Just Simply Jen

Mentoring

2009-02-26T18:46:00.002-06:00

Not too long after my parents split up my sisters and I were enrolled in the Big Brothers, Big Sisters program. It was definitely an interesting experience. I really don't know much about the matching process or how they chose my big sister but it wasn't what I would consider an ideal match. Don't get me wrong. She was a nice lady and had good intentions but I was 11 or 12 years old or so and already having to be way more grown up than anyone that age should have to be. My big was an older woman, I'm guessing late 50's early 60's, and really treated me like an adult. She spoke to me like I was an adult and the activities we did together were very much adult oriented. While I enjoyed her company, I found myself jealous of my sisters and all of the fun things they got to do with their sisters.
That is all beside the point. The program is really great in what it was trying to do. It paired children in less than ideal situations with someone who could be their friend and listen to them and give them the chance to just be kids. It occurred to me today that it would be a wonderful thing if there was a similar program out there that was geared specifically to military families. Especially those dealing with deployment. It would have to be engineered a little differently because of the fact that it is harder to maintain those close relationships with the constant moving and constantly changing status of the parent who is in the military. Even if it was just something where the kids were allowed to get together with a mentor once a month while the parent was home and once a week when they were gone or more of a group mentoring type thing, it would still be a good thing. Children benefit from mentors, from knowing there is someone out there who is willing to listen to them without having to worry about them being mad at them or upset by what they say. Face it, your child is less likely to tell you how much they are missing their daddy when they know it makes you sad to hear.
I really don't know a solution on how to make something like this work but it is something I will be giving a lot of thought to.

A smelly subject.

2009-02-24T22:19:00.002-06:00

I am going to take a moment to talk about something that most people avoid. Gas. The kind that everyone gets at some point, even babies, but no one wants to talk about. It effects everyone differently. Some people are incredibly stinky. Some people are just really noisy. Others suffer in silence with gas that moves nowhere and causes pain, much like what babies deal with. I, unfortunately, fall into that last category. Even more so since having my son. I have been able to sympathize with why babies scream endlessly when dealing with gas. You'd scream too if you felt like your insides were going to explode.
The normal response to gas is to either suffer and stink or take something like simethicone to help relieve some of the pressure. That was the first thing I used to grab but, over time, it has become less effective. A few months ago I stumbled upon a remedy that I am more than happy to share.
A few months ago I had some steamed broccoli that was heavenly but led to 3 days of the most uncomfortable gas I had ever had in my life. I was seriously in pain at times and had taken more than I should have of the gas relief medicine. On the afternoon that third day I decided to have a snack that I often love. Carrots with Italian dressing on it. I love Italian dressing and actually crave it at times. I was craving it this time so I had it. Within minutes I was making magical noises that had my son laughing hysterically and my husband holding his nose. Normally I would be embarrassed but I was so relieved that I didn't care. Not very ladylike but very much more comfortable.
It turns out that vinegar is a natural way to get rid of gas. The vinegar in my dressing is what did the trick. It never occurred to me that something in my refrigerator could cure my stomach woes. I am sure you could take a tablespoon of vinegar and that would do the trick. Not as tasty though. I have heard apple cider vinegar is good for all sorts of things and doesn't taste as bad. I will let you know when I find out. Why am I sharing this embarrassing subject? Simply because there might be someone else out there trying to get some relief and why not share what I learned by accident? Maybe I can save someone else from a few minutes of suffering needlessly.

My fun Saturday.

2009-02-22T14:12:00.002-06:00

So in my last ramble I said I was exhausted and sure it was the fact that I hadn't been taking the Wellbutrin. This, my friends, is why I am no doctor. I know nothing.
Friday night brought a night of no sleep, even with the addition of the Wellbutrin. About 1:30 am I had a total meltdown. Hysterical sobbing like you would not believe. Before you go thinking I'm a total wuss, this is not normal for me. I am no stranger to sleep deprivation but this was a whole new level for me. I broke down and called the nurse help line because I just felt so horrible and was hoping they would give me some tip so I could get some sleep or something. They ended up telling me that I needed to go see a doctor within 24 hours, even if that meant visiting the ER. We have no urgent care or saturday clinic so I ended up having to spend the afternoon at the ER. My husband was able to come in from the field to take me which is sort of a miracle in itself. This unit tries really hard when they can.
I went to the local ER instead of the one on post and they are really nice there. I had to wait a very long time but that was to be expected. They were extremely thorough. I had labs drawn, blood tests, and even chest xrays to make sure my lungs were cleared after last weeks issues. It turns out that I was having a really bad reaction to Prednisone. That was the reason I was not sleeping and having super bad chills and so jittery. On top of that I am slightly anemic, was dehydrated and have the stomach flu. They pumped me full of fluids and gave me some anti-nausea medicine in the IV and it really did help. I was still exhausted when I left but no longer felt nuts. They told me that I should be able to sleep when the prednisone wore off and that it would only take about 24 hours which would be about 9 last night as I hadn't taken ay medicine that day. I ended up sleeping really well last night and feel somewhat better today. I am definitely feeling more like it's something I can handle without feeling like I'm losing it.

Sleep deprived rambling.

2009-02-20T16:11:00.003-06:00

I am exhausted. Actually, it seems like a lot of people are exhausted today and all for different reasons. Maybe it was "National Sleep Deprivation Week" and I just missed the memo. Hopefully I have figured mine out and I will be able to sleep tonight.
This has taught me something about myself. When I'm sick, I don't pay attention. Last Friday they told me that to clear up the asthma issue I would need to take the steroid. I take Wellbutrin and the pharmacist was about to not give me the steroids I needed. Something about them lowering the seizure threshold too much. I didn't argue, just told her that I would not take the Wellbutrin. Now I know better than this. I've done the cold turkey thing before and it never ever ends well. All I could think is "I can't breathe and I want my bed" so of course I was going to say anything. Since I know I missed at least last Friday's dose and probably the day before that, it had been a week yesterday that I hadn't taken the Wellbutrin. I haven't had a restful nights sleep since Saturday night. Insane dreams that leave me totally disoriented. Not being able to sleep at all. It's been insane! When you already have a chronic pain issue, not sleeping doesn't help so I'm losing it. Last night I could barely move and hadn't figured out that it was probably withdrawal symptoms keeping me awake so I was miserable. I figured it out this morning and gave myself the medicine. Screw the seizure threshold. I am praying really hard that, since I am to the lower dosage of steroids, I will be fine. I'm so tired, I really don't care. I'm also realizing this post is not making much sense. This is why I shouldn't blog when I'm tired.
Did I mention the husband is gone? Isn't that how it always goes.

Sleep please.

2009-02-15T11:33:00.002-06:00

Steroids are wonderful things, I think. Ok so they are wonderful in the fact that they make my lungs work again but the side effects suck. I have the increased appetite, which my fat butt seriously did not need, I break out in these spells of wanting to cry for no reason, and they make me retain fluid even more than I usually do. I had forgotten all of this fun stuff. The not being able to breathe well has led to a lot of not being able to sleep well. Last night was the first time I had a good nights sleep since probably Tuesday.
Another thing that steroids do is they give you these bursts of "I feel great" and then you go out and do a bunch of stuff and wake up the next morning feeling like you need to be scraped up off the road after being hit by a truck.
Yup, this is exactly how I wanted to spend my weekend. I want to go to sleep now.

Not exactly what I had in mind

2009-02-13T16:56:00.002-06:00

Now when I said I wasn't really feeling Valentine's day and didn't much care about making a big deal about it, I really didn't mean that I wanted to be unable to do anything for my guys that day.
A few days ago I started feeling crummy, like I was coming down with a cold. The night before last, while taking my shower, I started feeling like I was suffocating when the water would hit my chest. Yesterday I had a lot of trouble breathing as well but didn't think too much of it. My nose was super stuffy so why wouldn't I have trouble with breathing, right? I decided to make an appointment anyway but was told I would have to wait and call first thing this morning.
When it was time to call this morning, I seriously considered not going. My husband told me to make it anyway and it turns out it was a good thing.
Instead of just having a cold, I am having a cold/upper respiratory infection with a kick butt asthma attack attached to it. This was a very common thing for me growing up. It would happen at least once a school year. I haven't had this kind of asthma problem since probably 1996. All I can figure is the insane weather we are having triggered something nasty. The doctor is putting me back on allergy medicine so I'm kicking myself because I was the one that decided to just stop them even though she wanted me to keep them on hand "just in case."
The fix is steroids for 12 days, slowly tapering down, and some new (well new since my last attacks) asthma pill I take at night. I also got a new inhaler out of it. Hopefully this will do the trick and my entire weekend wont be gone. The funny part is my husband is actually home and making me rest. Half a day in and I was already feeling a little stir crazy. I did manage to get out to quickly pick up some valentine gifts for the guys.
Tomorrow we might brave the furniture store. My couch is dying.

Weather Insanity

2009-02-11T08:46:00.002-06:00

When I was preparing for the move to Kansas, I was told over and over that I wasn't going to be able to handle the winters here. Everyone said that there was no way, being a southwest Louisiana girl and coming from a 3 year stint in Hawaii, that I would adjust sufficiently to the freezing winters here. To all of you doubters I say, "ha ha ha, I did it." Real mature, I know.
That being said, this is nowhere the winter I anticipated. At first it was worse than I expected because of the wind. Oh the wind. It can cut through you here like nothing I've ever experienced. It's every bit as strong as the trade winds in Hawaii but usually teamed with bitter cold or at least some dirt flying at you. I adjusted though. When the temps were hitting single digits, it was a whole new level of cold. I adjusted. It was cold but no where near "the coldest winter ever" that everyone was touting it would be.
It's the beginning of February and here I am expecting even more cold weather and what do I get instead? Temperatures in the 50's and rising. In the past two weeks we've managed more than one day that hit extremely close, if not on, the 70 degree mark. What??? This is winter in Kansas. I do remember leaving Hawaii and last time I checked there were no gorgeous beaches around.
Yesterday was one of those days. Gorgeous and warm. So warm that, when I went to bed, I turned the a/c on to cool off the house a little bit. Normally I would open the windows but it was supposed to rain. Imagine my shock to wake up this morning and look out the window only to be greeted by big fat wet snowflakes. Yup, I said snowflakes. The weather for the rest of the day? Sun is supposed to come out and it will supposedly be in the low 50's.
It may not be the winter I expected but it sure is different than anything I've ever known. Insanity. That's what it is.

Not feeling it.

2009-02-10T16:37:00.002-06:00

Valentine's day. For some reason I'm just not feeling it this year. Being a romantic at heart, this holiday has always been one I looked forward to. Even when nothing was really going to happen. Last year was really great. My husband left me a little token of his affection out waiting for me when I woke up to get the boy ready for school. He had also left a little treat out for the boy. It was really sweet. That evening we were supposed to babysit our nephew but my sister had tricked us and instead did a party for all of us. It was really sweet.
This year my husband will be home and, while I am thrilled at that, I am not feeling doing anything special. We talked about going this weekend to go see the Pink Panther 2 movie but other than that we have made no plans. We just bought a Wii so we aren't doing the gift thing. We will pick up something simple for the boy but that will be it. To me it seems like it's just another day and it's not as disappointing as I thought it would be.
Does that mean I have lost my desire for romance? No way. I think it's just that I don't see the point in having a day set aside just for that purpose. Especially since it seems to be more about making money than anything. I think I'm just starting to prefer my romance random and when I can get it. It's more special that way.

My husband, the stinker, and other random thoughts.

2009-02-10T09:50:00.002-06:00

I mean the stinker part in the most loving way. He just pulled a fast one on me last night and so he has been dubbed a stinker for a day or two.
Field training is abundant at this duty station. It's just something we very rarely had to deal with in Hawaii. It's not that it's a horrible thing, just one of those annoying things you have to deal with. February apparently is the month for the training as it seems like most of the month will be spent in the field. Last night was supposed to be one of those nights and when the hubby is in the field, we don't talk very much. Maybe once a week or so and, because of that, I was surprised when my husband called last night "just to talk." We jabbered about nothing in particular for a few minutes and then he asked if he could call me back in a few minutes. I told him that it was fine since I hadn't planned on hearing from him at all. I'd just talk to him whenever. About 30 minutes later he calls me and says "oh, I think I forgot to tell you something earlier." Apparently he "forgot" to tell me that he was coming home instead of staying out and that he'd known for weeks that he was going to be coming home. He has one of those rare jobs in the military where, if his direct superior doesn't want to stay out, he can usually come home as well. Not always but it's one of those perks. This apparently was one of those times. Why am I calling him a stinker? Because he just is one. It's very rare he pulls a fast one on me. Definitely not complaining.

In other news, we finally joined the rest of the world and bought a Wii. My son and husband have been wanting one forever and we decided that we would get one with the income tax money. The only system we have ever had is the original xbox system so we are having to adjust to the price of the games for the Wii. Even the used ones are expensive. I guess it's worth it though.
My son asked for Guitar Hero for Christmas so we promised we would get one when we got the Wii. Just my luck, he wants the newest one with all the extra gadgets. Personally, I would have loved the Aerosmith one but that's just me. So far my favorites are the tennis on Wii sports and I am looking forward to downloading the original super mario brothers games. Talk about some memories!

2009-02-03T14:35:00.002-06:00

There are so many times that I sit down and have so much to say but never seem to get it down. Other times I'll think of something funny or interesting to share but just never get around to making it to the computer. Why is it the most boring parts of my life make it on here but never the funny little moments. I love reading the blogs of some of my friends and a few of complete strangers and they are all so witty and funny. I'm jealous. I wish I could be like that. I'm not the most exciting person in the world but I know I do occasionally make the people around me laugh. Granted it's mostly at me. That still counts, doesn't it? If not, don't let me know. I'm happy with my delusion.
I will work on being more interesting.

The Retreat

2009-01-22T19:19:00.002-06:00

I guess I should take a few minutes and write about last weekend. It definitely wasn't the weekend of relaxation I was thinking I would have. Honestly, I was exhausted by Sunday afternoon. It was a good kind of exhausted though. I felt accomplished and I had a lot of fun. Exhaustion probably wouldn't have been a problem, but I didn't sleep well during the weekend.
When we left our house on Friday morning, there was a little snow on the ground but it wasn't much and it wasn't snowing any longer. By the time we got 2/3 of the way to where we were going, it was snowing lightly and the roads had snow on them. The interstate was clear but the side roads were very snowy. We made it to the hotel and got inside only to realize we had parked in a driveway area. It was hard to tell because the parking lot wasn't cleared and snow was covering everything. My husband went out and moved the car. When he was getting out, his keys fell out of his pocket and landed on the seat without him noticing. You can guess what happened next. Thankfully we were able to get a locksmith to come out and get them out but it was one of those things we could have done without.
I had originally volunteered to help with sign in and then I was going to take the day and relax. I brought a book with me to read but never got around to it. I ended up making sure that everyone had a room and by the end of the day I had been the go to person for answering questions on several different ends. That is normally what my husband would do for the weekend but he was busy making sure other things were taken care of and I was more than happy to help. I really had a good time even though it could be perceived as work. My husband is fond of saying "Do something you love and you'll never work a day in your life." I get that now.
That evening we relaxed. The hubby took the kid to the pool for an hour while I watched some tv. My only complaint about our hotel room for the weekend was that the room was too hot. They checked it out the second day but didn't really fix anything.
The second day was less crazy. I ended up spending most of the day in the classes. I really recommend this program to anyone who has the opportunity to go. It is put on by the Strong Bonds people but your unit's chaplain is the one who executes the material and decides what to teach out of it. It is not a preachy thing. If you go to one and it is, that is on your chaplain and not the program. I've seen several different chaplains do this material and have yet to see it as preachy. I will say that our current chaplain is hilarious and a little less censored than the other ones I have seen. That evening was more of the same relaxing.
Sunday morning was just us having a devotional time and then going over things that we thought could have gone better before checking out.
The hotel offered a very much decreased rate if people wanted to stay another night so we decided to do it. My son hadn't gotten as much pool time as he thought he would so this would give us a chance to focus on him. We spent some time in the pool and my husband took him to play pool and some video games at the arcade they had. I finally was able to relax. They had switched us to a different room because I was tired of dealing with the heat problem and the new room was much better. Later Sunday night we went to a restaurant we hadn't been to since leaving Hawaii and enjoyed our dinner.

Overall everything was great and the best part was it was free. We didn't pay for any of the meals. Sure, I could ask for a few better things but we didn't have to pay for it so I'm not complaining. I do think the hotel should have changed our room that first night and I think if we had complained they would have. I was just too tired to deal with it at that point and had spent so much time bugging them for everyone else that I just wanted to do what was easiest. We learned a lot on how to make it all better next time and I'm looking forward to it. We go again at the beginning of March. I'm excited to get to work again.

One good thing that came out of it all was that I figured out that I really think I would enjoy a job as an event planner. I'm going to look into the possibility of doing some school for it while my husband is deployed next time.

Flying by!

2009-01-20T14:27:00.002-06:00

This week just seems to be flying by. We chose to spend an extra day at the hotel after the retreat so that our son could have some fun time. He had spent the days prior in a small room with about 20 other kids so he was ready for some one on one time. Yesterday he had a nasty cough so we canceled our plans we had made with a friend and her son and, after a quick stop at the PX, came home.
Today has gone equally as fast, if not faster. I had an ophthalmology appointment this morning and that seemed to just make it all fly. It was the first one I had in about 11 years and I had forgotten about all of the drops they put in your eyes and how it would mess me up after. Thankfully I have almost full vision again but I am left with a lingering headache and my eyes feel tired. Only a little blurriness so homework with my son won't be as crazy. The verdict was that, aside from what I already knew was wrong, my eyes are very healthy. I don't have to go for another year! YAY!
The only downside to the day was that I missed most of the inauguration festivities becasue I was in the doctor's office when the good stuff was all happening. I am sure I'll be able to youtube it later.
I wonder if the rest of this week is going to go by this fast.

Pillow Update

2009-01-20T07:58:00.003-06:00

Yesterday, on the way home from the marriage retreat, we stopped by the PX with the intent to pick up another body pillow. The PX is where my son bought the first one so I was hoping they would have the same exact kind. Not only did they have the exact one, they had the same kind of pillow cases for it and all of it was on sale!
I will admit that I was doubting for a moment that it might not be the pillow that was making sleeping so hard. After a night, well actually after about 2o minutes, I can tell you that it definitely was pillow related. I slept so well last night that I didn't want to get out of bed and I woke up with so much less pain and stiffness. I seriously was in heaven in my bed with my pillow.
All is well now in the sleep world.

Progress!

2009-01-15T09:58:00.003-06:00

I am so happy. For two days this week I have gotten the most wonderful reports from my son's teacher. I'm going to preface all of this to say that I am not being a bragging mom. I am a relieved mom. What follows is very little of my doing. It just is what it is.
I'm not sure I have mentioned it much on here but last September my son was diagnosed with Autistic Disorder. He is extremely high functioning but is still on the spectrum. He also was diagnosed in May or June with ADHD. Not the biggest surprise but then again none of this was to me. I say all of this only to express the struggles he has had in school. He went into school knowing very little and having a horrible speech issue that made it hard for anyone other than me to understand the few words he did say. At 6 years old he still babbled mostly like a toddler. He struggled but with therapy has made great strides. It is really impressive but he is still behind. Imagine trying to learn the one thing you learn usually in Kindergarten, reading, when you can't even say half of the words you are supposed to read. It's not a big wonder that, at 8 years, he is still struggling to learn to read.
His big thing with reading is to tell me that he can't do it, but I'm stubborn and don't like the word can't because I know just how smart he is. I push him. Maybe a little harder than I should but I do it anyway. At home he reads little clips for us when we make him but not much otherwise. He will read random things that shock us but then swears that he didn't read it, just heard it or saw it before.
Imagine my total shock, and joy, when his teacher walks out to meet me after school and tells me that he read a book to her that day. A book! Now it's a kindergarten level book but I don't care because for the first time ever he took a book and read it to her all on his own! I'm sure she thinks I was less than impressed because my face was pretty blank but I was just in shock. My son didn't make a big deal of it but I made sure he knew I was impressed. I won't lie, there was a part of me that worried he had just memorized the book. I was thinking it was maybe 10 pages long with three or four words a page so it wouldn't be too out there for him. He has excellent rote memory which isn't that unheard of in children with Autistic Disorder. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt.
Well yesterday my husband picked him up and when he came in the door he prompted my son to tell me what he did that day and more good news came. The school has a thing where the principal will pick a student to read a story to her. That person gets their picture taken with the principal and it is put on the bulletin board in the hall. They also get a bookmark and really just to feel good about themselves. Yesterday, she chose my son! He read the same book to her that he had read to the teacher. That made me feel like maybe it wasn't all memorized because she is a nice person and encouraging but will definitely push them to do their best.
All of my concerns about it just being memorized were pushed aside because they sent him home with the book to read to us. Now it was maybe 15 pages but instead of just a few words, each page had a sentence or two and not a two word sentence. It was actually a good bit for him. He read it to us happily and as he read you could tell a few things were memorized but he had to stop and take the time to sound out/remember a few words. I seriously was in tears by the end of it. This was a goal I had set for him but expected it to be the end of 2009 before it was accomplished. I am so happy!
This school has been such a boost for him. He went from self contained to fully mainstreamed. He has exceptions like taking his tests outside of class to give him more time and to minimize distractions and he goes to speech and resource outside of the class as well but he has the same curriculum, with the exception of spelling, as the rest of the children. This school is very advanced in the math department and definitely years ahead of Hawaii so he was at a distinct disadvantage coming in. I was so doubtful when they told me they were sure he would catch up, in Math especially. He has proven me wrong every step of the way. He has gone from basic adding and subtracting to learning some algebra concepts and has succeeded. I feel so blessed to have this school because they have given him what I couldn't. The pulled out their bag of tricks and found the tools to teach him how he needs to be taught. I don't think there is enough gratitude in this world to express how I feel.
Progress, in a child where regression is not uncommon, is a wonderful thing!

A little self reflection.

2009-01-15T09:40:00.003-06:00

I have been doing a little self reflection this morning and it's been interesting. I have a tendency to see more of the flaws in myself than anything good or to take what is a perfectly fine quality and making it into a weakness. Everyone has a tendency to do that I believe. Some just more than others.
So what got me started on this train of thought this morning? Music. Someone I know posted a song on their Facebook account and I watched a video of the song. That led me to other videos and they seemed to get progressively sadder or at least caused more tears. This is not unusual for me though. Music has always been one of those things that touched me deeper than anything else. Put the sappiness in video form and I'm a goner. Unfortunately, it's not just music that can choke me up. Even something that seems little and insignificant to most can touch me. I've always had what my mom called a "big heart." She and friends down the line have called it a gift but I've always viewed it as a curse because not only do I get the happier choked up a lot, but I hurt a lot. I have this ability to deeply feel the pain of others and my heart hurts for them.
The words that I seem to say the most is "I'm sorry." Sometimes I am apologizing for what I feel are personal screw ups but I also say it a lot when someone is telling me things that they are dealing with that are less than pleasant. The usual response is either "it's not your fault" or "why? Did you do it/make it happen?" I wish I could make everyone understand up front that what I mean is "I'm sorry you are having to deal with that." I also wish that people could know that I really mean it. I'm not a placater. I don't say things just because I think it is what people want to hear. I say it because I truly mean it. It's the same thing with any compliments I give. If I say it, then I mean it. I'm not being kind or just boosting ego. It is how I feel.
For the first time in my life, I can see the gift in being me. I love how I feel when someone truly cares about me and takes the time to tell me. I love that, maybe for just a minute, I can make someone else feel that someone out there cares. Definitely not saying this in an egotistical way because I can't control this part of me any more than I can control my heartbeat. It is just part of me. Sometimes it is horrible and painful but other times it is just wonderful. I have met wonderful people and made a few wonderful friends who I don't think I would have taken the time to get to know otherwise. That far out weighs the ones that have taken advantage of who I am and hurt me.
So next time you find me crying over something totally ridiculous, laugh away. I laugh at myself enough for it. It's just who I am and it's something I don't think I'm ready to get rid of any time soon. For once, I like this part of me.

It's oh so quiet.

2009-01-13T14:48:00.002-06:00

I remember a few years ago when my son was home all the time and how he would absolutely drive me insane during the day. I would wish for the time he started school and I could have some quiet during the day. If you had told me that in a few years I would be begging for that time again, I would have told you that you had lost your mind.
Okay, so maybe I'm not wanting that time back again. I like having time to myself during the day. What I don't like is the absolute quiet all day. Seriously. Now I'm very familiar with it because for the first part of my son's life he was non-verbal. There were honestly days where I felt like he didn't know I existed outside of feeding him and changing his diapers. He didn't want me to play with him and was content to live in his own world. The difference is that it killed me back then. I didn't know why and I was in that stage of motherhood where I wanted to enjoy the cute little kid stage. We know why but that's neither here nor there. This time I'm not used to the quiet. By the time 3pm hits, I'm going stir crazy. I can't wait to get my son from school and spend the next few hours focused on him.
I know I need to find a hobby or something. I would love to find a job I could do from home, but those are few and far between. I would love to get a job outside of the home but the limited amount of transportation would be a big issues as well as the fact that I couldn't go in until 9 in the morning and would have to leave by 2:30 or 3 so I could get home for my son. I don't have marketable skills and there is a very real chance that I would have to miss a few weeks worth of work and have many days I would need days off for doctor's appointments in the coming months. Not exactly an employer's dream employee.
All of this is just to say, I'm going crazy! I miss the sound of voices and having friends I could spend time with during the day. I need to get out there so I can meet new people but I don't even know where to start. What does a person do when they have nothing to do?
I'm sure I'll figure it out sooner or later.

roller coaster that is me.

2009-01-12T11:25:00.004-06:00

So, thankfully, the child care for the retreat is not being provided by CYSS so we don't have to worry about that. I don't have to come up with creative ways to make my child feel ok about being excluded from the fun or to keep him entertained. I had already told my husband that our son was bored after the first day I would keep him with me the second day. That is still going to hold but at least he will get to try. I have a feeling that he will have fun with the other kids. He loves having people to play with.
I still think the thing with CYSS is stupid and we still have to waste our time with the meeting because eventually our son is going to want to do some kind of extracurricular activity through them.
I am not starting the relaxation countdown because I refuse to get all excited again. See, I learned my lesson.
I also want to apologize for the emotional outburst roller coaster. Just be glad you aren't married to me. Good thing my husband loves me and was just as annoyed as I was.

Relaxation my ass!

2009-01-12T10:28:00.002-06:00

I knew it was too good to be true. Maybe I'm getting too upset too soon but I'm annoyed.
The retreat childcare is being provided by Child and Youth School Services on post as STACC care. It stands for something like Short Term Additional child care or something like that. Anyway. Usually your child has to be enrolled in CYSS to be able to take advantage of this care. I have been telling my husband for weeks that he needs to enroll my son but he has been too busy to do so or always forgot. Before I get blasted for not doing it myself, I do not live on post and have no transportation to post. Even if I did drive, my husband has to have his car for work and there is no way around that one. There is no way I could have done it myself short of him bringing me up there and dropping me off. That falls into the "he's too busy" department.
So anyway, he goes today, finally, to sign up our son and is told that it won't be finalized until we have a sit down meeting with CYS, a doctor, and someone from the Exceptional Family Members Program so that they, not us, can tell them how to care for our child. That is what they told my husband today. WTH?!?! Then my husband, who never asks questions and just goes along with everything which makes him a good soldier I guess, tries to convince me that they do this with everyone. Um no sweetheart. There is no way that EFMP is involved in every single child that is registered with them. They don't get involved unless there is something "different" about your child. That isn't even what gets me the most. It's the whole thing that they have to be the ones to tell them how to take care of MY child so that they can be able to meet his needs. Like they know better than I do! Come on people. This is ridiculous. Especially since the only reason they need to do this is because my son has peach allergies listed on his medical record as well as the one time he had a cold and was prescribed an inhaler. My husband just called and told me that part. So here's how deal with it people. Don't give the kid peaches. If you are stupid and do, get him to the bathroom when he says he has to go or his stomach hurts. Seriously. that's about the extent of it. It makes him puke, have the runs and be in pain but it's not going to kill him. Oh and the inhaler, if he is sick enough that he's using that, he's so not going to be with y ou. He's going to be at home so he doesn't give his snots to everyone else. But of course they need a doctor to tell them this so they can give him the care he needs in case any of this unlikeliness happens.
I can step back and see where this might be necessary in some situations but for our situation it's ridiculous. He doesn't use an inhaler daily. He doesn't use one unless he is very sick and that is a very rare thing. He isn't going to die from his peach allergy, it's not even a really dangerous one. It usually takes a little while for it to even take effect in him. That's the problem though. The military very rarely knows how to deal with things on a situational basis. They just see what they want to see and waste everyones time and money doing unecessary things like this meeting. Normally I would let my husband go and not deal with it but you can bet your ass I will be there telling them how stupid and just how much of a waste of everyones time it is.
My husband is calling to see if CYSS registration is needed because when we go to Chapel all we have to have is our son's shot records for him to participate in the childcare and it is the same type of thing they are using for the retreat. I really hope so because, if not, I am not sure if I will be able to go this weekend. I'm not sure I can figure out how to entertain a kid for four hours when he is going to be wanting to play with the other kids, but can't. When he is going to want to play on the mini golf course or swim, but can't because we haven't officially been allowed to check into the hotel yet (things start at 9am but check in isn't until 3pm and early usually isn't until 1pm.) The ones in Hawaii didn't have child care but we had a beach to play at and that was just fine with him. Selfishly I also want the childcare so I can actually relax, not that I even really know how.
Crazy thing is I blame myself. I knew better than to get excited about something. Especially something the military might be involved in. Stupid me!

The Countdown Begins

2009-01-11T22:55:00.002-06:00

One of the perks to my husband's job is that, occasionally, he has to work a weekend at a marriage retreat. Since they already have to get a hotel room for him, he usually gets to bring us along with him. In Hawaii we had the pleasure of doing this at a wonderful resort.
It's that time again. His unit is hosting a marriage retreat in Topeka and we get to go along for the ride. This one won't be as spectacular in scenery as the ones in Hawaii, but it will give my son a chance to swim in the middle of winter again. He has been missing Hawaii a lot because he wants to go to the beach. This will hopefully help some. The highlight for me is the fact that for two and a half days I really have no responsibility and there is childcare for a good bit of the day. Add to that catered meals for two and a half days as well and I'm all for it. Here's to hoping that nothing happens between now and Friday morning to screw this up and that it is as much fun as I am thinking it will be.

4 days until total relaxation and counting!

Pillows

2009-01-11T20:16:00.002-06:00

Pillows are crazy things. Unless you are mad about having a zillion of them on your bed and they have to look just so, you probably don't think much about them. You find the one that fits you think will be comfortable and that is the end of it. I have always been that way about pillows. Now I often have needed two to sleep right but that was about as far as the thought process went. The past two weeks have shown me how dependent I have become on one silly pillow.
What is so special about this pillow? Nothing really. It has some great sentimental value because it was a Christmas present from my son in 2007. The story behind it is basically that he was having bad dreams so I gave him my body pillow and called it a "no bad dream pillow." I told him that the plaid in the pillow trapped the dreams so they couldn't get into his head. It worked but he felt he needed to replace it and that is how I ended up with this certain pillow. It's a body pillow that is striped and has the ugliest yellow pillow case that goes over it. I love that thing. This isn't what is so important about the pillow though. When I placed my head on that pillow for the first time that Christmas night, I had a great nights sleep. It was the first time in a long time that I could lay my face on a pillow and feel no pain. My neck didn't hurt. My jaw wasn't pushed out of whack. The tenderness in my cheek was, for once, was not an issue. It was a miracle covered in ugly yellow and I was so grateful.
I'm not going to say I never had a restless night, but it was very rarely pain related when I did. The month that I didn't have the pillow during the move were hell but I related it more to the different, extremely uncomfortable, beds that I was sleeping on. Why is any of this relevant? My wonderful pillow is in Louisiana still at my dad's house. Yup. I had let my son sleep with it so he would be propped up and hopefully not cough so much the last two nights we were there and we left it on the bed. We were about 4 hours away when we realized it and there was no way we were going back for it. We haven't had the money to just go buy a new one so far and I didn't think it was a problem but boy was I wrong. I have only had one good nights sleep since we got back from the trip and that was because I had taken two muscle relaxers. I have taken more muscle relaxers in the past two weeks than I normally do in 6 months. I have not had a pain free day since we got home but I am just learning to muddle through.
I am not saying all of this to whine. More because I am totally shocked that one pillow can change things that much. All I have to say is that my husband better show up at the door Thursday afternoon with the replacement in hand.

Stupid pillows!

Crankiness abounds

2009-01-10T18:06:00.002-06:00

I have been a very cranky duck today. I hate that. I try really hard not to be and then start biting peoples heads off over nothing. I wish I could blame it on PMS and that be all that it is but really it's more than that. Today is always a hard day for me.
It was this day 9 years ago that I gave birth to my first son at 14 weeks. I could probably just say I had a miscarriage but it was much more than that. If it wasn't, maybe it wouldn't haunt me like it does at times.The rest of this might be really hard to read so I will understand if you don't want to. I just need to get it out of my head and maybe it won't be so hard for a little while.

I remember being really uncomfortable the night before but it was my first pregnancy so I didn't have anything to gauge it against. A little after 4 in the morning I woke up to cramps. I went to the bathroom and that's when I saw I was bleeding and it wasn't just a little bit. I freaked out, as one would expect, and called the doctor. He told me to get to the hospital. The emergency room was hell. It was so dead but at the same time I had to wait in the waiting room for almost an hour. There was another girl in the waiting area who had already had a miscarriage at home and was just sort of in shock. I kept having what I thought were really bad cramps and couldn't breathe but they didn't seem in a hurry to take me in. I know now I was having contractions. When I finally was taken back and seen by the doctor, she wasn't very sympathetic. She told the nurse, not me, that I was fully dilated. She didn't see any tissue and got really rude with me when I told her I didn't remember seeing any at home. I hate when people talk down to you when you are already freaked out. She ended up not telling me much of anything and walked out. The nurse told me that there was nothing they could do and they would probably do a D&C later that morning. She came back a few minutes later to check on me and tell me that the doctor wanted to wait for someone from my OB's office to check me out. Unfortunately for me my he didn't show up until well after 7 that morning. During all of this I was still having pretty bad contractions but no one seemed particularly concerned except for my husband. What happened next made it all ok though, at least at that time.
My doctor comes in and does an exam himself. He asks me about tissue and a few other questions but he is really nice about it all. He tells me that I am fully dilated and bleeding but that there is no evidence that I have lost the baby so he wants to do an ultrasound to make sure before deciding about the surgery. My husband is out of the room so he has no idea that this is happening and they whisk me off to ultrasound before he gets back. I will never forget the ultrasound. The tech is doing it and trying to be as nice and gentle as she can. I am so confused at this point and kind of in shock. She all of the sudden says "I need to get the doctor to come look at this. I want to be sure." She runs out and comes back a few minutes later, doctor in tow. He looks at the screen for maybe 30 seconds and then turns to me with a reserved smile. You could tell he is relieved but not trying to get me too excited. He tells me then "Your baby is viable." I was confused and asked what that meant and he tells me that the baby is still there and still has a steady heartbeat. He tells me that they are taking me back to the ER until they get a room ready for me and I will have to have procedure done to close my cervix. I remember him telling me vaguely that this means I'll be on bed rest the remainder of my pregnancy but I didn't care. He had just told me that my baby was alive. I was so happy and relieved. I didn't care about anything else. My husband was just as relieved when he found out but I think he was a little less ready to accept it. I wish now i had been as well.
They took us upstairs and we were met by this wonderful nurse. She and I had a lot in common despite her being a good 30 years older than me and she really was a wonderful woman. She explained the procedure they were going to do later and was making me comfortable when I had another contraction and felt this weird pop and gush between my legs. I freaked out a little and she checked it out and told me I was ok. To this day I don't know why she didn't tell me my water had broken. I knew something wasn't right but I was going with it anyway. The contractions got a little more frequent but everyone was acting like everything was fine so I tried my best not to worry. I asked if I could go to the restroom and she seemed to hesitate for a second but ended up letting me go. If I could take that back, I would. The next hour is one I will remember as the worst hour of my life. I went to the restroom and as I stood up after finishing my business I felt something falling. I started screaming and remember feeling the baby's head in my hand. They came and got me back in bed. There was nothing they could do for the baby as it was so soon and the hospital rules kept them from doing anything more than that until they talked to the doctor and for some reason he was unreachable so I laid there for about 30 minutes with my baby's between my legs until they finally were told they could do what they had to do. I don't remember much after that for the next hour or so. they took the baby, told me it was a boy.They offered to let me hold him but I passed. I wanted to remember him the way he was in my head. I wasn't passing the placenta so they started pitocin and scheduled a d&c. One of the other OB's from my clinic showed up to tell me about the surgery and offer his condolences. I will never forget the tears in his eyes and how heartbroken he was, everyone was. I had the surgery, woke up hysterical then went into a shock where I just felt nothing. We filled out the death certificate where we gave him a name and talked to the bereavement nurse then they sent us home.
I wish I could forget all of that. I wish I could just remember that there was a baby and then there wasn't. I wish that I could miss him a little and move on like I can most days. There are just days like today where I can't forget and where it hurts a little more than it should.
Happy Birthday sweet angel baby. We love you and miss you.

Bye Bye 2008. You won't be missed.

2009-01-01T19:22:00.002-06:00

Just after midnight this morning I jumped in the shower. I was going to before the countdown but I didn't have enough time and my son was really excited about it. While I was in the shower, it occurred to me that I was washing off the last dirt of 2008 and I was so glad to be rid of the year all together. It was not the worst year I've ever had, but the last part of it was like this never ending period of struggling. I'm so glad to call it a new year.
Fresh starts. That's what I'm clinging to. I am determined to make a better year and some great improvements for myself. Heck, I want to try and find myself this year. I'm always going to be the wife and the mom but I know there is some other personality down in there and it's about time I start figuring out who she is. It is going to be a challenge. This whole year is going to be a challenge. We are looking at training and deployment for my husband, new therapies and school challenges for my son, and weight loss surgery and being geographically single for me. I know I should be terrified but I have reached the point and state of mind where I'm saying "bring it on." It's about damn time something changes. The therapies and school things will make my son stronger and more independent. I've watched him growing already and he's so excited. The deployments will be the hardest on us all but it will be ok. We survived the first time so we just have to do the same this time. It's going to be totally different but I know we can do it. The surgery is something I want so bad. I'm ready to be healthy and be able to be the mom my son deserves. I'm just ready for the change.
I don't make resolutions but this year I am setting some goals. When I figure them all out, I might share them. All I do know is that I am not going to miss 2008 and am ready to take on the possibilities and challenges of this new year. Hopefully I'll come out of it stronger and healthier.

Memories:Reliving Some and Making Some

2008-12-22T23:34:00.003-06:00

So this weekend was a big one for me. I haven't been on a road trip of any sort since June of 2005 and I haven't been with my family for any kind of Christmas celebration since 1997. This weekend I was able to fit both things in.
Saturday we left well before dawn even thinks about showing up and headed down towards Louisiana. Temperature wise, the second we hit Oklahoma there was a huge difference. We went from below freezing to icky hot. Not fun. Other than that it didn't look all that different. We ended up taking forever to get through Texas because of traffic and other little things. The trip through Texas was so stressful that, as soon as we hit the Louisiana state line, my son shouts "We escaped Texas!!!" It definitely felt like an escape to all of us. Nothing against Texas. I'm a big fan of the state. We were just ready to be here.
Sunday we spent the day with my entire family, minus one cousin, at my grandmother's house. Since some of the people have to work for Christmas, we did it this past weekend. I haven't experienced this in so long and it really wasn't all that different from when we were younger. Family visited. We all ate too much. Games were played. Overall, it was a really wonderful day. There were a few moments I could have done without but it was worth it. Actually, seeing how happy my grandmother was to have everyone there and watching my grandfather get choked up over his Christmas gift(a frame with a picture of him as well as my dad and uncles all in uniform when they were younger) made it all so worth it.
As if that wasn't enough, I was given a gift that day that will hopefully be passed down to my son and on and on. My grandmother has always been a quilter as was my great-grandmother. When they were married, my parents had quilts on the beds that they were given and my sisters and I all had baby quilts. Mine was big enough that I slept with it until I was in my 20's and it was falling apart from use. After my great-grandmother died, most of the quilts went to my grandparents. I have loved them and the history and time they represented since I was 13 or so. I have been saying since my later high school years that I wanted one. My grandmother always just smiled and we moved on. She made lots of quilts and it was always the same story. Well Saturday she told me she had something to show me and started showing me this great quilt I recognized the squares as being fabrics I had seen all my life. Some had been used in clothes for my sisters and I. Some had been from my great-grandmother's scrap collection and others my grandmothers. As usual I was awed and loving it when, to my complete shock, she told me it was mine. She had made the top for it and then had some women she was friends with do the rest. The top part is what would matter anyway as that is where the love and sentimental value is. What got me is she did all of that specifically for me because she knew how much I wanted one. I always thought I might eventually inherit one of the older ones. It never occurred to me that one day I would have one of my very own. It wasn't a Christmas gift, just something she wanted me to have. It was also a big secret everyone had kept from me. If I didn't get another gift this year, that would be more than enough. Even now I get tears in my eyes thinking about it. I'll post pictures of it later.
Today I learned two things. I learned that when you are a kid, some things just seem so much bigger and I also learned that some people just won't change no matter how hard you wish they would. I would have been perfectly fine not learning the second one but oh well.
The bigger thing came when I ran by my mom's house to drop something off. She recently moved back to where we lived from mid 4th grade to mid 6th or 7th grade. As we pulled into the trailer park, I noticed that the walk we used to get to the bus stop all those years was much shorter than I remembered. In fact, the entire place was much smaller. The place was our playground for all of those years and the yards seemed so big and the walk so long. Now it all is just really small. I was amazed at how much my perception had changed.
I don't feel like getting into the other thing right now. Maybe a little later when I'm not tired and still sensitive about it.
The best part of my day, aside from buying stuff for my son with someone else's money and getting to eat my step-mom's awesome cooking again, was going to see Christmas lights. It was so much fun. Some were just as awesome as I remembered and some were so much less. I don't think the less was perception because my step-mom felt the same way. I felt like a kid again. So many of my few good memories are from this time of year and I have been enjoying reliving them again with my own son. I will post some of the pictures from the lights when I'm home as well.
I am really grateful that my husband agreed to come this Christmas. I don't think he will ever fully understand how much it means to me. I'm so blessed.

Christmas Commercials

2008-12-18T10:23:00.002-06:00

Every year people look forward to the Christmas movies and I'm not different but I defintiely look forward to certain commercials as well. My two favorites are for Hershey Kisses and Toys for Tots.

This one for Toys for Tots always gets to me. It's simple but says all it needs to and it's just really touching. I always look forward to it.

This is the classic Hershey kiss holiday commercial and it isn't spectacular or touching but it is cute and fun. I love it.

Now this year there are two commercials that were hits in my house. One for the hilarity and one because it is touching.

This one was around last year but this year they added the trampoline and slap and it killed my son. He went into hysterics when he saw it. Now I like seeing it just to see him laugh.

This is another for Toys for Tots but it really got me because I get it. A year or two after my parents split up my mom sat me down a few days before Christmas and told me there was no Santa and there was no way we were going to have presents for Christmas. Well it was more like I wasn't. I wasn't allowed to tell my sisters and basically my Christmas was set to suck from there. I will never forget walking into the living room and seeing all of the gifts under the tree. The people in our church got together and bought us all gifts. Even then I knew how big of a deal this was and this commercial just reminds me of the joy that those acts of kindness give people who pretty much have no hope. It's one of the reasons we try to make a point to help out at least one family a year. I hate that we haven't been able to do as much this year but every little penny helps.

Adjusting

2008-12-18T08:59:00.002-06:00

When we moved here we knew that the winter was going to require some big adjustments for us. I was so confident we wouldn't have any issues with adjusting to the cold then we got here and I was sure I would freeze to death. It wasn't the cold as much as the wind. Well I'm here and it's cold and guess what, I'm not frozen to death. Don't get me wrong, it's cold. This morning it was 19 degrees when I brought my son to school and the ground is covered in several inches of snow for the third day in a row. In a few hours we are expecting some freezing rain. So as I was walking home from the school and had to stop to let traffic pass. Someone offered to let me cross but the snowy/slushy road is slippery so I let them go because it was almost bell time and they were dropping kids off. I didn't want to slow them down or to hurry myself and bust my butt. As I was standing there I realized that it didn't feel all that cold. I looked up at the big sign and saw that it was 19 degrees and was shocked. Sure, if it was windy it would have felt colder but, coming from 80 degree weather on average even this time of year, it should have felt worse. Now I'm not sure if I will get as used to the snow that doesn't go away but I'm trying. I will say we need to get a snow shovel. We are just used to snow that melts the day after it falls.
Just as I'm getting used to this we are leaving to warmer weather. I was talking to my sister so I could get the weather in SW Louisiana for next week. Her husband is a meteorologist and is a really good one so I trust him way more than the weather channel. He's in the background when she asks him about the weather and I hear him say "Cold on Sunday and Monday then moderate the rest of the week." I asked my sister what cold meant because it was in the teens here at the time. He responded with in the 40's. I remember when that used to be cold. In fact my other sister is coming from Florida and to her that is cold. Definitely going to be interesting. I'm getting excited for the holidays and not going to think about the fact that they might have a white Christmas here.

Snowy joy.

2008-12-16T16:06:00.002-06:00

I have had a very interesting day and am really just very happy right now.

When I woke up at 5:45 I noticed that it was unusually bright. I looked out the window and that was when I saw that the world was covered in a gorgeous blanket of white. It had already snowed at least a good inch and was still coming down pretty good. Now I'm from the south so this would usually mean that everything was going to be closed and life as we knew it came to a halt. I say this but I only remember it snowing once when I was a child. It was that way when it snowed in South Carolina though. Unfortunately a few inches of snow isn't enough to stop the world here so I had to get my son ready for school. It was a bit of a struggle because all he wanted was to go outside and play.
It turns out that the mighty army can be delayed by a few inches of snow. My husband was told work was postponed until 1300 and since my son had an appointment not long after that time he pretty much had the day off. Of course they couldn't have called him before he was halfway to work but that's ok We spent the morning finishing a Christmas gift and just hanging out together.It was really night to have that time with just us.
After lunch we dragged ourselves out into the snow to go to my son's appointment. I have never been in a car when this much snow is down and I have to say it wasn't as bad as I expected. I love our car with it's traction control and my husband is a great driver in the snow. After the appointment we went to the library and signed up for library cards. In a matter of 5 minutes I had picked up about 8 books that I will devour over the next two weeks I have to relax. My son picked out two and I am sure that he will totally enjoy them.
We have only been home a few minutes and I have already had an interesting time. I got to wrap my son's gift for his dad. It was a first in the fact that all I did was send him to school with some money and he picked it out himself. After we finished, my husband helped him wrap his gift for me. He was so excited. My sister called just after that to tell me that she had her ultrasound and she is having another boy. She was a little disappointed because she was wanting a little girl to play dress up with but I'm sure she will be thrilled in time.
My day of fun is nowhere near over. I'm going to get off of here and go teach my little man how to make snow angels and probably get pelted with several sow balls in the process. I'm sure I will eventually get rid of the snow but today it has just made everything feel more Christmasy. I'll have to enjoy it while I can because my actual Christmas will be warm.
YAY for snow!

Holiday blessings.

2008-12-13T11:20:00.002-06:00

I'm listening to my husband and son playing and am reminded just how blessed I am to have them. I feel especially blessed to have my husband home for Christmas again this year. I'm holding tight to all of these laughs and memories we are making. I haven't done any Christmas shopping without my husband being with me because I know that next year I will more than likely be doing it all alone. This season is going to be filled with so many moments I wish I could just push pause on and restart later on when we will need them.
I hope that everyone is having a blessed holiday season and can look forward to the next year with at least a little hope.

A lot of randomness

2008-12-11T10:01:00.002-06:00

This has definitely been a nice week for me. I saw my first big snow here in Kansas. We had some a week or two ago but it wasn't as much or as interesting as the snow we had Tuesday. It was coming down and being blown all over by the heavy winds and it made for an interesting site. It was really different being out in the snow. I am from the south and everything always seemed to shut down when the littlest bit of snow fell. Not here. Life went on like nothing was happening, you just dress a little warmer and drive a little slower.
Tuesday was a big day for me. I had my first doctors appointment here and that's always a scary thing for me. Even as a little girl I didn't do well with meeting a new doctor. My mom said that when I met the doctor who would be my pediatrician for the next 13 years I threw up on him. I wasn't sick. It was pure nerves. I don't throw up on them anymore but my blood pressure went up a bit because of it. Once again that turned out to be an unnecessary worry. My new doctor is totally sweet and wonderful. She loves to talk and makes you feel like you are visiting with a friend but one that can help make you feel better. We went through my list of medicines so she could understand why I need them before putting them in the system here. The night before I had the appointment I had some intense muscle spasms on my abdomen on the lower left side. She said I had a hernia and freaked me out with her wording a little but basically it's all good. Just taking it easy for a few days then life back to normal. The big part of the appointment was when it came time to address my asking for a referral to the surgical weight loss center here.
Now let me tell you something. I knew I was pushing it as she had never seen me before and when she mentioned that she was pretty much against surgery unless it is necessary I thought I was screwed. I will give her credit. Putting aside her personal feelings on the subject, she listened to my reasons why I want the surgery and took into account that I had been in the program in Hawaii and that my other doctor agreed I was a good candidate. She asked me a million questions to make sure I knew what I was in for the good and the bad. I even managed to impress her because I had talked to the people in the program here so I knew what they needed from me too. In the end she was happy enough with my reasons why and could even sympathize because she herself is morbidly obese. What she feels is a major difference in our situations is that she has not lost any of her ability to function normally on a daily basis and I have noticed a gradual decrease in how well I function. I will admit that is the one thing that has bothered me most. She put in for the referral so it could be as soon February or March I'm guessing. They go through things really fast.
Note:As I was typing I got a phone call and was told the referral didn't go through for whatever reason. They are going to put it in again. Apparently it's an issue they have with their system. I refuse to give up hope that it's going to go any way other than planned.

Aside from all of that, not much has been going on. My son has developed an attitude problem that is determined to drive me up the wall. My husband is working late every night and oddly it isn't bothering me. Don't get me wrong, I miss the time we spend together in the evening but it's just something I am getting used to not having it. It's a good thing though. We have the Battalion Christmas Part tomorrow night. I have met maybe 5 people from the battalion in passing and only two have I spent any amount of time. I get the feeling this is going to be a big party but I'm not sure. Hopefully it will be fun.
Only one week until Christmas. This year is going to be a bit crazy but hopefully good for me. What makes this year so special, aside from my husband getting to be home again, is that we are actually going to my dad's house for the week. I haven't celebrated Christmas with my family since 1997 so it is a big deal. My son will get to have the holiday with his maw maw and paw paw and I get to do all of the fun things with him that we did when I was a kid. I was sitting here the other night thinking and mentioned to my husband that we should go look at Christmas lights around here when I had a lightbulb moment and totally freaked out on him. Poor guy was so confused why I suddenly got so excited and needed the phone but he obliged. What I had remembered is that every year we went looking at Christmas lights and there were two families that just went all out with the light displays. It used to be one of the highlights of the holiday season. My stepmom assured me that they still did it and said she had planned on taking my son and my nephew to see them. No way they are going without us at least following them. I am so excited. I really hope it all goes well. My family is known for being a bit of a downer but the holidays are really a special time for them so hopefully I won't be disappointed.
The only part of the week I'm nervous about is Christmas day. I don't have the best relationship with my mom and to say that my son really doesn't know her wouldn't be stretching the truth. I love her but sometimes she is more than I can handle and she has never made a big point of getting to know my son. This year my dad and stepmom have to work and I got the idea that we would go to my mom's on Christmas day. I don't know what made me want to do this. Whatever the reason, it's done. My mom is excited and I'm actually looking forward to it. Hopefully everyone will have fun. I think what I want from it most of all is a good memory because I don't have a whole lot of those to hold on to. I think it should be fine. I'm hoping it will.

SO anyway, here is the schedule so far.
Saturday, Dec. 20~ We are driving from Kansas to Louisiana. It looks like a 13 hour drive for where we are going. When we get there we have to make sure everything is ready for the next day which includes me putting a last minute present together.
Sunday, Dec. 21~We take the 2 hour drive up to my grandparents where the entire family(minus one grandchild who is serving in Korea) will be together to do our big Christmas celebration. This includes my grandparents, their 3 sons and their wives, 9 grandchildren(6 bio, 3 married in) and 3 great grandchildren. Also we can expect my great aunt and her husband and at least one of her daughters and grandchild to probably drop by to see everyone. Yeah...it's going to be nuts. I expect my paw paw to go hide at some point. We will eat a big meal, exchange gifts, cleanup, and probably play a game at some point. I am so looking forward to it. At some point we will drive back to my dad's house and probably all crash.
Monday, Dec. 22~ I have been informed by my sister that my child will be kidnapped by his grandmother(my stepmom) for the day and we are going to be told to go away and come back late. So far all I see us doing is going to Olive Garden with my sis and her hubby and maybe doing some shopping for my son. His grandmother on hubby's side is sending a gift card so I might just shop for him then. At some point I might dump my hubby and go to starbucks with just my sister. It's something we like to do and haven't done since July. We also might go see my cousin for a little while this day too.
Tues, Dec. 23~ So far there are no real plans for this day. I hope to get to spend some time visiting with my sister and stepmom. The only thing on the agenda is dinner with my cousin and her son to celebrate his 8th birthday. It's exciting. My dad is working but hopefully will get to meet us there.Santa cookies will also probably be made this day.
Wed. Dec. 24~This day will be spent prepping for dinner that night as my stepmom is insisting on cooking a big dinner. It is also my parents anniversary and I am hoping we will be able to scheme up a little something to surprise them with.A cake at least. They never make a big deal out of it but we want to do a little something. After dinner we will open all of our gifts, which will take forever it sounds like. They have gone insane shopping for my son and my sister's son. After we get the kids calm enough and in bed then we will hang out until we can play Santa. I'm expecting very little sleep this night.
Thurs. Dec. 25~We get to wake up at 4:30 in the morning so my dad can watch my son open his "Santa" gifts and spend time with all of us before he has to go into work. I'm not sure what time we are going to my mom's. I'm guessing late morning. We will head over there and I will help my mom. I have been wrangled into making a no bake sugar free cheese cake. I see us spending most of the day there.
Friday and Saturday Are our last days there and I have no idea what we are doing. Hopefully relaxing and visiting as my dad is finally off. We are scheduled to drive back Sunday as of right now.
Is it a wonder I'm so tired just thinking about it all?

Deception

2008-12-03T15:42:00.002-06:00

The sun is a deceptive thing. It shines brightly and beautifully, all the while calling to you "come and play in my warmth." What it fails to mention is that you aren't in Hawaii anymore and it's 33 degrees outside. It also fails to mention the 25 mph winds that are going to make it feel more like 20 degrees and that the wind will sting your cheeks and steal away your breath.
Yeah...the sun is a deceptive thing.

2008-12-01T18:55:00.002-06:00

It never fails that kid snots usually lead to mom snots. Somehow I've managed to avoid that the last few times that my son had a cold but this time it got me. Both his dad and I have a cold and, as usual, it seems to be hitting me the worst. I think it's probably because I was used as a tissue a few more times than daddy but oh well. Hopefully today was the worst day.
Yesterday my baby turned 8 years old. I can't believe that he is already 8. I can't figure out where all of the time went. I love him so much and he just seems to find a new way every day to make me smile.All week he kept saying that he wouldn't have to use the booster seat after he turned 8 but all day yesterday he kept riding in it. I'm guessing he just wasn't ready to give it up yet. That's fine with me because I'm not ready for him to grow up just yet.

Another great one.

2008-11-28T19:10:00.002-06:00

Today was another pretty great day. Our Christmas decorations are mostly up and we watched a great movie together. Kung Fu Panda is awesome! My son was insane today but I'm hoping it was just the excitement. He can be hyper but this was insane. It made me feel like screaming. At one point I just put him in his room so I could have a few minutes of peace.
So for a first today we had a little snow. It wasn't much at all but when you were on a tropical island for three years and are used to decorating your tree in 80 degree weather, it was really nice. Definitely felt more Christmas like.
Nothing more to add. Just had a good day.

The Happiest Thanksgiving

2008-11-28T10:08:00.004-06:00

Thanksgiving is usually a holiday I look at and wonder what horrible thing is going to happen or what illness am I going to have. For me, Thanksgiving generally involves some level of misery. Here's a recap:
1999: I was pregnant and was so sick I could hardly stand it.
2000: I was pregnant again and a week away from my son being born. I had high blood pressure so I wasn't allowed to eat very much, not that I could have anyway. I ended up sleeping the day away.
2001: I had a bad cold but otherwise it was a decent day.
2002: I had the flu.
2003: I had some raging infection that gave me a fever of 103.7. I refused to go to the doctor and ended up in the emergency room a week later with pneumonia.
2004: I ended up having a flare up of female problems and spent the afternoon trying not to black out on my mother in law's couch.
2005: My husband was leaving for Iraq in a week and I had just gotten over a breast cancer scare. At the time I had an open wound where the biopsy site had gotten infected and spent the afternoon in acute care to get the dressing changed.
2006: I spent the day with my sister and her boyfriend and his incredibly racist,bigoted dad being treated like I had the plague or something because I didn't share his views. I was also kind of bummed because it was my first Thanksgiving without my husband and my son was really feeling it. The highlight of the day was that we got to go swimming. That was a lot of fun.
2007: Ok this one wasn't horrible but it wasn't great. My sister had chosen to have thanksgiving with her friends and that hurt a little but I was really happy that my husband was home. We didn't do anything. I cooked a little something and everything came out badly so I wasn't thrilled. I was healthy so that was a plus.

So you can see why I am apprehensive about Thanksgiving. My husband ended up having to work all morning but I still was ok. I had just planned on cooking a whole turkey breast and they don't take nearly as long so it was fine. Thankfully it turned out to be the best Thanksgiving I have had in a long time and some memories were made that will last a life time.
My son was so excited about Thanksgiving this year. In our house, Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful for all the blessings we have had over the past year. He loved that and even wrote a song about it. Originally I was planning to make a gumbo but then he got it in his head that he had to have all of the thanksgiving food. Somehow I ended up being tricked into turkey, stuffing, potatoes, green beans, gravy, and pumpkin pie. Now I'm not a pumpkin pie fan but my son really wanted to try one so we just got a small one for him to try. The big selling point on making the meal was that he was so excited. It made it easy to get into the spirit. He even said he'd try everything which is a major big deal.
As expected he woke up hyper and excited. I cooked the pie and cornbread for my stuffing while we watched the parade. He kept running back and forth between the parade and the cartoons he had on in his bedroom. It reminded me of when I was a kid and did the same thing. He spoke to most of my family as we made our morning calls and excitedly told them all about how great his thanksgiving was going to be. My husband came home and we started the turkey. My son and husband peeled and cut potatoes for the mashed potatoes and I finished putting the stuffing together (I had stuffed my turkey with onion and carrots) and got the veggies done. Before we knew it dinner was on the table and it looked awesome. I have to say the turkey was pretty good and the stuffing was AMAZING! We stuffed ourselves and then just vegged out for the rest of the day. We had so much fun. For the record, my son loved everything with the exception of the Pumpkin Pie. I can't say that I blame him and my husband said this one had a weird texture so that makes it even more understandable that he didn't like it. The cute moments were watching my son have fun helping us make some of the food and listening to him talk about all the different great things that excited him. It was really great.
This morning has continued the wonderful memories. We woke to a mix of snow and rain which was cool since we aren't used to snow any more. My son voluntarily swept and mopped the kitchen. As I type this, my son is cleaning up some of the toys he has in the living room and my husband is putting our Christmas tree together. For the record this is the first day after thanksgiving since we've been together that he hasn't had to work. I plan on having a wonderful lunch of leftovers and we will decorate the tree then watch kung fu panda. Tomorrow we are going to drag out the rest of the decorations and watch Ironman. Sunday is the little guys birthday so we will do whatever he wants with the exception of church in the morning. I'm really loving this weekend.

Interesting week.

2008-11-23T22:12:00.002-06:00

This week looks to be an interesting one. I get to spend some time with my guys later in the week. I get to cook my second turkey ever...ok so a whole turkey breast. We aren't dark meat people. My baby will turn 8 later in the week. Christmas season in Kansas begins. Just a lot of things.
Thanksgiving is going to be nice and very different this year. We honestly have no traditions. When we lived in SC we always went to the inlaws. When we lived in Hawaii we were either with my sister or just did nothing. This year we couldn't really go anywhere and I wasn't planning on cooking big. Honestly, I had just wanted to cook some gumbo or something and have some kind of desert for the guys. A few days ago my son started talking really seriously about thanksgiving. We talked all about how it is a time to remember what we are really thankful for. He got all excited about that and wrote a "thankful" song. He then got started on the meal part of excited. Started talking about making a pumpkin pie and he's never had one before. He kept going on and on about pumpkin pie and stuffing and having a fun dinner so now I'm cooking. He is going to help me cook and has said he will try everything which is honestly a really big deal for him. The funny part is I went from dreading the idea of cooking to getting a little excited about it. It's going to be a lot of fun.
Another big thing is that my little man is turning 8 later this week. I can't believe that it was 8 years ago he was in my belly not letting me eat or sleep. I was hugging on him today and told him he had to stop growing up and he told me " I know, but I can't" and then hugged me. I know that I'm going to cry at least once on his birthday. He has given me so much and I have no idea what I would do without him. It's so scary to think that one person has that much impact on your life. I honestly believe that I could eventually be ok if something happened to my husband but, if something ever happened to my son, I don't think I'd survive it. Just really scary to me.
Enough reflecting. I need to go to bed I guess. Hopefully at some point I will be able to shut my brain up.

phobias

2008-11-22T18:38:00.002-06:00

Most people have at least one phobia and some people have what seems to be a never ending supply of them. I can honestly say that I have two. One of them I have had for so long I don't remember when it started. I am claustrophobic. I know there are people who are more so than I am but it is still definitely there. My second phobia is one that I have no idea where it came from or when it even started. Hawaii is where I first remember it showing up but I don't know why it would pick there to start. All I know is that right now it threatens to drive me a little insane.
What is this thing that can stop me dead in my tracks and apparently induce panic attacks in a grown woman? A mouse. No matter how tiny it is the second one is mentioned I start getting jittery and hearing noises where there are none. I see one and that's it. I'm frozen. So what shows up in our nice new home, a mouse. I had seen pest control at my neighbors (we live in a duplex)earlier in the week but I didn't think much of it. They have lived here longer and our place was sprayed right before we moved in. Now I'm wondering if this isn't why he was there. You can bet your butt I will be calling Monday to try and gt one out here. Now I know it's a part of life, especially in colder weather, but it's a part of life I can do without. When I saw the mouse last night I spent the entire evening in a state of panic. I couldn't force myself to move off the couch and seriously felt like I was going to be sick. I ended up having a panic attack. We put poison down. If you are into humane things, sorry. At least it's not one of those horrible traps. I just can't handle it. Does that make me a big baby?

I'm back

2008-11-13T10:17:00.002-06:00

So many times I've started to come back and post but I never really had anything I felt needed to be said. Other times I would have loved to come back for a place to let the frustration out but the words wouldn't come. I'm finding myself needing somewhere to go where I don't have to worry if I am bugging someone or where I can say everything I want all at once. This seemed like as good a place as any. It certainly worked before.
So here's what's been going on in my life since February.
My sister got married. This of course required a very expensive trip along with the expenses of having someone in the wedding as well as doing the photography..for free. It ended up not being a great wedding at all. She terms it as a disaster and I'm inclined to agree. She is married though and is pregnant with her second child. She moved in July from Hawaii to Florida and we are actually getting along really well. She mellowed out a lot.
My husband switched positions in Hawaii which allowed us a few months of him actually not having to go anywhere. We managed to celebrate our 9th anniversary together though we didn't get to do much. It was still nice to have him home.
Most of the time between May and September was spent ferrying myself and my son back and forth to doctors appointments and getting ready for our move. Right before we moved my son was diagnosed with ADHD and Autistic Disorder with mild symptoms. I guess that means the same as saying he is high functioning. We put him on a stimulant for the ADHD after much consideration and it has helped him so much in school. He only takes it on school days or when he has some function where he really needs to be calm and focused.
We've moved from Hawaii to Kansas in what I consider the move from hell. It was pretty much ruled by Murphy's law and started with me losing my engagement ring the morning we cleared housing. After all those times it fell off at the beach and I found it, I lose it in a house that has absolutely nothing in it except for the few suitcases we are taking with us. All I can figure is it fell in a box we gave to charity or it went down the toilet. all that matters is it's gone. We spent three days in a really nice Navy Lodge and spent most of it worrying about money. We hadn't gotten the advance we were supposed to and were paying for everything out of pocket so it was not fun. We left Hawaii with 100 dollars and no idea how we were going to pay for everything on the Kansas side. It didn't really get any better and we ended up having to borrow money to make it but we got through and eventually our money came in.We had trouble getting to St. Louis MO to get our car and ended up having an accident with the rental car. Nothing major, just backed into a flatbed trailer that was parked in the road. It was definitely just another one of those things. It took us longer than expected to find a place to live but we ended up with a nice duplex off post. We really like it and the only thing I wish was different about the area is that they would hurry up and finish the two houses they are building right around us. The biggest bonus is that we live directly across the street from the school so there is no transportation issues with getting the little guy to school.
School here has been very interesting. Instead of putting him in a self contained classroom they put him in a regular second grade class. He was working on a first grade level in Hawaii because they are so far behind here and this new school is actually more advanced than most other schools in the state so he had great challenges going into it. I'm happy to say that he is doing really well. There were issues with under staffing and him not getting what he needed at first but it's been resolved. He is catching up a lot more quickly than any of us thought he would and he absolutely loves his class. I'm having to work with him a lot more outside of school but I am really liking it. It gives me a chance to see what he can really do and now that I know what was causing all of the communication struggles it's much easier to work around it. It's still a struggle some days but it's so worth it. It has ruled out me working anywhere that will not let me be home when he is. At least until he is caught up with his grade level and that could take a while.
Now for me. I have been unhappy with this move. Mainly because it went so badly but also because I really miss Hawaii. I miss the culture and the beauty and the people. I miss my friends and right now I really miss the weather. The cold is not as easy to adjust to as I thought it would be. It is causing problems physically that no one warned me about but then again I don't think it's something my doctor thought about. My face seems to have gotten worse in the cold. I know the pain part has but the actual paralysis seems more marked. I can actually look in the mirror some days and see it. It's no where near where it was when I first got the palsy but it is enough to be a little depressing. It's been almost three years and I just want it gone. I am in the process of getting things done so I can have weight loss surgery here since it went so wrong in Hawaii. I was telling the people here about the program in Hawaii and they couldn't believe how crazy it sounded. Once I can get a referral from my doctor then it shouldn't take more than three months for them to get me in surgery. I'm excited but at the same time I'm worried because I just found out that my husband will be gone for a month in the spring and might be leaving again in early summer so I don't know how that will effect things.
I guess I can say I'm finally starting to adjust. I don't hate it here and things have improved so I am definitely happier. I get to be with my family for Christmas, barring any last minute Army surprises. That is exciting to me because it's been 10 years since I had Christmas with them. I'm most excited about seeing my nephew because he's grown so much since July and seeing my sister. We have been really close though I have to admit I'm not missing the pregnancy drama that I had to deal with last time. It is the one advantage of not being there.
I guess this is enough of an update for now...not that I have any idea who I'm updating. The few people reading this pretty much know everything already. It is kind of relieving to get some of it out of my head, hopefully for good now.

Late night rambling

2008-02-03T04:52:00.000-06:00

This weekend is going by too fast. I really am wishing it was one of those four day weekends we get once in a while. After a week of catering to my sisters needs, no matter how exaggerated the seemed to me, I was ready for some family time. Some just the three of us family time. I will say one thing though. This past week has shown me that I will miss my sister and nephew when we move in September, but I will not miss her neediness and ungratefulness.
In other news with her, my parents have done a total turn around on her wedding. She finally told them to just tell her what they were willing to pay for the few things they were going to pay for so she would know. They said they'd get back to her in a few days. When they finally called her, she said it was like a totally different person was talking to her. My step-mom was all excited about the wedding. They had booked a place that day for my sister and were already reserving certain things they will need for the decorating and reception part. My step-mom then informed her that there would be no limit given on what they would spend. Now you have to understand that comes with an understanding that my sister is planning a small wedding so they know it's not going to break them financially. My middle sister had limits on her wedding because she is the type to go nuts. I had no limit on my wedding. My step-mom literally handed me her debit card with her pin number and said to go buy whatever I needed. Her doing something similar for my sister shows me she is serious about doing whatever my sister wants for her wedding. It's really making me happy.
We are getting excited about the trip to Louisiana for her wedding. We are taking two weeks and going to South Carolina first to visit my husband's family. I am very much looking forward to seeing them. I miss them more than anyone. We are spending about 5 days at their house then renting a car and heading to Louisiana for the remainder of our time on the mainland. I am refusing to make this trip about driving to see this person or that person. If they want to see me, they will come to me. Another plus is I will be staying with my cousin instead of my parents. This will make for a much more relaxed stay as I love my cousin and she is probably the only person in my family that doesn't completely stress me out. A big plus is that she has a son that is a month younger than my son (we were due on the same day!) and I know that he is really going to have fun with him. They haven't seen each other since they were 4 so it's going to be interesting.
So here are some of the things we are looking forward to:
1. Chick-fil-a! We are having serious withdrawals people. My husband worked for them for 9 years so we do miss them.
2. A honest to goodness road trip. You can drive around the entire island in a day but you are still in the same place. I want a road trip where you actually end up somewhere different and can't go back in the same day.
3. Sonic drinks. I am really wanting a strawberry slush something fierce.
4. Real cajun food. I can make a good bit of it but I want things like crawfish and boudin that i can't readily get here.
5. Seeing my friends in SC. We will go to church the Sunday we are in SC and I can't wait.
6. My mother-in-laws yard. She has a beautiful yard that she did all of the landscaping for. She has a gift.
7. My son seeing his grandparents. He has been missing them so badly lately that I think this will do them some good.
8. Last, but not least, my sister getting married. I'm going to cry. I'm also so happy for her that I can't wait. It's not everyone I would pay thousands of dollars to go see get married.

I'm sure there are a lot more things. Those are just the first ones that came to mind. This will be my first time back to Louisiana since Hurricane Rita tore apart the areas I grew up in. We will also drive by some places that were hit the hardest by Hurricane Katrina. I am a little worried about how I'm going to react to it all. We had just been here a few days when Rita hit and it killed me to be so far away. I'm just not knowing what to expect. One of the towns my dad lived in for several years was totally wiped out. They said the only thing left standing was the town hall. I'm hoping to have time to drive down and see it and hopefully see some progress there. I'll take my camera if I get to go. I also want to check out some renovations they made to the city I went to college in. It looks like they made a historic district.

Well I need to stop rambling and get to bed. I have chapel in the morning. Hopefully I can get some sleep. I'm not tired at all.

wow

2008-02-01T01:44:00.000-06:00

Last year I blogged about a "friend" that had really effected my past. You can go read about it HERE if you feel the need to refresh your memory.
Needless to say, this person got in touch with me through myspace and decided he wants things to be like the 'old days' meaning before he turned into a total ass. He even apologized for the way things ended between us. He doesn't know about the consequences of how he treated me...not the big one at least but his apology still meant a lot to me. It's one of those things you think will never come and when it does it feels nice. The bad part of it all is that it brought up all of those memories and feelings I've worked so hard at forgetting or moving on from. I feel so weak for not just being able to take it and move on. I pretty much told him that him trying to be like things never changed wasn't going to work. He isn't going to understand why and my husband doesn't think I should fill him in on what he doesn't know, though I really would love to just have at it and let him know just what a jerk he is..but it really isn't going to do any good. Now I'm just back to where I was and I feel so mad that I let an email bother me so much. Maybe this will give me closure and be done with. I want that more than anything.

Ok then

2008-01-24T14:01:00.000-06:00

I didn't realize it was a week since I last posted. Wow. Honestly not a lot has happened in the week. We were supposed to have a fun game night Sunday night but Friday night I started getting one of the headaches I'm starting to be too familiar with. It got incredibly worse over Saturday so that evening my husband told me that we weren't going to do the game night if I wasn't completely better by Sunday morning. I wasn't in as much pain but I was so exhausted and out of energy so we canceled it and just vegged all day. We did the same thing Monday but more out of laziness than anything.
Tuesday I went to PWOC and I'm really loving it. The class I'm taking is called Intimacy with God and we are using the book with the same name by Cynthia Heald. It's going to be a very interesting study. I'm not going to be able to just sit back and watch. I'm going to have to participate and it's going to be really interesting.
Yesterday I had an appointment with a dermatologist for a skin condition I have. It's a pretty bad one I don't talk about too much because it's a little embarrassing. Anyway, I finally talked to my PCM and he sent me to a dermatologist. I couldn't have asked for a better appointment. I seriously don't do well with new doctors. I have been known to get into panic attack modes just going to the new doctor but this went really well. The doctor was a woman which was extremely helpful to me and she was very nice and easygoing. It didn't hurt that the appointment took 45 minutes from me walking in the door to leaving with a filled prescription in hand. Honestly only about 15 minutes total of that was me waiting for something and not all at once. The end result is we are trying an antibiotic therapy. The truth is that if this helps control it then I may be on it for the rest of my life. That's twice a day every day. I looked at the bottle today to see how long we were trying it for and I have enough with the current bottle and refills for the rest of the year. Yeah...wasn't expecting that. It really is worth it if it helps. I go back in a couple of months for a progress check and we'll go from there.
Nothing else really exciting going on. The friend I had mentioned in one of my previous posts that I had gotten her kids called me a few days later to tell me she was mad at me because I "disrespected her" and argued that she never had an attitude with me or yelled at her kids. I told her I wasn't going to argue with her about what happened. It was over with and I was moving on. She is out of state right now and I'm hoping it's blown over by the time she gets back. I'm just dealing with her as she is now but I'm not getting walked all over anymore. She may need her drama but that doesn't mean I have to put up with it.
The rest of my week looks a little bland. I really need to do major housework so I'll be busy with that. My sister's fiance is leaving today for a week so I'll be hanging out with her some and my hubby has guard duty starting tomorrow at 6pm so I won't see him from about noon tomorrow (his lunch break) until sometime Saturday. I'm not too upset about it. Just annoyed because he also has chapel duty on Sunday morning. Thankfully he is getting Monday off.

Steps

2008-01-15T01:07:00.001-06:00

I did two things today that I had never done before. One of the things I did was a big step for me.
The first was pretty insignificant. I bought myself three pairs of shoes just because I liked them. I have never bought three pairs of shoes that were not flip flops or some for other people. I technically bought 5 pairs but two were for my sister's birthday. I spent 54 dollars for 5 pairs of shoes and 2 pairs of no show socks. How awesome is that??
The second thing was a pretty big deal for me. I am the type of person that will get totally ticked off with someone and hold my tongue. I swear I have "walk all over me" tattooed on my forehead. I went to pick up my son from the bus and one of my friends wasn't there to get her two kids. I took them and started calling her right away. She wouldn't answer her cell and I didn't have her new home phone number. I was a little annoyed she wouldn't answer her phone. It wasn't going straight to voice mail so I was pretty sure it was ringing. This scenario went on for 30 minutes before she answered! I was so pissed that at one point I sent her a text message that said "Answer your damn phone woman!" just to shock her into actually calling me back. It's shocking for me to talk to a friend like that. Heck, I don't talk to anyone like that. It didn't work though since she still took about 20 more minutes to show any life. Anyway. I had her kids give me there school folders so I could see if there was a phone number in it that I could reach her at. When she was on my road, I started to put things away. The son's notebook fell out of his folder and then I went to go get it (the exact same time she was getting out of her car) the folder blew away with the contents of it. The first words out of her mouth were to cuss at her son since she thought he had been the one to take it out. I yelled at her "don't you dare yell at him. It was my fault!" and I was pissed. When we found the papers and were walking back to the house, she started fussing at him for taking the folder out of the bag and I stopped her right there. I told her that I had asked him for it because I didn't have the home phone number and that SHE wasn't answering her phone. She didn't apologize to her son but started in an annoyed tone on me.."I never put my number in there." I was so far beyond mad that I just laid into her. "I didn't know that! What the hell was I supposed to do? I was worried and couldn't reach you so I was doing the only thing I could think of. When your a few minutes late I've been understanding. When you call and can't make it in time, that's fine. When you don't show up and don't answer for 30 MINUTES what the hell am I supposed to do?" She apologized and I just said I was glad I was there because I had thought about picking my son up from school and no one would have been there. She then proceeded to tell me that it would have been fine. They would have just taken them back to school and they would have called her. How in the hell is that fine???? I started to fuss at her about that attitude but she hightailed it out of here. I think she knew what was coming. She called me about ten minutes later apologizing because she loves me and doesn't want me mad at her(she was responding to the text message.) I told her I was fine but she needed to get it together basically. She gave me a lot of excuses, some of which are valid but basically it's the same stuff she always pulls. With her there is always an excuse when overall she needs to do something to get her act together because she is all that those kids have and she is the adult.
I am so proud of myself for not just letting her get away with all of this. I guess I had just finally hit the point where enough was more than enough and I exploded. I honestly felt no guilt afterwards, which I usually would have. Maybe I'm finally growing a spine.
I'm taking a step towards growing a little bit more of one tomorrow. I'm going to a group bible study where I don't know a majority of the women. This is a big deal for me because I am not good in situations where I don't know people. Hopefully it will go well. I'm seriously fighting everything in me that wants to stay home safe in my pjs.I will be brave!

Just talking it out

2008-01-14T01:06:00.000-06:00

Today was an interesting day. I don't know how any of it is really connected so it's going to come out as a big ramble.
We went to chapel this morning and the chaplain who was preaching today mentioned how the 22nd of this month was the anniversary of Roe vs Wade. As a Southern Baptist, we have always had "Sanctity of Life Sunday" the Sunday before this anniversary. It wasn't a day I remembered easily until the year I lost my baby. This morning, when he mentioned it, it occurred to me that for the first time in 8 years, I missed my angel baby's birthday. I started crying. I had this feeling of being a horrible parent. I don't go a day without remembering him and usually his birthday is a little hard for me. I just had a moment of freaking out because I feel like I forgot. That day was such a big day in my life. It really changed me in a lot of ways and ripped out a pretty good chunk of my heart so how do you just forget? I think I've gotten over most of the initial guilt and am looking at it as I have healed a good bit. So we'll end that portion of the day by saying "Happy Birthday, my sweet angel. We love you!"

We spent the afternoon playing games at my sister's house. We had the most fun with two new games. One is called Apples to Apples and the other is Fluxx. It was really great to just hang out and play games. I also love how my son is able to so easily entertain himself. He was entertaining all of us in the process. He is just so much fun to watch. My nephew was just laying on the floor watching my son make noises and play in his pretend world.
My nephew was so cute. He's 6 months old and is almost crawling. He gets one knee forward but as he moves the other one, he falls. He is going to get it very soon. He is so cute!
We all got hungry so we decided to go somewhere to eat. When we got there they wait was an hour long and my son needed to start his nightly routine in about an hour so waiting was definitely not an option. My sister's fiance started naming all of these places but nothing was sounding good at all. My stomach was sour from taking my medicine without bread or milk last night. I could tell my sister was getting annoyed and I was annoyed because, aside from this place, I couldn't think of anything I wanted! I hate when I'm like that. I finally told them we would just get something at home and they could go do whatever they wanted. I didn't want to hold them up. My sister seemed perturbed but I just had to save my sanity. Of course my son starts crying because he didn't understand why we couldn't wait for our turn so we asked him what he wanted. He wanted a cheeseburger. I gave him three choices and he picked one that happens to have awesome salads so I was happy. My husband was pretty happy about the choice as well and we grabbed something from there. I got an ice cream treat they are famous for and it was just the trick at settling my sour stomach. The salad was extremely fresh and awesome so I am now one happy woman.
Well hubby wants to play some ghost recon and little man is in bed so I'm wrapping this up.
Did I mention tomorrow is the first day back at school after the holiday break? Can we say FREEDOM? Well at least for a few hours. I am SO ready.

Unexpected guest

2008-01-10T02:06:00.000-06:00

My sister showed up at my door around 9 this morning. I hadn't even made it downstairs yet so I was very shocked. I haven't seen her for about a month so it was good to see her even if it was very unexpected. We were on strict water restrictions (they were working on the water main)so she enticed me to go to her house for a while by throwing a nice long shower in the mix. It was really nice. I was able to hang out with her while getting to play with my adorable nephew.
My son did something great today. Today he read an entire book by himself. It was a baby book but he read it all with no help.It was so cute. He picked it up and started reading it to his baby cousin. I was so proud of him. Now he can't keep pretending he doesn't know how to read. Knowing this, I will push him a little harder. It was also the first time he's put forth effort in playing with my nephew. He's pretty much been scared to get near him since he was born.
Well that was pretty much my day. I'm hoping I'll be able to drag my husband to the North Shore tomorrow. they are predicting the biggest waves of the season and I have to see that and get some pictures.

That Darn Cat

2008-01-08T03:08:00.000-06:00

One of my cats is trying to seriously traumatize me. I understand that cats have hunting instincts but she is just taking it too far.
Over the past few weeks, my sweet little cat has brought three birds into my house. Two of them were still alive! The first one she brought in was a good sized bird and she had it by the wing. I didn't know she had it. I just saw her playing with something under the coffee table and went to see what it was. I scared her and the bird went flying. It spent a good ten minutes behind my Christmas tree bashing into the window trying to get out. I had opened the screen but had to give it a little push to make it out the window. Of course I had to first lock my cat in the bathroom and she didn't like that.
The second time she brought in a little bird and was playing with it. I just saw her spasing out like she does when she's playing with something. My son was the one who realized it was a bird. Unfortunately it was either a baby or one of the small variety we have here and it's neck was broken so I had to dispose of it. My son asked me later in the day if the bird was all better now and I just about broke down crying at how sad he was when I had to tell him that he wasn't.
Today she brought in another good sized bird. Thankfully, my son wasn't home because this time was the worst. She had the bird under the coffee table again. I found this out when I heard the bird crying, for lack of a better word. It broke my heart. I did everything I could to get my cat to at least take it outside. She took it out and it was still crying so I went and grabbed my cat and brought her in. I just couldn't take it. I couldn't let her kill that bird and do nothing. It was still breathing but wasn't really moving so I didn't know what to do. When my hubby got home, I had him go to clean up what I assumed would be a dead bird but all he found was a few feathers so I'm guessing it was just stunned.
I know cats are hunters, but she is cruel. She plays with them for a long time before killing them. I have heard of cats bringing dead animals as gifts but she isn't doing that. She is seriously bringing them in to play with like my son would a toy. I can't handle this.
We have tried our best to make her an inside cat and she finds ways out. There are so many reasons this latest bird craze of hers is a bad thing. My son doesn't need to see this and I really can't take it either. it's disgusting and I really don't want birds in my house. She had done it once or twice before and it upset me but it's becoming too frequent. It came down to me telling my husband that if she does it again we are going to have to find her a new home. I feel horrible for being this way but it is bordering on traumatizing for me. I love my baby girl to death but enough is enough. Am I a horrible person for wanting to get rid of her if she keeps this up?

Lazy Sunday

2008-01-06T20:13:00.000-06:00

Nothing really exciting to report. I finished a book I had started several months back and forgotten about. It's called "For Women Only:What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men" by Shaunti Feldhahn. It's a really great book and I learned so much about the way my husband's brain works.
Other than that, nothing. I spend the day on the couch feeling like crap thanks to an antibiotic I'm taking. We also watched Hairspray. I love love love that movie. It was a great Christmas present. I am sure I'll be watching it a lot. John Travolta was awesome as Mrs. Turnblad and Christopher Walken cracked me up. Genius!

Environment and babble

2008-01-06T01:08:00.001-06:00

Today was a bit of a lazy day. We all woke up fairly late and I was dragging butt all day. The highlight of my day was going to the commissary. My son was actually well behaved and I wasn't getting run over with a cart every five minutes, so I was happy. We've started using green bags for our groceries and I never realized how many bags we used on our shopping trips. We have 9 green bags and they fill those twice as much as they would a regular bag. We did end up with one plastic bag because I didn't have enough green bags. I'll fix that next time. Just think about it though. 9 bags filled to double the amount a plastic bag would hold and I still needed one plastic bag. The bag of canned goods would have been two bags and double bagged. That's a lot of plastic.
They are talking about banning plastic bags on this island for companies that make over a certain amount of money a year. Think Walmart and grocery stores. I'm not sure exactly where I stand on that, but I don't think less bags would be a horrible thing. Walmart needs to lower the cost of their bags. They are smaller than the ones we bought at the commissary but cost 40 cents more. I wonder how much they cost on the mainland.
In other news, I think my son is about to have a major growth spurt. For about a week and half we couldn't get him to eat anything and then yesterday he started eating every couple of hours. He's also pudging up a little. Usually he will start looking a little chubby and then shoot up. Every since he got his hair cut, he's looking so much more grown up. It's fun to watch but at the same time I am sad about losing my baby.

"Wicked" and other stuff.

2008-01-04T15:38:00.000-06:00

I've been reading the book Wicked:The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West by Gregory Maguire and I have to say I am disappointed. I have the musical soundtrack and we've all seen the Wizard of Oz so I was expecting something a little along the lines of those two but it couldn't be more opposite. It is very dark and, in a lot of places, crude. I understand the need for some of the darkness. It explains how she became to be known as wicked. I just feel like there are a lot of things that could be done better or be done with out. One of my first peeves was the use of the word f**k. Now, in general, I don't care for the word. That is not my issue with it. It was totally out of place. This is a book about a far off land that is so very different from our own and that is the best he could do for an expletive? Give me a break. Show a little imagination. There are a lot of parts in the book that feel that way. Overall, it's just disappointing. I will finish the book just to see how he ends it, but I don't plan on buying any of his other books any time soon. I will admit that it makes me want to read the the book by L. Frank Baum that started it all.
Yesterday I did go through an interesting pictorial book on Oahu's North Shore. My husband bought me one that was more just images of the North Shore and one that is a History of the North Shore. It has a lot of photographs that are much older and is really well written with the history of the area we are so near to. I'm excited to finish it tonight as it isn't very long.
So far, my reading goals are off to a good start.

We have sunshine!!!

2008-01-03T13:53:00.001-06:00

Yes people, the sun is actually shinning today. I have so missed the sun over the past month. We usually haven't had a real rainy season until February or so but this year it started the end of November and wouldn't let up. My son and I will definitely be taking advantage of the sun in a few minutes. He has been dying for some time on his scooter and I just am glad to see the sun. Oddly enough, it's still raining. It's a phenomenon I will never understand. It's gorgeous out but there is a light rain going on. Barely noticeable if you are standing in it, but it's there all the same.

I'm doing another one of those photography portfolio contests over the next ten weeks. I wish I had waited to sign up because I'm still having a hard time getting used to the new camera. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong, but everything is coming out blurry. I think I'll have to spend a few hours tonight or tomorrow reading through the manual. Maybe I'll take it to the doctors with me tomorrow. Lord knows I usually have plenty of waiting time there. I wonder if anyone makes a dictionary that is full of all of the confusing terms that are waiting for me in there.

My baby sister turns 24 today. I don't know that she likes it when I call her my baby sister but that's what she is, even with a baby of her own now. I am hoping this year is as spectacular as she wants it to be. She's getting married in April and we are flying to Louisiana to go to her wedding. I'm really excited for her. I just hope she's really ready for the forever of it all.

New Year, New Start.

2008-01-02T16:50:00.000-06:00

It's a new year so I thought it might be a good time to start posting again. My life isn't a lot more interesting, but maybe I can find something to talk about.

I know a lot of people do resolutions and, while I do have a few things I would like to accomplish, I'm not sure if I would call them resolutions. Basically they are just things I would like to improve.

-I want to find a way to minimize stress in my life or at least find a way to deal with the stress more effectively. I'm hoping this will help with the headaches and things of that nature. It will also make me a little easier to be around. I tend to be entirely too stressed out.

-I want to be a better housewife. I've gotten the support and love and all of that down and really my husband doesn't complain. I just feel like I need to get off my butt more and do more productive things around the house. I will never be the "have his meal on the table when he gets home" type of wife. It's not even a reasonable expectation with him never getting home at the same time. I can make sure that we can have guests over without freaking out and that we can have a comfortable home to live in. I guess it's more for me than him since he'd gladly live with the way things are now.

-I want to read more. I love to read and always feel a little sharper when I read regularly. I know I can't sit down and read like I did before or I'd never get anything done, but I can try to find about two hours a week to read. My goal would be to read two books a month minimum. I also want to try and get in some sort of bible reading/study every day.

-I want to be more outgoing. I need to break out of my shell. I'm such a homebody and get really anxious around people I don't know. I always feel like I don't belong or fit in. I need to get over that. I plan on attending PWOC(protestant women of the chapel) on a regular basis and actually participating. I know quite a few women there and really like them so I don't see why I can't start there.

-I want to exercise more regularly and stick to a healthier diet. I want to be sure that there are no roadblocks on my end for the weight loss surgery when we get to Kansas. I can't control what the doctors do but I can work on myself.

-I want to be more financially responsible. We are going to be taking a major pay cut when we move and I want us to be ready for it. I want to have enough money saved that we don't have to stress for our two trips and move this year.

If you made it this far, I'm impressed and thank you. I hope that everyone has a wonderful year and your own goals are met.

Are you sure it's not a Monday?

2007-10-10T00:02:00.000-05:00

I am not in a good mood so, if you are looking for a cheery blog to read, go elsewhere. I need to vent and this seems like the safest place for me to do so.
I'm tired, in pain, and pmsing. My husband can be such an idiot some times. I love him but sometimes I swear he doesn't know a damn thing about people.
So I didn't sleep last night because I was having weird dreams where I was awake but not awake. It was as confusing as it sounds. Not a big deal though. Son spent the night with my sis so I could sleep this morning. Yeah right. That requires those stupid dreams to end and people to not be loudly running lawn equipment right outside my fence.
The pain..annoying face pain. right now I'd take all of that nerve pain back because at least they had a medicine for it. I'm used to it though so I'll suck it up and deal with it. Like I have a choice?
Hubby has appointment with eye doctors and calls me to give me the news. He can't have the surgery he really badly wanted, but it's no big deal. Yeah, like 'Im not hearing the total disappointment in his voice. I know he's disappointed, so of course I'm disappointed. This also means that he will be going in the field soon. It's only a week so in itself it's not a big deal. Don't send me messages bitching about how it's only a week. I know. I did my longer deployment and know the difference. It's not the week that I'm upset about. I'm upset because for the first time in YEARS I signed up to do something for myself. Totally selfishly for myself. I think I earned a night of grown up conversation over a book I've been wanting to read for several years now. Of course the simple fact that I want it means it's not going to happen. With DH now being in the field I've lost my babysitter and my transportation. I could probably get one but I'm not going to find both and I'm not one to ask people, other than family, to do something for me so I can do something for myself that is totally frivolous.
So all of this disappointment and pain and sleep deprivation is just piling on along with the hormone imbalance. Not a good combination. Did I mention my tylenol is in the car that my husband has with him? Yeah.
So he calls me to let me know he's going to be late. Woohoo! I can't figure out dinner because the thought of chewing makes me want to scream and I'm not going to have time to bake brownies and make cool ghosts with my son because my husband is going to be getting him late. Oh well. I mean what else can go wrong at this point. You'd think I'd know better than to think that way.
Hubby walks in the door and casually mentions that a neighbor he didn't know was telling him the cat we have taken in (it was abandoned by a prick who knew we liked the cat and was too lazy to walk across the fucking street to see if we wanted him)is sleeping on her car. Hubby says she was really nice about it which he translates as it not being a big deal. Um people don't say anything if it's not something they want fixed. Normally it wouldn't be a big deal. We have another cat that is really good and spends most of her time in the house. On the occasion she gets out, she avoids people like the plague. The one we took in is hard to keep in. He can open the screen door in my kitchen and gets out. Close it you're surely thinking...well I like not being so hot I'm sweating profusely and nearly passing out. So basically this cat is being a nuisance and I can't control it so I have to get rid of it. no big deal...or at least it shouldn't be but I'm totally in love with this cat. He is so cuddly and my son adores him. My husband is telling me it's not a big deal, we'll figure something out but we can't. We have two choices, be hot and hope the cat doesn't sneak out the front door or get rid of the cat that we have trouble controlling but adore. Hell of a choice.
That was the straw. I couldn't take it and started crying to which my husband tells me to go to bed. Yeah...that's going to make it all better. I can't sleep or it would have been done already and you've just told me I'm losing a piece of my family. Telling me to go to bed is not making me any happier. We had to make my son understand why we had to get rid of his favorite pet (he overheard us) and he took it better than I did. He is so great. We'll see how that goes after we get rid of him. Don't worry. We'll do it the right way. I don't just abandon pets on the side of the road.
I'm so hoping I can sleep tonight. I'm stuck eating some beans with tiny turkey dog pieces in it because I am not in the mood for soup and this was the closest I could get to soft. Not thrilled but I'll live. I'm just so ready for this day to be over. When are the good things going to start happening because I'm getting really tired of the shitty ones. This may all sound really petty to some of you, but there are other things going on. Things I can't even get sorted out in my head so I can't really vent them here. I just need a vacation or something. Right now I'd take a stiff drink but I couldn't afford it so I'm just screwed. Someone else have one for me?

UGH

2007-09-05T15:13:00.001-05:00

I so can't get moving today. I'm so sleepy. UGH! I want to get something done before my son gets home. Send some energy my way!

Sleep deprived rambling.

2007-09-03T08:55:00.000-05:00

I don't know what my deal is lately with not writing. Sure my life is totally boring, but I ususally have something going on in my head I wouldn't mind putting down here. Does anyone even read anymore?
It's 4 am and I'm tired, but not a bit sleepy. Not sure how much sense that makes. I don't know what my deal is. It's gotten to the point that I get maybe one good night sleep where I'm asleep six hours. Last night I was exhausted from a week of very little sleep and went to bed early. I slept almost 12 hours only waking once to use the restroom. That is unusual for me. I guess my body feels it met it's quota for the next week. It's seriously getting old.
I was supposed to start working out at the gym this past week but it never worked out with my friend and other things came up for me so we didn't go. I'm starting this week doing something with or without her. I even got new shoes that are now suitable for working out. I had a pair that was about 2, almost three years old and were starting to talk to me (the sole is coming apart.) I love the new ones, but they are killing my feet. Everyone knows that breaking in new shoes can be painful, but for me it's additionally so. I have always walked on the sides of my feet (thanks docs for catching that one as a kid!) and most of my shoes get used to it after a while. The new sneakers are unforgiving and making my feet stay straight. I know it's a good thing for my ankles but for the next few days it's going to be hell on them. It's worth it though, I think.
I picked up an mp3 player for 20 dollars today. We drove about 30 minutes with the sole purpose of picking it up and my husband decided he would get him one as well. He didn't care a whole lot about it but I sort of talked him into it since I know he will love it. He's always wishing he had music with him at work. Anyway, we get home with them and start putting them together. Mine is broken! AHHHHHHHH! It figures he doesn't even want it and his works great but I've been wanting one for MONTHS and mine is broken. He said he'd take it back for me tomorrow. We'll see if that happens. They might not even be open since it's Labor day. We might just go to the beach instead. We haven't done that in a while.
This past Thursday was my husband's birthday and Saturday afternoon we went bowling to celebrate. He made a cake all by himself and did a great job on it. I was going to do it but he got all excited. It was a soldier cake. I'll post pictures when I get the camera from my sister. Bowling was fun. My sister, her boyfriend, my son, his friend, and my husband and I went. I haven't been in about 8 years and my son had never been. He had so much fun! He didn't care what he knocked down at first. He just wanted to throw the ball. I totally suck at bowling, but at least I have fun sucking. I don't know what it is, but I have a tendency to go too much to the left with my ball. I do it with baseball and horseshoes as well. My son was entertaining. They started playing some music over the loudspeaker and he decided to perform for us. He would lip sing to the song and dance. It was cute. He's a ham. His little friend was fun, but he was driving me crazy. He was so impatient and every time a ball was thrown he would ask if it was his turn, even if he knew it wasn't. By the fourth game I was ready to blow. He also got a runny nose and I caught him wiping it with his hands then wiping them all over the ball he and my son were sharing. ICK! His sister has been sick so the last thing I need is him sharing his germs. We cleaned him and the ball off before moving on and he kept a tissue handy after that. I also kept him away from my nephew who was feeling a little icky himself. All in all, we had fun.
Well I guess I should go lie down. I could get away with sleeping all day tomorrow if my grandfather wasn't planning on coming soon. I need to clean. That and it gets too hot upstairs to sleep by mid morning. Wish me luck!

Growing

2007-08-27T00:50:00.000-05:00

My son is clearly growing up on me and there's nothing I can do to freeze the days and make them last longer. As with every growth, there are some growing pains. He's pulling more stunts and trying to push bigger boundaries. Tonight he tried giving me a really big guilt trip because he was punished and I wasn't giving in. He gave me big crocodile tears and told me I was breaking his heart. It was truly cute. I had a really hard time not laughing at first. After a while it got old and he was threatened with an even longer punishment if he didn't stop. I'm turning into a regular meanie.
The thing that is getting me most is that he is coming into his own as far as things he enjoys and expanding his creativity. He's always had a really creative mind as far as building things and acting things out. Now, thanks to High School Musical and Disney Channel, he's found a creativity for singing and dancing. Today he was writing his own songs. He would tell his dad the words and make him write them down then he would go to whatever instrument(made out of legos or a bucket) he was playing and make my husband sing the song back exactly the way he taught it to him. It was so cute and the songs were really not bad. They always had a really weird line thrown in the middle of it that would just make you laugh.
Not much else going on in my world. Hubby is busy with work world. I'm spending time with my sister, friend, or hanging out at home. My friend and I are supposed to start going to the gym tomorrow morning but I have somehow hurt my knee and I don't know how. It doesn't seem too bad, just hurts when I try to stand up. Once I'm up it's ok. Achy but ok. I'm thinking of taking tomorrow off, but I don't know. It totally sucks. I really really wanted to work out. I'm happy that I have someone to work out with.
Well I'm going to do one more thing then hopefully get some sleep.

Sunday Pictures

2007-08-07T04:54:00.001-05:00

Here are the pictures from Sunday. Let me know what you think.

TURTLES

KOLEKOLE PASS

KAENA STATE PARK

Weekend of fun

2007-08-06T13:30:00.000-05:00

This weekend was a wonderful weekend. It started Friday with my husband getting off around noon and us getting to spend Friday night and Saturday morning in a hotel in Waikiki. The chapel that my husband works at some Sundays invited us to a family retreat they were doing. We had a room for the night and they served us dinner on Friday, continental breakfast, and lunch on Saturday. We're not talking little meals for lunch or dinner.

Friday
Dinner
Garden salad with grilled chicken in a light italian type dressing
Dinner rolls
Prime Rib served with herb crusted red potatoes and steamed vegetables(for adults)
Steak covered with a mushroom gravy served with mashed potatoes and steamed veggies(for kids)
Chocolate Cake

Saturday Lunch
Garden salad with a creamy sweet dressing
Dinner Rolls
Teriyaki Chicken with rice and steamed vegetables
Yellow cake with a butter cream type icing and almonds

They also had these wonderful cookies and brownies set out for our bible study time on Saturday. It was just so wonderful to have the time to relax in a hotel (with air conditioning!) and get to know these wonderful people. They are changing out a lot of their Chaplains that are more like what I'm used to so I think I'm going to enjoy it and we are planning on attending there for a while to get a feel for what it's going to be like. It was really great to walk in on Sunday morning and actually know people.

Sunday afternoon my parents came and picked us up and we headed out to do some sightseeing. I had heard about a place where you could go to see Sea turtles coming up on the beach so we went off in search for it. The beach is Laniakea Beach but is refered to as Turtle Beach. We were able to see a few turtles on land and some just off shore. There were so many people there. I hope to go during the week when there aren't as many people so we can enjoy it more. It was really crowded. After that we drove through Haleiwa so my stepmom could see it. I love that little town. After that we made to the base so we could drive through Kolekole Pass. It's a nice drive that gives you some awesome views and leads to the leeward side of the island. Once on the Leeward side we drove down to the Kaena State Park. It is so beautiful down there. We spent a little time there taking pictures (I'll post some later) and had a good time. From there we went back to Mililani for dinner and then went to walmart so my parents could pick up some things. My stepmom was telling my dad about her and my sister trying malasadas earlier that day so we went down and found Leonard's Bakery so we could get some. Leonard's is famous for their malasadas. We get the filled ones. My husband, son, and myself all had the ones filled with chocolate. My stepmom had the custard filling and my dad had the haupia filling. They were so so yummy. I only ate a third of mine because they are really sweet and I just am not used to that anymore.
My parents are leaving the island today and I'm super sad to see them going but it was so good to see them again. This visit went somewhat like I expected with us not getting to see them much but it was still really nice. We had great times together and hopefully we will see them more if we make it back to the mainland for our next duty station. Who knows where Uncle Sam will decide to send us next. I have almost a year before I even have to think about that.

Good day

2007-08-01T20:56:00.001-05:00

Today I had something I don't think I've had since I moved away from my family 9 years ago. Today my father and I spent several hours together, just the two of us, no distractions at all. It was so nice. Don't get me wrong, I've enjoyed visiting with my stepmom and sister too, but this was something I have craved for years. It was nice. We drove around a little and then we went and sat at starbucks for at least an hour. After that I had to hit a bathroom so we went to Ross because they have the closest one and while there he bought my son some new shorts, which he needed thanks to a nice growth spurt. They love buying stuff for my son. I had never been in a Ross before and was asking about prices for boys clothing and that led to him buying the shorts. That place has some amazing prices. We found nike brand shorts for 4 dollars. That was something else! I will totally be shopping there for myself and my house in the future.
Anyway. My son is cracking me up today because for the first time in a long time my house is really clean. I'm not the neatest person. I've inherited that from my mom and am seriously trying to break it but it wasn't happening. We cleaned and cleaned and it looks nice and my son is in heaven. We're learning he functions more clearly in an organized environment. Guess what I will be doing over the next few weeks! I'm liking it for myself as well. I think I might be able to do some maintaining much easier than before. One thing we found out when we were getting organized is that we have a TON of books. I never knew we had so many. Most of them are mine but my husband has a lot from his college days. Religious studies sure brought out a bunch of books.

Pathetic me

2007-07-28T02:08:00.000-05:00

So I'm without my son for yet another night. This is the third night that he has stayed with my dad. He is really having a lot of fun and that makes me really happy, but I have to admit that I totally miss my baby. I got to talk to him today and I could really tell he was having fun. I'm so pathetic. There are so many times I wish I could have a break and now that I do all I want is my baby back. OH well. I'll see him when we go to the beach tomorrow and I know I'll get to take him home tomorrow. My dad and stepmom have reserved a room in Waikiki for Sunday and Monday night and since school starts on Tuesday, I'm letting him have his time with my parents. They don't get to see him a lot anyway.
This visit is going a heck of a lot better than I thought it would. I didn't realize how much I missed my dad. We're having a lot of fun and I can't wait until the beach tomorrow. I don't really care for the beach we are going to but it will be fun with family. We get to go to the beach again Sunday for church. I've never been to a service on the beach. Hubby has to work it so we are going with him. I think it will be a neat experience though. They are supposed to do lunch afterwards. That sounds fun too. I'm definitely going to have to get some batteries for my camera before then.
Yesterday we had to go to a get together for my husband's work. It was held on Hickam AFB at this point that had some of the most beautiful views. From there you could see the city in the distance as well as Diamond head. The water was so beautiful. It was a little noisy because we were right near the runway that both the AFB and airport share, but it wasn't really as bad as you would expect. I was kicking myself for forgetting my camera. I know my husband got really tired of hearing me say that I wished I had it. We had a lot of fun and they had some decent food there. Most of the people there were officers and their spouses so I felt a little out of place, but we still managed to have fun. One of these days I will get over my being shy around new people but I'm finding there is always at least one person who is not shy about saying hello. That person tends to be rather interesting and loud as well as very opinionated. Makes for some interesting conversation.
Well my husband is giving me the "hurry up and get done blogging already" look so I'm going to stop typing. I'm sure you're ready to stop reading the rambling anyway. Have some fun this weekend.

Messing with the order

2007-07-23T07:38:00.000-05:00

Ok, there is a reason I put this on here. It's all because of one quote.

"You're messing with the order! You don't go messing with the order!

My husband and I have a system. When I'm really tired, I talk a lot. Constant rambling about nothing in particular. So when we are laying in bed and I'm rambling, he will mhmmm some until he falls asleep. When it's out of my system, I fall asleep. It's been a highly effective system for the past 8 years.
Tonight I was on my rambling spree and my husband interupts me and says "Goodnight, baby. I love you." I said "I love you too. Is that your way of saying shut up baby?" His reply was "Well I was trying to say it nicer than that." He went on to say he didn't want to be rude and just ignore me. As soon as he said that, the quote from that cartoon popped in my head. I laughed and told him that and he laughed as well, but there is a point. It has worked for 8 years and I was really thrown by the change. Not upset, just thrown. Just thought I'd share.

Taco Sauce

2007-07-23T01:45:00.000-05:00

We were making tacos tonight and I wanted some taco sauce for them and I didn't want to have to buy some so I decided to look online for a recipe. I found one that was supposedly for a taco bell taco sauce, but I didn't have a few of the spices so I changed it some and it was so awesome! I'm talking, eat it all by itself like a soup, awesome. It will definitely become a regular for us.

Taco Sauce

1 (8 ounce) can tomato sauce
1/3 cup water
1 3/4 teaspoon chili powder
1 1/2 teaspoons instant minced onion
1 tablespoon white vinegar
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/4 teaspoon sugar
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 pinch salt

Mix in saucepan. Cover and simmer on low for 15 minutes. Remove from heat and let cool. Can be kept in the refrigerator for a few days. Delicious!

Portfolio Complete

2007-07-19T16:39:00.000-05:00

I mentioned several weeks ago that I was in an online portfolio contest. Well they set the deadline for August 1 and I am happy to say that I completed my portfolio. I had so much fun doing it and definitely pushed myself do do different things than I normally would. You can see the finished product HERE.

Pictures

2007-07-19T16:27:00.000-05:00

I said I'd post some pictures from this weekend, so here I go.

I took a good bit more, but I thought I'd just put these few out there. All of the ones I posted, with the exception of the one of my son, were taken in a small town called Haleiwa. I seem to really get some great pictures there. They are having an Arts festival this weekend and I am so looking forward to it.

Not feeling paradise today.

2007-07-14T00:00:00.000-05:00

So visiting paradise is wonderful but after a while living here has it's toll on someone used to the mainland. Don't get me wrong, I love it here. It's just on days like today I want to run screaming back to South Carolina.
So I mentioned before we were supposed to get our brake pads changed today and the rear brakes were locking. Well turns out not one of the auto parts places had them in stock and when they order them they are going to cost double what they normally would because they all only carry the more expensive brands. Now if we had known this before, we could have planned for it, but leave it to my husband and his friend to not even bother checking to see if they were in stock anywhere here and how much they were going to cost. Nope, they waited until almost 6 pm today (which is what time every one of the auto parts store closes) to drive around and see if they could find them. I so married a genius. (Yes, that was serious sarcasm. I'm irritated, what can I say?)If it hadn't been for me telling them to park somewhere and give me a little time to call around, they would probably still be driving around. What made it worse was that it seems every parts store where I lived before we moved here has the parts we need in stock and the cheaper ones to boot. What is it about this place that they feel the need to make us pay SOOOO much more.
Best scenario is going to be getting one of our parents to pick up the parts and mail them to us or ordering them online. Looks like ordering them online is going to be the most feasible option,(overnight shipping here is outrageous when you can find someone who even does it,) which means it will be sometime next week before we have them. Hubby's friend is fixing the car so the brakes will work without ruining the rotors in the back as they are the ones that are really shot. Hopefully this will work. I'm just glad his friend is better at working on cars than he is planning ahead.
Is today over yet?

Strike of Friday the 13th?

2007-07-13T16:16:00.000-05:00

I don't consider myself a superstitious person but today is making me question that. My husband called me to tell me that our car is not letting him back up so he's stuck on post until after work. hopefully then a friend of ours, who was going to change the brake pads anyway, will be able to fix it.. I so hope it doesn't cost more than it already was. ICK!

What a day!!

2007-07-13T03:46:00.000-05:00

Today was definitely an interesting one. My sister called me this afternoon and asked if we wanted to go out to dinner with them. Of course I wanted to. Any chance I get to see my new nephew I'm gonna jump on. So we are getting ready when my husband informs me that he can't find his wallet. I freaked out. His wallet had both of our military ids in it as well as other important stuff and when my husband loses something he really loses it. Examples. He lost our car key while on a 4 mile run for pt on post. Did I mention that he had no idea where on that stretch of 4 miles he lost it? He lost my cell phone, no idea where and we have yet to find it. That was in February. mhmm...now you see why I was freaking out?
The only place he can think it might be is in his office. His locked office and can you guess where the key to the office is? Yup, in his wallet. He called the other person that shares the office with him and they are in Downtown Honolulu visiting with friends. He can't get in touch with whoever it is that is supposed to be on staff duty and would have the master key so they can go check for him. All this time he's saying he'll drive down there, explain to them why he doesn't have his ID and they'll let him on base. The flaw in this thinking is that his liscense is in his wallet he doesn't have..yeah. The police are just going to say "go ahead and drive on post without a liscense or id." Wake up dear. I think you are in la la land. He wouldn't listen until I yelled at him telling him there was no way in hell he was getting in my car and driving ANYWHERE without a liscense. That shut him up. I don't usually yell at him, but I have serious issues with the idea of him driving without a liscense. I'll post about that later. My sister and her boyfriend (and my adorable little nephew) came and picked my husband up and drove him to his office. After having to track down the person on duty, waiting for the other person to finish eating, and then getting them to go unlock his office, he called me to say it was on his desk and that he remembered why he left it there. Finally I could breathe and calm down.
So he comes home and we head out to have dinner with my sis and her crew. I couldn't stop staring at my nephew. He is so gorgeous. I just want to kiss him all over and hold him forever. I was thinking I wouldn't get to hold him, but I did and it got to me. I haven't held a little one like that in forever. I didn't get to hold him long because my sister is still in that new mom doesn't want to let go phase. I don't blame her. I'd be the same way. I got to hold him and kiss him so I was happy. Dinner was good and our waitress was really sweet and considerate. She made sure my sister was well taken care of which is good because she was having to alternate between taking care of the baby and trying to eat as well as visit. Another thing I loved is that she made my son feel special. She told him how well behaved he was and, when she found out he loved all of the sports memorabilia on the walls, she took him to see this huge tennis ball they have in another part of the restaurant. He loved it! It made me happy because, when a baby is around, people have the tendency to pay attention to only the baby. My son has been the only kid around for a while and is used to my sister and her boyfriend spoiling him with attention so I'm sure having everyone gush all over the baby is a lot for him. He's doing really well though.

Oh, funny story. On the 4th we went to the fireworks on post and bumped into a friend of my husband's and his wife. They've only been married since December, but the guy was my husband's roommate when they were deployed. My son walked up to his wife and patted her stomach saying "you have a baby in there." We all laughed it off and I assured her he didn't mean she looked like it that it was probably just him being used to my sister being pregnant. She really didn't look pregnant at all. She laughed and said that she wished she was pregnant and that they were trying but told my son "no, not yet." Well tonight her husband called mine because he is going to fix our brakes and he told hubby that they just found out she was pregnant. He commented on how weird it was that my son said she was when no one thought she was and it turned out she really is. He then joked because my son had asked him "what about you?" right after saying that to his wife. I just think it's cool that he somehow knew.

venting.

2007-07-09T19:02:00.000-05:00

Ok, I just need to blow off some frustration so I won't blame you for skipping this post.

I am so tired of the pain. I'm referring to the nerve pain in my face that I think now has also added muscle pain as well. I feel muscles pulling in weird places. All I know is that, on days like today, it doesn't feel like the medicine is helping and I'm so frustrated. I've been hurting since yesterday evening and instead of getting better, it's getting worse. I'm back to the needing to lay down and close my eyes type of pain and have ton of things I really need to be doing instead. Thank God I have an understanding husband and son. It's getting really hard on my son though. He is sweet about it, but it's hard to hear him say "You have a headache every time." That's my son's way of saying I always have a headache and he's not too far off. I know it's supposed to be a good thing, but why do I always fall into the small percentage of people that the bad medical side effects happen to? Most people recovering don't have the severe pain with the nerve regeneration. Figures. I guess I'm going to lay on the couch and try not to cry. Maybe if I close my eyes I won't see all the stuff I need to be doing and maybe I'll think of something to help me not feel like so much of a horrible mom because my son is laying on the couch watching cartoons instead of playing outside or doing something better for him to be doing.

can't sleep

2007-07-09T07:44:00.000-05:00

It's almost 3 am and I am unbelievably wide awake. I don't know what it is, but I so can't sleep. I have spent the past hour and half on myspace surfing through the music. I don't know what I would have done without it. It gave me something to do. I'm finding the good thing about this is some of my friends are awake because they are in a much later time zone. Yay for friends to talk to.

OOOOH I so love this song. The Beatles are just so awesome! I'm listening to Help btw. (Goes off dancing)

Better now

2007-07-07T23:50:00.000-05:00

Ok so it turned out to be a misunderstanding. She called to talk to me today and could tell I was a little upset. She finally dragged out of me that I had been wanting to be there the day before and she said "Well I thought you would be here. I was surprised you weren't!" I told her that I had been told by her guy not to come up more than once. She had no idea he had told me that so the whole time she was thinking I just didn't want to come up. She wanted me there and seemed a little disappointed that I hadn't been. That made me feel so much better. I'm not mad at her guy. It's not his fault that he was stressed because she was in pain and tried to be overprotective. It's not his fault he's a guy and doesn't get that a woman wants her family around. He'll learn. If not, I'll have to strangle him. That's my baby sister and I'm going to be there for the big things in her life whether he wants me there or not!
All is well now. The baby is on an iv because his gluclose levels are a little low and they want to get them up. My sister is being a mom and worried about him a little. I know how that is. They will both be fine though. She has done really well. I'm really proud of her.
Well I need to pass some pictures along to family and cook some dinner. My men are camping out in the backyard so I need to get them set up for that.

Being selfish I guess.

2007-07-07T00:25:00.000-05:00

I'm an aunt to what I am only going to assume is a gorgeous little boy. My sister had her son a little over an hour ago. Since this is my blog and she doesn't know much about it, I'll be brutally honest. I thought I would be overwhelmed with joy. Lord knows I was so excited when she called this morning to tell me that she was headed to the hospital to be checked. For the past month or so we have been waiting for this day. She always talked about this day with the conversation saying that they would need to call this person or that person but I would be at the hospital. That said, imagine my disappointment when I got a two minute phone call an hour after she has the baby and all I can get out of them is that he is "5lbs 11oz or so" and she "Guesses" I can come by tomorrow. I have been waiting all day for them to call me. I am the only family she has here and I feel like somehow it went from her wanting me to be part of it to not even being wanted to go see my nephew. I can't put it into words really but I'm hurt. Very hurt. I so could understand her not wanting me in the room, but she didn't even want me at the hospital! She had no problem calling me all the times she needed something or was bored and wanted me to go over there to keep her company, and I was always there for her. Even when I would have liked to have just had a day with my husband and son, I gave her all of my attention and consideration. I just don't rank sharing the special moments with I guess.
Maybe I am being selfish. I'm feeling a lot of that today. I'm glad she is healthy and well and the baby is here. I just feel really hurt and left out. I'll get over it. When I called my other sister to let her know the baby was here, she didn't mind rubbing it in that I wasn't there. I know that was just her being jealous because she didn't even get a phone call. She told me that she would have gone up there anyway. I didn't do that because what is the point of being there when she didn't want me there. It's not like she didn't have enough to think about without having someone there she'd rather wasn't. It was her day after all.
Ok, I'll get over myself. I promise. I should be used to this type of thing from my family. She's moving this time next year and I won't see her for a while I'm sure. Why does family have to be so stressful?

funny quote

2007-07-05T19:51:00.000-05:00

Funny Quote of the Day - Dustin Hoffman - "The two basic items necessary to sustain life are sunshine and coconut milk."

I saw this on my google and had to post it because it made me laugh. He obviously wasn't talking about the type you get from chilling a coconut, drilling a hole in it, and sticking a straw in it. All I have to say about that is NASTY! Maybe some people like it. In fact, I'm sure some do or they wouldn't sell them like that, but it was so bitter. Give me some fresh chilled pineapple any day. Now that is heaven!

fireworks

2007-07-05T19:15:00.001-05:00

Here are the pictures. The ones that look like I was shaking or something because they are squiggly lines are really how the fireworks looked. Those did squiggles and curly q's. it was so neat!

Happy 4th

2007-07-05T15:22:00.000-05:00

I hope everyone had a fun filled fourth. I know that we did. We went to the "spectacular" they had on post. As I mentioned in my last post, hubby had flag duty, so we decided to go up there about 1:00 since he had to be there for 3:15. It was so hot out there. The actual temperature wasn't that bad, but the sun was killer. Even my son, who will let himself get sick before saying he's hot, was asking for an umbrella. We played some games and had a picture taken. He got his face painted with fireworks, but wanted it taken off not long after that. When we started getting hot and wanted a break, we grabbed some food and headed to the car to enjoy the air conditioning in it. My son had cheese pizza. That was no surprise. My husband and I wanted to try some of the different stuff so we did a lot of sharing and had some to bring home too. We were going to try thai food, but there wasn't anything there that looked appetizing at the moment. The only thing they had really was yellow curry hamburger or something like that. We did grab some spring rolls from them. They were yummy. We also tried some vegetable and pork lumpia which I think is a Filipino version of a spring roll. We tried the banana lumpia and I have to say YUMMY. It was all delicious. I had some Hawaiian steak and hubby had some garlic shrimp which is also pretty popular on the island. It was all so yummy.
By the time hubby had to go to formation, we were cooled off enough to walk around and play a few more games. It ended up taking a lot longer for hubby so my son and I spent the last half hour in the car. It started getting more crowded and even hotter. We had fun. My son and I played with this snake and guitar he got. As soon as the flag was done, we came home and relaxed for a few hours.
About an hour before it was time to start, we headed back to post to go to the fireworks show. There were so many people there. After finding my sister, we went and found a place for all of us to sit for the show and staked our claim. We just stayed there until it started. I decided to take a few pictures and will post a few of them at this. All in all not too bad for my first time. The show was nice. My son loved it. I was disappointed because they hyped it up so much that I just expected more. It was still fun though. Not sure if we will go there next year or what. All in all it was a great day and I am glad we were all together.
I changed my mind. I'll add fireworks photos in a new post later today.

Rambling

2007-07-03T15:46:00.000-05:00

I've become the person that constantly regrets leaving their house without their camera. It never fails that I find something I wish I had my camera for. I swear I need to have it permanently attached to my hand or something. Last night we went to a little town not far from here to grab something to eat at this place we'd heard about. Before we even made it out of the housing are, I told my husband I was going to regret not having my camera. He offered to go back and get it but the batteries are dead so it didn't really matter. Sure enough there were about a million things that I wanted to take a picture of. That doesn't surprise me considering we were heading towards a place that has gorgeous sunsets and the most amazing beach view. For those of you familiar with the area, we were headed down Kam Hwy towards Haleiwa.
I'm really looking forward to tomorrow. They are having a big carnival thing on post and we are going. I don't know if I mentioned this already. Hubby has flag duty and apparently they bring out the really nice flag for the 4th so it's a bigger to do. I can't wait. Another thing I can't wait for is to try the different foods there. They advertised Thai, Korean, and all sorts of other foods. I have been wanting to try a lot of them so maybe this is my chance. I think my son will love the rides. I'm not sure if we will stay there for the fireworks. It's supposed to have one of the biggest displays on the island but I know it will be so crowded. I guess we will have to see. I'm thinking that we won't head over until just before hubby has flag duty that way we aren't there all day and we can spend time enjoying all the fun stuff afterwards. Either way it will be fun.
This will be the first year in a long time that we are really celebrating. Last year he was in Iraq and I didn't really get to do anything. The year before that he was in AIT so we didn't get to celebrate either. I'm really looking forward to this. It's going to be fun. I'm finding I'm much more patriotic since he joined the military. I guess I just get it more now. The coolest thing about tomorrow is that the concerts and fireworks are being broadcast live to the soldiers in Iraq. One of the big divisions here is deployed so they are trying to do something special for it. Family members of the deployed soldiers are really getting a lot of benefits tomorrow as well. I'm glad they will be. It really seems to make a difference when the bigger units are deployed. They did very little when my husband's unit was deployed. Oh well. Progress is a good thing.
Ok so I must have a rambling problem today. I'm going to go find something better to do with my time.

bleh

2007-07-01T14:13:00.000-05:00

It's been a nice weekend. Friday was my birthday but the celebrating started the night before. Thursday night my sister took me to see Nancy drew. I absolutely loved the movie. It was so cute and funny. I really hope they do another one.
Friday I spent the day running errands with my sister. I'm not going to say this was my ideal way to spend my day, but she was having contractions and didn't really need to be out alone. We went to Dave and Busters for dinner then to Fun Factory for a little while. I ate a lot of things my body isn't used to anymore so by the time we were finishing up at fun factory I was feeling pretty rough. I had a horrible time sleeping that night.
Saturday I spent the day sleeping and hanging out with my men. It was nice. I have a lot to do today. I need to get some cleaning around the house done but I told my sister I would come help her out a little. Her boyfriend is coming home today or tomorrow and she really can't clean much. I hate to say this but I really don't want to go help her. I mean I want to help but I just feel like lately I am always with her trying to keep her entertained or whatever. I'm ready for some me time.
I'm also ready for my son to go back to school. I've loved having him home but he just needs to go back to school. I know he is missing it. He and I are going to start working on school stuff this week. He has had enough free time that a little work isn't going to hurt him.
I'm not as horrible as I'm seeming. I'm just cranky or something. I don't know. Hopefully the day will be better. It is just getting started after all.

Monday Monday

2007-06-25T16:30:00.000-05:00

Today is a good day. Interesting, but good. I haven't really done much, but that will change I'm sure. I plan on making some time to sit down and catch up on a study that I'm doing with some of the ladies on Milspouse. They are way ahead of me, but catching up will really be no problem. It's really a great study. I'm having to do a lot of reflecting.
I just spent a few minutes looking through a link I had totally forgotten about. It is for a site called "Remembering Our Babies" and I really hadn't thought about it in a long time. I didn't expect it to effect me at all but I just had to click on THIS.
The baby I lost was only two weeks older and for some reason it just really got to me today. I guess that's life. I'm fine now.
Well I guess I should go do something productive.

A lovely Day

2007-06-24T04:09:00.000-05:00

Today was a really nice day. One of those days you know you better enjoy because they don't come around often enough.
My wonderful husband came in this morning to ask me what time we had to be anywhere and when I told him it wasn't until this evening, he decided to let me sleep. I slept until about 11:30! It felt so nice! We ate a little something after I finally woke up and then we went to walmart. Now let me explain something about myself. One of my most favorite things in the world is buying gifts for people. It's made much better if that person happens to be a child. Today was the birthday of my friend's son and we were invited to the party. My son was thrilled because it is his best friend and we were going to be buying spiderman gifts for him. We had so much fun picking out the gifts and for about 25 dollars we ended up getting him a shirt, two toys, and a book as well as a very cool spiderman bag to put it all in. Talk about fun! Also, while we were there I got to try out something that I'm assuming falls into the category of Hawaiian food. It is called poi mochi. I have to say I didn't care for it much, but not because of the taste. It had a good taste, but the texture was a bit too odd for me. It was sort of gummy or something. I don't know. The flavor was actually quite nice. For those of you who have no idea what poi is or what mochi is, here are some definitions followed by a recipe for Poi Mochi.

poi (poi)
A Hawaiian food made from the tuber of the taro that is cooked, pounded to a paste, and fermented.

Mochi (Japanese: 餅; Chinese: (麻糬)) is a Japanese rice cake made of glutinous rice pounded into paste and molded into shape. In Japan it is traditionally made in a ceremony called mochitsuki. While eaten year-round, mochi is a traditional food for the Japanese New Year and commonly sold and eaten at that time.

Poi mochi
Courtesy Uncle Lani's Hawaiian Poi Mochi

Vegetable oil
10-ounce package mochiko (Asian sweet-rice flour)
3 cups sugar or to taste
12-ounce bag poi
Enough water to achieve consistency of thick pancake batter

Heat 1-inch of cooking oil in a skillet at 300 degrees. In a large bowl, mix mochiko, sugar, poi and water; blend well.

Drop batter by teaspoonfuls in hot oil. Fry until golden brown. Drain on paper towels. Makes 3 to 4 dozen.

My son spent the rest of the day excited and impatient to get to the party. Finally it was time and we headed over there. It was so much fun and we also got to spend time with two other couples who have children which is always a treat for us. I got to take some pictures at the party and had so much fun visiting and being around the kids. We stayed until it became apparant the kids were getting cranky and really tired. All in all we were there about 4 hours.
Another bonus of my day was that I got to take pictures for a portfolio contest I'm in. I needed about four pictures to catch up and I was able to do them all today. The contest is so awesome for me. You have ten weeks, ten categories, and two of your own pictures where you chose the topic. We start week 10 Monday and I'll be sad when it's over. You don't really win anything, but it's been a great experience for me. I'm usually more of a landscape person and this has made me think outside of my little box and I've found I'm pretty good at other things too. At least I think I am. You can see what you think about it if you want. My portfolio can be found HERE. If you do check it out, let me know what you think. I always like hearing peoples opinions.
One of the highlights of the day was the beautiful sunset we had. I was able to take a few pictures and the best part was these few clouds we had that looked like they were on fire. It was so awesome. I don't know why I would even consider leaving this place. I'm so in love with it and on a daily basis I can find something to really blow me away or really touch me. I truly believe I am in one of the most beautiful and special places on earth.

too much

2007-06-21T04:11:00.000-05:00

My brain is so on overload and I have no one to blame but myself. I am getting a little obsessed with thinking about the future and all because my son asked if we would paint his room. My thing is trying to figure out if we are going to put in for an extension here in Hawaii or try for somewhere else when our time here is up next year. If we are going to extend then I have no problem with us painting.
My head is so full of trying to weigh the pros and cons of both choices that it's going to drive me nuts. The hardest thing for me is that I am totally in love with it here.
I hope my brain turns off soon. I'm going to need some sleep.

I'm back.

2007-06-09T02:51:00.000-05:00

It is so good to be back online. The first week, I didn't miss it that bad. I missed my friends and milspouse. I missed being able to do my FRG thing easily but, overall, I didn't miss it all that much. It's a big surprise. I considered myself totally addicted.
Hubby is home, things have gotten back to some sense of normal and life is good. I thought I had a lot to say here, but I honestly find myself lacking words. Maybe I'll think of something later.

Happy Anniversary

2007-05-23T03:45:00.000-05:00

Today was not the best day ever. It definitely wasn't the best anniversary ever. It could have been worse though. At least this year he's coming home tomorrow and he's not that far away. He was really sweet though. Last night when he called he told me that he had tried to get flowers delivered but couldn't get to a hold of any of the places that deliver where I live. This was definitely one of the times that the thought counted.
I learned last night that sudafed and children's cough syrup do not mix. Talk about hyper kid. He was awake from 1:30 this morning until 6 when he passed out. This meant he didn't go to school because he would have been so cranky and cried a lot so I wasn't doing that to his teachers. Then I had to go and be stupid.. Last night before I went to bed I realized I had forgotten my medicine for the day. I took my allergy medicine and blood pressure medicine. Stupid me wakes up this morning and takes all of my medicine including the ones I had already taken the night before, both of which are 24 hour medicines. Can we say overdose?? I spent the day sleepy, nauseous, and shaking like a leaf. It wasn't until after 5 this evening that I figured out the problem with the medicine. Happy Anniversary to me.
I do have to say that no matter what, tomorrow WILL be a better day. My husband will be in my arms again. I so missed him this past month. He gets several days off now so we will be having lots of family time. I'm super excited about that. Tomorrow definitely is another day.

memories

2007-05-21T21:18:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is my 8th wedding anniversary and as has become normal, my husband is away on Army business. It's not bothering me too much this year. Maybe I'm just growing accustomed to it. I have been doing a lot of thinking today and I have to say, it's been interesting. Most of it has been me looking back over how much my life has changed in the past 8 1/2 years. I'm definitely sure it's for the better.
When I met my husband, I was living in Georgia with a friend. I use the term loosely because he turned out to be not very much of a friend despite the fact that we had been close for six years. Anyway, I was living with this friend and working at Waffle house. My relationship with this friend was awful. He had changed so much and put me through a lot. I was in love with him so I put up with it. It ended up costing me a lot. Anyway, I met my husband through work because he was a regular customer of mine. I noticed his friend before I did him, but that is because he was quiet and his friend wasn't. His friends had the oddest conversations and I was always walking up at the wrong time. One day they were apparently talking about him not being able to get a date or something like that and one of his friend's said "Jennifer will go out with you, won't she?" I said no and walked away as quickly as possible. For all I knew he was one of the freaks that are always in there. I couldn't have been more wrong.
He wasn't dettered and kept asking me out. During this time my relationship with my "friend" was getting much worse and everyone told me I deserved better and to be happy so I decided to go out with this guy who kept asking me out. We had a great first date and had a lot of fun. We spent a lot of time after that just talking and hanging out. He started bringing me to church with him, which was something I had been missing greatly. I was still in a relationship with this "friend" but one night that changed drastically.
I have asthma but had not had any problems for years. Working at WH apparently aggravated the asthma due to the cigarette smoke. It got so bad that one night I had to be brought to the emergency room. They treated me for the asthma and I didn't think much of anything until the doctor came in the room and asked me if there was any chance I could be pregnant. I was scared to death and looked at my "friend." The look I recieved was not helping the being scared so I did the first thing that came to mind. I lied. As soon as the doctor left, I looked at him again and said "What if I am pregnant? What are we going to do?" His response is what killed any feelings I had for him. "I don't know what you're going to do. It's not my problem. I'm going to Nashville in January." I was crushed, terrified and felt worse that I ever thought possible. I was mad at myself for loving someone so selfish. There was no way that I would be in that situation if he hadn't pressured me into sleeping with him in the first place. If he hadn't continually done so for a long time, using fear and other tactics. I knew I couldn't go home if I was pregnant. I had nothing. I hit a low I didn't know existed.
After church one night a few weeks later I spilled everything to K (I'm going to use that to refer to my husband for now and F for the other guy.) He was shocked but never judged me. He never spoke down to me. All he did was hug me and tell me that I knew what I had to do. I was so sure that I would never see him again, but he was back the next day. I ended my so called relationship with F but I couldn't move out. I had nowhere to go and since I was paying most of the bills anyway, I didn't feel I should have to. I gained new friends through my friendship with K. These were wonderful people that I love dearly. K and I became closer and closer and eventually we officially considered ourselves a couple. I remeber when I fell in love with him. I remember the moment I knew i would marry him. I knew with all of my heart that God sent him to me.
Things got really bad with F after this point. He became verbally abusive and at one point I feared he would physically hurt me. He had a horrible temper that I had seen in action many many times. Having it directed at me scared me to death. K's mother was worried too and helped me find my own apartment. She barely knew me but she knew her son loved me and that was enough for her to put herself on the line to help me. She is one of the most amazing and accepting people I have ever met. Life got better for me after I moved out except I was constantly sick. The question of whether or not I was pregnant loomed over us, but he stayed beside me. It wasn't too long before we had our answer. I had a miscarriage. At the time I didn't realize that is what was happening, but a little over a year later I had a second one with my then husband and it was then I realized that is what had happened. I never told anyone. I didn't even tell my husband until a few years ago. All he knew is that I wasn't pregnant and we were engaged by then so I didn't want to ruin the happiness. I was relieved.
We were married six months after we became engaged. At this point we were inseparable. We had agreed to wait until marriage to have sex and it was so nice to be in a pressure less relationship. I was so happy and loved being his wife. We found out that November I was expecting and we were over the moon. Jan 10, 2000 we lost our baby boy. We named him after K and I have to say saying goodbye was the hardest thing ever. I sank into a very dangerous depression. It tested our marriage greatly.May of that year we found out once again that I was pregnant. My husband was thrilled and scared at the same time. I was beyond angry and far beyond terrified. At this point I was suicidal with the depression. I say to this day that finding out I was pregnant saved my life. I would never intentionally hurt an innocent life and that made me decide to live. I eventually became happy once I made it past the point I had lost my other two babies. We were beyond poor but I don't remember ever being happier. When my son was born, we were back to being the couple we were when we married. 7 months later we decided to move to be closer to K's family and he was able to transfer to another store that offered better benefits. We were so happy and loved being a family. A few years of that and my husband became unhappy with his work which had him pulling away from us. I won't go into details, but at one point I was really scared he was going to leave us. We went to visit a friend that fall. This friend was in the Army and while there he talked to my husband. When we got home, my husband decided to look into the military. I was unhappy with the idea. There was a war going on and i didn't want to deal with the possibility of losing a husband in it. I didn't want to have to be a geographically single parent. I grew up in a divorced home and i wanted my son's father there and active in his life. I had so many reasons I didn't want it, but he joined anyway. I admit my reasons were selfish and I ended up submitting to what we felt was God's will for our lives. We made it through basic and the separation alright. I missed him like crazy but with letters as our only communication we became closer. AIT was nice because we had a little more contact. When he called to tell me we were moving to Hawaii I was so excited. We made it here and I loved it. I loved it up until I found out that in three months I was losing my husband for a year. I was so angry. If we had known before we moved, I would have stayed in SC. Instead I was going to be alone in a new state in the middle of an ocean thousands of miles away from my family for an entire year! You had to be kidding me! It wasn't two weeks after that when I found a lump in my breast and was sent through a battery of tests and none of them had good results. IN the end a biopsy cleared me of any thoughts of cancer but I spent the month it took to get there in fear. I ended up with an infection from the biopsy and that stole the last few weeks I had with my husband.
My heart broke the day he left. I spent my first Christmas ever alone. I had my son, but it as hard to be cheerful for him when I was so broken. It got better. I got stronger and my husband and I grew closer. I never thought it was possible but we fell even farther in love with each other. He came home for R&R and I was so glad to be in his arms again. A few days after that i was hit with yet another crazy illness and that sort of put a damper on our time together. After he left I fell into a bad depression thanks to the illness but was blessed with wonderful doctor and amazing friends to help me through it. I am proud to say that I survived the 8 months left of his deployment and became so much stronger because of it. We have had a few issues since he's been home, but nothing major. I can say that we are still very much in love with each other and have made it through another month of separation. He is my world. I can't wait to see him again. It's so amazing to think about the fact that we've been apart for 16 months out of the past two years but we are closer than ever. I am so glad that he didn't go away that night I poured my heart out to him and never return. I can't imagine I'd be this happy without him.
Thanks for letting me rant. It's good to get these thoughts out of my head. I'm not going to get anything accomplished if I keep them in there.

This is your life

2007-05-09T04:30:00.000-05:00

I went to the park today and I met a woman who was there with her twin boys. They are 3 years old and bundles of energy. I made a comment that I didn't know how she did it and she said to me "I don't know what it is like to raise just one so I can't really compare." This reminded me of one of the comments that I got a lot when my husband was gone for both his initial training and then his deployment. "I don't know how you do it by yourself for so long." This is a statement that just about every military spouse has probably heard at least once in their married life as well as most single parents. The first person to ever say it to me was my husband's aunt when he was in basic training. I remember looking at her with a look of confusion and saying "What other choice do I have?" To me there was no other choice. Believe it or not, the world doesn't just completely come to a halt when your spouse leaves for any amount of time. Some days you may feel like it is going to but sure enough, when you wake up the next morning, it's still turning.
I know that five years ago I would have never thought I could make it as a military spouse, but here I am two years in the military world and somehow I'm still standing. It all goes back to that one truth. What choice do I have? My son still needs someone to care for him. The cat and fish still need to be fed. Bills still have to be paid and the trash has to go out. Life is still there and you are the one responsible for it. This is true no matter who you are or what your spouse does, so why should it be any different for me just because my husband is gone for longer periods of time. What makes you think that life is just going to put itself on hold for me just so I can throw a pity party. Sorry, it doesn't work that way.
Another thing I've noticed is that a lot of people I know, including military spouses, underestimate their strength. I know I am guilty of this at times. It is so hard to face something as big as being left alone for a year in a new place and not feel a little overwhelmed, but if you just remember that you just need to put one foot in front of the other and do what you have to do, then you will be ok. It's not going to be easy. Some days it will seem nearly impossible, but you can get through it. It's just at some point we had to make a decision that our marriage and our family was the most important thing and this was the situation we were dealt so we just put on our own pair of combat boots and did what we had to do.
Life is what you make of it no matter who you are or what your spouse does. Some people just choose to make more out of it than others. I like to think that most people are handed lemons and make lemonade, but military wives are handed lemons and find a way to turn them into a four course meal.
I just hope someone will remind me that I said all of this next time I'm freaking out saying I can't do it.

Content

2007-05-06T03:19:00.000-05:00

Today was a good day. Despite the cold I have, I managed to have a really good day. My husband was home on a day pass and it was great. We just spent the day enjoying each other's company. I expected to be completely depressed when he left to go back, but I didn't. I feel like I got my hubby booster shot today and I'll be good for a little while. I hope this feeling lasts a few days. I also really hope my cold gets gone fast.
For now I'm going to try and get some sleep.

2007-05-02T00:21:00.000-05:00

If I could, I'd so be handing in my resignation papers right now. This mothering thing is not going well this week. Someone came in the middle of the night and switched my son for some clone whose soul mission is to drive me completely and utterly insane.
I could give a long list of examples just from yesterday but I will stick to the latest and worst. This evening my son was playing in the backyard. He asked if he could go and play with some other kids that were playing just outside our fence. I said no because he has a nasty cough and doesn't need to be running much less spreading all those germs. He came in a few minutes later and asked if he could go to the park. I said no for the same reason. Not 5 minutes later I realize he is entirely too quiet and call for him like I had been doing since he went outside. No answer. I go to the back door and look out and see the back gate open. He had gone out of the yard. My first instinct was anger. He knows he is not supposed to leave the yard without us. We have had this discussion many times. Anger turned to complete panic when I couldn't find him at the nearest playgrounds. I thought I saw him at one but he disappeared so I assumed i was seeing things. I went to my neighbor whose kids he was wanting to play with to ask what park they play at because he had wanted to go with them. My sister said she saw him at one of the distant parks and took off in the car to go get him. I relaxed slightly until she came home and said she couldn't find him. I freaked. My neighbor grabs her sons and they start looking for him. I walk by my backyard again and yell for him. I hear a running sound in my house so I go in and my son is coming out of it. We had searched the entire house so I know he wasn't in there before. I had to spend 15 minutes after that trying to find my 6 months along pregnant panicking sister who had taken off in the car minus a cell phone. i was trying not to worry about her too much because stress like that is never good for someone that far along.
I tried to calmly talk to him and find out what had happened. It took us 10 minutes to get through the him making up stories for him to tell us he had gone to the park but came home while we were looking for him. We tried to explain to him the danger of going off alone but he refuses to believe that there are bad people that would hurt him. I knew his grasp on reality was lacking that of a normal six year old but the degree of which it does wasn't realized until tonight. It terrifies me.
I took away his legos, cartoons, playing at friends house for two days and sent him to his room to wait for me until it was bath time. My sister tells me I let him off easily because I didn't yell or tear his butt up. She said we would have gotten our butt torn up as kids and she would do the same. You know, we did and it didn't hurt us, but I really don't see where it would have helped. He realized he messed up but not how bad. that will come in to play over the next few days when he realizes all of his favorite things were taken away. I can tell she thinks I was too lenient but without my husband here to help me, I made the best decision I could at the moment. Spanking him is not something I like to do very often because it just isn't all that effective.
When I came up to get him ready for his bath, he was very somber and waiting for me. I hope I did the right thing. His behavior is so out of control right now and I know it's because of him testing boundaries but at this point I'm totally lost. He's being worse because his daddy is gone. I'm going to talk to the school counselor to see if she has any advise.
Here's to yet another day that will never win me mother of the year. I so hope my kid doesn't end up totally screwed up because of me.

2007-04-26T22:13:00.000-05:00

I'm going to start this by saying this. Yes I know it's only a month and yes I know it could be worse, so you don't need to say it for me. I just really need to get this off my chest.
My son is not doing well with his daddy being gone. It's throwing me off because he's always been so strong and done so well. It took about 8 months for him to hit meltdown. It didn't even take two days this time. Every little thing has him in tears and he is a lot more tired than usual. He's gone back to being clingy, but that part I can handle. Hopefully he will get better. I don't know why this time is so different for him. I guess it doesn't matter though. It just is. I will do what I can to make him feel better and hopefully won't lose my mind in the meantime. It boils down to the fact that I love my little man with all my heart and seeing him hurting is killing me.

Kids

2007-04-24T01:10:00.000-05:00

Sometimes being a mom is really interesting. Today it had a heartbreaking moment and a totally uncomfortable yet amusing moment.
Heartbreaking
My husband was running to the shopette to pick up something and my son didn't realize he had already left. When he realized that he was gone, he took off out the door screaming "Daddy wait for me!" My husband was already well down the road and didn't see him. My son took off down the road screaming and crying for him to stop. I was behind him yelling for him to stop. He ran all the way into the main street then finally turned around and came towards me, sobbing hysterically. My neighbors came out of their house and some poor woman who was walking her dog just stood there in shock. I don't care what my neighbors thought, but I know my heart was totally breaking.
Let me explain. My husband leaves in the morning for a month and my son thought he was leaving for that this afternoon when he went to the store. That is why he was so hysterical. He didn't think he was coming back. I so don't know how he is going to take it when my husband is really good. Thankfully he is normally gone when my son wakes up in the morning so I'm just going to act like he is just at work then I'll tell him when he gets home from school. There is a chance that my husband will be postponed for another month and I'm sort of hoping that happens because I'm not sure my son is not really ready for this separation. I don't know how to make him ready. He did so well with the other long separations but right now he can't handle a day or two. I guess kids can only take so much. He was so strong while hubby was gone last year that I just assumed it would be the same. Everyone has their breaking point though.

Amusing
My son was going to bed and went to give me a kiss goodnight. He puckered up weird but he likes to give silly kisses so I didn't think anything of it until he didn't want to kiss me on the cheek like normal. He said "no I want one like this" and proceeded to act out a long kiss like his dad would give me. I almost died! We had a conversation about that is how mommies and daddies kiss. I think he got it because he ended up giving me a kiss that "blew up" which was a big smacker on the cheek. It was funny. Having a kid can be so interesting.

I found myself a little depressed today. I know he's only leaving for a month and won't be shot at this time but I don't like the thought of sleeping alone again. It could be worse though. I'll be fine. just one of those days.
Things will be better. After all, tomorrow is another day!

it figures

2007-04-23T00:52:00.000-05:00

Murphy's Law. Every time your husband is about to leave or has just left, someone will get sick or something will break down. Guess who's feeling like they are coming down with something? Yep. That would be me. UGH!!!

Lazy Day

2007-04-22T16:07:00.000-05:00

Sorry I haven't been blogging much, not that I think anyone notices. I have started another blog to deal with the weight loss stuff and have put a few in there, but I just haven't had so much to say.
I love lazy Sundays. We all slept until almost 10 this morning. My son went to bed very late last night so we were all glad for the sleep in. Yesterday was wonderful as well. My sister and her guy came over and we watched a movie and played games. It was a lot of fun.
Today is really our last family day for a while. Hubby leaves this week for a month. I'm ok with it. I wish he didn't have to go just now but at least he will be getting it over and done with. He told me yesterday that there is a chance he might not have to go. A unit just returned from Iraq and wanted their people to go. They put him on a waiting list that is done by rank and time in rank. Let's just say he's on the bottom of that list. I wish he hadn't told me, but I am telling myself he's going. It's just easier that way.
Ok I'm off to find something fun to do. Hope everyone is having a great weekend.

I did it!!

2007-04-20T23:26:00.000-05:00

I finally got up the nerve and opened a shop on cafepress.com. I am nervous but excited. I really want it to do well. Right now I don't have a lot of images, but that will change over time. I really hope this doesn't totally tank!
Palekaiko

Why?

2007-04-19T15:30:00.000-05:00

I feel so sick right now. I don't understand some things. I just really don't understand. Why does God let horrible things happen to kids. Someone I know through another website has found out that her daughter has a tumor that has a very low rate of survival no matter what she choses. I couldn't imagine being in her shoes. I panic when I try to do so. This is every mother's worst nightmare. I know I should be able to say that God has a reason for this, but I can't fathom what it could be. I just don't know what to think. I'm gonna go cry now.

Home again.

2007-04-15T14:15:00.000-05:00

It's good to be home, though I think I could have handled another day or two at the resort. Hubby had duty today, so we had to come home.
My son and I spent several hours in the pool yesterday afternoon and I have the sunburn to show for it. I never used to burn, but this Hawaii sun can be brutal. I don't know how I forget that. The pools at the resort were so awesome! They had three. One was your standard huge pool that goes from 3.5 feet to 8 or whatever. Nothing special there except for the ocean view. It was the other two that I absolutely loved. You can see them here. What you can't see in the picture is the fact that the top pool has a huge waterfall or that some of the sides of the pool have seating. The top pool is only about 4 and a half feet deep and the water was the perfect temperature. At the far end is a small rocky waterfall that falls down to the kiddie pool. My son absolutely had a blast playing in there. He didn't have to have water wings so he could jump around. It also has seating inside the pool on one side. It wasn't unusual to see parents in the pool with heir kids sitting beneath the fall and relaxing. It was the perfect size for the water to feel like a massage.
It's a little rainy outside today so I guess we will be relaxing in the house. We really need to hit the commissary later. I honestly feel incredibly lazy today. I guess it's time to shake off the sleepiness.

words to live by

2007-04-14T01:53:00.000-05:00

Gee, I'm blogging a lot today. We came back from dinner to find our room had been cleaned and our beds turned down. I found this paper on it that had different Hawaiian words and a few suggestions for tomorrow. At the bottom of the page it says

E wahi ka makaha l pi'l ka l'a
Break the pond gate so the fish can get in.
(Break away from bad habits, then good can enter your life.)

This is a saying that I need to live by right now. I'm taking this paper home and hanging it up on my fridge. I might even go as far as framing the quote. I have a lot of changes headed my way, but if any of it is going to be successful,I have to get rid of the bad habits.
Gotta love that Hawaiian wisdom.

Ouch!!!!

2007-04-13T23:21:00.000-05:00

There was no lie to the statement "The bigger they are, the harder they fall." My husband is about the most gentle person I know, but he has a way of accidentally injuring me. The latest of these injuries will be smarting for days to come.
He was laying on his stomach on one of the beds and I jumped on his back and started tickling him. He decided his only choice was to turn sideways and forcefully throw me off his back. I'm not small so, when he did it, I fell hard. At the moment the only pain was the shoe logged up my butt and I twisted my back a little. An hour later almost everything on my left side hurts. My arm is the worst. Hopefully it will just be one of those overnight aches. This poor arm has seen so many accidental injuries, it's a wonder I still have one.
Little man and the hubby are at the pool. I was out there for a bit but it's just too cool for me. I will wait patiently for them to head back up. Hope everyone is having a good night!

Even paradise has it's paradise...

2007-04-13T21:33:00.000-05:00

And I'd like to think I'm sitting in it right now. We are at the Turtle Bay Resort again. This time it's for a marriage retreat that my husband has to work at. Definitely some perks to being a Chaplain's Assistant's wife. We brought our son this time and it has been an interesting experience for him. I have to admit that his morning was pretty boring, but he managed to keep himself entertained with legos and my computer. I was busy helping my hubby sign people in while he was making last minute arrangments. I really had a lot of fun.
After the meeting started, my son and I went and checked in and headed up to the room. Last time we had a great view, but this time it's AMAZING!!! I didn't bring my camera, but I will try to get a picture with my phone. We at a little something and were about to go to the pool when it started pouring rain. My son settled into the bed and watched cartoons while waiting for it to stop. About the time I noticed it had stopped raining, he was asleep. I figure a nap won't hurt him and we can take him to the pool when he wakes up. It honestly is a little cool to be in the water. We have the window open and the breeze is fierce. It's great though. The ocean is so relaxing. This is definitely my idea of paradise.

Is it over yet??

2007-04-09T13:09:00.000-05:00

It is so Monday. I wake up at 5:49 and realize my husband is still in bed and if he doesn't get up he's going to be late for PT. He leaves and I rest a little longer then get up to get my son ready. I had set out everything but his shoes last night so he gets dressed and has some breakfast. I put some clothes on and then start looking for his shoes. Now I was sure I knew where they were, but I was sadly mistaken. I looked everywhere! I moved furniture and tore up rooms and ended up only finding one. Of course the only other pair that are closed toe and fit him are in the trunk of the car that my husband has. UGH!
On an interesting note, hubby comes home and tells me that the CPT asked if I wanted to be a FRG (family readiness group) leader. I was really flattered but I have only been a military wife for two years and, although I have done deployment, it was with very little time spent with the FRG. I would have no idea about how to lead and I think that someone else would be much better suited. I did tell him to let the CPT know I would be happy to help out in any way I could. At least it made me smile. Hopefully this means the day is getting better.

Seeking opinion

2007-04-09T12:56:00.000-05:00

Yesterday we went outside to eat dinner because the oven had made the house entirely too hot. Sitting out there we noticed the sky looked very interesting. It looked like it was on fire. One of the most amazing skies I've seen since Turtle Bay. There is one issue that hubby and I can't agree on. I had taken two pictures that are almost identical except that one is much darker than the other. I didn't have the settings right at first. He likes the darker one, but I like the one that is like it really was. I think it would be interesting to see which one you guys like better. Feel free to let me know.

Ugh

2007-04-08T04:46:00.000-05:00

We are watching a movie and I am just so over it. It's very old and annoying. Ok so maybe I'm just easily annoyed right now. I just have to say I am so glad that movies are better made now.
Today was mostly a good day. It didn't go the way we planned, but it still was nice. We had planned to get up in the morning and go to this family fun fest they were having. We had to go by my husband's office first because he had something to take care of that required his computer. Well the network was down so he couldn't do it, but we got his office straightened up. He felt bad but I know he really never has time to do it and we had time so I didn't mind helping. We left there and headed to the fun thing and I was so disgusted when we got there. The flyer made it look like it was going to be this free event that was fun for everyone. I assumed you would have to pay for food because that is usually fund raising or something, but this was ridiculous. You had to buy tickets to do anything. The tickets were 50 cents a piece. Ok so no big deal if the games and such only cost one ticket or something like that. Oh no! They had a moon bounce type thing. The ones that you climb up then slide down. The line for it was forever long so you know they weren't getting much time on it per kid. We asked how much it was and found out it was 3 dollars to have a turn on it. 3 FREAKING DOLLARS!!!!!!!
Now if I had known it was going to be like that, we never would have set foot there. I mean normally it would have been a fun thing we do once in a while, but we so didn't have the money to waste. Instead we went and picked him up a snack that was cheaper and he loved it as much. We promised him a trip to the playground and I think he had way more fun there. He wasn't even upset that he didn't get to do what he originally wanted, but I was. At least I know for next year.
Ok movie is over and it was extremely anticlimactic. I won't even go into the cheesy musical score. The Easter bunny has come and put my son's basket out for him. I think maybe I'll try to get some sleep now.

2007-04-06T18:41:00.000-05:00

It so feels like Saturday today. Hubby is off today and let me sleep way too late. I won't lie, it was nice to not get up so early. We are just having a fun day relaxing and goofing off. I need to get my butt in gear and get ready. We really need to hit the commissary. I also really need to get some things done but I'm just loving this.

zoo pictures

2007-04-02T05:28:00.000-05:00

Marriage retreat pictures

2007-04-02T05:18:00.000-05:00

What a few days!

2007-04-02T04:23:00.000-05:00

The last part of last week was crazy busy but absolutely wonderful at the same time. My sister had my son from late Wednesday until Saturday around noon. I missed him a little but it was a wonderful break for my husband and I.
Thursday and Friday we spent the day at the Turtle Bay Resort for a marriage retreat. I went into it thinking that it was just going to be nice to have the time together. Really I didn't expect to get too much out of the classes. I ended up learning some good things. One of my favorite parts was when we watched part of a video called "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage" by Mark Gungor. This man has some wonderful things to say and puts comedy in it so it's fun at the same time. I highly recommend it to anyone. I learned from him that when men say they are thinking about nothing, they actually probably are thinking about absolutely nothing. This little part that he does to illustrate this made me laugh so hard I was crying. He definitely knows what he is talking about.
Thursday night we were told we had to have a date as our homework. Now to us this entire thing was like a date because we were alone and in such a beautiful place. It was hard for us to think of something to do but I think we managed well enough. First we went up to our room just to check it out. There was nothing spectacular about the room but the view was awesome. We sat on the bed and watched whales jumping out of the water for a while. We also were able to watch a wedding from our balcony. It was so beautiful. After that we went and had our dinner then went for a walk. It was sunset so it was a beautiful walk. My camera batteries were dying so we went to one of the little shops they had and bought new ones then we were going to go upstairs and relax on our balcony. On the way to the elevator we saw a small arcade. Now that might now sound like fun for most people on a date, but for us it is both sentimental and a blast. We stayed in there for a little while and had so much fun. After that we went for another walk in the moonlight then headed upstairs and ended up dancing in the moonlight on the balcony. Not ready to call it a night, we went down to the sundry shop and picked up some snacks and drinks and then went back to the room and watched a movie. It was a great way to end the night.
We met some great couples. I was able to meet one of my husband's roommates from when they were deployed. I didn't care for the guy much when they were there, but he and his wife were pretty great. Apparently he has changed a lot. I'm hoping that we will be able to do more with some of these couples. It would be nice to have friends that aren't single or family.
Friday after the classes were over they did a group vow renewal for those who wanted to take part in it. Nine couples renewed there vows, including us. It was so nice. Right after that we decided to go ahead and come home. We wanted to stop by the house before heading to pick up our son and I'm glad we did. I called my sister and she asked if they could keep my son another night and all of us could go to the zoo the next day. We said yes, of course. After resting for a bit, we went and had a small dinner then came home and crashed.
Saturday we made our first trip to the Honolulu Zoo. We had to park a little bit away from the zoo and on our way to the gate we passed something called "Art on the Zoo Fence." Local artists display and sell art on Saturdays along the zoo fence. It was so great to see the art. I spent a few minutes talking with a photographer who had some amazing work up. He wanted to see my camera and had some good tips for me. My husband was busy trying to find out how you go about getting a spot in this wonderful display. I thought he was asking for himself but apparently he thinks I should get some of my photography together and sell it. I don't know that I'm there yet, but if I ever decide to do so, I think that would be a good way to start.
The zoo was really nice. It wasn't too hot and there were times I was able to forget I was in such a busy city. I love that along with the animals they had also put different plants and trees on display. It was so great to see the variety. Some of the habitats made me less than happy. They could have been better cared for. Hopefully this is something they are working to improve.
We ended the day at my sister's house with some pizza and swimming. It was a wonderful three days but it left me very tired and ready for a day to just relax. I'll try and post some of my favorite pictures a little later.

Good Morning

2007-03-28T10:02:00.000-05:00

It's 5 am and I have yet to sleep. I'm so tired and of course my son is awake. Oh well. I will deal with it and face the day.
Here is some pictures to start the day.

Beach pictures

2007-03-22T02:32:00.000-05:00

Here are some pictures from our camping trip. Only one is from the actual camping part. I forgot to take pictures most of the time.

Me playing some more.

2007-03-22T01:59:00.000-05:00

Some more of me playing.