't going to be able to handle the winters here. Everyone said that there was no way, being a southwest Louisiana girl and coming from a 3 year stint in Hawaii, that I would adjust sufficiently to the freezing winters here. To all of you doubters I say, "ha ha ha, I did it." Real mature, I know.
That being said, this is nowhere the winter I anticipated. At first it was worse than I expected because of the wind. Oh the wind. It can cut through you here like nothing I've ever experienced. It's every bit as strong as the trade winds in Hawaii but usually teamed with bitter cold or at least some dirt flying at you. I adjusted though. When the temps were hitting single digits, it was a whole new level of cold. I adjusted. It was cold but no where near "the coldest winter ever" that everyone was touting it would be.
It's the beginning of February and here I am expecting even more cold weather and what do I get instead? Temperatures in the 50's and rising. In the past two weeks we've managed more than one day that hit extremely close, if not on, the 70 degree mark. What??? This is winter in Kansas. I do remember leaving Hawaii and last time I checked there were no gorgeous beaches around.
Yesterday was one of those days. Gorgeous and warm. So warm that, when I went to bed, I turned the a/c on to cool off the house a little bit. Normally I would open the windows but it was supposed to rain. Imagine my shock to wake up this morning and look out the window only to be greeted by big fat wet snowflakes. Yup, I said snowflakes. The weather for the rest of the day? Sun is supposed to come out and it will supposedly be in the low 50's.
It may not be the winter I expected but it sure is different than anything I've ever known. Insanity. That's what it is.